"Okay uuuuuuhhhh...I spy, with my little eye, something thaaaaats...blue!" I chirped.

No one replied for a few long moments. Everyone was still running towards the land of Waves, and I had thought it would be fun to play some games along the way.

"...come oooon, no one's gonna guess!?" I said.

Suigetsu just looked over to me with a deadpan expression. "Why the hell would anyone want to play a stupid civilian kids game?"

I narrowed my eyes at him. "I spy with my little eye a little fucking bitch."

Suigetsu smirked. "Is iiiit...you?"

"No! It's you, jello brain!!!!" I snapped.

"Oh...I thought it may have been Naruto," Sai said, ignoring the indignant squawk from the blond.

"You were close, Sai. If it had been Naruto, I would have said either dumbass, shithead, or himbo."

Naruto protested, but paused for a moment. "What's a himbo?"

"A guy who is handsome, muscular, kind, and dumb" I replied.

Naruto seemed pleased for a moment before the last bit caught up to him and he yelled that he wasn't dumb. Sai 'smiled' at Naruto, and Tree Boy looked like he was five seconds away from shooting a branch straight through his brain. Sakura resolutely ignored everyone and continued leading us, and Suigetsu was reveling in the chaos. Soon enough the trees began thinning out, and becoming smaller the further away from Konoha's general area we got. Looking more like normal trees instead of the monstrosities Hashirama created. A few more hours later, and we could see the glimmer of the ocean ahead of us. Once we could smell the sea breeze ever so faintly, Sakura stopped and declared it was time to rest. Apparently despite her vast improvement, she still had a bit less stamina than everyone else...either that, or she knew that Suigetsu was going to demand a water break soon. I was just gonna say it was both.

Suigetsu left to get water, and while he was gone Naruto and Sakura sat down next to me. It was a bit awkward for a few moments before I decided to break the silence.

"So, uh...I take it Kakashi-sensei was on a mission so he couldn't make it on this one?"

Naruto nodded, and it was Sakura that spoke up. "Yeah, he's been...really busy, since you left...why...why did you leave, Sasuke?"

"...It wasn't safe for me in Konoha, because I know a secret that could easily get me killed. I had to get stronger, strong enough so I could defend myself from the person who doesn't want me to know that secret...and Orochimaru was my best bet."

Naruto was still upset. "But...but why, Sasuke!? How was that guy safer than Konoha!? Than with your friends!?"

I gave Naruto a sad smile from beneath my mask. "Because...he didn't care about the secret or any of your guys, and if this person discovered I knew the secret...all of you guys would be in danger, too. I had three years before Orochimaru could have even TRIED to take my body, and that was more than enough time for him to train me to be strong enough and for me to work out a deal with him. I gave him a better option than taking my body for the sharingan, and that option required me being able to go back to Konoha. It's also letting me avenge my clan, and help the village while I'm at it. It sucked, but...it had to happen."

Naruto looked ready to blow. "Well how do you know, huh!? You could have trusted us to protect you, you could have trusted Kakashi-sensei and Granny Tsunade to protect you, too!!!! So why didn't you!? Why did you abandon us instead!?"

I gave Naruto the coldest look I could muster, and kept my voice level. "Naruto, the night I left I had talked to both Tsunade and Kakashi-sensei. They didn't like it either, but they agreed that it was the best option. They knew that if this person found out, he would stop at nothing to get me killed...just like he stopped at nothing to get my clan killed. Itachi may have been the one holding the sword, but he never wanted to massacre our family. He did everything he could to avoid it, but this person manipulated the situation and Itachi to ensure that our clan all died. Only four people alive are supposed to know this secret...Itachi, Danzō, and the two village elders. I was never supposed to find out. It...it was the deal Itachi made to ensure I could live."

Both Naruto and Sakura were stunned silent. Yamato was less stunned, but obviously trying to figure out more details on his own. Sai...seemed impassive. It was likely that he had more of an idea of what I was talking about than anyone else, though. It was that moment that Suigetsu returned, only to be immensely confused. He shrugged it off quickly enough, though, and stepped closer with his arms up behind his head.

"Can we go get my sword already? I don't care about whatever awkwardness this is, I just want my blade." He drawled.

I nodded, and looked between Naruto and Sakura. "You guys will be filled in more when we get back to the village. We're gonna get more allies than just yogurt boy and the bean, though."

Suigetsu growled at me. "Quit calling me that, Uchiha!!!"

I ignored him, instead striking my custom taijutsu pose. "THE STRENGTH OF OUR YOUTH SHALL PREVAIL AGAINST THESE DAUNTING ODDS!!!!"

Everyone but Sai groaned at my actions, but Sakura started off again anyways. We weren't running for much longer before we reached the gravesite, and I smiled sadly down at the two graves. I truly hoped Kabuto wouldn't disturb these two in this timeline, since Orochimaru was still alive and all. That would be awful if it was the case...but at the same time, there were a lot of people who would benefit from the closure the Edo Tensei enemies could provide. Like Sai and Shin, and Sasori, and Asuma...wait no, he wouldn't be dying this time. Dan and Tsunade could, though, same with Gaara and his shitstain father. I didn't care about Rasa, only Gaara. Hmmm...perhaps I should find a way to let that happen still? I really wanted to meet a lot of those summoned people, too. Like Madara, the Shodai, Nidaime, and Yondaime Hokages, Rasa just so I could bitch slap him, maybe some of the past junchuuriki...yeah, it would be fun. Especially Madara and the Hokages.

"...ke...SASUKE!!!!!!"

Startled, I whipped around and kicked, just barely missing Naruto.

"SORRY YOU STARTLED ME AND MY FIRST INSTINCT IS ATTACK!!!"

Naruto grumbled something while Tree Boy let out a long suffering sigh. "Sasuke, shouldn't we get going? It's time to go to get the...the bean."

I perked up immediately, and immediately rushed off with everyone following behind me. I couldn't wait to see Juugo. He was the best.

When we eventually came to a stop at the hideout Juugo was kept in, the only two not out of breath were Naruto and myself. I turned around, grinning beneath my mask.

"Alright, you guys will stay here while I get Juugo. The guards won't let any of us but me in, because Orochimaru's student and all that jazz. They might let yogurt boy in, but that would most likely just be to imprison him again."

Suigetsu growled, but didn't protest, most likely realizing that there was no way I was going to stop calling him yogurt boy. Once it was clear that they would all be staying where I told them to, I continued on into the hideout. The guards let me pass easily, and I made my way up to Juugo's cell. I heard vague muttering from within, and made quick work of the locks before opening the door. Juugo immediately flew in to attack with a manic grin stretched across his face and a half transformed appearance. I easily dodged him and whipped around to restrain him, smooshing his face into the ground with a grin of my own.

"Hi, Juugo!!! I'm Sasuke, and I'm going to bring you with me on a mission to get rid of a terrible person then save the world!"

Juugo slowly calmed down, the transformation receding as his chakra lost that insane quality to it. Unfortunately it turned from insane, giddy aggression to self loathing and panic. He pushed me off him and rushed back into his cell screaming, his body shaking as he seemed to try and hold back tears.

"No! I have to stay here! I...I don't want to kill anyone! I have to stay locked up...only...only Kimimaro can help me keep in control..." He said, voice wavering towards the end.

I opened the door back up anyways, plopping down on the floor in front of him. He tentatively looked up in confusion, and I pulled down my mask, tugging it down to the side to reveal the curse mark. Juugo's eyes widened upon seeing it.

"...Kimimaro died a few years ago, retrieving me from Konoha. He had the curse seal of earth, and mine...is the curse seal of heaven. Even further than that, I was able to pin you down with hardly any effort just a minute ago, and I'm an Uchiha to boot, so that means ridiculously strong genjutsu is one of my many talents. I might not be able to do insane stuff with my bones like Kimimaro, but I have my own ways of helping you calm back down if you wind up like that. Plus, one of my best friends is going to learn how to become a sage! Your ability just gives you a natural affinity for nature chakra, right? But if you take in too much, instead of turning into a statue you fly into a violent rage. Senjutsu training could help you learn how to balance it better, give you more control. So...whaddaya say? Wanna come with me?"

Juugo was dumbstruck for a good minute. Apparently he never expected anything that just came out of my mouth. He looked hopeful, but still frightened.

"Do...do you really think so...?"

I nodded, and he nodded too, standing up. He easily smashed the shackle chaining him to the giant iron ball which, frankly, hadn't even slowed him down in the least anyways. Seriously, all it did was make him slightly louder and give him an extra weapon. I grinned once more, walking over and slapping him on the back, gently leading him out the complex. The guards gave me funny looks, but did nothing.

When we reached my group, Suigetsu was gaping at me, while everyone else seemed confused. Except for Sai. Who was 'smiling'.

"Hello, Bean, it is nice to meet you. I am Sai."

Juugo seemed almost as confused as Naruto, but didn't voice it. "Uh...nice to meet you too? I'm Juugo..."

I happily clapped before going into one of my storage seals to pull out a pen and a scroll, immediately sitting down and writing out a letter to Itachi. I was almost done when I heard Naruto and Sakura shriek at me.

"HIM!?"

"WHY ARE YOU WRITING A LETTER TO THAT BASTARD, ISN'T HE THE GUY WHO KILLED YOUR FAMILY!?"

I heaved out a sigh, looking up at the pair.

"Listen. You know the secret I told you guys about earlier? Yeah, the secret is that Itachi never wanted to slaughter our clan, he was basically given orders to do it and if he didn't, it would eventually lead to the start of another shinobi war. He's gonna help us take down the guy that made him do it."

They were stunned silent, and Sakura was the first to speak.

"...now I get why you couldn't stay in the village..."

I nodded, and as I finished the letter, I rolled it up then ran rapid fire through hand signs to summon a messenger snake. It seemed a little irritated with me, but didn't protest. With a smile, I took out a shuriken from my wrist seals and threw it into the brush. Using a chakra string, I grabbed both the shuriken and the mouse it had hit and dragged them over. I plucked the shuriken from the rodent, and held it up by the tail for the snake. The little thing was just watching it hungrily like a dog with bacon.

"Deliver this scroll in my hand to my brother and I'll give this to you." I offered.

The snake didn't even hesitate, grabbing the scroll with its tail, and snatching the mouse straight from my fingers before poofing away. I smiled, turning back towards our little group. Naruto and Sakura seemed mildly perturbed.

"Sasuke...that was gross. How does that not freak you out?" Naruto asked.

I just shrugged. "Well, either way, we should get headed back towards Konoha. Gonna meet up with Itachi and Daddy Shark right before we get there, though."

Sai gave me a puzzled look. "...I thought your father was Uchiha Fugaku, who was undeniably human. How could a shark be your father?"

Suigetsu looked like he wanted to throw up.

"Well, it's slang. When someone who isn't isn't a very small child calls a guy older than them 'daddy', it usually means they think the guy is very attractive and strong. When I say 'attractive', I'm meaning it in a sexual way in this context." I explain.

Sakura, Naruto, and Tree Boy look like they want the ground to swallow them whole. Sai is dutifully taking notes, but pauses to ask a question.

"So...you find Kisame Hoshigaki sexually appealing, and even though he is significantly older than you, you would not be opposed to something like se-"

"OKAY THAT'S ENOUGH I DON'T WANT TO HEAR ABOUT SASUKE'S FUCKED UP FANTASIES!!!!" Suigetsu yells, covering his ears.

I look to Sai, leaning in to whisper. "We can keep going back in Konoha, just the two of us. Then no one can interrupt." I give him a wink.

Sai furrows his brows, thinking for a moment. "Ah, was that meant as an innuendo?"

I nod, patting him on the back. "Yep! You're starting to get the hang of understanding me!"

Sai seemed rather pleased with himself, and continued to take notes. As soon as he closed his little notebook, I clapped my hands loudly.

"ALRIGHT PEOPLE, LETS GO!!!"

Without waiting for a response, I leapt away. They should be smart enough to follow me, so I don't bother looking back. I just can't wait to see Kisame again!!!

...and Itachi too, I guess.

I may have many skills, but being a natural sensor isn't one of them. I could, however, sense those with excessively large chakra reserves, like the jinchuuriki or Kisame, but only if I was actively looking for them. So when I felt an incredibly large chakra signature off the side of the road near-ish Konoha, I immediately grinned and veered off into the forest with a confused squawk from Naruto following me. The only person other than Naruto with an excessively large chakra signature that would have any reason to be here was Kisame. So, as I hurtled out from the trees into a clearing, I nearly succeeded in tackle hugging the shark man. Unfortunately, he was S-rank, and you don't get to that level without damn good senses and reflexes. He managed to catch me by the collar of my shirt, holding me at arm's length. Once he realized it was me, he let me go and I gave him a regular hug. Which, while not as good as a tackle hug, was still pretty great.
"Kisame! Kisame! Hi! I missed you! Hey, you wanna help me humiliate then murder the biggest liar to ever lie?" I said.
Kisame only blinked at me. "Uh...s-sure?"
I grinned beneath my mask. "Sweet!!! I'll send you and nii-san letters with the plans and stuff. Also, here come my friends! Be nice to Sai, he had to deal with a similar graduation test as you, only worse."
Kisame raised an eyebrow at me. "I had to either kill a classmate or let myself be killed, what could be worse?"
My face turned serious. "In the little fake ANBU unit he was forced into after being literally kidnapped, they paired the small children up and they were raised and trained together, came to view each other as siblings. They had no idea what their graduation test would be, then all of a sudden they're brought to the middle of bum fuck nowhere and told they have to kill who is basically their sibling, and if they don't then they'll both be killed."
Kisame turned a slightly lighter shade of blue. I remembered, briefly, that he was canonically insecure over his skin tone. I reached up and placed a gentle hand on his shoulder with a smile.
"Just so you know, I think your skin is gorgeous and anyone who can't see that can eat shit and die."
He clearly didn't know what to do about such a proclamation, and before he could even formulate half a response in his head, the rest of my group arrived. Everyone was wary, and stayed a few meters away. I rolled my eyes and beckoned them forwards. Only Naruto stepped forwards, still looking at Kisame warily.
"...how do I know you're not just gonna try to chop off my legs and kidnap me again or something?" He asked. A valid point.
"Because if he even thinks of trying, he won't get any shellfish tonight and he won't get to learn about the truth of who he's really working for."
Kisame gave me a suspicious look, but it was Itachi that spoke. "...Sasuke, what would you know of who the leader of Akatsuki is?"
I gave my brother a deadpan look "Orochimaru told me. You really think the guy just went along with whatever the fuck they told him to do, no questions asked? No, he was constantly investigating and looking deeper. He can't stand what the organization is trying to do, so when I told him I wanted to take their plans and shred them to itty bitty pieces then set the pieces on fire, he told me all the intel he had on them. Granted, at the time I was more worried about them coming after Naruto to steal the angry fuzz bucket he has imprisoned in him, but now I'm more concerned about what they'll actually DO with the bijuu."
Itachi blinked. A massive change in facial expression for him. "...Ah."
I clapped my hands with a grin. "So! Introductions time! Mostly for Sakura, Tree Man, and Sai! The rest of us already know each other."
It was silent for a few moments before Sai stepped forwards with a 'smile'. "Hello, my name is Sai. I am a shinobi of Konoha."
Sakura went next "...Sakura Haruno"
Tree Boy was just silent. I pouted at him, but the effect was lost beneath my mask. Kisame went next, seemingly unsure of what else he was supposed to do.
"Kisame Hoshigaki, and my partner is Itachi Uchiha, though I would hope you knew that already."
After another awkward silence, I turned back to face Itachi and Kisame. "So, since I know about the plans, I wanna get more people on our side. I wanna meet the rest who aren't Sasori, Kakuzu, Zetsu, or Tobi."
Sakura cleared her throat. "Actually...um...I already killed Sasori."
She looked worried, almost like she was afraid to admit she had taken a life. I just grinned amd gave her an enthusiastic thumbs up. "Nice! How did it feel to take down an S rank opponent, huh?"
She gave me a deadpan glare. "Exhausting and painful."
I laughed, "Well either way, that takes care of that I guess. Ne, Nii-san, meet me in that secret room beneath the Naka shrine later, will you? Bring Kisame, obviously. You guys get to meet our sensei and Hokage! Don't worry, they're helping." I looked up aimlessly, pondering for a moment "...maybe I should bring some miso soup with eggplant with me to the meeting for Kakashi, just for shits and giggles."
"...that is taichou's favorite, otouto."
"I'll bring you cabbage soup, Kisame shrimp soup, Tree Boy walnut soup, yogurt boy yogurt soup, Sai tofu soup, Naruto some ramen probably, and Tsunade some chicken noodle soup with sake basted chicken breast." I looked to Sakura "Sorry, I can't make soup out of your favorite foods because they're all desserts. I haven't figured out how to make a dessert into a soup yet."
"...but you can make YOGURT soup?" Suigetsu asked.
I nodded my head. "Yep! There's lots of recipes for it. My mom didn't have too much to do after she retired to raise first Itachi then me, so she just started cooking every recipe she could get her little jonin hands on."
Itachi nodded in confirmation. "Yes. We had three drawers filled with just recipes."
"I'm more concerned about how he knew what mine and Sai's favorite foods are..." Tree Boy muttered.
Kisame heard him, and shrugged. "Trust me, I'm with you there. First time he met me, he gave me a bento with shrimp tempura and kani salad, then asked if my sword also wanted a snack."
Both Naruto and Itachi nodded, and you could see a little piece inside Tree Boy shrivel up and die at this information. After he seemed to run through some sort of self soothing breathing exercise, he looked back up with a stern expression.
"Alright, let's all head in. I'll be taking you through a secret entrance, Sasuke, since pretty much everyone in the village thinks you actually defected. You wouldn't exactly be well received."
I nodded, and waved bye to both Kisame and Itachi before we continued on the road to Konoha. To home.

I stood in the secret room...well okay I was doing handstand push-ups in the secret room waiting for Tsunade to find Kakashi's sorry ass and drag him here. Kisame and Tree Boy were just staring at me as I went, probably admiring my beautiful figure. Soon enough, I heard the loud footsteps of a frustrated Tsunade, and the sound of a dragging body and they both came down into the room before replacing the false tatami mat. Before anyone could say anything, I pushed myself into a jump to flip and land on my feet.
"Alright, now that everyone is here, I have two things to say. One: I managed to con Tree Man into getting groceries using my money from before I left so I made everyone soup from their favorite foods, except for Sakura because I can't make soup out of desserts yet."
Everyone looked to the small table I had set up to the side, most raising an eyebrow at me...but Kakashi went straight for his soup and began eating, all while still somehow not revealing his face. Personally, I thought that was his strongest skill, not allowing his face to be revealed under any circumstances. It was very impressive.
"Second thing: Tsunade-sama, please heal my brother. He's not gonna be much use if he's gonna be coughing up his lungs in a bloody paste in the middle of a fight. It's bad enough that he's mostly blind, but that can't be helped. Side effect of using the mangekyō too much."
Tsunade looked to Itachi pointedly, and he sighed. "I appreciate your concern, Sasuke, but I'm really not in need of-"
Tsunade interrupted, cracking her knuckles threateningly. "Wanna finish that sentence, brat?"
Itachi blinked, but gave no other outward reaction. "...I appreciate you being willing to treat me, Hokage-sama."
Tsunade hmphed. "That's what I thought."
I laughed, grinning. Most everyone was eating their soup at this point, which was good. I didn't want to have to force feed everyone their soup. Before I could begin explaining things, though, Kisame spoke up.
"So...why are all 11 of us hiding in a secret room under a shrine with a big stone tablet full of scribbles?"
I looked to the shark man, grin still in place. "It's the only place Danzō can't spy on us. Sai doesn't count anymore, even though he's technically Danzō's lackey. He's on our side, though. Danzō actually put a seal on his tongue that keeps him from talking about anything Danzō does."
Sai nodded in confirmation, and my grin turned mischievous. "Buuut, writing isn't talking"
Sai immediately brightens up- at least, as much as he knows how to- and whips out a scroll, quickly writing up a simple statement about Danzō that he probably knew he would be unable to verbally say. It worked with no issue.
"Sweet! Now, write down aaaallll of Danzō's shenanigans that you know of on there that would be considered treason under Konoha law for Tsunade-sama, Pasty."
Sai smiled. "Of course, Weirdo."
"Perfect. Now. Kisame." I turn to the shark man, who is still trying to piece together whatever the fuck is going on in vain "In the spirit of honesty, here's what I know. Danzō is the reason for countless atrocities. He's the reason Itachi was forced to massacre our clan, the reason the clan was blamed by so many for the Kyuubi attack and was consequently isolated, the one who put Sai through that 'graduation' trial, the reason the third Hokage was nearly assassinated, aaand why a bunch of efforts at peace talks during the second and third wars failed before they even got the chance to start, along with a butt ton of other shit I probably have have clue about."
It took Kisame a solid thirty seconds to process thus information, and when he did, he turned to Tsunade. "Not to be rude, but why the hell wasn't he executed? A few of those things he may have been able to hide, but attempting to assassinate the third Hokage? Seriously? There's no way he could have completely concealed his involvement."
Tsunade gave an angry sigh, her brow pinched in frustration. "I have no idea what the hell sensei was thinking, letting him go free after that. I cannot believe I'm agreeing with a missing nin, but you're right. By all rights, he should have been executed at LEAST a decade ago."
Right...shit...now I had to tell Tsunade my theory. Hesitantly, I stepped up to her, a serious expression on my face. She looked down to me, and her frustration morphed into worry.
"...what is it, Sasuke?"
I swallowed, and couldn't meet her eyes...so instead I looked at the byakugou seal. "...I have a theory. I...I came up with it while making the soup, so I haven't been able to ask Orochimaru-sensei about it yet, but...I don't think he was solely to blame for those experiments that produced Tree Man."
Yamato stiffened, and Tsunade looked grave, gesturing for me to continue.
"Okay, so, uh...let's start with this. I have no idea whatsoever where the first Hokage was buried. No one in my generation does, and it's not in any books as far as I'm aware. It's not at the regular graveyards, and I don't think anyone really knew outside of family and people very close to said family."
"...you're right. His burial place was kept mostly secret. I never showed Jiraiya or Orochimaru, and I always made sure I wasn't followed when I went. Not even Orochimaru could have snuck after me without me knowing. I know that Tobirama showed...his...team..." she paled.
I nodded. "Yeah...and a lot of those people were dead by the time those experiments happened. Only...only the third and Danzō were left, along with the other two elders I think, but I don't really know anything about them. Plus, I know that even being the sannin, there was no way he had enough money saved up to buy all the equipment he would have needed, nor would he have had the time to set everything up without anyone getting suspicious. Then there's the fact that Orochimaru told me he got Kabuto from ROOT, and had actually been ordered to kill him, but kept him alive instead. Also, when would he have had the time to not just abduct the small children for the experiments, but search for them to begin with? He was still going on missions AND teaching a genin team. Then even beyond that, after Orochimaru fled the village after being found out, Tree Man ended up in ROOT himself. It just felt really suspicious to me, and...and I wouldn't be surprised if it was Danzō who told Orochimaru to do the experiments, and gave him the stuff he needed to do them."
Tsunade looked about ready to both break down and cry as well as flatten anything that got in her way to try and kill Danzō. She was radiating killing intent and sheer anguish. When she did speak, her voice was hoarse and weak.
"Dammit...I...I wouldn't be surprised either..."
It was silent for a few moments, and it was Kisame who broke it by leaning in to whisper to Itachi. "...Itachi, your kid brother is so screwed up."
Itachi shifted ever so slightly. "He isn't as bad as you make it out to be, Kisame."
Kisame gave Itachi a deadpan look before looking around for me briefly, then emphatically pointing at me as I snuggled a purring Samehada on the floor near the wall. The sword was leeching my chakra, but I didn't care. Samehada was a good sword-creature-thing. Which reminded me; I looked up at the shark man, smiling.
"Ne, Kisame, can you define what a genjutsu is for me?" I asked.
Kisame was confused for a moment, but seemed to decide that just rolling with it and answering me would be the least painful option and sighed.
"A genjutsu uses chakra to subtly attack and control the chakra in someone's brain, causing them to either see, hear, feel something that isn't there, or keep them from sensing something that is there."
I nod. "Right. An illusion. Something not real. Something false."
Kisame didn't seem to see where I was going with this. "Yeah...?"
"It could also be considered a really complicated way of lying. So, by definition, an infinite genjutsu would beeee...?"
Kisame paused, then gave a frustrated groan, slapping a hand to his forehead. "Dammit."
Good. He got it. It had always bothered me before, how he decided to go along with the plan for the infinite tsukuyomi despite his burning hatred for lies and liars. Like...a fake world created via an unending genjutsu??? Seemed like a pretty textbook lie to me. Kisame wasn't done though, and looked to me with a quizzical look.
"Wait a second...earlier today you said you wanted to meet the two Akatsuki members that weren't Sasori, Kakuzu, Zetsu, or Tobi. Why the hell would you want to meet Hidan and Deidara?"
I shrugged. "I read their entries in the bingo book, and used the knowledge Kabuto gave by being a double agent to learn about them. They'd be the easiest to convince to help us keep that infinite tsukuyomi from happening. Plus I just think they're funny, from what I've heard."
Kisame paused, and took a slow, deep breath. "...why does that not surprise me?"
By that point, Tsunade had recovered, and she looked to me to speak before I could respond to Kisame.
"Okay, so...you found out that Danzō most likely told Orochimaru to perform those experiments, and likely gave him the resources to do so. Anything else?"
I paused. "...I may or may not have forgotten that I was supposed to spy on him as part of my cover"
Tsunade groaned. "God dammit, Sasuke."
It was Kakashi who spoke up next, surprisingly. "So...at this point, since there is no more information he has to share with us, we need to make a decision on what what do going forward. Personally, I feel that it's still too dangerous for Sasuke to remain in the village, plus he needs to recruit those other two current Akatsuki members and that would be difficult to do if he's stuck in the village."
I pouted, and really wanted to contradict him, but I couldn't. He was right. I had to meet Hidan and Deidara, after all. Tsunade nodded in agreement with Kakashi's conclusion, and Sakura gave a resigned sigh, and Naruto gave a frustrated but still understanding grunt. Strangely, Tree Boy seemed...relieved? Why would he be relieved? I'm the absolute best, shouldn't he be sad that I won't be able to stay? Weird guy.
"Yeah...I'll go. Once I have those two on our side though, I'm so coming back here and I will NOT leave." I declared. I turned to Tsunade. "On a related note, do you know anyone here who would be willing to listen about and/or join a religion centered around pain, destruction, and slaughter?"
I expected her to be confused, but she didn't even hesitate. "Ibiki and Anko, for sure. Is one of the people you're getting some crazy cultist?"
I gave a so-so motion with my hand. "Sorta? Is it really truly crazy if said religion and its rituals made him immortal?"
Kisame was next to speak up, voicing his confusion. "...how the hell do you know anything about Hidan? Orochimaru left Akatsuki far before Hidan was recruited."
I gave him a deadpan look, falling back on my tried and true talent of pulling a believable excuse straight out my ass. "You really think he didn't keep tabs on Akatsuki? Really? His knowledge on Hidan and Deidara might not be super detailed, but he knows the basics about them."
"...fair point."
Tsunade sighed. "Okay. Once night comes, Sasuke, Suigetsu, and Juugo will leave. Itachi and Kisame will stay so I can fix the idiot Uchiha's lungs. I have to leave now to gather the supplies I need, but the operation will have to be done here. Not ideal, but better than it not being done at all. Kisame, you're in charge of not letting him leave before he's been operated on and recovered, got it?"
Kisame gave a sharp toothed grin and nodded. He seemed to find it kinda funny that Itachi was being treated like an unruly kid instead of an S-rank shinobi at the moment. Not that I could blame him. I found it hilarious.
We had gotten to the shrine in the late afternoon, so I should be leaving in a few hours. Tsunade and the rest of the not-undercover-Konoha-people left, leaving me with the other four. There wasn't exactly much to talk about, so everyone mostly just sat around while I did various exercises.
Eventually, Tsunade returned, and it was time for me to go. Itachi and Kisame both promised to contact me when it came time for me to meet Deidara and Hidan, and I gave my brother brief hug before I left...and Kisame a much longer hug. I patted Samehada, who made that strange almost-purr noise, and I was off into the night. At least next time I stepped foot in Konoha, I wouldn't have to leave almost immediately after.

A/N: Hiii! Another chapter, fucking finally. I have general plans for how meeting Deidara and Hidan are gonna go, but that's about it unfortunately. Though by the time Sasuke gets those two, all the other jinchuuriki besides Naruto and B will have been captured. Obito will just be sending some other team to go attempt to grab B, who will pull the same stunt.
I'm just going with the flow at this point, and I hope this chapter was better than the last one was!