Chapter 31

Michaela sighed in contentment; she hadn't been here for more than a week and it felt so good to sit behind her desk again! With her hands lying on top of it, she let her gaze roam over the familiar features of every single piece of furniture until her eyes widened in astonishment. She could recognize at least ten jars with preserves on the small table in the far corner of the room. Moved by the obvious interest of some of the townspeople for her well-being, she rose to take a closer look at the gifts. There were peaches from Mrs. Simkin, pears from Widow Flyer and even honey from Mrs. Deaver. Honey… A scene with her and Sully sitting in a cave flashed through her mind and she suddenly remembered it clearly. After she had fallen into the creek, she had woken up in that cave and Sully was there. She wore only her undergarment and Sully's broad chest had even been naked. Blushing heavily, their kiss came to her mind again and how safe she had felt in his embrace…

It wasn't much later when she went to Grace's café with a well-rested Hannah, who had just woken up from a nap, by her side. There weren't many people there and so Michaela immediately spotted Chris sitting at a table all by himself. She chose to join him; however, with each approaching step she could tell that he was in a deep emotional distress. Fortunately, the Cooper family was there as well and bending down to her daughter, Michaela suggested, "Sweetheart, I would like to talk to Uncle Chris for a moment, would you please join Colleen until I call for you?"

Frowning, Hannah looked at her ma; she didn't like to be separated from her. Judging the distance between the two tables and seeing the pleading look in her mother's eyes, she at last nodded and then hesitantly let go of her ma's hand.

"Thank you, sweetheart." Michaela gave her a peck on the cheek while stroking her hair and then straightened again. Looking over at Charlotte, she asked, "Would you, please…" and Colleen instantly sprang up from her chair to lead the little girl over to them.

Turning back, Michaela saw that the teacher hadn't noticed her yet. She kept her voice low as to not startle him, "Chris, would you mind me sitting with you for a minute?"

He seemed to come back from a place far away when his troubled eyes flew to hers. "Of course not. It is nice to see you."

Directing his gaze back at his cup, he took a deep breath while squeezing the cup as if he wanted to squash it between his hands. He remained silent though and since Michaela didn't want to press him, they sat without saying a word for a few minutes.

After taking another deep breath, Chris at last started to speak in a cracked voice. "She is gone, Dr. Mike. She took the morning coach."

Surprised, Michaela looked at him fully. She had secretly wondered how Chris could put up with Amanda, but she would never have talked about that to anyone. It hadn't only been because of the rather rude behavior against her but also the way the young woman acted around Sully, even when Chris was present… But of course this was none of her business and so she quickly dismissed these thoughts again. It was obvious that Chris suffered and so her only reply was, "I'm really sorry to hear that."

Chris gave her a weak, appreciating smile when he responded, "Thank you, Dr. Mike."

After another pause, the words just tumbled out of his mouth. "We had an argument after we visited you at the clinic. One word led to the other and then I asked her why she even wanted to be with me… She said she liked to be in this place, that she wanted to help me at school… that she hoped to make new friends…" He glanced at the doctor; they both knew which friend in particular she meant. Seeing the compassion in Michaela's eyes, he let his gaze drop again and continued, whispering now, "That she wanted to be my wife, raising our children…"

As to understand his next words, Michaela had to strain to hear them, "But she never said that she wanted to be with me because she loved me… I asked her and so she added the words… as if she had forgotten to tell me that she liked the weather here…"

He fell silent again and Michaela's heart went out to him. Comfortingly, she laid her hand on his that still clutched the cup, "I'm really sorry, Chris, I wish I could help you."

The teacher sadly smiled at her, "Thank you, Dr. Mike."

"I really wish you would call me Michaela, Chris."

His face lit up a tiny bit when he locked eyes with her, "Thank you, Michaela. I really appreciate that."

It was this scene Sully saw when he bent around the corner in search of his two women. Not that he was jealous, but…

"Michaela!" Sully's call broke her connection with Chris and she turned to watch the man she loved approaching. Seeing him, brought instantly back to her mind what she had remembered in her examination room and her cheeks grew hot.

Since Sully didn't know the reason for her blushing, he felt a little pang; had he interrupted something he should be worried about? Recognizing Michaela's love for him in her unique eyes, he quickly dismissed that thought. After a nod in the teacher's direction he said, "I think it's time to get ya home."

Michaela rolled her eyes playfully, Sully had been very watchful that she didn't overdo it. However, secretly she loved every minute they spent together and so she hastily rose assuring Chris, "Whenever you need to talk, I'll be there."

"Thank you, Michaela."

Another pang hit Sully hearing the other man saying her name but he stoically decided to ignore it. There was no reason for him to fear that Michaela could be interested in the teacher, and not only because he was engaged…

Only a few minutes later, they were on their way to the homestead and Sully still tried to sort his thoughts. He didn't notice that Michaela struggled for a decision if she should tell him. This was quite an embarrassing memory and she wasn't sure how Sully would react… Hannah, who had made herself comfortable on her ma's lap, lived in her own world looking at the landscape and was just happy to be with her most favorite people.

Finally, Michaela had made up her mind. Sully had seemed to be happy when she told him about the shirt, and all she could do was hope that he hadn't minded taking her in his arms when she had asked him to. "Sully?" she tentatively touched his arm. Although it was covered with layers of fabric and leather this time, it was as if she could see and feel the tanned skin and the soft hair again. She couldn't control the reaction of her body and so her face grew hot once again.

"What?" Sully snapped out of his thoughts, and turning his head, he saw the uncertainty in her eyes and the color of her cheeks. When she averted her eyes he wondered what might have caused that reaction.

"Tell me." His voice was tender and Michaela at last summoned up the courage to speak, "Earlier, at the clinic… Well… I remembered something…"

Sully wanted to smile but he didn't. He knew that only their time in the cave was still missing. The other pieces she had already put together as much as she was able, considering the feverish state she had been in. He shifted the reins in his left hand and stilled Michaela's hand that was nervously fiddling with a button of her leather coat. "Hey," his voice was even softer than the moment before, "It's just me. Tell me."

Michaela glanced at him and seeing his blue eyes shining with only love for her, she blushed even deeper and admitted, "I remember the cave, how we… sat with each other." She paused a moment before she added, whispering, "How safe I felt…"

Sully beamed. He wanted to pull her into his arms and show her that she could feel that way any time she wanted to… But their daughter broke the moment, asking with excited astonishment, "You in cave?"

Ruffling the little girl's hair, her father nodded, "Yeah, we were in a cave and it was really great there."

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Hannah stood next to the large bed, the bunny tucked under her right arm, watching her ma sleeping. She contemplated what to do, she wanted to help her ma the best she could. She had been a big girl so far; she had dressed and even was at the outhouse all by herself. That hadn't been easy, and not only because of the big steps. Although this was her home, running through the deserted yard had made her heart pound wildly. Fortunately, Wolf had appeared and accompanied her until she was back at the door of the homestead. And now she was hungry, but preparing breakfast was a too big task.

At last the little girl made up her mind, she took the bunny back to her cot and covered him with her quilt. Then she scampered back to her ma's bed and carefully climbed up. Hannah decided to check how deep her ma still slept; she had seen her ma doing that with her patients several times. Cautiously, she lifted one of her ma's lids and peered into the uncovered brown eye. When her ma didn't blink, she examined the almost green eye the same way. Finally, he ma crinkled her nose and looked back at her.

Michaela couldn't help but smile although she felt as if she could still sleep at least two more hours. However, seeing her daughter hovering over her, she woke up fully. "Good morning, sweetheart. I'm sorry, it looks as if I slept in again."

Although she had recovered well, the doctor in her was concerned because of a tiredness that just didn't want to leave her body. However, now she had to take care of Hannah who still smiled down at her. With a sudden move, she pulled her daughter down against her body and whispered into her ear, "I got you!" which made the little girl giggle happily.

They sat at the breakfast table when Sully joined them. He first greeted Michaela with a peck on the cheek, which made her blush because he looked at her with a hunger that no breakfast could satisfy. Then he turned to his daughter to give her a peck as well. However, as he bent down he noticed that his little girl wore her apron with the back on the front side. Questioningly, he raised an eyebrow at her and Michaela smilingly explained, "She was already dressed when she woke me."

Hannah confirmed her ma's words with a nod, "I'm big girl."

"You sure are." Sully tenderly stroked her blond locks before he sat down at the head of the table across from Michaela.

After that light moment, the adults shared a concerned look. They had agreed last night that they had to talk to Hannah together about them going out to the reservation again, and they had decided to leave it up to her as to whether she would join them or not.

"Sweetheart…"

As soon as Hannah heard her mother talk in her serious tone, she grew frightened. Would her ma vanish again? Or would Pa go out for another hunt? She didn't want them to leave; she needed them close.

Seeing the anxious look on her daughters face, Michaela beckoned her to come over and sit on her lap. The little girl hurriedly complied and waited with her heart racing to hear what her ma would say.

"Sweetheart," Michaela reiterated after she thought her daughter was comfortable enough to listen, "Your pa and I will go out to the reservation after breakfast. We wanted…"

She couldn't finish her sentence because instantly, Hannah clung on to her neck, "No, pease!"

Michaela felt the little body shake with fear, rendering her helpless for a moment as a feeling of guilt flooded through her again. If she had been more carefully… "Oh Sweetheart!" She rocked the little girl tenderly. She had noticed with growing concern that Hannah flatly refused to leave her side most of the time. It had been no problem the last few days because she hadn't officially started working at the clinic yet; she had only done some paperwork. But next week, she would resume her work as the town's doctor…

Sully's heart ached seeing his daughter's reaction. He had wanted her to feel at home at the Cheyenne village but now, he wasn't sure if that could ever happen. Feeling helpless at the moment he hoped that Michaela was able to find a way to get through the wall of fear that surrounded his little girl at the moment. He secretly heaved a sigh of relief as Michaela actually made another effort to make Hannah understand that they had to resume their normal life.

"Sweetheart, please look at me." After a few moments of hiding from all the things she never wanted to go through again by firmly keeping her eyes closed, the little girl complied.

Michaela gently brushed her daughter's blond hair from her brow and locked eyes with her. "Do you remember when you broke your leg because you fell from that big chair?" Tentatively and unsure what her ma wanted to say, the little girl nodded.

Michaela smiled reassuringly and continued, "It was a very comfortable chair, right?" After another nod in response she went on, "I'm sure, if we had that chair here right now, you would love to sit in it."

Hannah smiled; it had been nice to snuggle up against the soft leather and the high back of the chair. Relaxing, she listened as her ma continued, "But I'm sure you would never climb onto its armrests again." The little girl vehemently shook her head.

"Good." Michaela hugged her daughter closer. "That's the way we learn, sweetheart. When we did something wrong, we don't do it again, but that doesn't mean that we stop appreciating the good things." For a moment, she paused and prayed silently that she would be strong enough to manage what she would say next. "This is the same way. I still like the reservation and my friends there, but I will be more careful. So, what do you think? Will you come with us and see your friends? If not, we will ask Colleen's ma to look after you. We won't be angry no matter what you want to do."

Hannah considered her ma's words. She was right, there were two girls and a boy she liked to play with, it would be nice to see them again… And she liked Cloud Dancing and Snowbird, but what about that woman who had sent her ma away? Her pa liked her…

Hannah's brow furrowed with the last thought and her head turned towards her father. It was as if Michaela could read the little girl's thoughts and she stood quiet. This was Sully's turn.

And he took it. He fished in his jacket pocket for an item, finally producing the dream catcher. Lifting it, he told his daughter, "I want you and your ma to be with me when I give this back."

"You give back?" The little face lit up when her father sincerely nodded. Hannah couldn't explain it, but she felt as if she could breathe again. She knew now that her pa would look only after her ma out there, and that allowed her to make a quick decision. She would go with them the next time, but for now, she felt better if she was with Colleen's ma. Maybe they could meet Grandpa in the meadow…

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When they reached the edge of the village, Sully pulled the horses to a halt. He had felt Michaela's tension grow with every yard they came closer to the reservation. However, he was careful not to jump to conclusions this time and so he simply asked, "Ya ready?"

If she wanted to talk about whatever lay on her heart, she would do it on her own accord and if she wanted to turn back, she would say that as well.

The ride through the woods had brought back unwanted memories. Michaela knew that she would have to deal with them sometime, but for now she had to concentrate on the upcoming talk with Cloud Dancing. She was glad that Sully hadn't asked her about the dog soldiers yet, she was sure though that the medicine man would. However, she wasn't alone and so she straightened in her seat, lifted her chin and at last replied, "I am."

Sully smiled, "Good." Before he urged the horses on, he shortly laid his hand reassuringly over the tightly clasped hands on her lap.

The rumbling wagon instantly roused the Indians' attention and when Sully stopped the horse in front of his brother's tent, seemingly the whole tribe was already gathered there. Michaela looked down at the faces of men, women and children. Some were curious, some didn't show any emotion at all but most of them seemed to be pleased to see her again. She was glad though when she finally stood on the ground next to Sully who led her through the crowd to his friend.

The medicine man watched the white woman approaching and as soon as she stood in front of him, he took her hands in his. Gently squeezing them, he welcomed her, "It is good to see you, Dr. Mike. Thank you for coming out here again."

Michaela didn't feel comfortable being the center of attention, but sensing the Indian's apology in his words, she momentarily forgot her discomfort. Reciprocating his handshake, her words were sincere, "We live in difficult times, Cloud Dancing. Nothing of that what has happened was your fault. Actually, I want to thank you for helping me when Sully first brought me back here."

The medicine man nodded but replied, "I couldn't help you."

He was astonished when he saw a little smile lightening Michaela's face as she responded, "But you did. Sully told me that you gave me fever tea and your wife cleaned my scratches. Who knows what would have happened if you hadn't done that."

Since he had met her for the first time, Cloud Dancing had known that this woman was someone very special. So he refrained from telling her that he was sorry that his ceremony hadn't worked but acknowledged her words with a nod and took on step backwards to make room for his wife. Smiling shyly, Snowbird stepped towards her friend and it was obvious that she had something important to say. "We want to thank you, Dr. Mike, for everything you have done for us. We know that you lost your horse and so we have a gift."

A young Indian woman led a very small sorrel with a blaze towards them and while Snowbird took the reins to put them into Michaela's hands she explained, "Her name is Eh-Waha-Sih. It means Flash in the Sky. I chose her for you."

Michaela was instantly drawn to the horse. She lovingly stroked her face and couldn't help but smile. She instantly sobered again though; she knew how valuable the animals were for the Indians and so she replied, "She is beautiful… But it's not necessary…"

Before she could say more, Sully stepped closer and softly explained, "If ya turn down a gift, you insult her and her people. She's giving you something she loves in front of all of them to show respect."

Michaela glanced at him and recognizing the importance of the moment, she corrected herself, "Thank you, I'm honored."

Snowbird's smile broadened when she saw Dr. Mike affectionately stroking the little horse.

As much as Cloud Dancing wanted to revel in the happy moment, he had to end it. "Dr. Mike, Black Kettle wants to talk to you."
Michaela nodded, she had expected it. Smiling at Snowbird she asked her to take care of Flash until she was back and hugged her friend briefly before she followed the medicine man with Sully in tow.

A fire in its center dimly lighted the teepee of the Cheyenne's chief. Two elders stood with Black Kettle in the back, opposite the entrance and awaited the white woman. When the medicine man opened the flap to show her in, Michaela felt somewhat frightened by sensing the power, both mental and physical, that radiated from the men. Sully, who was right behind her, saw how she tensed up and laid his hand reassuringly on the small of her back, guiding her to the fire. As soon as they reached it, Black Kettle gestured for all of them to sit down.

He waited until everyone sat comfortable and then he began to speak in Cheyenne, directly looking into Michaela's eyes. When he paused, Cloud Dancing translated. "We are sorry for what you had to endure because of one member of our tribe. We are relieved to see you back but we have to know what happened since one of our sons is riding with Dark Oak."

Michaela swallowed. She knew that she owed them the whole truth and so she started her report, pausing now and then to give Cloud Dancing time to translate her words. She told them about their ride to the camp, how she had found and treated the sick. Suddenly, Black Kettle lifted his hand to stop her and gestured for the medicine man to ask her, "Did they give you food?"

Michaela shoulders slumped down; she could feel the gnawing hunger again and simply answered, "No."

"Did they give you water?"

"No."

For a moment, all the men in the tent looked at Michaela, each with a sense of shame over how the renegades had treated her. But there was one question left. "How come they let you go?"

Michaela took a deep breath. Actually, she was glad that this question had come up because she wanted to know that herself. She thought it would be best to describe to them the situation and so she began. "… And when Dark Oak had his knife on my neck, he suddenly stopped and stared at these."

She pulled at the leather string around her neck and showed them the beads. The men nodded in understanding and seeing the medicine woman's questioning look, Cloud Dancing explained, "Three beads mean that you are untouchable. That someone protects you." Michaela glanced at Sully but she couldn't read his expression.

Sully fought hard to keep his composure. The woman who meant the world to him had to endure that torture because of him. He had been blind regarding Flying Sun; he had never thought that she would be able to do something so horrible to another human being. Sending Michaela away with the dog soldiers had meant sentencing her to death. Any flicker of hope that he could continue his friendship with the Indian woman who once had helped to save his life was dashed by now. Suddenly he became aware that his brother talked to him. His head shot up to meet his eyes. "Sorry, I didn't hear you…"

Patiently Cloud Dancing reiterated, "Did you know what they meant?" Following the medicine man's gaze, Sully looked at his beads on Michaela's palm.

Astonished, he shook his head, "No."

"Then this is a sign of the spirits."

Although Michaela had assumed it, now knowing that it had been Sully's beads which saved her life, made her feel incredibly loved. It didn't matter to her that he hadn't been aware of the meaning of his gift; all that mattered was the realization that he had saved her twice, first from the knife of the renegade and then from being lost in the woods. All she wished right now was to be in his arms.

Sully saw it the other way around, his heart swelled with joy knowing that she had gained strength from his beads, that she had trusted him. All he wanted right now was to pull her into his arms. Since he couldn't do it at this very moment, he grasped her hand and held it securely in his.

Suddenly, the flap of the teepee flew open and two Indians roughly shoved Flying Sun into the tent. All of the Indians rose to their feet and Sully immediately helped Michaela up as well.

Black Kettle waited for them to stand before giving instructions to the young woman.

Michaela grew extremely uncomfortable, she didn't know what to expect. Flying Sun at last turned towards her and looked at her with a blank expression on her face when she began to speak, "I want to apologize…"

Michaela instantly cut her off. "I don't want and don't need your apology. You didn't shatter my trust but rather the faith that Sully always had in you. You owe him an apology, not me."

Flying Sun let her eyes drop as they filled with tears finally acknowledging this truth. For the first time in her life Michaela didn't feel guilty that she had embarrassed someone in front of other people. Since the Indians didn't react, she assumed that she hadn't broken any of their customs. But she was startled as she noticed that Sully had let go of her hand. Yet a few moments later she was set at ease, watching Sully fumble for the dream catcher. She would never forget what he did next.

First, he stepped towards the woman he had once called his friend. He reached out his hand with the dream catcher and said, "I don't wanna have anything from you. No gift, no friendship, no word, nothing. I'm done with you." With tears streaming down her face, Flying Sun took the dream catcher back and ceased to exist for Sully.

Then he turned towards the elders and his voice was hoarse when he spoke to them. "When I was lost, you made me a part of your family and the Cheyenne will always be my family. But I have to move on. I wanna build my own home. I have a smart and beautiful daughter and I wanna be her father. But there's something else. I met an incredible woman. She made me feel again and I know I can't go on without her."

The Indians nodded in understanding and Sully stepped slowly back to Michaela. Standing in front of her, he lifted her right hand and pressed his lips to her knuckles. Then he peered into her eyes and mouthed, "I love you."

Michaela was overwhelmed by her feelings for this man. She couldn't control her heartbeat and felt her hand trembling in his. Sully never let go of her though and when he turned back to the elders of his family, he gave his most important statement. He covered the place on his chest where he could feel a steady beat under his palm with his right hand and told them with his voice cracking, "She's my heartsong."