A/N: Time for chapter 46 of Agent Reach! I promised the return of Donut, and you'll get it. Poor Donut…is it me or does he have literally the worst luck ever, of all time? Also, we'll see something I mentioned in an earlier chapter XD (see author's note for Chapter 39)

*Chapter 46*

Haven

Donut happily bound his way over towards the two strange people who were sitting outside the rundown building, the alien following him. One was a massive specimen, with dirty blonde hair and muscular arms that practically screamed, "POWER!" The other was a brunette woman with a more slender frame, and a weird glowing pink person by her head. In her hands was a Sniper Rifle, and she aimed it at the light-ish red soldier as he approached. "Who the hell are you, and what do you want!?"

The alien looked at the woman, and it snorted out an irritated grunt of, "Blarg honk blarg blarg," as it drew its Needler. Donut gasped, and he gave the alien a look of extreme disapproval. "Hey, that's not nice! You should be more considerate of people, not call them trigger-happy psychopaths! They're just being cautious!" 'Why is he so mean? I thought that spanking I gave him the last time he insulted someone was enough!'

The big man stirred, and he picked up his own weapon with an irritated growl. It was a strange device that looked like the combination of a knife and a rifle, and the blade on the back gleamed menacingly in the dim dusk light. Clearly, he wasn't exactly in the mood to deal with a conversation; Donut imagined this guy was the kind of person who ate steaks bloody, judging by his silverback alpha-male appearance. 'He's terrifying to look at! Just looking at him gives me nightmares.'

Donut then spotted a small glowing bomb, and he gasped in surprise. "Andy! Hi there! How's it going?" Andy groaned in annoyance, and the woman turned to the bomb, lowering her rifle. "I take it this is the guy you mentioned? The one who got hit in the head by a Plasma Grenade in Blood Gulch thanks to a girl with good grenade skills?"

"Yeah. Hey, why don't you go and kick Pretty-in-Pink's ass? After all, the rest of us can't hit a girl," Andy laughed. "And get rid of that ugly chuck-head while you're at it; all these assholes do is impregnate people with parasitic embryos after filling their head with some incredible bullshit lie about being the savior of their people or something. This one's looking for a certain Energy Sword that went missing some time ago. Called, 'The Savior' or some shit, I don't fuckin' know."

The woman aimed her rifle back at the alien, and before Donut could voice a protest, she fired. A single round from her Sniper Rifle tore through the alien's skull, and as it slumped to the ground, Donut began to cry at the sight of his dead friend. "No! We had so much more to talk about! Like why you enjoy impregnating people!" 'I…I can't believe it! That dirty whore actually killed him!'

Donut went to run away when he felt a searing pain in his legs, and the pink soldier fell on his hands and knees. It was a position that under normal circumstances would be something he didn't mind, but as he tried to look back, he saw the steady trickle of blood ruining his light-ish red armor, and he knew that he had been shot. By that damn girl with the fucking Sniper Rifle, too. 'Now I know why I don't like girls. I have the shittiest luck with them.' "Why did you kill him!? What's wrong with you!?"

"You are from Blood Gulch, the last known location of the Alpha AI from Project Freelancer," the woman replied, ejecting the empty clip and slapping a new one in. "More importantly, you know who was stationed there. Like who you're superior officer was in the canyon, who was with him, and who was on the Blue Team."

"You mean our Lieutenant Reach and the bitch in black armor who broke my wrist?"

"…it can't be…"

Donut heard an annoying beeping coming from his armor, and across his helmet's visor flashed an emergency warning. "Warning! Recovery Beacon activated! Please stand by for a recovery agent to assist you." "Uh oh…" 'That can't be good. What if our Lieutenant is the one who picks it up!? He'll be walking into an ambush!'

"Jason, take him. We're using him as bait for Texas and Reach. They have Alpha, and they'll bring him to us."

-0-

Just outside the Haven system

Reach finished installing the new Promethean Vision upgrade into his helmet, wiping his brow. "Thank fuck this is done. Took way too much effort for a simple upgrade." 'It'll be interesting to properly test this, on top of the improved invisibility.' According to the manual they managed to find, the Promethean Vision was a combination of alien and human technology mixed together by some of the top scientists in both Project Freelancer and the UNSC. Being experimental, it had yet to actually see field usage in any powered armor suits below anything used by the Spartan IVs, but it was supposed to make the user able to see perfectly through the thickest fog or even walls.

He slid his helmet back on, and an emergency beacon flashed across his HUD. "What the hell?" 'A recovery beacon coming from Haven? And it's…from Donut? How the hell did he even end up there?' He tried to access the vitals of the pink soldier, and he cursed as he saw the scan. "Shit…" 'Just one thing after another. Looks like he has a pair of serious leg injuries, and seeing as that's the last known location of the Meta…I have a bad feeling he's just been captured.'

The former Spartan strode out of the armory, and he nearly ran into his blonde lover. She had a habit of attempting to ambush him when he wasn't expecting it, such as last night when he came out of the shower and she jumped on him. 'One would think after getting jumped by her, I'd learn to be more careful.' "Don't do it..."

"Don't worry, Adam," Texas reassured, sticking her tongue out. "I'm not here to ambush you and force you against the wall for a frenzied make-out session for once. It's just…well, we've got a bit of a problem, and it has nothing to do with the recovery beacon of that pink fruitcake, either. It's that idiot in the teal armor. Or aqua. I honestly don't care about the color."

"I swear, if Tucker wants me to look at another rash, I'm going to start using him as target practice," Reach grumbled. He had enough of the aqua soldier trying to get a proper medical diagnosis from him, and the former Spartan was tempted more than once to hand him over to Maine for boxing practice. 'I don't get paid enough for this shit. I'm putting in a request for a pay rise once this is over. I think I earned it.'

"No, it's actually not him, for once," Texas muttered. "He thinks that Sister is pregnant." The new possibility of Kakiana being knocked up wasn't that big of a surprise to Reach, but what did have him slightly concerned was the fact that she was playing around with a lot of experimental weapons as of late, including the Fuel Rod Guns. "Didn't we discover that some of the plasma weapons cause radiation poisoning?" 'Fucking great. Now we have a pregnant girl messing around with experimental weapons and is possibly suffering radiation poisoning, as well as Donut probably being captured by the Meta.'

"Yeah. And Tucker thinks that it's causing her pregnancy to accelerate rapidly," Texas replied. "He swears that he heard two heartbeats and something inside her going, 'Honk honk blarg honk'. I seriously don't believe him, since this is the same guy who swears he banged an entire bachelorette party two years ago, and we probably should check it out to make sure this isn't some ultra shitty April Fool's Day prank. And if he's right, I'll never bitch about eating seafood again."

"I doubt you would, love. You hate that shit more than anything; the only reason you're even putting up with it now is because you're pregnant, too."

"And who do I have to thank for that~?"

"Oh please. You enjoy the random cravings for various foods at two in the morning and extra horniness."

"Around you, I'm always aroused~."

"You are literally the biggest pervert ever, of all time," Reach muttered, turning as he heard a terrible attempt at sneaking from his left. He activated his newly installed Promethean Vision, and he let out an annoyed sigh as he saw the aqua soldier standing just behind the corner. 'Dammit Tucker. You never learn, do you?' The ex-Spartan drew his Magnum, filled with paint rounds, and handed it to Texas. "Here; someone's doing a terrible sneaking job." 'How the hell Maine and South haven't killed him yet, I don't know.'

"Ooh, thank you~." Texas took the weapon with a delighted grin like a kid who had been told to go crazy at a Toy 'R' Us, and she stepped around the corner, firing the entire clip. Reach heard weak cries of pain, and he knew exactly where the blonde had shot Tucker with the paint. 'Crotch. That or the face. Having been with her for as long as I have, I know she has a preference on where to shoot annoying idiots. That and watching her use Grif as a guinea pig for her horrible experiments.'

He poked his head to look, and he wasn't too surprised to see a massive amount of the pink paint on Tucker's crotch. Texas threw the unloaded weapon at the immobilized aqua soldier's head, and he let out a groan of pain. "Ow…what the fuck did I ever do to deserve this!? I haven't been this sore since that bachelorette party on Bourbon Street!"

"You want us to believe that you banged an entire bachelorette party?"

"I'd like you to, but in reality the groom showed up and broke three of my ribs."

"That's what I thought."

"Oh whatever, man…" Tucker grumbled as he gingerly got to his feet, trying to pull the pink paint off of his aqua armor and failing miserably. "Ugh! Why the fuck is this paint shit such a bitch to get off!? Is this crap nuclear or something? I usually end up sticky for a different reason, and I always feel really tired afterwards." Reach rubbed his helmet, biting back a rather irritable insult that would make him sound like either Alpha or Maine, and forced out a slow breath. "We don't want to picture you masturbating. Now, what the hell is this I hear about you hearing something inside Kakiana going, 'Honk blarg'?" 'If this turns out to be a prank, I'm fucking killing him. I've had enough of the Reds and Blues' antics.'

"Oh, yeah. I was making out with her, and when I was going to go down on her as a return gift for her wake-up head yesterday, I heard two heartbeats. And when I put my ear to her stomach, I heard something kicking and saying, 'Honk honk blarg honk'," Tucker replied, pulling the lockdown paint off of his armor and chucking it into a nearby garbage can. "I thought I was drunk, but I checked again before mentioning something to your bitchy girlfriend. She's pregnant with a goddamn alien or something."

'That doesn't even seem physically fucking possible,' Reach thought dryly. 'But then again, plenty of shit that shouldn't be possible has happened in the last few months.' "Tucker, I swear, if this is your idea of a really awful April Fool's Day prank, I'm going to hit you so hard, your armor will fly right off of you. And if I don't, then Tex will. Or Maine; I hear he's been looking for a sparring partner."

"Dude, I'm not fucking with you. Something is seriously wrong with her," Tucker insisted. "She ate all of my chocolate and then threw it up about five minutes ago; Grif tried to ask if she was feeling okay and practically bit his head off." Texas let out a scoff, and she leaned into Reach's shoulder. "Oh, please. If that happened, I'm sure she would've thrown it up and that fatass could put it right back on again before having a smoke and a beer."

'Hmm…this does seem suspicious. We ought to at least check on Kakiana and make sure she's not suffering too badly from whatever she has.' Reach shared a glance with Texas, and he sighed before turning back to the seemingly concerned aqua soldier. "Alright. We'll check it out, but if this turns out to be fake, I'm throwing you out of the airlock. If it's legit, then we're removing her from the list of people testing the experimental weapons; the last thing I want to see is a Junior Tucker running around with a Fuel Rod Gun for a head." 'Great. Now we have two people pregnant. Good thing pregnancy isn't contagious or anything; I refuse to believe that an alien can infect someone with a parasitic embryo, no matter what Alpha says.'

"Tell me about it," Tucker muttered. "I never expected this; this isn't how I planned it. I imagined I would have that typical father/son relationship where I visit him for eight hours every other week and send checks to some woman I fucking hate." Texas rolled her eyes, and she let out a sigh as she tried very hard to not lash out with a snappy remark. "Tucker…just go to the damn gym for right now. We'll deal with this crap."

Tucker limped his way to the gym, and the two Freelancers looked at each other before walking over to the room Kakiana shared with her aqua lover. The usually flirty brunette was curled up on her bed letting out groans of pain, clutching her stomach, and she rubbed her eyes as the two entered. "Ugh…no threesomes right now please..."

Reach sighed as he pulled her biosigns onto his HUD, preventing a rather annoyed growl from escaping his throat. "We don't want to have a threesome with you…" Her biosigns practically blinked critical, and his motion detector beeped out a warning, a red dot flashing where the immobilized woman was lying. 'What the hell? She's in critical condition, and the motion detector is picking up an enemy in here.' "Eta, what's going on? Radar's picking up an enemy contact right where Kakiana is."

"Your equipment isn't malfunctioning," Eta whispered. "It's picking up something…inside her." Kakiana let out a wail of protest, bringing her knees up to her stomach as she threw up into a vomit bucket that Tucker had probably provided. "Would this be a bad time to mention my stomach just started hurting really bad?"

Reach looked at his AI, trying to not rub a steadily increasing headache. "Go get Doc. Tell him to boil some water and bring me the unmarked bottle in the back of the freezer." 'Screw it. I need to get a drink.' The AI vanished, and Texas walked over to Kakiana as she began to pant heavily, her eyes unfocused. "Deep breaths. Try to not focus on the pain."

"But it hurts!" Kakiana wailed, tears leaking out of her eyes as a painful spasm shook her body. Her stomach convulsed, and Doc burst into the room, panting hard. "Hey, I'm here!" He was carrying a bucket full of warm water along with the unmarked bottle that Reach had specified, and he gulped once he saw how bad the situation seemed. "Oh boy…she's definitely pregnant. I'm getting alerts all over my damn visor. Good thing you called me in."

He placed the bucket down, and he pulled out his purple medical device, the end glowing green as the medic approached the distressed brunette. "Oh dear. At least it doesn't seem as though you'll need surgery. Oh, and here Reach; I have no idea what's in this bottle, but I hope you know what you're doing with it."

"Thanks," Reach grunted, pulling his helmet off and unscrewing the cap, the wonderfully familiar aroma of Jameson whiskey hitting his nostrils. 'It's been awhile since I had shots of whiskey. I think the last time was the drinking contest with Jun and Emile after we destroyed the Covenant Corvette attacking Sword Base.' He took a few chugs straight from the bottle, wiping his chin, and to his relief, his headache did start to fade. 'The amount of headaches we deal with is utterly ridiculous.'

Kakiana let out another wail of pain, and her stomach convulsed again before something began to push its way out of her. Reach caught a glimpse of a two-toed foot, and he stared in disbelief as the rest of the creature popped out of her. "You have got to be fucking kidding me." 'No way. No fucking way. I refuse to believe I just watched this happen. This doesn't seem physically possible! That thing isn't even…how the fuck…?'

The creature looked up at the red/black Freelancer, its four-pronged jaws open, and it began to bounce around the room as Kakiana passed out from sheer exhaustion. "Blarg! Blarrrrrrrrrg! Blarg!" It was a baby alien, more specifically one that Reach had a lot of experience fighting as a Spartan. Kakiana had just given birth to an Elite, and it took a lot of effort not to snap the damn hinge-head's neck right there.

The ex-Spartan was silent as Doc ran out of the room, presumably to get Tucker and tell him the ridiculous news, and he shook his head before turning to leave. "You know what? I refuse to believe I just watched a human give birth to a fucking alien. I'm going back to bed." 'There's no fucking way this shit just happened. I am calling a massive amount of bullshit.'

"Yeah, I'm with you on that," Texas muttered, following him. "I think I'm just deprived of sleep and hallucinating, so I'm going to be taking a six hour power nap." She hugged him from behind, leaning up to kiss his jaw. "Aw, you're not gonna carry me to bed? Meannnn~." The light teasing in her tone made Reach want to carry her over his shoulder like a schoolgirl about to be disciplined by her father, but he wasn't going to let her win that easily. "Nope. Bad girls don't get carried." 'Resist the temptation…don't give in to it that easily.'

"You're not gonna carry your pregnant girlfriend? Man, aren't you terrible~," Texas smirked, knowing that eventually Reach would give in and pick her up. The red/black Freelancer rolled his eyes, knowing the jabs weren't going to stop, and turned around to pick the blonde up bridal style, carrying her with ease. "Don't even try and say I'm the terrible one. You're far too lazy to even walk back to your own room, and it's only down the hall." 'Despite the terrible antics, shitty puns, and random attempts to ambush me, I really do love her.'

He shut the door behind them, and placed her down on their bed before falling next to her. He was going to need a good nap after witnessing the strangest birth ever, of all time.

A/N: I couldn't help it. It wouldn't be the same without Junior (little guy is really important to Tucker), and I wanted the WTF moment of this story to be his birth XD. Now, this is of course hypothetical, but who thinks that Maine should get himself a Hardlight Shield?