A/N – This story is not complete, I repeat, NOT COMPLETE. There is more to write and I will keep writing until it's finished, no matter how long it takes. Just stick it on your alerts list and try to maintain some patience.

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Chapter Twenty

Little Miss Perfect
000

"Son of a bitch…" muttered Hermione through clenched teeth as she walked down the hall of her home to stand in front of her own bedroom door. She'd just left Draco Malfoy, whom she was beginning to think was psychotic in addition to being an asshole, lying in the bed of the guest room. Aside from being alone and quite hung-over, he was undoubtedly just as irritated as she was at the moment. Irritated was actually an understatement. 'Livid,' 'irate,' even 'hurt' were more accurate words.

As twisted as it may have been, it was oddly satisfying to Hermione to know that Draco was as pissed off as she was. If he was going through even the slightest portion of upheaval that she was it was no more than he deserved. It was true that she'd allowed herself to be sucked into him again, but didn't he share some responsibility? Shouldn't he be accountable for messing with her head and using her for his own selfish purposes, and then discarding her like dirty laundry the moment he decided he didn't need her anymore?

It had happened three times now. She'd let down her guard and he'd attacked.

The first time he'd kissed her, outside that restaurant, Hermione had felt the earth fall from under her feet. She'd been totally gone, as terrifying as that was to admit. She'd been at Draco's mercy. A miracle had come in the form of her mother's voice calling and had saved her. Thinking back on it, Hermione honestly didn't know what would have happened if her mother hadn't called her name and shocked her back into reality.

She would have liked to think that she wouldn't have ended up losing her virginity to Draco against a brick wall, but the truth was, that wasn't outside the realm of possibilities – another terrifying thought in and of itself. Hermione had never thought she was the kind of girl who would be so attracted to a man that all rational thoughts would abandon her when he kissed her, but the way she'd reacted to Draco twice now suggested otherwise.

It made it so much worse that it was Draco who had this power over her – Draco, who had so far only abused that power. And he most certainly knew he had it or he wouldn't have kissed her the second time, or asked her to stay with him.

Both times, Hermione had let it happen and then had regretted it immediately afterwards. Both times, because Draco had ruined it.

It hurt so much that she loved him. Yes, she loved him and she knew it, and he could never know. He already knew he h ad a power over her just because she was attracted to him; imagine if he knew it went deeper than that…

And now, as she stood in front of her bedroom door, with half a mind to fly back into Draco's room and scream at him until she couldn't scream anymore, and the other half telling her to lock herself in her closet and sob on her knees, she realized something: she had a power over him too.

He kissed her with the same ferocity that she kissed him. He'd held her just as tightly as she'd held him. Even if it was just physical attraction, it was something. It meant she had a few cards left to play. She'd never been the type to think of life in terms of a game, but that's what her life had become. It was a dangerous game and at the moment, every one had control but Hermione. Someone shot her and she just had to react. Draco kissed her and she had to react. Draco passed out drunk and all she could do, was react. Power rested in everyone's hands but hers.

But not for long.

Hermione was so tired in that moment in front of her door of having everything decided for her. What would it be like if she became the force that everyone else had to react to?

She could love him, but she didn't have to let him rule her. Her choices were her own, and she decided right then and there that she would never be a victim again.

Bad things could happen, but she didn't have to let them dictate her life.

Hermione turned face and marched quickly back down the hall to Draco's room. She flung open his door and stepped in to find him first massaging his throbbing temples, and then looking at her in surprise.

She felt a twinge of pity for him in his hung over condition but she ignored it and went on with the reason she had gone back.

"All right, Malfoy. Let's get a few things straight," Hermione started with her eyes narrowed.

"I'm pretty sure I told you to get the hell out, Granger," growled Draco.

"You did. I came back," said Hermione, refusing to be sidetracked. She didn't know exactly what she was going to say, she was just sick of Draco's shit.

"Yes, I can see that," muttered Draco. "Granger, -"

"Just shut up, Malfoy," snapped Hermione.

"Don't tell me to-"

"What part of 'shut up, Malfoy' do you not understand?"

Draco's mouth snapped shut, clearly taken aback by Hermione's persistent forcefulness.

"We've had this conversation before but we're going have it again since you don't seem to be grasping the concept. Let's hope you get it through that thick skull of yours this time." Hermione folded her arms and narrowed her eyes even further.

"What are you-"

"I told you before we left Hogwarts that you didn't need to be here. I told you I didn't need you. For whatever reason, you decided to come with me anyway. I didn't ask you why and frankly it doesn't matter why. Your reasons are your reasons. But I would appreciate it very much if you would stop acting like I dragged you along."

Draco was openly glaring at Hermione but he wasn't saying anything, so Hermione went on.

"I mean, Merlin Draco, you are free to leave at any time. I'm not holding you against your will, which is more than you can say."

"What-" Draco said in an affronted tone. Hermione cut him off before he could argue."I made it perfectly clear before we came here and several times since that I didn't want you touching me."

Draco's mouth snapped shut again.

"I'm going to say it one more time. Don't. Touch me. Don't kiss me. Don't ask me to let you put your arms around me just because you know I feel sorry for you."

Draco eyes darkened as he said, "I told you I don't need your pity-"

Hermione ignored him as she went on. "I've had enough of you taking advantage of me-"

"Taking advantage of you?" Draco said incredulously. "What the fuck are you talking about, Granger? I have never taken advantage of you."

"Oh please. The first time I can look past. It was a stupid mistake and I have no idea where it came from. But the second time, in that alley, that was you taking advantage of me in my weakness."

Draco stared at her for a moment as though he was deciding on what to say. "I don't know what the hell you're talking about, about me taking advantage of you – but as I recall, you kissed me back, Hermione."

"I – you…you knew I would. You know –" Hermione stuttered, not sure where to go. She had kissed him back but as she hadn't really faced that fact herself, she didn't quite know how to defend it. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea after all…

"I know what?" Draco pushed.

"You know – you know what you do to me! You make me weak…I –" Hermione realized just what she'd said and she knew from the stunned look on Draco's face that he did too, but she couldn't stop herself. "That's why you kissed me, because you know that I can't stop you."

Draco gawked at her for a moment before narrowing his eyes again. "Is that what you think? That I kissed you because I know you…fancy me, or something? Like I get some sick pleasure from knowing I can…control you?"

Hermione was blushing but she looked at him defiantly at him. "That's exactly what I think."

Draco could have pushed the issue of her admitting she fancied him, but instead he went on. "Let me tell you something, Granger. Listen closely. I have no shortage of women who fancy me. I can have any woman I want. I don't need to take advantage of anyone. I don't need to force anyone to kiss me. I kissed you because I wanted to kiss you – because I like kissing you."

Hermione felt like she'd been slapped across the face. She didn't know how to begin to process this information, let alone form a response to it. A million confused thoughts were running through her head and she didn't even have enough room to be annoyed by his arrogance. She didn't know what to think, or say, so she finally settled on, "Why?"

Draco actually laughed out loud at this, which then caused him to start coughing and cringing. His body doubled up in a spasm and before Hermione knew what she was doing she was sitting next to him on the bed with her hand on his forehead.

It took several long moments before Draco had a hold on himself but by that time it was too late. Hermione had already put her hand on him.

"So you're allowed to touch me but I'm not allowed to touch you?" he said in a scratchy voice, turning on to his side to glare at her.

She removed her hand from his skin hastily and looked away. "That's different," she muttered.

"How?" he challenged.

"I – I touched you because you're sick. You touch me because…because…you –"

"There you go assuming you know my motives again. Well since you started, why do you think I touch you? Out of curiosity." Draco raised his eyebrows expectantly. "Let's have it then."

"I…I-" Hermione had no idea what to say because she wasn't really sure what she was thinking. She did her best to collect her thoughts, and then went ahead cautiously. "I don't know why you do it, Malfoy. You are the one who's always said you wouldn't ever touch a 'mudblood.' You explain it to me."

Draco was silent for a while, as he looked her. "Things are different now, Granger," he finally said.

"What's changed?" she asked.

"You wouldn't understand."

Hermione felt like they were going in circles, skirting around something important, but never touching it. She wanted him to make her understand. She wanted to know exactly what had changed, but he wouldn't speak.

"I think you're afraid," she whispered.

"No, you're afraid," he countered.

"I'm not afraid! What would I be afraid of? You're changing the subject because you don't want to tell me just exactly what the hell your problem is!"

"You are afraid. And I'm not changing the subject. This is the subject. You keep running away from me."

"What?"

"You heard me. I've kissed you twice now and both times it ended because you freaked out and ran away. Explain that."

When Hermione didn't respond he went on.

"Jesus, Granger. All I did was kiss you. People do it every day. It's not that big a deal."

That did it. Once again, Hermione felt like he'd slapped her across the face.

"That's just it, Malfoy! It is a big deal. Kissing is a big deal, to me. That's why I don't want you kissing me; because it means nothing to you. I'm not just some girl who throws herself at you. I know how you work, Malfoy. You turn on the charm and women fall at your feet. You kiss them, and you sleep with them, and then you walk away. Well you're not going to do that with me. I'm not going to be your crutch."

"My what?"

"The last thing keeping you from rock bottom, the thing you use to make yourself feel better."

"But that's what you're best at, Granger, pitying me," Draco scoffed bitterly. "I don't need you as a crutch and I don't need your pi-"

"That's what you think? That I pity you?"

Draco clenched his jaw and looked away.

Suddenly it was all making sense to Hermione. He thought she felt sorry for him and he didn't like the way it felt.

"Well you're right. I do pity you –" Draco looked sharply up at her – "but not because you lost your mother. I pity you because you're too stubborn to see what's right in front of you. You are going to live a long life alone, Malfoy."

It was as though someone had lit a fire in Draco's cool silver eyes.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean? What's right in front of me? Surely you don't mean you. You won't even let me touch you for God's sake."

Hermione was speechless again. How could she possibly explain that she wouldn't let him touch her because she was in love with him? It barely made sense to her…

"No. I think it all goes back to the same thing, Granger, that you're afraid. You're afraid of me. You're afraid to kiss me because of the way it makes you feel. You're afraid to give up control for even a second because that would mean that you aren't perfect, and Merlin knows we can't have that!" he mocked heatedly.

"I am not afraid."

"Yes, you are. That's what this is about. That's all this is about." He said, nodding in a way that infuriated her.

"Fuck you!" she spat. He looked mildly taken aback but she wanted him to yell back at her. She wanted to him to feel what she was feeling. "How would you know what this is about? You have no idea why…I – I never said I was perfect. You sit there and you act like you know what I'm thinking but you have no clue…"

Hermione was utterly torn. She knew she couldn't give too much away. She was backed into a corner and she couldn't get up and run out of the room because that would prove that he was right, that she was afraid. And she couldn't tell him that she was in love with him and that everything he did, everything he said, every move he made meant something to her because it came from him. If he knew that she might as well dig her own grave right then and there. She was completely stuck.

But then the only part that was left of Hermione took over. It was the strongest part of her. It was the part of her that had sustained and defined her up until this moment: determination.

"I am not afraid," she said as she looked evenly into his eyes, trying to keep from him the torment she was battling.

"Prove it."

"Wha-"

"Kiss me."

Hermione felt her heart leap out of her chest. She could hear her pulse in her head and she wondered if her neighbors three houses down could hear it too.

"If you aren't afraid, then kiss me."

Hermione didn't take her eyes from Draco's as she sat there thinking desperately. She knew she shouldn't. She knew it was a bad idea. If she kissed him like this, voluntarily, then he'd know for sure. She'd never be able to say again that he'd kissed her against her will. But another part of her needed to face this. These feelings she was having were slowly tearing her apart from the inside and she knew as she looked into his eyes that she needed to stop running from them.

Responding to his challenge as much as her own, she leaned in towards him. His grey eyes were dark and his breathing was shallow and she knew she was the same. She thought her heart was going to pound a whole in her chest. She kept her eyes on his until the very last moment until her lips were only millimeters from his. Then she let her eyes fall shut and closed the distance to his lips with a tiny upward tilt of her chin.

His lips were soft and warm and the moment they touched he took in a quick breath through his nose and opened his mouth. Hermione felt lightheaded as her body took over. With someone else, open mouths might have been too much, but with Draco, it was just another challenge that he was almost daring her to back away from.

But she didn't back away, and she found she didn't want to back away.

She pushed her tongue into his open mouth and ran it along the edge of his, tasting him. She just wanted to feel him. His mouth was warm and welcoming and at the same time, it felt like she was in dangerous territory and it thrilled her. She deepened the kiss by pushing her open mouth harder against his and provoking his tongue to respond to hers.

Very soon, the two of them were openly battling with each other, willing each other to give in, to see who could handle more. It was the single most intimate moment Hermione had experienced up to that point – just two bodies breathing and understanding what was at stake.

Hermione moaned into Draco's mouth and he bit down gently on her tongue, which only threw oil on the fire inside her. She clenched her eyes shut tightly and sucked his tongue into her mouth. He took the hint and did to her what she'd been doing to him, though with a little more skill.

Hermione felt like she was drowning, but she couldn't fight it. She opened her eyes for a moment out of sheer curiosity and found his eyes closed just as tightly as hers had been. She wondered then for the first time if it really was possible that he was feeling what she was feeling. Dare she hope? Maybe it was possible that she wasn't alone.

But how could that be true…? This was Draco Malfoy. She didn't know what possible reason he could have for kissing her… Could it be true that he felt something for her?

She pulled away from him only enough to speak. "Why?" she whispered.

He opened his eyes and looked questioningly at her. "What?"

"Why are you doing this?"

Draco gazed at her and shook his head, not understanding what she was asking. He leaned in to kiss her again but she pulled back.

He bit his lip and closed his eyes again. "What?"

Hermione didn't know what to say. A thousand thoughts and memories were running through her head. She wanted so much to believe that it was possible that he had feelings for her, and that that was why he was kissing her like this, but the word 'mudblood' was pounding against her skull like a broken record.

"Would you really let me bleed to death?" she asked, dreading the answer.

Draco's eyes snapped open. "What?"

"You said that if you had it to do over again, you'd let me bleed to death. Would you?"

Draco looked momentarily stunned, but it passed quickly, and then he started laughing.

Hermione felt like someone had just dumped ice water on her. She made a quick move to get away from him but he grabbed her arm.

"Where are you going?" he asked, his eyes still laughing.

"Let go of me," she whispered, fighting back tears, taking his laughter to mean that he would, in fact, let her bleed to death.

"No. Get back here," he said with a light chuckle.

Hermione didn't have the strength to fight him. She let her arm go limp and looked at the floor. She felt the tears she'd been fighting spill out of her eyes and saw them splash on the floor by her feet. She was wrecked.

"Hermione, look at me," Draco said, his tone a little more serious this time, as though he was just realizing she was upset.

Hermione shook her head. There was no way she was going to let him see her cry like this.

"Look at me," his voice came from closer. His hand came to the side of her face and turned her so he could look at her. She closed her eyes, refusing to look at him, refusing to give him the satisfaction.

"Oh Jesus, you were serious?" Draco asked dubiously.

Hermione opened her eyes in surprise. He reached out and stroked the side of her face and she clenched her jaw in belligerence.

"Do you really think I would let you die?" he asked incredulously.

"You're the one that said it!" she said through gritted teeth. She hated it when he treated her like she'd missed something.

"I know, but that was before…Hermione, look at me." He put a hand on either side of her face and she opened her eyes reluctantly.

"I wouldn't let you die. If I had it to do over again, I would do exactly what I did."

Hermione looked into his eyes and knew he was telling the truth. She closed her eyes and let out a shaky sigh, still not wanting to break down and cry. So he didn't want her dead...that didn't mean he had feelings for her.

Draco started laughing again and Hermione stiffened. "You know, for someone as smart as you are, you really are incredibly stupid."

"What's that supposed to mean?" she spat angrily. This was more like it. It was much easier to be angry with him than to feel hurt by him. "You know what, I don't care. If this is another one of your, 'Granger is a stupid hypocrite' speeches, spare me. I don't want to hear it."

"You really don't get it, do you, Granger?"

Hermione stared blankly at him, readying herself for another battle.

Draco stared at her, each moment that passed bringing more disbelief to his eyes.

"You really don't get it…"

"Stop saying that!" Hermione snapped. "And stop laughing!"

Draco was chuckling in mirth now, and although part of his amusement could be blamed on the residual inebriation, it was like nails on a blackboard.

"I'm sorry Granger…really I am." – Hermione stiffened again, this could be headed nowhere good. – "I just find it funny that Little Miss Perfect can't tell when a guy's in love with her."

000

A/N – I listened to 'Get Another Boyfriend' like 87 times while writing this chapter…don't know if that has any significance. (other than that I have cheesy taste in music)

Ummm, again, I'm sorry you had to wait a week for this chapter. I was pretty much out for the count for three days, but I'm okay now, so I should have the next chapter up soon.

We'll get Draco's point of view and Hermione's reaction in chapter 21!

I'm feeling pretty unsure about this chapter…PLEASE tell me what you think!

REVIEW!

Amanda

8-21-06

9-26-06

I know a lot of you are impatient for chapter 21. I'm working on it currently, but am suffering from that insolent bastard that is writer's block. It's coming, slowly but surely. I really need to step back and organize my outline before I continued. I don't want to let this story get away from me and I feel it's more important to get the story the exact way I want it than to pop a new chapter out as fast as I can write them. So take consolation in knowing that the longer you have to wait for the chapter, the better it will be – at least in my eyes. This story is really important to me and I want to get it right. Your understanding and patience is appreciated.

Also, I want to make it very clear that the relationship between Draco and Hermione will continue to develop slowly. There will come a point when things speed and heat up, but we're not there yet. Yes, Draco has admitted his feelings, sort of, but it is simply not realistic to think that the relationship between these two would be as easy as that. Still, rest assured this will have a happy ending, and there will be no doubt of just how powerfully they feel for each other by the end. I swear. : )

Thanks again for reading. Even if you don't review, it means a lot to me that I have so many people following this story. I'm trying my very best to keep it up to scratch.