A/N: Been awhile since I last updated anything and for that I do apologize. I had to get a new laptop due to my one buying the farm but I sadly didn't have enough money until now. So I'm getting back into it.

*Chapter 67*

South Dakota groaned in annoyance when she heard Texas yell for her across the ship. For once she was calmly relaxing after a nice early workout that involved the Reds and Blues not on the recon mission. She pitted Sarge, Simmons, Sister, and Grif against Jun (who was kind enough to volunteer in order to avoid Texas's pregnancy cravings) to see how they would fare against a stronger opponent. It was an exercise to get them to work together, but it quickly fell to shit to her frustration.

For one, Simmons kept looking at Sister's ass.

Second, Grif proceeded to try and beat the shit out of him for looking at his sister like that.

Third, Sarge attempted to strangle Grif for trying to beat Simmons in the first place.

Finally, Jun kicked all of their asses while they were busy fighting amongst themselves.

"What? What the hell do you want?" South asked with a groan, rolling over onto her back. She wasn't tempted to move. Not yet at least. She was still nice and comfortable in her and Maine's bed with a manga volume opened in front of her, hoping to God that Reach didn't discover five percent of their low budget was dedicated to her guilty pleasure. He'd probably not care, but at the same time she didn't want to gamble on that probability. His last workout he took charge of was utter hell for everyone save for him and Jun. And Texas.

"Come here, will you? I need a hand!" Tex called. "I feel like a duck!"

"I'm pretty sure that's not how pregnancy works." South rolled her eyes at the complaint and marked her page, stashing it under her pillow. She'd read it later. "Alright, I'm coming. Quit your bitching." 'So much for her ever settling down. Even pregnant, she's still Tex.'

With great reluctance she got off her bed and strode into the mess hall, where she nearly fell thanks to the massive dent that was still in the floor due to Maine slamming into it like a sack of potatoes during their drinking contest. Picking herself up with a grumble she pointed to the dent with an exasperated sigh. "Why the hell is that still there? I thought Reach had it fixed!"

"Oh, that?" Texas looked over her shoulder at it. "Reach can't be bothered to ask the jellyfish to repair the damage. I think he likes it as a decoration. Or blackmail material."

South ran a hand through her silver blonde hair, groaning. "Why am I less surprised at that than I want to be?"

"He is my husband," Texas pointed out dryly. "Who do you think trained him to be a troll?"

"You, train him?" South snorted in disbelief. "Please. His trolliness is just hardwired. He was always an ass. We just thawed him out and made him the reigning god of it."

"Hey, we all need a hobby."

"You seriously going to try and call him purposely trying to find ways to fuck with everyone a hobby?"

"Yep." The blonde nodded seriously. "Anyway, I called you here because I can't bake to save my goddamn life."

"The fuck did you want me? Remember the last time I tried baking?" South reminded. "I nearly set the kitchens on fire! The hell are you baking for anyway?"

"Well, Wash did spill his guts out to Carolina." A mischievous grin South was all too familiar with formed on Texas's face and South started to sweat a little. She'd know that Cheshire Cat grin anywhere and knew that she was plotting something dangerous.

Something that would definitely be done for the sole purpose of fucking with Washington and Carolina. Knowing Texas, it would involve shoving their faces into a cake or a pie. Her creativity was kind of lacking. Not that she'd ever say it out loud, of course. South knew what Texas was capable of, pregnant or not. 'I have a bad feeling about this one…'

Actually, saying she had a bad feeling about it was the understatement of the week. Not month or year; they had done much crazier shit before. But nothing had really happened this week apart from Tex drawing on Jun's face after he passed out from their drinking contest. This was probably the most normal week any of the Freelancers have had in a long time. 'The fact that this is considered normal to us is actually rather alarming. We might want to consult a counselor when this is all done. Or not.'

"Oh fuck me," South said with a groan. "You're going to find some way to fuck with them aren't you?"

"I plead the Fifth," Texas replied innocently, looking at a cake box. "Um…we got any flour? Or milk?"

"The hell do I look like, a grocery store worker?"

"It would certainly explain the haircut."

"Hey!" South glowered indignantly while the blonde laughed. "It's easier to maintain!"

"Sure it is. Whatever you say." Texas grinned and tossed her the box. "I'll make sure we have everything we need in the cabinets. In the meantime, do try and not burn down the entire kitchen, will you? We don't need another fire this afternoon."

"Another? Do I even want to know?" South asked in despair. If there was one thing that seemed to happen every other day onboard their stolen ship, it was a fire breaking out.

"Oh, Jun's coffee just caught on fire when I gave him a glare," the blonde replied casually as if it was the most normal thing in the world. After the shit they've done and seen, it pretty much was normal at this point. "Yeah I don't understand how it happened either. But I've learned not to question it."

Yeah okay, fair enough. It was better for all of their respective mental states to not question the bullshit and insanity that made up their day to day lives. South had a feeling that life outside of the military would be a hell of a lot calmer than this. It had to be. Otherwise she'd lose her goddamn mind.

"Hey…Tex?"

"Yeah?"

"…does Reach know about this?" She was almost scared to ask that. Almost. Usually, Texas and Reach worked together to prank people, such as him giving the blonde South's makeup kit to draw on Jun's face after he passed out, so it wouldn't be a surprise if he was in on it. Him not being in on the joke was a little worrying.

"Sort of. I want to surprise him a little." There was that fucking smirk again. Goddamn she was terrifying even while pregnant. How the hell she managed to pull it off was something South didn't know.

"You're completely terrifying at times, you know that?" South shook her head and started pulling out ingredients. It was better for her overall well being to just go with Texas's evil plot.

"I also know that I am bored as shit and have nothing else to do. Pass me the sugar."

South wondered if it was too late to just walk out and go live the rest of her life in a cave somewhere. It sure as hell would be a lot easier and less stressful than this. She also wouldn't have the scariest fucking blonde in the galaxy right next to her.

'Yep, it's too late.' She knew her fate was sealed when she opened the bag of flour and resigned herself to it. She just hoped Wash wasn't going to be too pissed about her part in this scheme.

"I seriously hope Maine has it better than this…" she said with an annoyed grumble. At least, that's what her initial thought was. Then she remembered that Maine, Carolina, Wash, and Reach were stuck with Tucker. 'Yeah never mind, I take it back. I'd much rather deal with this than Tucker's bullshit any day of the week.'

Sometimes, she really didn't understand why Reach had taken it upon himself to make the perverted simulation trooper his new protégé. In terms of skill he was easily the best of the simulation troopers; he worked well as a scout due to his remarkable eyesight (he once told a grandiose story about being able to see Reach and Tex fucking from the other side of Blood Gulch) and he did have decent aim. In terms of personality…the most bearable was Simmons. Even if he still had communication issues.

The sinking realization hit her. "Reach, you son of a bitch…" 'Now I know why you took him under your wing you jackass. You're going to teach him how to be an asshole in battle just like you. Fucking hell, we're all doomed. Or maybe Tucker will become a damn squad leader by the time Reach is done with him.'

In fact, seeing how Tucker would fare against a stronger opponent would be pretty interesting. He could talk all sorts of shit and take it, plus he was sort of a glutton for punishment now. Reach was teaching him far too well for her liking. At this rate, he was going to make another Texas. Except one that preferred stabbing things instead of punching them.

South shuddered at the thought and that damn smirk of Tex did not help. Yep, she was doomed.

Fuck, all of them were.

Reach walked into the main terminal room, briefly looking at the giant generators that helped powered the facility. "How are we doing?"

Carolina and Washington were both reading through it and Carolina turned around. "Not good. Nothing we didn't already know for the most part, but there are more records of Project Freelancer's excavation data. This facility isn't too far from a dig site that was abandoned years ago, but according to this, all of the artifacts were confiscated by the UNSC once the project fell."

"Damn." Reach frowned. "Any good news?"

"Well…no," Washington admitted. "We've been through just about everything and nothing's popped up. Not a damn thing."

"Shit," Reach swore. It was a dead end. Still, the data could be valuable for later. "Eta, I'm plugging you in. Grab everything you can and store it. We'll use it for a rainy day."

While Eta vanished into the terminal Reach put a hand up to his helmet. "Sarge, Maine, and Tucker, fall back to the beach and secure our ride out. We'll meet you in ten."

"We're on it. Pity we didn't get to shoot anything though," Sarge said with a sigh of disappointment. Trigger happy old man really did have a boner for murder. Holy shit, Simmons and Grif weren't fucking kidding.

"Hey, Reach?" Washington asked, looking back at the Spartan. "Do you ever wonder why the hell we're here doing this shit with them?"

"Every day, Wash." Reach could only sigh in response. "Every fucking day." He glanced over at Carolina, who he could tell was already bored to hell. She never liked sitting around in a single place for long periods of time. She thrived on adrenaline. Hell, they all did.

Just another boring day saving the universe.

Reach was the first person to enter the bridge and was smart enough to duck upon entry. He knew his wife's mischievous side better than anyone. Wash?

Wash wasn't so lucky since it came from his blind spot. He was smacked full in the face with a cake and yelled out in surprise while he attempted to wipe the vanilla frosting from his visor. "What the fuck!?"

"Congrats Wash!" Texas thumped him heavily on the shoulder, grinning broadly. "It's so nice to see you not be that stumbling rookie anymore."

"The hell are you talking about? Get off me Tex!" Wash tried to escape but Tex was known for her death grip.

"Let him breathe," Reach said, tapping his wife on the shoulder. Tex pouted a little but she released her grip on Wash and let the poor bastard try cleaning his armor. Reach looked at him and was struggling not to laugh. Poor bastard did look funny with frosting and bits of cake stuck to him. "Nice look. I wouldn't recommend going on a date though."

"I'm sorry Wash," South whispered, poking her head out with a combination of horror and sympathy on her face. "Tex didn't tell me she was going to do that…"

"It's Tex. Did you expect anything else?" Washington asked rhetorically, his helmet now off. "I'm going to get cleaned…"

Maine, Carolina, Tucker, and Sarge were the next to enter and the big Freelancer watched Washington leave covered in cake, letting out a curious growl.

"Tex," South deadpanned. Maine hissed. That was the only explanation he needed.

"I should go make sure he doesn't kill me for my part in this…" South hurried after him with a sigh, Maine in tow, and Reach was left with Tex, Carolina, and Tucker. Sarge had seemingly fucked off somewhere (presumably the nearest liquor cabinet to get completely and utterly shitfaced), and as a result the bridge was eerily quiet. Until Texas broke the silence.

"So…how adorable was Wash trying to not stumble over his own words?" she asked with a grin. "Did it thaw that frigid heart?"

"Please stop quoting terrible movies," Carolina grumbled. "I heard enough of it from Tucker on the ride back."

"…want to talk about it?"

"No…"

"How about we enjoy some nice family bonding?" Texas asked, laughing at Carolina's groan.

"Please do not remind me of your terrible taste in men." Carolina rolled her eyes. "This jackass reminds me enough already." She jerked her thumb at Reach, who put his hands up in mock surrender.

"Hey, I'm only doing my fatherly duties," the Spartan insisted, smirking. "I had Alpha put it in my job description."

"You fucking didn't!" the redhead exclaimed. "No way!"

"Yes way." Reach was a little bit smug about that. If there was one thing he enjoyed more than shooting shit besides sleeping with his wife it was fucking with his daughter in law. Who could blame him? She was far too easy to mess with even on the best of days. At least now she was learning how to both talk shit and take it at a much better rate than Sarge. Poor old bastard still couldn't take the constant roasts that happened in their sparring match.

"Goddammit."

"Oh please, you enjoy it."

"I object to that claim," Carolina grumbled. She looked at the spot that Wash disappeared to and she sighed. "I'll go calm him down…" Wash was letting out a lot of swears that sounded like they were in Sangheili from the armory as he attempted to clean his armor. Yeah, probably for the best.

Reach glanced over at Tucker and he got the message to disappear. "I'll go read that shit I stole from South."

Once he was gone, Texas put her hand on her hip, beckoning for Reach to come closer. "Come hither."

Yeah, best way to relax after a job.

A/N: Sorry it took so long to get this out guys. Again, new laptop and work fucked me. Hopefully I'll see you again soon but I never know. My schedule sucks lately.

A Lovestruck A2#5371