Chapter 22 - Of the Past: Lifestream

Note: This chapter I re-read Maiden who Travels the Planet for this. Some of Maiden is... altered to fit this, or ignored, or expanded. Afterwards is entirely made up.

Chapter Tag: Sephiroth bashing himself (does his insane self count as himself? Tee hee)

"The moment I died and passed onto the Lifestream was... an experience," admitted Aerith, sinking into the red comfy chair in Redman's office, "They laid me to rest in the lakes of the Forgotten Capital. I was dead, but my soul hadn't quite left. I was watching, but not with my eyes, I'm... not sure how to explain it. It was... surreal. I was... oddly dissociated from it, I was more concerned for Cloud than I was for myself at the time. I sank to the bottom of the lake, watching the surface and the others fade away, and then I kept sinking after I hit the bottom."

"Did you feel anything the moment you actually left your body?" asked Redman, an air of both nervousness and eagerness about her.

People were always so scared by death, so fearful, hoping for some kind of afterlife. She recalled hearing many different beliefs in the slums. "For me? Not really, I didn't notice anything right away. I still felt like I was breathing, like I was breathing dust I think was my first thought. It took me a little bit to adjust and realize my senses had changed, that I wasn't surrounded by darkness. For my soul to integrate and realize the Lifestream about me, millions of streams of green threads drifting throughout the planet."

Aerith looked up at the ceiling in silence for a moment. "It was... it was like everything just stopped mattering, all my troubles just... faded away. Everything we've talked about in these sessions... it just didn't matter anymore. I mostly dwelled on my friends at first, it hurt, to realize I'd never see them again as I had before."

Aerith went silent for a long minute, eyes flickering, trying to recall those first few 'days' clearly. "I remember wondering why I was the only one who had kept their form while in the Lifestream. I wasn't the only Ancient who had ever existed, and my birth Mother had died less than two decades before, but she wasn't there to great me."

"Were you sad about that?" asked Redman quietly.

"...in passing maybe," admitted Aerith, a tint of shame to her voice, "I was sad, but... it didn't stick or linger. You're more... fluid in that state I guess, ignoring that I was in essence made up of Mako at that point."

"Does... that mean Mako energy really is what those people out of Cosmo Canyon say it is? The lifeblood of the planet?" asked Redman.

Aerith nodded. "It is, its the soul of the world. Maybe not individual souls after a time, bits and pieces of those who used to be, but burning Mako energy is consuming the life of the world, slowly but surely."

"What are the long term consequences of that?" asked Redman quietly.

"Death for every living thing on the world," said Aerith simply, watching the woman twitch, "That ignores that the Planet would take action before it reached that point."

"Take action how?" asked Redman.

Aerith smiled grimly. "If Shinra doesn't turn away from Mako energy in... oh I don't know, the next three or four decades, the Planet will at first attempt to destroy the cause of the bleeding, sending its WEAPONs towards the reactors. If that fails, well..."

She thinks of Chaos and Omega. "You don't want it to reach that point."

Redman swallowed. "Have you... have you warned anyone about this?"

Aerith frowned a little. "Maybe?"

Has she yet? She can't remember.

"Jenova is my first concern," affirmed Aerith, "There are people in Shinra who do want to find alternatives. Reeve Tuesti was one of the few Shinra Executives who survived the whole ordeal. He paved the way into alternative energy sources rather than Mako from what I could tell from the Lifestream after Midgar got trashed. He'd be a good starting place."

"What do you mean Midgar got trashed?" asked Redman.

"Ah... the One-Winged Angel summoned Meteor?" said Aerith sheepishly, "It was hardly a mile from crashing into Midgar before it was stopped. Its proximity devastated the city and pretty much destroyed Mako power."

"How bad were the casualties?" asked Redman uneasily.

"I cant give you specific numbers," said Aerith, "But I know it was bad."

Redman swallowed, but went silent.

"Time... doesn't flow in the lifestream as it does here," said Aerith slowly, "Its hard to even structure it as the passage of time. Trying to flow and sift through the events of countless souls is... intense, and nearly impossible. Its all linked, but not in a way that's conscious to us. All of our experiences, no, not just ours, but animals, plants, everything that has a soul, make up what the Planet is. Being separate from that doesn't happen without intervention or special circumstances. The only way one lingers at all for those who weren't me or those I woke up..."

She hesitated and lowered her eyes to Redman. "Were those filled with suffering, grief, and pain, who resisted the pull of the lifestream. Jessie was the first other soul I met that hadn't submerged into the Lifestream, filled with that kind of loathing."

Redman's hands were shaking. "Why?"

"It was hard for her to remember at first, until I interacted with the shade she had become, then she took more of a human form," said Aerith, "But... she felt guilty about the reactor bombings. She hadn't expected her bombs to be that devastating, she had gone off the plans of the original AVALANCHE and... well... there were far more casualties than she was expecting. She tried to justify it to herself at first, but... the Lifestream washes away such things. That's what she admitted to me at least, if more held her back, I don't know. She found peace eventually, she wasn't separate from the Lifestream when the end came."

Redman took a few minutes to collect herself while Aerith quietly looked away.

"Did you see anyone else in the Lifestream?" asked Redman.

"Biggs and Wedge were with Jessie, a few others you probably wouldn't know," admitted Aerith before scowling, "President Shinra, still as conceited in death as he was life, he was a rotting sensation in the Lifestream, he would have taken a long time to fade if it had been a normal choice..."

"Normal?" asked Redman when she trailed off.

Aerith remembers the feeling, of the President's and other darker souls being dragged away screaming to the Northern Crater to be consumed and used to block Holy. "Jenova and the One-Winged Angel used such souls to inhibit a natural counter to the Black Materia being misused. Its not a pleasant fate."

Not to mention using that energy to warp his human form into the twisted versions Cloud and the others had fought.

Aerith licked her lips. "I became aware of a bit more of what was going on in the world of the living when my Bodyguard fell into the Lifestream, still living. His fake-persona was cracked and destroyed. I tried to help him, but, his mind was shattered, and I didn't have the time to even try to help with that before the WEAPONs were awoken when the One-Winged Angel got the Black Materia, so he got spat back out to the surface."

"That had to be frustrating," said Redman.

Aerith smiled sheepishly. "I might have thrown a fit over it, but... that fit woke Zack up. It was the first time I had seen him in years, we told eachother what happened to one another, teased eachother a bit, and then he went back to sleep for a bit after giving me advice."

"What advice?" asked Redman.

"My time was over," said Aerith softly, sadly, "When my Bodyguard, along with Miss Fists, fell into the Lifestream alive again, I decided against trying to help him myself, Zack suggested Miss Fists, so I guided her into my Bodyguard's consciousness, and she, bless her heart, fixed him right up and helped him pull himself together and recover as much of his original self as he could that survived Hojo's mad experiments. I... remember being a bit jealous of her, but that faded, I wished her able to take care of him."

Aerith's face twisted. "Not long after, Hojo died and fouled the Lifestream with his sick and twisted and corrupted presence."

"You tear into him?" asked Redman.

Aerith scowled and crossed her arms. "Never really got the chance to, the egomaniac liked to hear himself talk. He had defiled his soul and infected himself with Jenova cells, he was a monster in form as much as soul then. Never to find peace in the planet. He willingly gave his essence to the One-Winged Angel after he was done spewing garbage out of his mouth."

"Wait... are you saying anyone with Jenova cells would never join with the Lifestream?" asked Redman.

"Not without being cleansed of the cells, and not without letting themselves be cleansed," said Aerith softly, "Its why the One-Winged Angel kept being able to come back."

"Does... that mean Sephiroth, Angeal, and Genesis could find peace then? Even with how thoroughly they...," began Redman.

"They could, all they would have to do is let go and the Planet would do the rest, though, Genesis is already cleansed of Jenova, so he wont have the struggle," said Aerith, "Angeal died well before I did, but he didn't linger, he wasn't there at all when I died, nor in the years that went on. So it is possible."

Redman nodded thoughtfully.

"After that...," Aerith trailed off briefly, "After that, was the final battle. I could feel the conflict reverberating through the Lifestream. I didn't watch in a way that could be a play by play, not until my Bodyguard fought Sephiroth in the Lifestream itself, soul against soul, but they won in the end. They released the countermeasure to the Black Materia... though that ended up backfiring, it wasn't supposed to wait until the last minute to be used, it ended up accelerating Meteor instead of destroying it."

"How was it stopped then?" asked Redman.

Aerith smiled. "I called to the Lifestream, I cried out to the Planet, and I summoned and willed the Lifestream into action. It burst through the ground and pushed away Meteor."

Her smile faded. "Though, that ended up coming back to bite us, since there were so many Jenova cells in the Lifestream after the recent conflict."

"People were exposed to it then," said Redman, frowning, "Caused a whole new infection then I imagine."

"In a way," said Aerith, tired, "Though how the One-Winged Angel used that infection was different than I imagine how Jenova would of, but... can we call this for today? I'm... tired I guess."

Redman stared at her for a long moment in thought. "I don't mind ending it for today, but... you really don't seem... or well, react as you did in prior sessions."

Aerith smiled softly as she stood. "I don't mind talking about what came after, but... it didn't linger in me as my physical life had. I was at peace, relatively, all of my struggles released to the Planet..."

"Your words yesterday left me with a question," said Redman as they settled into their next session.

"About what?" asked Aerith.

"Thinking back on it now, are you... upset that the Planet didn't let you dwell on yourself?" asked Redman.

Aerith's eyebrows furrowed. "I'm not sure I get what you mean."

"Life is good and bad, its part of who and what we are," said Redman, "But in the Lifestream, you implied you couldn't really linger on or feel negativity the way you could in life."

"Why... would I want to?" asked Aerith, baffled.

"Because they are your emotions," said Redman, "Part of who and what you are. You have a right to the good as much as the bad. Being denied them is..."

"Doctor Redman," said Aerith softly, "When we die, we're not meant to really retain our sense of self. The afterlife is the release from such things."

"You've made that clear, yes, but you did linger," stressed Redman, "I am here now to help you acknowledge and deal with as much as I can. I admit the afterlife is well beyond my means to really think of how to help with, believe me I've been trying. But here and now, I just want to make sure it doesn't impact you, and if it does, try to help you through it."

Aerith frowned, not answering. She sank into the chair, a troubled look on her face. She... wasn't really sure how to answer that. Was she upset she couldn't have meltdowns or freakouts over her past in the Lifestream? Not really, not at all. She didn't mind the pervading sense of peace she felt in the Lifestream, she enjoyed finally being free. She had let herself fade into the planet for a time after Meteorfall, to let herself rest, but had stirred when she felt Sephiroth trying to recreate himself. She had come out of that sleep just as whole as she went in.

Just as whole as she went in...

That left an... unsettled feeling with Aerith. Why hadn't she lost anything to that slumber? Was that part of being the 'Fail-Safe'?

Would she have ever been allowed to fade?

She shakes the thought off and answers Redman. "I don't really know how to answer. I mean... I could feel negativity, it just didn't settle in, didn't embed in my soul as actions in life did. It was fleeting, it went through me and right into the Lifestream. I'm not bothered by it. To you, maybe it seems like avoidance, but to me... the weights were just gone. None of my past, my suffering, mattered anymore."

"It didn't upset you that what you went through didn't matter, in the face of the Lifestream's whole?" asked Redman.

Ah... now Aerith thought she understood. "I mean... my early life was awful, and my life as a whole was short. I'm not exactly thrilled by that, but... in the face of so many other countless beings, in the face of the Planet... I really didn't matter in the grand scheme of things. No one individual is meant to matter so much that it can challenge or reshape the Lifestream. I was the Last Ancient, I was already allowed to do so much more than should be allowed, what more could I ask for? Scream my woes to the dead? To what end?"

"Acknowledgement."

Aerith sighed. "I found my Promised Land, Doctor Redman, reaching the end of my journey and finding any kind of happiness was acknowledgement enough for me."

Redman stared at Aerith for a long moment before smiling softly. "That says more about you and your character than you could possibly imagine, Aerith."

Aerith flushed. "Erm... thanks?"

Redman chuckled before pointing out, "You know, you could tell people, tell the world, what the afterlife really is."

Aerith smiled and shook her head. "Let people keep their faiths. Creativity and imagination is a gift of and to Humanity, its a joy shared with the Lifestream upon their return to it. If it brings them peace and happiness, that is eventually shared with the Planet, with the rest of us sleeping and awaiting our rebirth, then all the better."

Redman hummed. "An interesting way to think about it."

The therapist shifted in her seat. "So... when did things start going wrong again?"

"The infection of the surface," said Aerith, picking up where she left off before, "It was called Geostigma."

Redman looked puzzled. "Why didn't they just call it Jenova? Did they not know it was a Jenova infection?"

Aerith hesitated. "As I said before, it was more of Sephiroth's infection than Jenova's. Even as a soul, he still dominated and bent Jenova's own essence to his will."

Redman frowned. "Is... he capable of that now? The infection?"

Aerith shook her head. "No, not without coming in contact with Jenova, and not without accepting part of her into him. Not without giving up a portion of who he is. The... the One-Winged Angel is more powerful than the Sephiroth we know, by a great deal, but he gave up something in exchange for that power, an integral part of what made him human, what made him who he was, to become what he did. Not to mention loss of sanity."

"I see, though, I wonder if that makes him vulnerable to Jenova instead?" asked Redman.

Aerith considered it for a long moment. "I've looked through Zack's memories before, of the Nibelheim Incident. Like I said awhile back, it was an obvious mental attack, he was clutching his head and staggering around in the reactor..."

Genesis going at him by 'confirming' him a monster really didn't help on top of that.

"...but... using my Bodyguard as an example, once he remembered who he was, once his will became ironclad, he couldn't be easily manipulated that way again. I'm not entirely sure if that was the case with Sephiroth, I can and have made assumptions of a weakened will, of struggling after the loss of his friends and questioning his own existence, but I don't entirely know for certain. Sephiroth is completely different than any other person afflicted by the Jenova Project, its woven into the fabric of his DNA. Perhaps he is naturally vulnerable to Jenova, whether by proximity, connection, or something else, I don't know. Jenova and all things related to her is a large unknown, even what I learned, it still barely scratches the surface."

She sighed. "Perhaps with dedicated effort and experimentation Sephiroth could learn to manipulate the Calamity part of him... but... I wouldn't even begin to understand how he'd even start. I'm also not sure of what he could do on his own without Jenova. From what little I understand about Hojo's madness, he wasn't trying to recreate Jenova, he was trying to create a being superior to her."

"There's also a danger, and a risk, for him to even touch on that part of his existence," said Aerith softly, bringing a leg up to clutch to her chest, "What if all it does is make him even more vulnerable? What if, without Jenova's influence, he becomes something else, something even worse than he had become?"

She shook her head. "I don't know, I just don't know. I personally think its better to never touch anything that has to do with the Calamity, better we stand on a united front with multiple people to bear and confront the burden rather than force more on Sephiroth's shoulders. Its... safer that way."

Redman hummed as a response, not giving away her own thoughts.

Aerith grumbled a little under her breath before clearing her throat. "But we're getting sidetracked. While Geostigma was a Jenova infection, its entire purpose was to cause suffering, in that it is what differed from Jenova. Geostigma did not mutate people, causes them to seek out others to infect, or normally trigger Reunion instincts, that required something else on top of it. Geostigma created debilitating weakness in the infected, developed open sours that secreted black ooze, more Jenova cells, but without Jenova's will directly controlling it. Some people experiences hallucinations and seizures. While it varied in pace and effects, it was always fatal. It..."

She shivered a little. "Those who died with Geostigma afflicted the Lifestream. It became flooded with hate and suffering, polluting and corroding and overwhelming the balance. I tried to fight it, but I was a pebble in the river, I even tried to effect those who still had some kind of consciousness, to uplift them and give them the ability to fight the disease plaguing the Lifestream, but it wasn't enough. The Lifestream was slowly become cold and corrupted, I can still remember the chill, remember how wrong it was..."

She shivered and swallowed, hugging her knee tighter to her chest. "I had thought my struggles were done when I reached the afterlife, but really, it had just begun."

"The peace you had longed for was gone," said Redman softly, "Your Promised Land in jeopardy."

"It was far more than my Promised Land at stake," said Aerith, huffing a little, "The One Winged Angel had done this intentionally. He had lost parts of himself when he died, he was trying to preserve himself, to recreate himself. To that end, he began to manipulate the corrupted Lifestream, the negative Lifestream, and created three Remnants of himself, three beings reflecting fragments of his will, all with the purpose of finding pure Jenova Cells to merge with and preform Reunion."

"Oh," whispered Redman with understanding, "This is how he came back then?"

Aerith nodded. "I don't understand the specifics, but, apparently Geostigma wasn't enough on its own, at the time. It might have been Jenova cells, but they were under Sephiroth's will, and Sephiroth was not Jenova. So, he needed to find what scrapes of her he could to actually come back. He did, one of his remnants found what was left of Jenova and merged with it. Sephiroth dominated the merging and used it to recreate his body. He fought my Bodyguard again, and it was a terrible fight."

She closed her eyes, still seeing the way the Lifestream churned and wailed at the titanic struggle. The way Sephiroth pulled the negative Lifestream to the surface, to darken the skies, to give him strength.

"He was impossibly powerful," whispered Aerith, "The only reason he lost was because of his own arrogance, he played with my Bodyguard most of that fight. He used almost nothing but his swordsmanship and raw physical power, that and his taunts and mocking. Even with Zack speaking to my Bodyguard at the end, trying to give him a boost..."

She shook her head. "My Bodyguard saw an opportunity; he capitalized on it and won. A single moment can make or break a fight, and Sephiroth's overconfidence lost him it. When push comes to shove and everything is on the line, my Bodyguard never holds back or toys with people. He went for the kill and he defeated Sephiroth when he caught him offguard and surprised."

Aerith relaxed her leg and sank into the chair, sighing heavily. "I thought it was over. The One-Winged Angel was beaten, his control of the Negative Lifestream disrupted. I was able to influence the Lifestream to cause a healing rain that could cleanse Geostigma. I continued to work on cleansing the Lifestream. It was over, everything was supposed to get better..."

A tear ran down her face. "But in reality, it was just the beginning. Sephiroth was only just starting to learn what kind of creature he had become, the true scope of his powers and abilities. The first Geostigma outbreak was just the start, and everything steadily started to get worse a few years later..."

"The next time the One Winged Angel came back was five years later, roughly," said Aerith softly, sitting on the edge of the red chair, not pushing herself into it.

What was to come next had no comfort, neither than, and not now.

"I was...," began Aerith before pauses, feeling a little dizzy, "I had been summoned to meet with Minerva about something. I don't..."

Her eyebrows scrunched in thought. I was something to do with... with Omega... but why?

"Aerith?" asked Redman.

Aerith shook her head, breaking off the thought. "It was during my first meeting with Minerva, after I had finished mostly cleansing the Lifestream, that Sephiroth come back. Sephiroth was... fairly larval in age and ability. He was stronger, more powerful and willful than Jenova, but he hadn't existed even a fraction of the time that Jenova had, didn't have comparable experience in what kind of being a Calamity was, or, at least how to translate that into his current existence. But he learned. The next time he came back, he was able to instigate Reunion without the need of pure Jenova cells. I..."

She swallowed. "I remember the first memories the entered the lifestream, those who had died to bring him back. Geostigma wasn't completely healed, my rain had only covered the ruins of Midgar and Edge. The far off cases had to travel to there to be healed, but some didn't. Those, Sephiroth was able to influence. He waited until enough had gathered far away from Midgar..."

Her hands shook. "The memory that plagued the Lifestream... was those infected dumping the dying into a circle as the sores on them burst, as they died, black ichor spilling into a pool that began to churn. The dead and dying bodies began to twist and rip apart, their entire bodies blackening and turning into raw cells. The melting corpses crawled together into that pool and..."

She took in a shaky breath. "He came out of it. He was able to reform himself without truly needing Jenova anymore. At that point, Geostigma had become something... else... no longer Jenova, but Sephiroth in its entirety. His presence, his essence, his soul began to change. He was losing the last vestiges of what little humanity remained. Aside from the form he chose to adopt and some of the ways he acted... nothing was human about him anymore. He had stripped away everything that had once been part of the Planet. He had become a new Calamity, and yet... not. He was different, he didn't register as Jenova did."

"He began to adapt, still toying with my Bodyguard, but more calculated," whispered Aerith shakily, "He preached to those with his cells, willed them to worship him as a god. The Cult of Sephiroth, to them, he gave his orders to spread his 'gift', the stigma, Geostigma, to all the corners of the world. Whether it be to man, to beast, to monster or plant. He ordered them to propagate and spread. Then, he went after my Bodyguard again."

"He deceived my Bodyguard, making him think Sephiroth was still only obsessed with him, and maybe he was, but he continued to spread his influence all the while," said Aerith, "It wasn't till the next revival and defeat that AVALANCHE and the WRO really learned about the Cult of Sephiroth, the remnants of Shinra had been trying to deal with the cult, but..."

She swallowed. "Reno was the first Turk in a long time to enter the Lifestream; tried to infiltrate the cult and figure out what was going on, but he was found out. The other Turks started to follow quickly into the Lifestream. Sephiroth knew the identity of many of the Turks, and started having them picked off. Turks are trained agents of intelligence, and while AVALANCHE wasn't stupid, they weren't trained from the ground up like Turks were, they had the best bet to identify what was going on. Tseng figured it out, got word to Rufus who passed the word to Reeve and then to Cloud. It was Tseng's last act of free will."

"Free will?" asked Redman softly.

Aerith's shoulders dropped and she looked away aimlessly. "Sephiroth learned how to manipulate and control well beyond what Jenova did. Jenova influenced the infected to spread and mutate into monsters when she first fell upon the planet two thousand years ago, to kill in her name, she was never a singular threat, but a multitude, a horde. Sephiroth learned to infect while bending people to his will, retaining themselves rather than absorbing their memories like Jenova did. Tseng... Tseng was infected, became his orchestrator, his voice when Sephiroth was dead and reforming. Tseng... Tseng now, still young and learning, is nothing compared to the Tseng he will eventually become, at his prime. Veld trained him well, and one day, Tseng will surpass him, becoming the leader of the Turks, a cunning intelligence that only Sephiroth could surpass. All of that bent to Sephiroth's will..."

"Its a terrifying prospect," said Redman, "Especially since I imagine Tseng was another point of view to counteract the insanity that might have limited Sephiroth."

Aerith didn't reply for a long moment. "I truly wonder sometimes if he was insane anymore, or if he had simply become a Calamity in his thought process. Perhaps it doesn't matter either way. But, yes. The Orchestrator spread the influence of the Cult with cunning intellect. Those that died under his orders would come into the Lifestream, and from their dying memories, we learned how he operated. A vial of Sephiroth's cells put into a town well here, a bit of them put into a blood bank there, infect livestock but have Sephiroth hold off the infection from physically altering appearance so people wouldn't know to not eat the taint... it... it was insidious."

"All the while, Sephiroth continued to mess with Cl... my Bodyguard and continue his mind games," spat Aerith with hate, "He was straightforward with his intent while the Cult did his viral work, did what Jenova would do, for him, he didn't need to spare it anymore attention. That's what you MUST understand, all his cult did was spread infection, ensure that he could come back, but they weren't used as mutating monsters like Jenova would have, Geostigma killed people to taint the Lifestream, yes, but Sephiroth only really used the cult on the physical world to make sure he could come back, he did the rest mostly himself. The cult never went after AVALANCHE, they tried to avoid them honestly. It could have been so much worse than it was, he rarely did anything but fight my Bodyguard. Sephiroth was a general, he is not stupid, he is well versed in tactics, he led his men in Wutai, the Cult could have been his army, but he choose otherwise because he simply didn't want to. He wanted to do it himself, which limited him in a way Jenova wouldn't be. His resurrections didn't last very long, he always sought his own death at my Bodyguard's hands. In one of them..."

She swallowed. "He got Densel... my Bodyguard and Miss Fists's adopted son... held him by the throat and made an offer to my Bodyguard. He'd spare Densel if my Bodyguard would turn on one of his allies and murder them."

"That's screwed up," admitted Redman.

"That was his third resurrection," said Aerith, ash in her mouth, "My bodyguard refused, and Sephiroth murdered Densel... popped his head off with a clenched fist. My Bodyguard... I'd never seen or felt him so enraged, with such fatal and lethal intent. I don't think Sephiroth had seen it before either. Took him completely offguard, fascinated him. He started either trying to kill or infect those close to my Bodyguard, to mess with him, to cloud his judgement, keep him offbalance. He never took control of them though, either because of their will, or because he saw it as some kind of sick game to mess with my Bodyguard, play on his guilt and suffering, to 'gift him despair' I think was his words."

She looked up to the ceiling, taking in a deep breath and letting it out. "When knowledge of Sephiroth's Cult came out... everyone realized how bad it was. So long as the cult existed, so long as Geostigma existed, Sephiroth could return again and again, and eventually, he would win. Minerva and I tried to battle him in the Lifestream. Whenever he was defeated, we tried to contain or destroy him, it never worked. He could even manage to injure us within the Lifestream, weaken our influence. He never needed a more deviant strategy rather than overpower us and rely on his cult to spread enough of his cells to return by, it was simple, but effective. By the time of his fifth resurrection, enough taint had afflicted the Lifestream that Sephiroth could block me from contacting my Bodyguard through his dreams. They were on their own while Minerva and I focused entirely on trying to combat the corrupted Lifestream."

"Did you ever lose hope?" asked Redman.

"Not until the end," said Aerith, shoulders slumping. "Vincent and the remaining Turks released Tseng from his suffering after the sixth resurrection. AVALANCHE took out the rest of the cult's leadership, the WRO and Shinra... they... they carpet bombed areas that were deemed to infected to bother trying to cleanse. But that was a mistake."

"The mass death would have put all those infected right into the Lifestream," said Redman, her voice sharp, eyes widening.

Aerith nodded. "So you understand then. It weakened his physical influence on the physical world, but empowered him in the Lifestream. He took control, I don't know if you understand how truly bad that was, he was able to brush aside Minerva and the Planet's will, he took over in place of the Planet and its avatar, that is how powerful he had become. He came back so quickly, a single week, seven days, and on that seventh day, that seventh resurrection, he stopped playing with my Bodyguard. He willed the Lifestream to the surface as I had done to combat Meteor. He reformed himself entirely out of Negative Lifestream over Midgar. The storm of Negative Lifestream clouded the entire planet, not just one area. He showed his true power, fought my Bodyguard and the rest of AVALANCHE at once, and killed them all."

She closed her eyes, tears spilling down her face, remembering the loss of hope, the suffering, the despair, the moment her friends had died. "It all fell apart so fast. Until that final day we thought we still had a chance, we thought we still could win, could come back and survive. Everything went to shit in a matter of hours. Minerva had held back Genesis as a final weapon, but at that point it was far to late. It had gone from a struggle to manage the crisis to an apocalyptic catastrophe so fast... Sephiroth killed Genesis in the span of a single short conversation between me and Minerva. But... him reforming like that came at a cost, it used up a lot of the infected Lifestream, allowed Minerva to take back control."

Aerith smiled bitterly, leaving out the time travel as she finished, "Minerva consumed the Lifestream and detonated the Planet on him, to kill him and spare the Universe from him, then I woke up in my church."

Redman was quiet for a long while, mulling it over. "What did you feel, at the end?"

Aerith scoffed. "What do you think I felt?"

Redman merely held her gaze.

"Despair," whispered Aerith, sighing, "I lost hope. He killed everyone I had once held dear in my last living year of life, and would wipe out the Planet I cherish. It was over Redman. Complete defeat, death for the Planet and everything on it. There... there aren't words to describe it properly."

Redman nodded, glancing down at her notes in thought for a moment. "If we can back up a bit, I have a question."

"Go for it," mumbled Aerith.

"When you say the dead's memories go into the Lifestream, what is that like for you as you come in contact with it?" asked Redman.

Aerith shrugged and looked away. "I could witness some of their life before they dissipated into the Lifestream, especially their final moments."

"So, you continually exposed yourself to the suffering of who knows how many people?" asked Redman, eyebrow raised.

"I... I had to," said Aerith defensively, "I had to ease their suffering, help cleanse them if they were infected so they could find peace, had to help them let go of their pain so it wouldn't add to the Lifestream's corruption."

"It was an overwhelming thing then," said Redman.

Aerith swallowed. "It... it was. But it was my duty."

"Are you going to try to say being expose to that kind of continual pain didn't affect you?" asked Redman.

Aerith sighed; she knew better than to imply otherwise. "I... yes I guess it did, but... it didn't linger. I took it in, I dissipated it, I released the consciousness into the Lifestream, and I moved on. I had to, I had no time for anything else."

"Did you ever really get a break? To rest and actually enjoy your afterlife?" asked Redman.

Aerith closed her eyes, sighing. "A bit after Meteorfall, a little bit after the first Geostigma outbreak towards the end before Sephiroth came back... but... not really. I mean, there was a pervading sense of peace while in the Lifestream... but..."

Redman nodded thoughtfully. "Does any of their memories still stick around? The suffering you witnessed?"

"Not really," answered Aerith, "I told you, it didn't linger, I couldn't linger. I took it in, and I let it go. I can only recall some of the really bad, horrific memories."

Redman hummed, tilting her head to study her. "You have a very unusual ability to be hit by such continual suffering and persist through it, Aerith. I do hope you realize the strength of will to do such a thing. Even with all of this dragging you down, you still persist."

"What other choice is there?" asked Aerith bleakly.

"Go insane? Lose hope and just give up? Suicide physically or let your soul fade into the Lifestream if dead?" asked Redman, making Aerith startle, "Yet you haven't broken. You struggle and bend, but you haven't broken despite your experiences having the potential to easily have broken others."

"To many other people count on me to do that," rebuffed Aerith.

Redman merely smiled softly at her. "I hope you do realize that you can live for yourself at some point, more than just tending to your garden at your mother's house."

Aerith sighed once more and shook her head. "I'm pretty sure I've said it sometime before, if not to you, then to Sephiroth or someone else. Jenova must come first, anything else can wait till after."

"I'm not trying to be a pessimist Aerith, but there is no guarantee of an after," said Redman, "You might not have a chance to enjoy your life. I don't want to see you stuck on only your duty and your past. You say you let it go and move on, but I haven't seen it. Maybe you do for specific instances, but you and your role stay the same."

"It is what it is," Aerith answered simply.

Redman rolled her eyes. "You are a stubborn girl."

Aerith hummed. "Well, that's it then, I've told it all."

"You were rather vague on these ressurections you spoke of," pointed out Redman.

Aerith made a face. "I was dead, Redman, unless the Lifestream was heavily involved and pulled out to be used, I don't get a play by play of what happens on the surface. For information, I'd need to either ask Minerva, if she bothered to use her time to tell me, or pull memories out of the recently dead. I can't give you more than the overviews I gave. The specifics of the battles are vague recollections for me, the details didn't matter to me so much as the results."

"I see," said Redman, "Still, I have one more session I'd like you to attend."

Aerith frowned. "What's left?"

"You waking up."

Aerith fidgeted in the red comfy chair as she and Redman settled in for what was hopefully the last of these sessions.

"After taking in all of that vision, what was it like waking up for you?" asked Redman.

"Determination and focus on my objective," said Aerith with a military sharp she didn't exactly like, but had to practice at times, "Being jarred at being alive when I wasn't."

"Jarred?"

"You don't have the same senses dead that you had alive," explained Aerith, "Sight, hearing, touch, taste, smell, in the Lifestream they are different, echoes of it. Adjusting to having actual physical senses again was... an experience that I spent working on in my off-time. I still startle on occasion, just getting hit with the fact that I'm alive and feeling everything, but its mostly gone. It's been... hell, how long has it been now?"

"You were a little under fourteen when you were first brought back to Shinra, and are a few months over fifteen now," supplied Redman, "You might want to take the time to get a firm idea of being alive and aging."

Aerith blushed a little. Forgetting one's own age was a little embarrassing. "I suppose."

Though to be fair, determining her actual age was weird. Did she go by this single body's age? Both her old and this body's age? Her mental age? Or all of them together? Perhaps it didn't matter, but it was a puzzle to think about, and she'd spent to many of her youthful years passing time with puzzles to pass it up. Perhaps later when she was alone.

"What else?" asked Redman.

Aerith took the time to think back to her early days of being alive, and her heart started to sink, had she... had she really done that? "I was manipulative, and I... I wont say I hate myself for it, but I don't like doing so. The Turks cared for me in their own way, and I used them to see to my objective. I..."

She trailed off, swallowing as a sick and disgusting thought hit her, her voice cracking. "I... I dangled Veld's daughter as a bargaining chip in front of him rather than just telling him... the... t-he same with Vincent... I cut deals rather than..."

Her mouth felt like ash, her stomach twisted, throat constricting. "I... I didn't even think twice about it..."

"Aerith, Aerith easy."

She blinked, Redman was in front of her, a hand on her shaking shoulders. "When did I become like that?"

"Well," said Redman, withdrawing her touch and moving back to her spot, "You were transitioning from your vision back to real life, thats bound to have been disorienting and unsettling, we make odd decisions in such states. Not to mention, when we are so intently focused on achieving something we want, we can do so at the expense of everything else."

Aerith didn't acknowledge it, she was starting to replay as much of the past year and so in her head, looking at certain interactions and...

Redman leaned forward and snapped her fingers. "That's enough of that, I recognize a spiral starting when I see one. Get our of your head or I'll... well, I can't really shake you out of it, enhanced and all, but I could try."

Aerith snorted a little, swallowing and shoving her thoughts away for back when she was alone in her room.

"Speaking of objectives, Aerith... I want to ask you an honest question," informed Redman, "What would you do to see Jenova dead?"

"Anything," answered Aerith instantly.

"No matter the cost? No matter who gets in your way?" asked Redman, "Would you kill innocent people?"

Redman had no idea how much Aerith resented that question. "If Jenova wakes up, I probably won't have a choice. She'd infect anyone, the guilty or the innocent alike, and unlike Geostigma, Jenova would devour their soul and mind and leave nothing left but monsters."

Aerith's jaw set and she swallowed thickly, an edge coming over her voice. "Sometimes, I really don't think people who know about Jenova and what she represents get it. Get what we're really up against. Sephiroth wanted me to hold back my training awhile back, and I get it, I was a bit overboard, but there was a reason for it. This isn't some little challenge, some small obstacle, this is the end of the world. Period. End of story. Jenova will leave no one alive. Old, young, infirm, criminal, saint, it doesn't matter, we are all equally edible to her. If we fail, its more than us, its more than humanity, hell, its more than the Planet. She'll kill and consume us all and ride the corpse of our world to the next to repeat it all over again."

"Jenova... Jenova is a horror," whispered Aerith, "Its beyond good or evil, I haven't a clue just how many worlds and peoples that abomination has consumed, how many billions, potentially trillions, of lives its ended. It is the Calamity from the Skies, there are no worldly comparisons to what it represents."

"You're terrified of it."

Aerith scoffed. "Only a fool wouldn't be."

She eyed the therapist. "You look, you judge, you think you understand, but you really don't. You'd pat me on the hand and tell me it'd be okay. But if Jenova wakes up, it won't be, even if we manage to win there will be a price to be paid. My ancestors already paid such a price. I've seen echoes in the Lifestream, lingering darkness residing there, residual memories of the Calamity's original planetfall. You don't get it, but if it wakes up..."

Aerith leveled her gaze on Redman's squirming figure. "You will."

Redman will be giving her recommendation tomorrow, as such, Sephiroth resigns himself to another all-nighter of reviewing Gainsborough's sessions. He's done a brief pass over the recordings and notes as a preliminary, so he knows it will be 'interesting', though not in a pleasant way. He rubs his nose, moving to his door to lock it before returning to his couch, to the recordings and notes spread out on the table before him. He'd sent a warning text to Genesis that tonight it is not acceptable to interrupt him and he will have the man clean the SOLIDER floor's toilets as punishment if he's bothered. His friend's response had been more of an essay on how much of an 'uneducated philistine he was' than an affirmative text, but that was normal for Genesis he supposed.

Angeal was much more understanding and simply replied that he'd be taking Zack out for a walk.

As much as Sephiroth found going over these 'educational', he was more than ready to be done with this. He decides on business before 'pleasure'. He has a job to do, and he will get it done first. It has nothing with the desire to avoid acknowledging how he ended the world, none at all. Perhaps a slight amount if he's honest, but he knows he's going to be brooding over it, so work first. First step, considering the moment of death.

He wondered about the dissociation she mentioned. Being dead, but still being trapped in her body and unable to use it. Was that something special for an Ancient? Or did everyone feel that as they pass on? A passanger on their corpse until they hit the ground and their soul moves into the Planet? Gainsborough had passed her death off as nothing special, played it off as being more concerned for her comrades, but was it true? Death was the fear of humanity. She is admittedly half Cetra, and mayhaps that covers some of the reasoning. But all of it? Was she truly so selflessly focusing on her friends, or perhaps lacking any sense of self-value or worth, that it truly didn't effect her?

Some consider death to be the end, oblivion.

Some consider it a transition to the next state of their life, heaven or hell.

There are truly a remarkable amount of theories out there.

To the Ancient though, she passed it all off as just a continuation, the next stage, where she certainly received no promised rest from her worldly woes. It brings perspective to the discussion they had when he was trying to help her move past her obsession with training, of how she might be needed in the Lifestream, of how she implied, no, directly stated dying wouldn't stop her efforts to fight Jenova. It is unsettling, and world altering, to hear the truth of the afterlife. Albeit, she makes it sound as if hers was a unique afterlife.

He wonders on the unnaturalness of her not being able to linger on negatives or worries. His head is so filled with them, moving from one problem or issue or task to another day by day. Perhaps that in itself is a reprieve from life's troubles, but it is strange. Perhaps... does/did that linger? She tried so hard at the start to ignore her limitations, to ignore anything else aside from her desire to become strong enough to destroy Jenova. She certainly disregarded a lot of lesser concerns by bumbling into SOLDIER the way she did, among other things. Though if that is a truth, her time in therapy has forced her to acknowledge the negativities of her life and accept them, so perhaps that can be checked off as no longer a problem.

He passes over the notes on Mako energy, Cosmo Canyon, and the time-table she provided for later and instead focuses on the passage of time. She gave one short description of it, but he wonders, does/did that impact her? Time is in continuous motion here among the living, a straightforwardness. There is no fast-forward, no re-living the past through memories as she implied, no sinking into the Lifestream to suddenly awaken later (well, there are comas, unconsciousness, and sleeping, but not quite what he is considering). Is it jarring, he wonders, to suddenly only be moving forward steadily like this again? She didn't mention time specifically when she was going over waking up after her 'vision', so perhaps not, its something he jots down to ask her eventually, if he and her ever end up in that kind of discussion.

Next he wonders about whether she could consider herself having been alone or not in the Lifestream. She had made it sound like finding an active consciousness was a rarity, requiring her to go out of her way to wake them up or find them. Was she lonely among the dead? Or did the Lifestream act as a kind of company? Its all fascinating to consider, but he thinks he'd go insane if he was truly alone forever in the afterlife. Aside from the Goddess Minerva, but Aerith hadn't made it seemed like she interacted with the Goddess often. Backtracking to the consciousness of others in the Lifestream, was it alarming to only see pieces of people? Who couldn't properly remember themselves without prompting? Perhaps as a dead being without the stresses she implied having lost it wouldn't, but Sephiroth finds it deeply unsettling.

If he lived on as she did, and she found a half-passed Angeal or Genesis who didn't even recognize him anymore, he'd admit to being a little distraught. Perhaps as a collective whole it wouldn't be to bad, if the attributes he is implying to a state of existence he cant truely fathom or experience without dying are true anyway. But as a lone soul outside of all of that? He doesn't envy the Ancient. He truly doesn't. He especially doesn't envy her if the consciousness she encounters are generally only those who suffer, who are filled with loathing. That doesn't make pleasant company.

He briefly notes her decision to give up trying to make-right Strife, allowing Lockheart to aid him, giving up her love for another to claim. She's dead, she can't exactly claim him anyway, but its still a point towards her personality and ability to let go. She wasn't afraid to admit jealousy either. Matters of the heart like that weren't exactly his forte, but he has seen the effects and consequences of jealousy before. Thus, a point in her favor.

He shifts his focus to a subject that is half-work half-his own brooding. Of her switching back and forth between 'One Winged Angel' and 'Sephiroth'. She's mentioned it before, trying to dissociate him and his 'other' self. Its evident that she hasn't particularly succeeded in doing that. She mostly slipped into calling his other self by his name the entire time towards the end. It irks him as much as he know its deserved. There was very real hate in her voice for him at point point. It adds some worry to any mission they may potentially be on, if it could cause issues. He knows she tries with this, but the inability to differentaite between the possible and the actual, between two beings who may have once been the same, is a large point potentially against her. Though it is an avoidable one if they simply don't go on missions together, or on the alternative, if they engage one another more often and help her see the difference more often.

As much as he is not a truly social creature like Zackery is, he leans towards the later. He does not want the stigma of his other self to linger and cause potential issues.

He moves on, to one of the very big points that Redman made. Aerith's acceptance of her afterlife, of the continuation of her struggles, of her own issues no longer mattering in the face of the whole. There was no whining, no complaining or bemoaning her fate. That firm acceptance to move on and do her duty, to not cry foul at the minisculality of her own single existence... it speaks beyond words to her character. If there is a person beyond himself that he can truly trust to do what must be done should Jenova become active, it is Aerith Gainsborough.

It does, admittedly, worry him somewhat as well. Its a thought that has concerned him before. That she might throw her life away if she deems it necessary to kill the Calamity, to fulfill her duty, without considering another course of action. It could cost them as well, if the attempt fails and she did it for nothing, that perhaps it would have been better for her to survive and fight on. Its another note, that she needs to learn to value herself more, not over the entire fate of the world, but to at least treasure her own life as a sacred thing. Not just a tool or a weapon, he's lived that most of his life, there arn't words to cover his appreciation of Angeal and Genesis dragging him out of that mindset.

He lightly skims over the next part, of his other self's 'revivals'. The emotions that play over her face, through her voice, of the struggle. There had been a realness to her fears. Beyond what he's experienced. He's seen fear before, mostly from his opponents on the battlefield. But it doesn't cover this. Fear mixed in with a horror of 'otherness'. His other self was a horror that her existance had a difficulty wrapping her mind around. That deeply shook her. It lingered within her even now, despair and grief etched deep. Some of the images she had painted were gruesome. Moreso was the fact that his other self had been the end, would have destroyed everything she held dear.

Even then... she hadn't lost hope until that very end, the notion of complete and utter defeat, the experience of it, has never afflicted itself on him before, but she made it seem very dreadful.

However, nothing in her descriptions sounded out of the ordinary for such a situation. That it hadn't completely destroyed or broken her spoke in her favor. There was of course lingering trauma, but he was confident, as she made progress and grew more confident in herself and her own strength, that particular weight would slowly fall off her shoulders. If she could see herself as a bulwark against the end she had been showed, all it would do was provide her with the drive and the energy to stand against it.

He mulls it over for a few minutes, just staring at the papers aimlessly, lost in thought, before shaking his head. He's almost done with her part, it was time to wrap up. He moves onto her continual exposure to the dead's final moments, her desire to help them pass on. Its admirable, but it is again another case of her putting another load on her shoulder. Her duty, but he had caught sight of her swallowing anxiously when Redman called her out on it. It was her duty, her responsibility, as she called it, but she had been truthful enough to admit it had affected her. He personally doesn't like the thought of it, everyone has enough of their own troubles in life without taking on the extremeness of so many final moments, that were potentially awful experiences.

Gainsborough is a glutton for punishment.

He shifts to admiring what Redman had pointed out as 'the unusual ability to be hit by such continual suffering and persist through it'. She was quite right, he appreciated how Aerith had just outright said 'what other choice is there'? Like giving up was never an option. She seemed startled Redman even suggested it. Defeat is not something a SOLDIER accepts. They fight on even in impossible situations. It was a large point in her favor, though, as long as she doesn't create those impossible situations through stubborness when there were other solutions.

He briefly wonders about her mention of a lack of 'play by play'. Did the lack of knowing the exact details, of the saftey and struggles of comrades, affect her? Not knowing was said to be a terrible thing. He had heard it in passing some of the time he had been dragged to a bar by Genesis and Angeal. Of wives out drinking, worried about their husbands off in the war. The fear, the 'not knowing' had sounded rather awful. She didn't particularly linger, so the possibility was added to the list of potential things that could effect her.

He moved on to the last section, her exit of the vision. The startling of senses changing. Its... not something he can really properly consider. He's never shifted states of existence like that. She said she still startled on occasion, but so long as that faded away then it wouldn't be a problem in the long run. Then, he considers her condemnation of herself. She had been particularly upset about it. He personally did not consider Gainsborough to be a manipulative person, she tried to be honest and straightforward from what he saw. He wonders if she was blowing it out of proportion or not, perhaps remembering it wrong or worse than it was? He had seen people pick themselves apart like that before, especially survivors of missions that went badly. He's done it enough since she revealed his potential fate, and he knows he'll do it some more when he goes over what his other self had done.

As long as she didn't let it destroy her, learned and move on, it would be fine.

He nestles into his couch, looking over notes and listening to a few more recordings before he shifts into closing. Ultimately... while there are many issues she still needs to work on, or that others, even perhaps himself, can help her with... he doesn't see anything in these latest sessions that demands he withdraw her from SOLDIER. Her brief mental breakdown when Redman pushed on her early life had been the most alarming thing, very alarming if he must admit it, but she had rebounded and appeared to recover better than before. He toys with her strengths, her weaknesses, her faults, her drives...

He lets out a soft breath. So long as Redman approves her, he's not going to remove her from SOLDIER and shift her to the Turks.

He can have the strength and awareness to admit there is some bias to this decision. He wants the Ancient as an asset to SOLDIER, he's very selfish in that regard. He might be giving her a bit of leeway since he didn't remove Angeal when he had a breakdown and nearly killed him. He might be giving her the benefit of the doubt when there are a very many amount of lesser issues that compile into a greater problem. He also doesn't want the publicity problem of what it would mean to actually do so either, within SOLDIER or without. She's still young (not honestly that much younger than he himself), she can learn and adapt and overcome.

He sighs and lets it rest, moving onto the ugly subject of his other self and what he did, and the first thing that comes to mind...

Sephiroth sneers at the thought of a cult worshipping him, the fanclubs already do enough of that as it is, its uneccessary and unwanted and increadibly mortifying. He is chagrined that his other self had such the ridiculous ego to have people worship him as a god. Its so utterly humiliating that any version of himself would do so. Genesis had forced him to read enough fiction, exposed him to enough egomaniac characters that it is terribly cliche. He hates the attention he already has, yet this other self had to go and do that? Its personally affronting. He is prideful yes, he can admit that, but he's not this.

He shakes his head in disgust.

He considers his revivals, of how unreal some of the things she details are. Creating manifestations of his will that he could be reborn through? Doing the same through some kind of disease? It was particularly revolting to realize his other self had remade himself out of diseased people's bodies. He wrinkled his nose in distaste, all the while admitting it was an imposing prospect, an enemy that could not be put down, that turned one's own people into vectors of contagion and rebirth. More and more and more he understands, has it ruthlessly hammered in, that he CANNOT under any circumstance let himself go insane. Even trying to 'dabble' in the powers of Calamity he apparently has the potential for, the thought makes his skin crawl.

Especially at the price Gainsborough implied. Losing the vestiges of his humanity, becoming something... other. A horror like Jenova. It is one of the few things he will admit that scares him. His existence may not be the best, but it is still his existence! Giving that up to become that... monstrosity... it doesn't sit well with him, at all, its hard to even imagine what it would truly be like. He wants little to do with the Calamity he may have lurking in him. He's doing his best to 'get it' as Gainsborough said, he does not wish to underestimate Jenova or his own darker potential.

He is beyond disgusted with the arrogance as well. While he wouldn't have wanted his other self to win, he should have done so without taking a ridiculous seven revivals to do so (plus his original defeat)! Honestly... how did any form of himself throw away so many wins? Let himself be killed and defeated so many times? Aerith had straight up said his other self was far more powerful than Strife, yet he still lost so many times. Because he was apparently to busy playing mind games and toying with his prey. Did he find it some kind of amusing game to play? See how far he could provoke a dangerous enemy before it killed him?

It rankled, especially if any of those defeats were somehow caused by Strife's unenhanced allies.

He shakes his head, and then his mood plummets deeply and darkly, when he focuses on the notion of mentally dominating others. This was more than some sick mind game his other played with Strife. His other self basically, if he must define it, mentally raped his victims into obedience, stripping away their free will or just straight up dominating their minds, enslaving them when his disease overtook them. That his other self had done this... had committed this sin when Sephiroth had spent most of his life being forced to dance to Hojo or President Shinra's tune, as their pet general and experiment? He understands the concepts of indoctrination or being how he was raised, he had allowed himself to be controlled when he was younger simply because he didn't know or understand there were other options. By the time he figured that out? What else was there? Shinra was his life, its where Genesis and Angeal and his men were. He chafed and resented it, and hadn't bucked it until the Ancient had come and forced harsh truths upon him. To do this... it sickens him, beyond so many other travesties his other did, it sickens him that he did this. And Tseng... while not a friend at this time, he liked the Turk, he was efficient, respectable, and responsible. To have done that on an ally...

He scrubs at his face with a his hands, a deep growl rumbling in his throat.

He loosely looks at the 'tactics' displayed by his other. It stumbles into his rant on arrogance, but perhaps bears an irritating consideration. On one hand he has always respected the 'do it yourself' approach to problems. On the other hand, if one ignores the madness of a mentally-dominated and infected cult, his other self committed a horrific waste of resources. On tactical terms, an every growing infectious army could have taken the world easily if his other self was there to keep Strife busy. He can think of so many horrible ways the ability to infect and control someone could be used to infiltrate and disrupt or destroy enemies. If all one had to do was slip the disease into a military leader's morning meal or drink... it seemed disgustingly easy to do. To have overlooked, thrown away, or just straight up refused to use all of this to his advantage...

"Arrogance and insanity are a terrible mix," he muttered to himself.

He does make a mental note that he should keep an eye on Tseng and perhaps take more effort to cultivate a working relationship, more than he naturally does, if the man's potential Aerith hinted at is ever achieved. Never overlook a useful asset.

He briefly dwells on the thought that his other self murdered Strife's adopted child by popping his head off before he decides he needs the most alcoholic drink he can find. He fishes through his stock, all the while wishing that the beverage did more than just burn on the way down. Oh if only Mako didn't prevent him from becoming drunk. He sits back down on his couch and starts sipping at his drink, brooding. He has the odd thought that he owes Strife for all of this madness, but its a ridiculous notion. It was not HIM who did all of this, nor is the Strife HERE the one who had all of this done to him. Its an absurd notion based on a hypothetical vision...

"Pah," he spat out.

Time Travel, he's going to just call it out as it is. Its not a vision, even if she says she experienced as if she lived through it. One cannot fake the way Aerith reacts. She reacts like it was completely real, not like she only thought she did, but that she actually lived through it, she does not act as if it was hypothetical. She never dismisses it as all possibilities, a single road that might happen on the infinite stream of potential choices. She takes what she experienced as a fact, as an outcome that must be prevented at all cost. She treats it as an absolute. She does not try to shunt it away. Who she's kidding about it being a vision is beyond him. After watching all these sessions, that has never been more clear that she lived this.

He takes another sip, letting the flavor sink into this tongue, embed in his mouth, before swallowing. He considers Strife again, and the grudging desire to... make up for something he himself never did. He understands that he did not do this, but that he could, it burns inside him. He wonders what kind of advice Angeal would...

Ah.

That's an idea.

Angeal and his puppy.

His mentee.

Gainsborough had said Strife would join SOLDIER to become a hero and try to make a name for himself. Personally training the boy would be a favor that no one else has ever received from Sephiroth. He has trained troops before yes, but never a one on one mentorship. Very well, Strife wished to be a SOLDIER? Sephiroth would make him the best damn SOLDIER the boy could become, and he'd call it even with a debt he doesn't owe to a man that doesn't exist anymore.

He shakes his head slowly. "I've surely not been getting enough rest lately, sleep deprivation must be afflicting itself upon me."

Sephiroth makes the executive decision that he's had enough for the night. He briefly jots down the note that he needs to speak to Reeve Tuesti about alternatives to mako energy at some point, can't forget that, the literal Planet taking action against humanity is something to be avoided. Once that's done, he's going to pack this all up, lay in bed, and most likely stare up at the ceiling all night, but it would be better than intentionally focusing on this madness. He lays awake for a long time, picking away at one thing or another...

The last thing he truly gives thought to before he sleeps is the admittedly frightening notion of giving himself up in the Lifestream when he eventually dies. Gainsborough had mentioned it was possible for himself and Angeal to find peace that way, even tainted as they were by Jenova. He had stood alone and adrift from his peers all of his life aside from Genesis and Angeal, welcomed as a part of the whole after the end of his days was a notion that he wasn't sure how to deal with...

Sephiroth stands at attention, eyes watching as Doctor Redman slowly looks over her notes spread over her desk. "I'm not going to do either of us the disservice of saying 3rd Class Gainsborough as at her best mentally. She's progressed and acknowledged her own struggles a great deal since she started, but it is a continuous effort, and one that may never truly goes away. She's... suffered incredible hardships that would break most people, but still goes on."

Sephiroth hums. "Based on your observations, do you believe her past will affect her ability to function as a SOLDIER to an unacceptable degree?"

There is a blink of surprise, he can see her mouthing 'unacceptable degree', and knows that he has never given that option before. Under normal circumstances there is little leeway in mental stability for his SOLDIERs. All the more mockery and hypocrisy from his other self then, and even his current self because of Angeal.

"An unacceptable degree, no," said Redman slowly, "But it will affect her, at least at first. She will try to power through any such instances. Over time, I believe it will effect her less and less."

He nods. He agrees with that himself. "Are there any areas in particular that you feel you can share that I or Lazard should be mindful of when determining what missions that she be sent out on?"

Redman considers him for a moment. "Selflessness is a good trait, but the degree of it in her concerns me..."

Agreed.

"...especially in regards to anyone she might have known in her visions."

Sephiroth blinks at that. "Elaborate."

"I have the concern that if she is ever is on a mission with or fighting alongside someone she had a deep connection to, and they are suddenly put in mortal danger, that she will not react well," admits Redman, "And might get herself killed, or botch a mission, to prevent this perceived harm."

Hrm... that is a fair point, but if he's honest, he has that concern for anyone Aerith believed she could save no matter throwing her own life away could detract from her objective to kill Jenova. "Group missions then where she has to put trust in others to take care of themselves and fulfill their own objectives."

Redman gives him a wry smile. "Good idea."

"Aside from that... there are a bunch of lesser concerns, but the only other major things I see is if she ever encounters Hojo, or if Jenova wakes up," continued Redman, "The first, I doubt she could remain unaffect by his presence, how exactly I'm not sure. High chance since she is enhanced and as she attains more experience as a SOLDIER that she wouldn't be able to stop herself from killing him."

"I myself might succumb to such an instinct now that he is no longer under Shinra employ," mused Sephiroth.

"Yeah, I got a nine millimeter with his name on it myself," muttered Redman.

He resists the urge to tsk at that. A bullet through Hojo's head would be far to quick.

"And Jenova?" asked Sephiroth.

Redman hesitates. "I suppose I am concerned that she might... shut down in a sense. She is already so focused on stopping that creature that if it became an active threat... everything else would cease to matter to her but killing it. No matter the opportunity cost to herself or others."

"She'll need experience in high pressure missions then," considered Sephiroth, "She will need practice on keeping her head when the stakes are high."

"Just... perhaps not right away," suggested Redman.

Sephiroth raised an eyebrow. "Contrary to belief, I did not enjoy sending fresh SOLDIERs into Wutai, nor against dragons, with no mission experience."

Redman huffed a little.

Sephiroth crossed his arms. "Hmm. I suppose then that she can be cleared for missions."

"I suppose she can," agreed Redman.

"Do you want her back here at some point? Follow ups?" questioned Sephiroth.

"If I'm honest sir, I want all SOLDIERs in here, or in one of my colleagues offices, at some point," she answers, "I'd petition for mandatory psych evaluations or check up sessions every few months, perhaps at least once a year, if I thought it would get approved."

"Consider the idea brought to my attention, but I make no promises of it making pass the board of directors," he offered.

"Fair enough," she answered, before she adopted that shrewd calculating look that all but screamed 'I'm about to try to get you into these sessions'; he had been subjugated to it a few times now. "You are aware that these sessions would include you to."

"This is the least subtle I've seen you on the subject," he mused to himself.

"I wasn't trying to be."

"I've told you before that I will consider it," he answered firmly, "But for now, I wish to see how Gainsborough progresses after these sessions. If treatment shows, promise, I will tentatively agree."

Her eyebrows shoot up at a mostly-solid agreement to the demand. "I look forward to seeing you here then."

He was to disciplined to roll his eyes at her, as much as he wanted to. "I suppose we will see."

He turned and strolled away from the smug therapist, opening his PHS to mark Gainsborough as cleared for duty, before pocketing it and returning to his daily routine...

Author's Notes:

Not sure how well I did with the made-up concept of post-DoC Sephiroth, I suppose you all will let me know.

I think we need some more Shelke next maybe. Or something really silly to balance out the last few chapters.

Hmm...

Deepground & Shelke/Jenova next or Aerith & Zack silliness involving a certain sewer monster from FF7?

Decide.

:evilsmile:

Review Responses:

Eaglefeather873: Thanks. As for Last Summoner, IDK, its a thought, but Aerith isn't the main character of that story. Perhaps it might be touched upon here and there, as a trust-bonding moment between Yuna & Aerith, but not deeper like it is in here.

Jamie: That's rather unspecific. What *kind* of FF8 story? No guarantees either way, I've got a metric shitton of stories I have to finish, not to mention the research I'd need to do into FF8, it has been years since I last played that game. I've also never read any FF8 fanfiction either ., and no, Kingdom Hearts with Leon does not count as FF8 fanfiction.

Pangpond: IDK about obsessive, but Aerith will be important to him eventually.

Azure Shine: I can't disclose Hojo, that is a long way off. As much as he's had an impact on the lives of each character, Hojo has been stripped of a lot of his power. He has no resources from Shinra anymore, nor loyal people now that the Turks have been executing anyone they think would side with him. I have something... else... in mind for Hojo. It will be quick and brutal, and will lead in to something else in the finale of the story, but a large portion of the meat of this will be Jenova.

Cloud & Tifa are coming soon. I will do these two chapters I mentioned in the author's notes, then I might do a time skip to the next batch of SOLDIER cadets (or maybe another chapter with Aerith doing some missions first, IDK, individual monster cleansing missions might not be that exciting)...

Actually, speaking of missing Genesis and Angeal, perhaps that's an idea. A chapter of missions that Aerith does alongside various characters for exposure/interaction/development. I like that thought. So, three chapters then.

Vincent & Lucrecia... hmm... perhaps some interaction the next time Aerith returns to donate blood/samples...

WanderingStarmaster: Uh... bad, bad WanderingStarmaster! No reading fanfiction while driving!