Chapter 24

It was early afternoon when Sully rode towards the homestead. The wagon had a broken rim and Robert E. had said he would take care of it over the weekend, so Sully had saddled his horse today. Hannah would sit in front of him while they rode out to the reservation and if he rode bareback, she might slip down. His daughter had grown a lot lately and he couldn't just hold her in his arms as easily as he used to…

When Sully turned into the yard, Michaela was out there, readying Bear. At breakfast that morning, she had told him that she would come with them; if there were an emergency in town, she had told him that Chris would inform her since he knew where to find her and the Cheyenne had seen him before. The last fact was even more important than the first one because the relationship between the Indians and the citizens had grown strained again due to the fact that dog soldiers had attacked homesteads outside the town quite often lately.

Sully had witnessed how hard Michaela had tried to help Hannah look forward to the upcoming days in the Indian village. To his surprise, his little girl hadn't been very fond of the idea of staying out there over night. His attempt to tantalize her with the prospect of sleeping in a teepee had been met with even more resistance from her side. He didn't understand, she had enjoyed visiting the Cheyenne with him…

Seeing Michaela alone in the yard, Sully decided to take the opportunity and ask her if she had figured out what his daughter's problem was. Michaela only glanced at him when he stepped closer to her after he had dismounted his horse. He couldn't read her expression and so he asked rather tentatively, "You alright?"

Without looking at him she replied, "Of course, I'm worried about Hannah though."

Sully was glad that she broached the subject herself. "What's wrong with her?"

When she kept averting her eyes and busying herself with the saddlebags, Sully laid his hand on her shoulder and softly asked her, "Tell me."

Sighing silently, Michaela acknowledged that she had no choice but to do that if she wanted for the relationship between father and daughter to heal fully and admitted, "She remembers, you know…" Letting her voice trail off, she hoped that he understood.

Sully didn't know what she meant though; he turned her away from Bear so she stood in front of him and took her hands in his. Searching for her eyes he asked, "Remembers what?"

Looking down at their clasped hands, she replied quietly, "When you took her from me and brought her to the reservation."

Sully was stunned and all he could manage to say was, "She does?"

Nodding, Michaela explained, "She doesn't remember the events very clearly but she does recall her feelings… She must have been terrified… You frightened me, too…"

She lifted her head to look at him and could immediately tell by the expression on his face that he was consumed with guilt. Squeezing his hands lightly, she reassured him, "Don't worry, I got over it…" and before she could stop herself, she asked him what she had wanted to know since their first encounter, "Why were you so angry with me that day?"

Sully wasn't sure if he should really tell her, however, when he saw nothing but curiosity in her eyes, he knew he could do it. "I wasn't angry with you. I thought you were the doc's wife and I thought it was unfair that he had my daughter and you…"

Surprised, she studied his face. "But you didn't even know me!"

He wasn't ready to confess the whole truth yet and so he directed their conversation back to the initial topic. "Where's Hannah?"

Knowing by the tone in his voice that he wouldn't tell her any more about the day when they first met, Michaela delicately wriggled her hands out of his and turned back to the task of securing the saddlebags. "She's inside, deciding which toys she is going to take with her."

Sully couldn't help but grin a little. "How many is she allowed to bring…"

Glancing at him to see if he took her seriously, she cut him off, "Not more than two besides the bunny."

Defensively, he lifted his hands a little and raised his eyebrows in amusement, "I gotta check if she's counting right."

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Hannah stared down at all the toys that were spread out on her cot. If she was going into town with her ma, she would make plans about what games to play and then decide which things she needed and it would be fun thinking about her day. It wasn't fun today though; an uneasy feeling had grown in the pit of her stomach since she knew they would spend the night at the Indian village. She couldn't quite grasp what it was that scared her, but she felt as if she just knew something bad would happen…

Sighing loudly, she tried to go back to her task of choosing the things she wanted to take. There was no question that the bunny would come, without it, the bad dreams could return. That thought brought the faint memory back again; it had been dark and smelled of smoke and she had been all alone… Maybe she could tell her ma that she didn't feel well…

The sound of the opening door made her turn towards the entrance. Seeing her pa, she didn't feel relieved though, to the contrary, his presence unsettled her even more. She didn't know why, and that almost made her cry.

Sully was worried; he had never seen his daughter in this state before. With a few long strides he was at her side and crouched down to be on eye level with her. Tentatively, he laid his hand on the little back and started to rub it soothingly. His voice was full of love and concern as he asked her, "What's wrong, sweet girl?"

Hannah didn't know what to do. She knew it was her pa who wanted them to go; would he get mad if she told him? Feeling desperation growing inside of her, she suddenly threw her little arms around his neck and whispered into his ear, "Stay home, pease!"

Sully hugged his little girl back. He had learned that the only way to overcome fears from the past was to face them, but first he had to be sure about the source of his daughter's worries and so he asked "Can you tell me why you don't wanna go?"

Relieved that her pa wasn't mad, Hannah buried her face in the crook of her father's neck and admitted in a small voice, "Feel bad."

Hearing the muffled words, Sully was sure that Hannah's emotions had nothing to do with the past but with facing something unknown instead, and so he dismissed the seriousness of them and tried to ease her fears by saying, "Don't ya worry, as soon as you get out there, you'll forget that you ever felt bad about goin', all right?"

Listening to her pa's words, Hannah ascertained that he hadn't understood. Resignedly, she let go of him and turned back to her toys on her bed.

It would be the last time in his life that Sully didn't take his daughter's feelings seriously.

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On their way to the reservation, they paused for a moment to fill their canteens at the creek. Hannah had calmed down a little after her ma had called all the wolfs her pa had carved for her one toy, saying, "They are a family, sweetheart, and a family is one."

For the little girl this statement had meant the joy of being allowed to take them all with her, she even refrained from taking something else, besides of the bunny of course. Sully couldn't get rid of the feeling that Michaela had said this purposefully to him as well though, and he had grown more and more agitated in the hour before they took their break. When he couldn't restrain himself from asking her about it any longer, he first made sure that Hannah was occupied with a frog at the creek and wouldn't listen to them. Then, he turned towards Michaela who sat on a trunk and demanded somewhat harshly to know, "That family thing, you said it to me, too, right?"

Puzzled by his tone, Michaela looked up at him. Since Sully stood with his back to the sun, she couldn't discern his expression and so she carefully asked back, "What are you talking about, Sully, I…"

When she didn't admit that she wanted him to make a decision, his anger took over. "You can't just tell me I have to decide…"

Suddenly understanding what he was talking about and growing hurt at his assuming attitude and hostile tone, Michaela shot up from her seat and faced him without any hesitation. If he wanted to know what she thought about that subject, fine, it was about time that she put the cards on the table. In a hushed tone so Hannah wouldn't hear her, she lashed out at him, "First of all, that's not what I said and second, if you were honest with yourself, you would know that it is about time to make a decision about how and where you really want to spend your life. Obviously, this issue is already troubling you so much that you recognize it in every word that comes close to it. And you should know by now that if I wanted to tell you to choose at all, then I would never ask for something for me, your daughter would be my first concern! If you would stop thinking so much about yourself, you would know what to do!"

Taken aback by her outburst, Sully remained motionless for a moment. If he was honest and thought about her arguments carefully, he knew, that in a way, she was right. However, he was convinced that it wouldn't do their relationship any good if he gave up a large part of himself, and he was a part of his Indian family. Of course he wanted and needed to be with Michaela and his daughter, too… At last he stepped closer to her. In an attempt to calm her down, he ran his hand down her arm but Michaela backed away from him. Seeing that she wouldn't just give in, he swallowed hard. He considered how to make her understand what he had on his mind, and eventually he told her with all the sincerity he could muster, "Michaela, I love you and I want for us to be together." He hesitated momentarily before he added, "I'm just not ready yet."

Hastily, so as not to looking too forward with her own expectations which she didn't even admit to herself, Michaela assured, "Neither am I, Sully."

They stared at each other, both with undeniable longing in their eyes until Hannah came back to them a few moments later.

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Flying Sun watched from the distance how Sully arrived with the white woman and his daughter. When he had been there the last time, he had taken her aside and explained why he wanted them to be in the village longer than usual; he wanted to show them the real life out here. Real life! The young Indian woman silently snorted in disgust. They would be guests, no matter how long they stayed, and as guests, they wouldn't have to starve or to freeze at night… The only glimmer of hope for her was that Sully had talked to her at all, maybe things between him and the medicine woman weren't too good and Sully had to be a fool if he actually hoped that Dr. Mike ever wanted to live with him in the Indian village. So why making such a fuss at all? If he didn't want to give up living with the Cheyenne, she was there…

Sully regretted for a moment that he had Hannah with him on his horse because it took him longer than usual to dismount and he missed his chance to help Michaela down. She had been awfully quiet the rest of their way and he felt the urge to assure her of his love again. If he had had the opportunity to touch her one last time before he and Cloud Dancing would leave in an hour, he was sure he could make her feel it. Now it would be nearly impossible though, it wasn't customary for a man to show his affection for a woman openly, and it was all the more taboo shortly before a hunting party left.

As soon as Michaela stood on the ground, she switched off her own emotions and directed all of her attention to her daughter. It was obvious that the little girl felt rather uneasy. Snowbird had noticed it immediately as well and the two women exchanged a worried look. In an unspoken agreement they both took one of Hannah's hands and led her into the medicine man's teepee. Michaela thought it would be best to keep her busy and so she suggested unpacking the few things they had brought with them. The little girl's mood seemed to improve while she tucked her bunny in and placed the wolf's family right next to the pile of furs that would be her bed for the next couple of nights. She got frightened again though when the sound of dull drumbeats was suddenly heard from outside, a sound she had never heard before. She rushed to her ma and hugged her legs tightly. Sighing, Michaela silently prayed that she would be able to make her daughter feel comfortable the next few days. She bent down to lift the little girl into her arms and assured her, "There's nothing to be afraid of, sweetheart. The drums help the whole village say its goodbye to the men who are leaving for the hunt," she paused for a moment because chanting could be heard now as well and then added, "Do you hear that? Now they are wishing them good luck. What do you think, should we go outside and watch what's going on and say goodbye to your pa as well?"

Hannah looked at her ma's face, she loved her so much! Throwing her arms around her mother's neck, the little girl mutely nodded. She didn't want to let go of her ma; she couldn't shake off that terrible feeling that something terrible would happen…

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Hannah had slept with Michaela all night; it was as if she wanted to be filled with her ma's presence so she would never forget that feeling of having her close. In the morning, Hannah seemed to be a little calmer and so Michaela dared to leave her playing with some children her daughter knew from earlier visits, while she started the examinations of some Indians she had planned for today. Snowbird was helping her and so both women didn't notice the three dog soldiers who appeared at the edge of the village to search for the Cheyenne medicine man.

One of the braves was Proud Stag who only recently had left his tribe. When the young Indian recognized Flying Sun, he approached her. The woman could see the worried lines on her friend's face. The two of them began to speak in Cheyenne, so Hannah, who sat nearby with two little girls and a boy playing with the carved wolves, didn't understand her.

Proud Stag's tone was hushed but sounded urgent when he asked, "Where's Cloud Dancing? Some of us are really sick and can't come here and we have some injured as well, we need his help!"

Flying Sun's answer, "He's out hunting and won't be back before at least another night," seemed to devastate him. It had been difficult enough to get the permission to look for the medicine man at all and Dark Oak would be terribly angry if they came back without him.

The Indian woman saw the desperation on Proud Stag's face and suddenly a devilish thought crossed her mind. Sully wanted the white woman to learn about the real life of the Indians? Well, she would make sure that Dr. Mike would get the opportunity to make her experience at first hand. After Flying Sun had hastily looked around to see that no one was there to watch her, she told her friend, "The medicine woman is here. I will make sure that you can bring her back with you."

Seeing the doubt on the man's face, she reassuringly added, "Don't worry, she will come. Wait for her around the bend, as soon as she leaves the teepee and I can talk to her alone, I will send her to you."

Proud Stag still hesitated. Even if he could convince Dark Oak to let the white woman treat his men, that didn't mean that he would let her go afterwards. The Cheyenne knew that his friend Sully loved Dr. Mike and he liked her, too… He didn't want for something to happen to her.

Flying Sun grew impatient, she didn't want the opportunity to give both the white woman and Sully a lecture that might heighten her own chances with Sully again, to slip away, and so she reminded Proud Stag, "Aren't you here because you need a doctor? Well, she is one and it is her duty to help you. Now go, before anyone else sees you!"

Still not sure if he was doing the right thing, the young Indian turned to leave the village with his companions.

A few minutes later, Flying Sun couldn't believe how lucky she was. The doctor left the teepee alone and so she hastily approached her, "Dr. Mike, one of my friends had a bad fall, he can't move, you have to help him!"

Michaela misread the young woman's nervousness as concern and assured her, "Of course I will help him, where is he?"

Fearful that she might miss her chance to get rid of the white woman because someone else could appear and destroy her plan, Flying Sun's voice cracked when she informed the doctor, "He's a little out of the village, you have just to follow that path," and she pointed into the direction where Proud Stag had vanished.

Michaela couldn't explain it, but she began to get suspicious. She decided to go though, but first she went to Hannah and gave her a peck on the cheek. "Sweetheart, there has been an accident and I have to take care of a man who got hurt. I'll be back before you can blink, please stay here until I'm back, all right?"

Instantly, the little girl forgot her toys and her friends and clung to her mother, "Not go, pease!"

Michaela tried to reassure her little girl, "I'll just take a look at him and then I'll let people bring him here so I won't be away for long. Look," she pointed with her eyes at the other children who gaped at them, "Your friends want to resume playing and Snowbird will be here any minute, so there is no need to worry. Come here," she hugged her daughter again and stroked her hair and after another peck she continued, "I have to go, I'll be back really soon, alright?"

Not convinced at all, Hannah nodded hesitatingly and let go of her mother. The little girl gazed after her and when her ma was barely in sight anymore, she watched Flying Sun ran after her mother to bring Bear. At this moment, Hannah knew that there was something terribly wrong. She wanted to call for her ma but no sound left her mouth. She wanted to run after her ma, but her little legs didn't move and suddenly, the world around her grew dark.