A.N. Nearing the end now – just one more chapter after this one. Thanks for all the positive feedback – I love it.
Chapter 20
Jackie picked up her foundation powder brush slowly. It seemed to have been fashioned out of lead tonight, so heavy did it weigh in her hand. Usually when she began the transformation from Jackie to Blue she took pride in her consummate make-up skills that were so powerful they had duped the people who knew her best. Yet tonight the face powder felt smothering on her youthful skin, the blue eyeshadow seemed garish and the blonde wig felt like it was pushing her neck into her shoulders. This disguise that had once been her escape had become a prison.
"So, you ready to rock, kiddo?" Trevor announced, swaggering into the dressing room. He caught her expression. "Hey, what's wrong?"
"Nothing. Everything." Jackie shook her head at Trevor's reflection in her mirror. "I'm telling him tonight, Trev."
"Who? Hyde? Why the sudden desire for confession, Blue? If you've had enough of the guy, you could just send him packing without giving the game away."
"I owe him the truth," Jackie said simply. "Even if it costs me his friendship."
"Suit yourself."
"Besides, I am getting so damn sick of all this pretending," Jackie added, tossing down her mascara so violently it bounced onto the floor. "I mean, it was all fun and kind of dangerous in the beginning but now it just feels like lying. No, it's worse – I feel like I have to hide who I am to count for anything. That is so twisted; I'm Jackie freaking Burkhart, damn it. I am perfect just as I am and if some people can't see that then they should just get their stupid sunglasses cleaned."
"Hey, you're preaching to the choir here, sister," Trevor said placatingly. "Now come out front with me – I want to run through a sound check before they open the doors to the admiring public."
Jackie followed Trevor to the stage, surprised that Dave and Trevor's cousin, Vince, were not awaiting them there. "Hey, where are the guys? Dave never skips the warm-up."
"I told them I'd just spotted Joe Perry pigging out at Fatso burger," a familiar voice said from behind her. "I didn't think they'd buy it but I guess I underestimated the true Aerosmith fan's ability to believe what they want to believe when it comes to autograph hunting."
Jackie whipped around to find Steven Hyde slouching towards her, his mouth twisted upwards in a half-smirk. No, she howled internally, I'm not ready for this.
"Hello, Blue," Hyde said. His glasses concealed most excellently the way his eyes were drinking in her slight form, taking in every detail from her dainty platform-shoed feet to the winsome manner that her mouth fell open in surprise and dismay at his unexpected appearance. That's it, he'd have to make his next pair of glasses prescription lenses because he must be half-blind not to have seen this girl for who she was.
"St-Steven," Jackie stuttered, trying to lower her voice into the 'Blue' register. "I thought we were meeting after the gig."
"I know," Hyde responded, commandeering her manicured fingers in his large warm hand. "But there's something I have to talk to you about that can't wait."
His serious tone sent alarm bells off through Jackie's guilty conscience. Did he suspect? Had he guessed?
"I… I've got something important to tell you, too," Jackie said shakily. She looked around and realised Trevor had slunk away, leaving them alone.
"OK, but mind if I go first?" Jackie nodded her head in bemusement. "This is really hard for me to say, Blue. Let me start by saying that I think you are one of the coolest chicks I've ever met. I couldn't have designed a girl more in synch with me if I'd drawn up the specs and lodged zoning approval with the city council myself."
"Steven," Jackie interrupted in a misery of guilt. Oh no, he was going to be heart-broken when he found out.
"Blue, let me finish. Like I said, on paper you and I are perfect for each other and you'd expect that to be enough, but…"
"But?" Jackie repeated, suddenly wary. When a boy starts off saying how great you are and then throws a 'but' in there, that kind of sentence never ends well for the girl.
"Damn it, there's just no easy way for me to say this," Hyde admitted remorsefully. "Blue, I'm so sorry but I've been lying to myself and to you. The truth is, I'm sort of crazy about another girl."
"WHAT!" Jackie yelled, a tidal wave of molten fury washing over her. "ANOTHER GIRL? You – you no-good, cheating… THREE-TIMER!" Throwing zen out the window along with her temper, Jackie launched herself at Hyde in a flurry of flying fists and kicking feet. With admirable deftness, Hyde anticipated the attack and feinted slightly to the left so that the wronged female landed squarely over his right shoulder. Anchoring her flailing legs down with one arm, Hyde patiently suffered the tattoo she was beating on his back as he tried to reach her with words.
"Now, I can sense that you're upset," he began, a cougar-like yowl being her response to this understatement, "but maybe you'll understand why I couldn't really help myself when I tell you about this girl. I mean, it's not like I saw her coming. Matter of fact, she's the last girl in the world I ever would have thought I'd hook up with. Not that there's anything wrong with her, it's just on the surface we're such total opposites. I've always been one to take the path of least resistance, so taking up with some chick who thinks the formation of the Bee Gees was the turning point of western civilization seemed too much like hard work. But there's something about this girl…" Hyde shook his head in wonderment as Blue continued to struggle in his hold like a deep sea marlin, "…no matter how many times I told myself we didn't make any sense together, I just couldn't keep away from her. I'd let her coax me, or bribe me, hell I even let her blackmail me into hanging out with her, always feeding anyone who'd listen the same cock and bull story that I couldn't stand her. Hoping they wouldn't notice the way my eyes would follow her around the room. Hoping they wouldn't pick up on the way our minds run in the same groove, the way we would finish each other's burns. But now the old dodges just aren't working and I can't hide out from the truth anymore. There's no denying that I am fair smitten with this girl. Blue, I'm in deep smit."
Jackie drew a harsh breath into her lungs, pausing in her assault to respond. "What the hell do you want from me, you lying bastard? Go and be with whatever half-witted skank is dumb enough to fall for you – see if I care!"
"Ah, but there you have put your finger on the very crux of my dilemma, my wise little friend," Hyde said mournfully. "I don't know that she has fallen for me. I thought at one time that she had, but after the way I lied to her and told her I didn't feel anything – "
The thrashing spitfire on Hyde's shoulder suddenly went rigid at these words, to Hyde's deep satisfaction. After a moment of silence broken only by Blue's heavy breathing, she said in a small voice, "When… when did you tell her that?"
"Just after we kissed," Hyde answered, his grip on Blue's hips gentling to more of a caress than a stranglehold. "You see, I felt like I was kind of committed to you and if I told her the truth – that it was the hottest, most bone-melting kiss I'd ever had – then that would make me a weak-willed weasel, just like her last boyfriend and I figured she deserves better than that."
Jackie felt like Steven had taken her breath away – she was not sure if it was his words or the way his shoulder was cutting off her oxygen supply, probably a bit of both. There could be no doubt the girl he was talking about was herself – the classic Jackie, original formula, accept no substitutes. But he did not yet realise that the unattainable goddess he yearned for was currently gasping for breath against his spinal column. How would he react when all was revealed?
"Um… Steven," she said tentatively. "Could you please let me down now? I'm getting kind of dizzy."
"Oh, sure," he said, slowly lowering her feet towards the ground in a manner that ground her soft young body painstakingly against his, which finished off Jackie's attempt to string a confession together. Suddenly he slapped a hand against his forehead in a moment of enlightenment. "I've got it!" he cried. "This girl I lo – I mean, this chick I'm hot for," he corrected himself self-consciously, " …she loves music! And she's always had this dopey notion that the man of her dreams would sing a song to her."
"Really? You would sing of your love to her?" Jackie breathed, her face lit up at the thought.
"God, no," Hyde laughed, shuddering at the notion. As her face fell, he hastened to explain "That kind of thing only works if you can actually sing. Believe me, I have seen what happens when you attempt that manoeuvre without talent," he said, as both their memories turned to Kelso's serenade, "and it ain't pretty."
"So what would you do?" Jackie asked curiously, seemingly unaware that Hyde's palms were warming her upper arms, that her body stood no more than a whisper away from his.
"Oh, I don't know. Maybe something like this. Hit it, Trevor!"
Through the amplifiers set up around the stage, a guitar intro instantly twanged through, the prelude to that old 1974 classic of the Ozark Mountain Daredevils:-
ooh-hoo, jackie blue
lives her life from inside of a room
hides that smile when she's wearin' a frown
ooh jackie, you're not so down
At first Jackie frowned as she recognised the song. This wasn't the theme from Love Story. It wasn't even Olivia Newton John or Carly Simon. In fact, there was nothing in the least romantic about the lyrics, it was just a song about some depressed shut-in called… Jackie…Blue…
you like your life in a free-form style
you'll take an inch but you'd love a mile
there never seems to be quite enough
floating around to fill your lovin' cup
Hyde grinned at Jackie's slack-jawed amazement, taking advantage of her shock to pull her into his arms so they once again swayed slowly together to their own beat.
ooh-hoo, jackie blue
what's a game, girl, if you never lose
ask a winner and you'll prob'bly find
ooh jackie, they've lost at sometime
"How did you know?" Jackie asked in a whisper against Hyde's shoulder.
Hyde's response was to tighten his arms around her delicate frame. "I think I always knew," he answered gruffly. "It just took some time for my brain to catch up with my heart."
"Oh, Steven!"
ooh-hoo, jackie blue
likes a dream that can never come true
making love is like siftin' through sand
ooh jackie, it slips through your hand
It had been like that with Michael – love was like a fantastic dream but whenever she would try to hold onto it, it would sift through her fingers like sand. As she felt the heat of Hyde's skin through his thin cotton T-shirt, the solid reality of him throbbed through her and she knew this time there was more to love than fading dreams. This was real.
ooh-hoo, jackie blue
lives her life from inside of a room
makes you think that her life is a drag
ooh jackie, what fun you have had
Hyde cupped Jackie's chin with his hand so that the two pairs of shaded eyes were levelled at each other. With his index finger, he caressed the bridge of her glasses as he said "You know, someone once told me that until you learn to trust me not to hurt you or let you down, you'd keep wearing those glasses. And I couldn't argue with that, because I was kind of in the same boat," Hyde gestured towards his own eye-wear. "So here's the deal – I'll show you mine if you show me yours." A tender smile formed on Jackie's lips as she slowly raised a hand towards her glasses, in time with Hyde's hand reaching for his. With the slow anticipation of a strip-tease, sapphire-emerald eyes were revealed to summer-sky blue eyes.
"My God," Hyde exclaimed. "They are limpid pools of beauty!" Jackie laughed and slapped his forearm. "Hey, you can laugh but I can't tell you the nightmares I've had where you turned out to be cross-eyed. Or had one glass eye that's always looking the other way from your good eye." Jackie continued to slap him for each joke. "Hey! Abusive wench! I've had enough of your beatings. I should have spanked you when I had you in the right position."
"You played me, you rat," Jackie said, trying to sound mad but the joy kept welling up inside her and ruined the effect. "I should have worn my steel tipped boots, then you'd have something to complain about."
"Consider it payment in full for the weeks you've been playing me," Hyde returned with a meaningful look. Jackie tried to look innocent.
"It was all for the good of the band, Steven," she assured him. He continued to give her the look. "Well, maybe a teensy-weensy part was for me," she admitted. "But you so had it coming."
With a most un-zen-like shout of laughter, Hyde finally gave into the urge that had been pestering him for the last half hour and pulled her into a heated, heart-racing kiss. Just at the point when desire was robbing them both of the ability to remain upright and they were about to lower themselves onto the floor, Trevor, Dave and Vince bounded onto the stage.
"Break it up, you crazy kids," Trevor admonished the young lovers. "The doors are opening in two minutes. Jackie, get your butt up on that drum stool now!"
"Yes sir, drill sergeant, sir!" Jackie answered, reluctantly separating herself from Hyde.
"Way to kill the mood, Trevor," Hyde complained.
"Sorry, Hyde, but it's like I told you, it's all about the music, man."
"You two guys have gotten pretty chummy on such a short acquaintance," Jackie remarked as she picked up her drumsticks.
"Yeah, well, I was looking for you last night and found this string bean instead," Hyde explained. "Then he pretty much talked my ear off. No big mystery what you two have in common."
"Hey! Is that how you found out, Steven? Trevor, did you tell Steven my secret?"
"Are you kidding me? Do you think I would endanger Don Henley's life like that? Have you forgotten what happened last August when I broke my promise and let slip the story about exactly how Dave lost his virginity?"
"C'mon now, Trevor," Jackie cajoled. "That was pure coincidence. I'm sure Elvis' death had a lot more to do with the fried peanut-butter sandwiches than with you breaking that silly oath."
"I don't want to talk about it," Trevor said, his voice rising an octave in distress. He drew in a deep breath. "Okay, my band of brothers – and sister. Let's bring it on!"