Chapter 22

Fortunately, Colleen had been at Grace's Café where she was helping with the preparations for Hannah's birthday party, so Michaela was able to call to her as the wagon passed the restaurant. When the vehicle turned around the bend, Charlotte's daughter was already on the porch of the clinic, waiting for the doctor and her patient.

Amanda had grown quiet during the drive because Michaela had given her a dose of laudanum to help the young woman to suppress the pain. However, as the horses were pulled into a halt now, Amanda came out of her subdued state. Still on the wagon, she complained about the doctor not setting her bone right away. When Michaela told to her that she might have to re-break the bone because of the time that had gone by since the accident, the young woman changed the issue and stubbornly insisted on Chris coming with her while she was treated. Seeing that the doctor wouldn't give that permission, she protested, "You can't hope that I want to be all alone with you in there!"

Michaela wasn't offended though because she was aware that her friend's fiancée was under emotional stress and so she just explained patiently, "I never allow the family to be present during the treatment, Miss Miller, unless, of course, the patient is a child. Your fiancé can see you as soon as you are settled down in bed."

Although Amanda didn't like this turn of events, she gave in and at last followed Colleen into the examination room.

It had become a tradition that people would gather in front of the clinic as soon as there had been an accident, an operation or another kind of emergency. Since the arrival of the climbers hadn't gone by unnoticed, the usual crowd was already there. Sam sat on the bench next to Sully with Hannah, who had her little arms thrown around his neck, on his lap. Chris wasn't able to just sit quietly and so he paced in front of them, watched by those present on the street. Everyone was curious to know what had happened, but no one dared to ask. Even Dorothy, equipped with a notepad and a pencil and ready to write down everything she heard, didn't say one word. She had had a larger disagreement with her brother-in-law that morning about whether she should attend Hannah's birthday party or not and they had parted in anger after breakfast.

Hank had remained on his side of the street and leant against a post of the saloon porch; as much as he wanted to tease Sully, he was aware of the mountain man's little girl and so he held back with his comments as hard as it was for him.

As the silence grew awkward, Loren decided to strike up a conversation with Sully. However, he knew better than to ask straight what had happened on the mountain and so he talked about a topic that was also highly interesting to him. "Sully, when are you gonna start with that addition? We have to order the lumber as soon as possible so it'll be here in time."

Sully snapped out of his thoughts upon hearing his former father-in-law's voice directed at him. Since he had no clue what Loren meant, he asked him in bewilderment, "What are you talking about?"

Hearing the storekeeper's question, Chris had stopped his pacing. He first turned towards the older man and informed him, "There hadn't been any time to tell Sully about it yet, Mr. Bray." Then directing his speech at Sully he explained, "I suggested to offer the children a free lunch after school each day and Dr. Mike thought it would be great to add another room to the schoolhouse so they can take their meals there. She wanted to ask you if you would do it."

Sully thought it odd that Michaela would think he might refuse to do the addition and so he replied somewhat indignantly, "Course I will." At that moment, it occurred to him that she might have wanted him to finish the work at the clinic first, and so he added, "If she can wait with the furniture for her rooms here, that is."

Chris grew uncomfortable, he didn't want to be the one who broke the news to Sully that Dr. Mike didn't want him to do the equipment for the clinic but Loren thought nothing of it and set the mountain man straight, "She asked Robert E. to do the recovery rooms, he already told me about a huge order to come."

Anyone could see the older man's excitement about the boost for his business; Chris' attention, however, was still directed at Sully. In an attempt to reassure him that Dr. Mike had only his best interests in mind, he explained, "She said she didn't want to take advantage of you, that you have to think of other things as well, that building furniture isn't what you usually do, and that you might rather be outside than working inside a house..."

Chris ran out of things to say and winced as he realized that he had messed things up once again when he saw the mixture of puzzlement and hurt on the other man's face and so he momentarily stopped talking. There was one question though he couldn't hold back any longer. "What happened out there, Sully?"

Guilt was instantly added to the turmoil of the mountain man's feelings. In his opinion, the accident had been his fault and he had to admit it, but he didn't know where to start. Sam, however, spared him the trouble. She had taken in everything that had happened until now with great interest. Sensing that the young man at her side would blame himself, she took matters in her hands and informed the young teacher, "Your fiancée didn't want to listen and stormed away in an effort to get what she wanted, Mr. James. She didn't watch her steps and fell."

Chris had feared something like that. Sighing, he turned towards Sully again. "I'm sorry about the whole situation. I should have listened more carefully when Dr. Mike said that this was a bad idea right from the start. I'm sorry that I've made things worse for you…" He trailed off but Sully, already alarmed, instantly demanded to know, "What do you mean?"

Being aware of the people around them, Chris didn't want to tell it the other man directly. Hoping that Sully would understand the teacher said, "She knows about our conversation at the school."

Seeing the other man's face clouding over, he added, "It slipped, I'm so sorry."

Sully let out a long breath and let himself fall against the back of the bench. Absent-mindedly stroking Hannah's hair he considered the situation. Michaela's reserve was making even more sense to him now; he had feared from the moment he had left her that she might have second thoughts about them being together again… Michaela hadn't been angry though… Reliving every minute since they had met not even an hour before, Sully came to the conclusion that she had looked as if she had made a decision… His heart started to race at the thought that this time, he might have lost her for sure. Why did everything have to be so complicated? He suddenly felt as if the people around him wouldn't allow him to breathe anymore, and feeling some kind of panic rising inside of him, he frantically searched for a way to escape them all. There was only one place he could think of where he would be left alone right now. Looking down at his daughter's face and seeing nervousness lingering in her eyes, he whispered, "Let's go to your ma."

Hannah, who had felt her father's growing tension, nodded in relief and tightened her grip around her pa's neck as he rose from his seat with her. She was puzzled for a moment though when her pa didn't get ready to enter the clinic but stepped down from the porch instead. She only relaxed as she recognized the direction they went in; however, a second later she tensed up again and informed her pa, "Ma said we all go."

Sully didn't want to be stopped on his way, he needed a place to think in quiet and so he simply replied, "She's busy right now, she'll join us later."

To his relief, Hannah accepted this explanation and as they arrived at Abigail's grave, he put her down. The little girl instantly busied herself with rearranging the stones and murmuring words to her mother in heaven. Her Ma had told her that her other ma could hear when her little girl talked to her and so Hannah had gotten into the habit of telling one of the stories she liked as soon as they arrived at the grave.

Sully swallowed hard and fought to keep his composure. Remembering the thoughts he had had on the mountain, he only knew one thing for sure: as much as he loved and needed his Indian family, he didn't want to live without Michaela. He just had to find a way to combine his two families… Looking down at Abigail's grave, he reflected on their life together. In their early years, he would leave the homestead in the mornings to work for the mining company near town. When he returned to his wife late in the evenings, she would await him with a fresh-cooked meal and the need to chat. Actually, he had never asked her how she spent her days, he only knew that she was with Charlotte a lot and sometimes watched little Brian and Colleen. Three years after their wedding though, Abby had insisted on him to give up his mining job, not only because she thought it too dangerous but because she also wanted them to spend more time together. Since they had their own house with a garden for the vegetables and even a cow in the barn and some chicken as well, they hadn't needed so much money for their daily living. Considering that, he had agreed and took jobs from Robert E., who back then had only recently settled down in Colorado Springs, and he resumed hunting, setting traps he had learned during his years with Daniel. This way they had lived a simple but agreeable life until Abigail grew restless again and wanted her own child. She could never enjoy being a mother…

Sensing the feelings of guilt returning, Sully tried to focus his thoughts on the present again. Looking down at their daughter, he knew that Hannah hadn't become that lovely and smart little girl she was because of him. He was determined to participate in her education from now on though; he didn't only owe that to his child but to Abigail as well. He had already done the first steps and in a few days he would do the next. However, he still had no clue how to mend things with Michaela…

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

When the doctor opened the door and stepped out on the clinic porch, the crowd had dispersed and only Chris, the older woman, who had accompanied Sully and Amanda, and both Dorothy and Loren were still waiting. Of course, Michaela first turned towards Chris and tried to ease the sorrow she could read on his face. "She is resting comfortably now and she will continue to sleep a while. There is no reason to worry, everything should heal properly, it will just take some time."

Smiling in relief, the teacher responded, "Thank you, Dr. Mike. And I'm sorry about the way she behaved, I have no idea what's wrong with her…" Remembering that he still had to tell her about Sully, he trailed off for a moment.

He didn't get the chance to resume though because an impatient Loren demanded to know, "So will there still be a party? You don't need to stay here?"

Before she could answer, Dorothy quipped, "Wouldn't be the first time that you'd rather work than take care of Loren's granddaughter…"

"Aww, Dorothy!" Loren exclaimed, "I've told you to leave her be!"

Turning towards Michaela again, the older man tried to gauge her reaction. This day was hard enough for him, after all, he had lost his only child two years ago but the last thing he wanted was to spoil the day for his little girl. Seeing no angry lines on Dr. Mike's face though but an indulgent smile on her lips, he eagerly asked, "So we're doin' everything as planned?"

Laying her hand on the older man's arm, Michaela reassured him, "Don't worry, Loren, everything will work out just fine, especially now since even Sully is there for Hannah's big day…"

Frowning, she looked around and asked in puzzlement, "Where is he?"

Chris, who hadn't entered the clinic yet, admitted, "I told him that you asked Robert E. to work on the clinic equipment and he suddenly left… He took Hannah with him."

Before Michaela could digest the information, Hank, who was pleased that there was no one he had to consider when he spoke, shot one of his comments from across the street. "He's at the place he likes to run off from. Ya better take the time to look and see if he's still there. If ya were a normal woman, ya would…"

Michaela cut him off; she didn't want to embarrass the stranger by making her hear what Hank thought he had to tell the doctor. "Thank you for considering me as not normal, Hank, I really appreciate that."

Without giving the saloon owner the chance to continue, she turned towards Chris, "You may go to Amanda. Colleen will stay with her for a moment, she knows when something is wrong and will call for me, but I'm sure that there will be nothing to worry about."
With an encouraging nod she sent him inside and then focused her attention on Hannah's grandfather once again, "We will meet at the café as arranged, Loren."

As the older man left the clinic porch in contentment, taking Dorothy, who knew better than to talk again, along with him, Michaela turned towards Sam, she held her hand out and apologized, ""You must think me very rude, but you've seen all the chaos."

Encouraged by the gentle smile on the older woman's face, she finally introduced herself, "I'm Dr. Michaela Quinn, it's nice to meet you."

Shaking the offered hand and watching the young woman's face carefully, Sam replied, "I'm Sam Lindsay, only my enemies call me Samantha." Gaining an open smile in return, she added, "We can talk later, I think you should go after your beau, he seemed to be rather disturbed when he left."

For a moment, Michaela hesitated because of the term beau, but deciding to dismiss it, she only nodded and turned to head towards the graveyard.

As she came closer, she slowed her pace. Hannah seemed to be all right, she knelt next to her mother's grave and played with the stones that covered it and Michaela was quite sure that she even told her one of her stories. However, even from behind she recognized Sully's tensed up posture. Only two months before, he had been so devastated at this place that he had yelled at her and then run away afterwards; what would he do today? Contemplating that, Michaela remained at the entrance of the graveyard and watching father and daughter, she suddenly felt like an intruder. She had planned to visit Abigail's grave with Hannah and Sully after the party but it looked as if Sully didn't want her to be with them. Biting back tears of disappointment, she considered what a friend would do in a situation like this. Well, her first concern had to be that Hannah wouldn't get hurt emotionally; she would do anything to prevent that. She wished she knew what Sully was thinking, she wanted to be there for him, too but it looked as if he wanted to be alone with his family…

It was as if he had heard her. Sully slowly pivoted and spotted Michaela's lonely form. He knew her well enough by now to recognize that she was trying to switch off all her emotions, which meant she was preparing herself for a difficult situation. Without thinking, he rushed to her and pulled her into his arms. Clutching her to his chest so she could barely breathe, he buried his face in her hair. His voice was muffled when he implored, "Please, don't leave me today…"

They were both aware of the ambiguity that this pleading held and while Sully was terrified because he feared she would reject him, Michaela was hit in her innermost core. Never before had she felt his desperate need for her like she did now. Struggling with her own emotions, she softly promised, "I won't."

For both of them, the rest of the day went by as if they lived in a dream. Hannah's party was a great pleasure for everyone who was there and the little girl was overwhelmed by the abundance of presents she got: her ma had knitted a sweater for Bunny, her grandpa gave her a brand-new porcelain doll that has to be named yet, Colleen had made her a necklace out of leather strings and even aunt Dorothy, who tried to be really friendly all afternoon, gave her something: a nice shining red apron with huge pockets where she could hide things. Her two favorite gifts came from Uncle Chris and her pa though. Uncle Chris had painted pictures depicting every line of the bedtime story she loved the most, and had tied them together so she had her first own book. However, her pa's gift had made her heart leap with joy, he had carved three little wolf puppies and this way she had a whole wolf's family now. She loved that!

In the evening, the little girl was so worn out that she fell asleep as soon as her head hit the pillow. After that, it was as if Michaela and Sully woke up and were fully aware of their problems again.

They still stood next to Hannah's bed together when Sully couldn't take it any longer. Grasping for Michaela's hand, he pointed with his eyes to the door to indicate that they should go outside. Encouraged because she didn't take her hand out of his, he led her to the top step of the porch stair where they sat down. Sully knew that he had to give her more than words this time to make Michaela see that he wanted their relationship to work. However, with words he had to start and so he began, "I know I've made mistakes, Michaela, but you gotta believe that I really try. All I want is for us to be together."

He didn't gain a response and when he looked at her, he noticed the strained lines on her face. Michaela wasn't sure what to do. She wouldn't break up with Sully today. It was not because she had promised it but she didn't know what the right thing to do was anymore. She couldn't deny her own feelings and she knew that Sully meant every word he had said. Suddenly feeling the gentle pressure of his fingertips on her jaw, she followed his lead and looked at him. His voice was full of love when he assured her, "Michaela, we can do it."

There was nothing she wanted to believe more. She didn't answer but she leant her head against his shoulder and allowed him to pull her closer. They sat together in silence for a long time that night.