Chapter 10 - Quiet Musings

"It's where I died."

Sephiroth's lips twitched in displeasure as the Ancient's words echoed in his mind again. He walked up the steps away from the underwater alter, trailing behind his friends rather than leading for once. He had much to think about, and much still to understand.

"It's where I died."

Four words that ruined the wonder of this place for him. Ruined the satisfaction of seeing Genesis restored to his prime from a fall that had been happening under his nose. Ruined any good mood he might have had. It was nothing he could truly fault her for, in fact, he was grateful, and impressed, by her honesty. It made sense now, her dread and anxiety coming to this place, the pain.

"It's where I died."

He was starting to grow a bit... wary... of her explanation about 'visions'. Something was off about it. There was to much very real pain in her motions, in her eyes. He was hesitant to doubt anything he did not truly understand, and there was much he had to learn about the Ancients, but the reactions and sensations emanating from the woman felt to strong to be a result of visions. Even IF she said the visions had been as if she lived through them.

"It's where I died."

He resisted the urge to growl. Those four words were going to haunt him if he didn't acknowledge them, and the words she hadn't said.

"It's where you killed me."

She would never say those words aloud again, as much as she had every right to. She was to kind and considerate to voice them, despite the truth in them. She could deny it all she want, say that it was the 'One-Winged Angel' and not him every time, but the truth could not be hidden. It still resided in her reaction. The discomfort that had emanated from her when he drew close to her on the alter. He had not been welcome there. She did not dissociate him and his 'vision self'. How he loathed that other self. He fought and killed when he had to, it was his lot in life, but he tried to keep innocent casualties to a bare minimum. Killing innocents, especial one so pure, in cold blood, madness or not, was damning.

Would that deed always hang over him, to be reminded again and again whenever her eyes laid on him?

He glanced back down briefly, at the alter far below. He was not religious, but even he had to agree with what Genesis had said. This place felt 'sacred' on his senses, hallowed. He was not one to gape in awe at anything, but such a wondrous place came close to making him do so. He was curious how exactly the Ancients created an underwater alter that was not engulfed by the lake, but he figured that knowledge had been lost. To kill the innocent in such a place was even worse, to spill pure blood across an alter of prayer. He cringed briefly at the thought that his 'vision self' had most likely killed her mid-prayer as well, disgraceful and unbecoming of a warrior.

"So... is this place safe to explore at night?" questioned Zack as they reached the top of the spiral translucent staircase.

"You're a SOLDIER, have some spine," mocked Genesis, "I'm more than eager to test myself out."

"Be careful when you do so," said Sephiroth, "This place should be disturbed as little as possible."

Genesis tilted his head in acknowledgement before an eager glint hit his eyes. "Agreed. I'll hold off on showing off until... say a spar tomorrow?"

Sephiroth smirked. "I look forward to it."

With that, Genesis strode out of the shell house, Zack moving to follow before he paused at the door. He turned to Angeal, who motioned him out.

The man turned to him after Zack left. "Seph... I heard what she said, it's not your fault."

Sephiroth gave him a pointed look. "Isn't it? I'm not going to wallow in guilt if that is your concern. I acknowledge that the deed was done, or would have been done. It simply irks me."

Angeal raised an eyebrow. "Irks? Something 'irking' you don't make you brood like you were walking up."

Sephiroth shot him an irritated look. "Ever since she appeared, I've wished I could wave away her words as fanciful delusions, but I see and feel nothing but truths in her words and eyes. There is no denying it, there's been no denying it for some time now, especially after seeing that display. I did not even notice that Genesis wasn't in top form anymore, what would it have taken? That wound she spoke of? His skin unnaturally paling, his hair blighting and falling out, him going insane?"

Angeal took a step forward and put an comforting hand on his shoulder. "I didn't see it either Seph, and her words, my 'deeds' in her vision, if that's what it truly was, weigh on me as well."

Sephiroth brooded for a moment, lowering his guard in front of perhaps the only one in the world he truly trusted doing so with, Genesis would playfully mock him for it and not take it seriously. "The end of a world weighing on one's shoulders, the slaughter of innocents, is not something I desire on my conscience. That child's death... I have never met someone who simply radiates innocence and purity to my senses like she does, who cares so readily for those who do not deserve it. Her blood on my hands... it reminds me of early Wutai, the villages..."

Angeal winced and looked away. That was a topic they almost never talked about. Simply put, Sephiroth had been a twelve year old boy given a sword and thrust into a battlefield with the orders to kill the Wutai insurgents. For all the things that had been crammed into his head, the difference between a civilian and a combatant hadn't been one of them. Shinra hadn't considered it important enough to point out the disparity, hadn't thought they needed to. Fools, he had been living in the labs as a damn experiment most of his life, under Hojo's eyes, HOJO'S! A man who didn't care who he experimented on. How was that boy supposed to have known? To him, that foolish twelve year old boy, both civilians and combatants stopped moving, 'died', just as easily as the other.

He could still remember that look of utter horror and fear on his allies faces when they came across the carnage. Most wouldn't come near him. Thankfully, Angeal had, Angeal had shown him, told him, explained to him the difference. Taught him honor, right and wrong in ways that he had never learned in the labs. Bless that man, for Sephiroth didn't honestly know where he'd be without Angeal.

'Insane and out destroying the world' crawled through his head for a moment, making him scowl in irritation. He banished the self-loathing and refocused on something Angeal had said...

He frowned. "'If that's what it was'. Yes, that troubles me just as much."

Angeal gave him a tight smile. "Ah, so I'm not the only one. I know you and Genesis thought she was hiding something, but I didn't know you pinpointed her 'visions'."

"The Ancient speaks with such honesty it's very easy to tell when she's lying, hiding something, or speaking a partial truth," said Sephiroth, "I've replayed every conversation we've had with her in my head in my spare time, picking apart things that don't make sense, or hint at something. The ride over, and seeing her reactions to this place was... enlightening."

"Yes, her... reactions...," murmured Angeal, a heavy contemplative frown plastered across his face, "They're to strong. Far to strong. Ever since I saw her freak out at Zack it's rubbed me wrong. I actually looked into the subject a few days ago. Not that most people have 'visions'. The closest accounts I've gotten was drug induced hallucinations. Those are vague, hard to remember, and most certainly do not make you feel like you lived through them. Real visions have... well... no basis to be honest. It's not a human thing, the only confirmation we have that it was a vision is her own word."

Sephiroth turned his head to silently stare at Angeal, but did not interrupt, wanting to hear the man's thoughts on the matter.

Angeal licked his lips. "She knows a lot, remember what your mother said, about her knowledge of highly classified projects among other things. She's been vague at times yes, but I don't think it's from a lack of detail."

Sephiroth nodded slowly. "I've also caught her once or twice referring to her vision's as 'what happened before'. As if..."

"As if they're memories?" asked Angeal, "As if she really went through them?"

Sephiroth nodded once more.

"It wouldn't be much of a stretch," admitted Angeal, "If it seemed like she lived through it to her as she said, dissociating between reality and a vision might be difficult."

Sephiroth tilted his head in acknowledgement. "True."

"But I don't know," murmured Angeal, "You... you can't fake love Sephiroth. Nor the pain of losing a loved one. What I saw from her, about Zack..."

He trailed off uncomfortably, leaving Sephiroth to toy with the idea. He had never experienced 'love', whether parental or for a significant other, so he couldn't really agree or disagree on it. Still, he trusted Angeal's word.

"Do you have any ideas?" prodded Sephiroth.

"None that aren't completely crazy," said Angeal with a laugh.

"Such as?" asked Sephiroth in a serious tone.

Angeal scratched the back of his head almost bashfully. "Well, she has knowledge of the future, and extreme emotional reactions to what happened. If the vision thing is in doubt, the only other thing I can think of is that she's from it."

Sephiroth raised a single eyebrow and responds in a neutral tone. "Time travel."

"Like I said," said Angeal, "Completely crazy."

"I'm amused," said Sephiroth, good natured, "To see the steadfast logical man suggest such a thing."

Angeal laughed again. "Yeah I know, it just jumped in my head."

Sephiroth let his amusement fade. "That doesn't mean I am dismissing the notion."

That caught Angeal off-guard. "What?"

"It is no less 'crazy' an idea than receiving a detailed vision of the future from 'the Planet'," said Sephiroth, "I have little to no knowledge of the Ancients or their abilities, nor that of the Planet's. Dismissing anything before fully ruling it out is foolish."

That ignores the issue of considering the Planet as a sentient entity. He was still trying to wrap his mind around that. Not to mention whatever this 'Holy' the Ancient had used to heal Genesis. The barrage of sensations that had ripped through Sephiroth when that power had nudged him and the other's back and wrapped around Genesis was still very fresh in his mind.

Sephiroth rubbed his eyes tiredly. "Though, I sorely hope time travel it isn't the truth."

"Why?" asked Angeal, concerned and curious.

"Because there is a difference between something that may have happened in the future, and something that did happen," explained Sephiroth wearily, "The first is a warning, the second is a sin so foul that time itself had to be circumvented. It means everything she told us we did, and what she hasn't told us yet, occurred."

Angeal is awfully silent all the sudden, his mind working over Sephiroth's words, a bit of color seeping out of the man's face. They stand there together, brooding for a time, until Angeal slowly shakes his head and makes for the door.

"I'll go check on Genesis and the pup, make sure they aren't burning the place down," murmured Angeal.

Sephiroth nodded. "I'll stand guard for the time being, leaving this place undefended when the Ancient rests and recovers seems... unwise."

Angeal nodded and left without another word. Sephiroth figured the man would be walking 'very' slowly to give himself time to think, to ponder, to brood alone. The notion that the man might have actually forced his apprentice to kill him is most likely a harrowing one. It was easy to dismiss a vision of something that 'might' happen, to tell himself 'I would never do that to Zack', but to consider the possibility that he actually did do it? That required self-reflection Angeal most likely hadn't had yet. He wasn't sure Angeal should be alone for such a difficult task, but he respected the man's privacy.

Sephiroth slowly shakes his head and returns to the present, leaving his musings for another time. He glances outside of the shell house, at the crystal clear lake. This is a... quiet and peaceful place. Such a location doesn't exist in Midgar, or rather, is an exceedingly unique find there. He had visited the Ancient's church in the slums once after reading the Turk's profile on her. It held a peace similar to this place, though not as deep. They had encountered no monsters on the way in, he honestly doubted there were any for the time being. It is a place away from conflict, away from paperwork, away from Shinra...

He finds he rather likes it. If he ever retires, a place like this might be suitable.

Then again, considering what was done here, the Ancient's blood spelt across that alter, he has no right to this place. He slowly shakes his head, annoyed again by the self-loathing thought. He had told the Ancient not to her concerns for the future consume her, that also applied to himself as well. He crossed his arms and tilted his head in thought. He played all that he had seen, heard, and sensed through his head since getting in the helicopter with the Ancient through his mind. There were several questions that popped through his mind.

How did the Ancient get here in her 'vision'? How old was she when she made this journey? Did she come alone?

He turned around and moved to the spiral translucent staircase, not to head down, but to glance down at the alter far below, the Ancient a distance dot. She was a mere child now, cusping at entry to her teenage years, not that he had that many years on her. He however had been trained since his early youth. Her? She had been a scrawny, untested, unprepared, unenhanced child who lived in the slums. He had a hard time imagining a child making such a journey alone, baring a helicopter ride. Yet, he had easily picked up her contempt for Shinra, he doubted it had been at their bidding. So then, how many years would have passed until she was capable of making that journey? What would she have had to gone through to steel herself for it? Ancient or not, monsters would tear such a opportune meal apart. He'd say at least a decade, giving her time to grow, placing her at roughly twenty-two years old. Even then... she leaned more towards pacifism from what he had read. Her shift towards a willingness to fight was only brought on by the 'vision'. In the original way of things... he had his doubts.

If she had allies however it was more feasible... but the thing of that was, how then did she die? He held no doubts anyone who fought for the Ancient would have given their life for her. Did they? Did they lay down their lives for her at the alter, only for a mad Sephiroth to carve a path through them? He leaned towards that idea, but he wasn't sure. He didn't dare ask anymore than he already had of her about this place, and what happened here. He had enough tact to know better.

He was tempted to ask more about her allies. The only name he had thus far was one 'Cloud'. Which could be a nickname, first name, last name, or even a code name. He didn't even have a gender to attribute. Trying to track that one down would be foolish with what little information he had. Though he was sorely tempted to. Simply put, anyone who had the will and courage to stand with the Ancient against an insane Sephiroth would be a most valuable ally to have.

Something to consider for the future he supposed.

He turned and strode to the entrance of the shell house once more, leaning against the doorway, standing guard until the others eventually returned.

Zack yawned as he followed in behind Angeal. "Man, its late. Shouldn't we be getting back? I'm all for all-nighters, but, I'd like at least three hours of sleep."

"Agreed," said Angeal.

"Well, someone go fetch the Ancient then," said Genesis.

Sephiroth waited a moment, hoping someone else would volunteer, but none did, seeming comfortable leaning against the house and trying to stare down one another into doing the deed. He slowly shook his head in bemusement and turned, making for the stairway down and descending. He felt... uncomfortable returning to the alter after learning what had been done here, but he was a practical man. One of them had to get the Ancient, judging by the exhaustion he had seen, she wasn't going to be waking on her own anytime soon.

Step by step he descended into the submerged sanctum, until he stood once again at the foot to the alter. He crossed, jumping from one step to the next until he reached his destination, walked up the steps, and stared down at the Ancient's sleeping form.

"Ancient," he said softly.

She didn't stir.

"Ancient," he tried again, in a normal tone.

Nothing.

"Ancient," he tried once again, in a raised tone.

She slept like the dead it seemed.

He was hesitant to shake her, waking her up in such a place with him so close would probably elect an instinctual response when she woke up startled. He half expected a scream of fear or a fist to lash out. Yet when he knelt down and gently shook her shoulder she didn't stir at all. Calling forth 'Holy' put her down for the count it seemed. With a sigh, he placed an arm under her legs, and his other behind her back, before lifting her up. He adjusted her head to rest against his chest rather than hang off the side or roll around. She wouldn't have appreciated waking up with a stiff or strained neck after all. He turned and strode from the alter, leaping across in one go, and making his way up the steps.

He reached the top and strode past the others without a word, ignoring both Angeal and Genesis's amused expressions. They walked quietly through the Forgotten Capital back to the helicopter. He put and buckled her inside before getting in himself, the other's piling in afterwords.

"Zackery, it would be appropriate for you to carry your roommate back to your room," said Sephiroth.

Zack gave a sleepy nod. "Yes sir, I'll give her a piggyback ride."

Sephiroth gave a curt not in return and closed his eyes, lightly dozing for the ride back, and he certainly wasn't the only one. SOLDIERs could stay awake for extended periods of time compared to normal humans, but, they still liked to rest and sleep when the opportunity presented itself. He said not a word as the helicopter landed and they all went there separate ways. He had a lot of paperwork he had to file for this sudden trip, the sooner he got that done, the sooner he could rest for the new day...

Review Responses:

Azure Shrine: Blame , I couldn't upload or save any documents for like the last month. Was super irritating. Could have worked on it on another site I suppose, but I don't like leaving one site behind the other, and I'm lazy. 'shrug'

Rams: Thanks, a 'haunting' feeling was definitely what I was going for with that chapter (ish). I'm not actually sure what music I'd have playing during that chapter. Aerith's Theme is something that should be chosen carefully and rarely, its to powerful to use for every sad scene. 'You Can Hear the Cry of the Planet' would have been okay for that chapter maybe, idk.

Tocasia: Jenova is going to be the main antagonist for this story once it kicks into high gear. So we will get a firsthand view of just how scary the calamity truly is. When Aerith thought of the pillar of strength, she was referring to Genesis as Sephiroth's friend, but, she might be suprised to eventually fill that role herself IF Sephiroth needs it.