When You Are Beside Me

Athrun, you're the loneliest person I've met but still I left you. You, who had no one.

I thought I was alone, but I've realized I've had people around me all along, I just didn't accept them. But now I know and I know there is another place than loneliness for you too, and I will take you there.

You're broken, I knew, but still I left you. I was always insecure about your love because you couldn't show it very well. The thing is, even though I tried to love you unconditionally, I couldn't. Of course anyone could have told me it wouldn't work but I probably wouldn't have listened anyway.

But the truth is I could feel it, you couldn't express your love in words but in your own way you showed it to me. Yes, somewhere I knew you loved me, but still I left you. Maybe it was the shock of hearing you say those things and the shock of learning you had a fiancée. But at that moment when I looked in your eyes I saw that you didn't mean what you said. You had the saddest eyes.

I saw you but still I left you to break.

But even without witnessing that fight I probably wouldn't have stayed. I was tired, dead tired of the routine we had stuck ourselves in. Since neither of us were honest, we didn't help each other. Instead we on each other and my energy had reached its bottom and in the end I had nothing left for you. Your inconsistency, warm one moment just to be cold the next. Your sometimes cruel and violent behaviour, I let it pass every time. I was so insecure, you were so insecure. We made so many mistakes.

I have probably hurt a lot of people. Now when I think about it I was really arrogant, I was so trapped in my suffering that I was convinced no one could understand me. I gave people what I thought they wanted instead of showing what I really felt. It didn't strike me that it was unfair to judge them like that without giving them the opportunity to decide for themselves. I guess when you're depressed you don't see anyone else, you turn away from other people when it's their support you need the most. I left home because I felt like I was trapped in a cage, I was depressed and felt lonely. I wanted freedom, I wanted friends and I got what I wanted but in the end I couldn't connect. If I had given them a chance things probably wouldn't have gone this far. Fllay, Miri and not the least Kira tried to help me but I didn't let them. I left without saying anything, but when I meet them again I will apologise and I hope they will forgive me.

And I will come back to your side and this time, Athrun, I will wipe the tears that never have run down you cheeks, I will kiss them away and I will reach you.

I

Cagalli looked at the school gates she had left about four months ago and she couldn't help but feel nervous and tense. What would they say when they saw her? Would they forgive her for leaving so suddenly without telling anyone?

With her father's help she had received permission to study at home with a private teacher following the school's curriculum and still be able to take the final exams. Actually it had been her father's suggestion, she thought back on the conversation she had with him.

Of course he had been very surprised to hear that she had come back home, and that evening he came home unusually early and knocked at the door to her room. Cagalli who was lying in her bed crying into her pillow answered weakly. Even if it was her beloved father who she hadn't seen in several months, she couldn't bring herself get up from her bed.

"Cagalli, let's eat dinner together tonight, it's been so long since we saw each other. I'll be waiting in the dining room, you can take your time and come when you're ready." He said to the door and she could hear his footsteps disappear down the hall.

Cagalli stayed in her bed for a while, before she decided to finally go down to her father. First she washed her face with cold water, in hope that it would take away the swollenness.

When she came into the dining room her father was, like he had said, already sitting there. For a while they ate in silence, Cagalli ate to even though she didn't have any appetite, she didn't want to make her father worry more than he already did. Objectively she could understand it was exquisitely made but it didn't taste nearly as good as Athrun's cooking, maybe it was a matter of mood?

When they had put down their knives and forks diagonally on their plates and the maids took out them and placed elegant little coffee cups in front of them instead, Uzumi finally opened his mouth,

"Cagalli, I regret that I made you stay inside your whole childhood. When you were born and your mother died, I thought I would never want to experience that kind of pain again. I wanted to protect you from everything but I didn't noticed how it made you feel until very recently. That's why I let you, move away from home. It was really a selfish wish from your father it would heal the damage I caused you by locking you inside and not letting you go to school with other children. I didn't notice it was eating your soul, until I saw you weren't smiling at me anymore. Not like before. I was very worried of course, but I gambled and hoped that this would save you."

"Father…"

"And I noticed, when I talked to you on the phone, you had changed. I heard the old Cagalli when you amusedly talked about you're friends and what happened at school. I was really pleased, I thought that things would be alright. But now you've come back home, and you say you don't want to return to school. Are you really sure?"

"…I'm sure, I don't want to go back there." Cagalli stared at the coffee she barely touched, even if she drank it now, it wouldn't taste good anymore. It was already lukewarm.

"I don't know what happened and you don't have to tell me if you don't want to. But I don't want you to make any rash decisions, you looked like you were really feeling well when I talked to you. Tell you what, I will call the school and make special arrangements so that you can study home with a private teacher and then if you change your mind, you can take the exams in May. How does that sound?"

"…Ok" Cagalli nodded hesitantly, it couldn't hurt anyway.

"You need time to think about what you really want. Think carefully and make your decision after that. I will support you whatever the answer may be, I will always be on your side Cagalli." Uzumi smiled warmly at her.

Her father understood her better than she had thought, she never knew he felt like that. And now she was standing outside the school again, she had come back. She would find the place where she belonged.

I

"Cagalli!" Fllay got off from her chair so suddenly it fell to the floor to with a loud bang. She ran to Cagalli and hugged her hard. Tears started falling.

"You're really back?" Fllay asked between the sobs.

"I'm back, Fllay." Cagall smiled and hugged Fllay back.

"You traitor! Why did you leave without saying anything? Do you know how worried we've been about you?"

"I'm sorry."

"Well sorry isn't good enough! Explain!"

"Let the girl breathe for a moment Fllay." Miriallia said. "Hi, Cagalli good to see you again." She continued and smiled.

"Hi, Miri." Cagalli smiled too.

Mirialla pushed Fllay away and gave Cagalli a hug and said, "Welcome back."

"Thanks."

They let go of each other and Cagalli looked to the direction where Kira used to sit and she saw how he had gotten up from his chair and he was looking straight at her.

"Kira…" she said. She felt awkward, it was hard to figure out what to say, even if she had gone through this in her head hundreds of times.

"Cagalli!" he shouted and rushed to her and hugged her.

"Kira…" she was a little surprised at first but then she returned the hug. She was relieved that he didn't avoid her, this perhaps meant that he would forgive her, she hoped he would.

Suddenly the door was opened, "Cagalli-cutie! You're really back, I heard someone had seen you. I didn't dare to believe it, but it's true!"

"Heine!" Cagalli said surprised and found herself in his arms.

"Come on everybody, what are you waiting for? Group hug!" Heine encouraged the others who were…

"What hell are you saying you pervert!? But what I really want to know is, what am I doing here!?" Yzak.

"Relax Yzak, you might as well be honest. It's obvious to everyone you're glad to see Cagalli anyway." Dearka.

"I don't know if I should… but hey what the heck." Nicol.

"Ahem, sorry to break up the reunion, but we're trying having a lesson here." The teacher said, and they noticed that the rest of the class were looking at them quite strangely.

"I'm sorry Miss Ramias." Cagalli said quickly and turned to Heine and the rest, "Can we continue this at lunch instead?"

"Of course, I want to continue as well. I want to give you as many hugs I can before you know who kills me by glaring a hole in my back."

"Eh, Ok…" Cagalli smiled hesitantly.

"Ok, everyone please take their seats." Murrue said and the ones who didn't belong there had to return to their own classrooms.

It had been easier than she thought to come back, everyone had received her with open arms (literally), but it didn't change it had been hard too. It wasn't as easy to forgive herself as it seemed to be for her friends to forgive her. And some still kept a grudge…

"Hey what do you know, baby tiger is back!"

"Are you still going to call me that!?"

"I've never called you baby tiger before. You know I haven't forgiven you for ditching the team…" Mwu said smiling a scary smile.

"Hehehe… he he." Cagalli laughed nervously as cold sweat was forming on her forehead.

"Look forward to 200 push ups next practice."

"200! That's impossible."

"Ha, nothing is impossible. Remember I'm the guy who makes the impossible possible."

"What on earth are you talking about?"

"Just be sure to show up at practice, or suffer unimaginably horrible consequences." Mwu flashed white smile and winked before he continued down the corridor.

Mwu La Fllaga definitely hadn't forgiven her yet, she still felt the effect from his killer exercise. That demon teacher, someday she would make him pay…

Another thing she had been worried about proved to go surprisingly smoothly. Lacus Clyne, the girl who had been Athrun's fiancé. She looked so perfect it was hard to believe how someone like that could exist. But they weren't engaged anymore. When she was still at home Cagalli had let Kisaka investigate Lacus, she wanted to know the truth behind what Kira had said that cold winter day.

Lacus was a pop-idol who was extremely poplar in Orb, and even had a budding international career. She and Athrun had been engaged for three years, by agreement of their fathers, but in February the engagement seemed to have been annulled by the Clyne side. The fact that they weren't engaged anymore didn't stop Cagalli from feeling a little awkward facing her. Even if Cagalli hadn't been aware of it, she had been with Athrun while they still were engaged. She understood that it had been a business agreement without feelings involved but still…
But every worry was cleared when she actually talked to Lacus, they got along very well. Lacus was very sweet and it was impossible not to be charmed by her.

Fllay who had been appalled at first that Cagalli became friends with Lacus, soon gave up to Cagalli's persuasion though not without complaining. It would be to go too far to say they were the best of friends but still they tolerated each other to everyone's relief. The atmosphere in the classroom had become pretty frosty because of their continuing fight. Or more accurately it was Fllay who one-sidedly had decided to make Lacus her enemy.

But the greatest problem still remained, a week had passed since Cagalli came back and Athrun did his outmost to avoid her. It was more than obvious. He looked shocked when he first saw her, he just looked at her ignoring Heine who was dancing around him. But after that he hadn't looked at her once, she tried to catch his eye, she tried to talk to him but it was all in vain. Was this his reply? You betrayed me and left, don't think you can just come back like nothing happened? He made it hard for her, she wanted to talk to him but it became harder for every day that went by. It was hard to be rejected every time and she felt how she became more and more cowardly.

I

Athrun was sitting alone in the student council room, thinking. He never thought this would happen that Cagalli would come back. At first he had just been shocked and maybe even glad, he didn't even have room to be bothered by Heine who was making a fuss around him. But then he started thinking, why had she come back? Was it for his sake? That was hard to believe, it wasn't like they could just start all over.

While Cagalli was gone he felt like hole was spreading inside, he felt like he became more and more hollow for each day that went. But she looked like she hadn't been affected what so ever, no in fact she looked better than he had ever seen her. She laughed easily and her gaze full of confidence and didn't sway, how come she was like that when he had nothing of that?

He began to avoid her, afraid of the final rejection perhaps. If he avoided her, he would at least not have to hear it from her lips: that it was over. It was kind of a comfort that he still could have the illusion left. If he talked to Cagalli even that would disappear and then there would be nothing left, for real this time.

"Athrun." He heard a voice he knew too well, a person he really didn't want to deal with right now.

"Yzak." Athrun answered stiffly.

Yzak seated himself and looked at Athrun and Athrun stared back. They continued like that for a while until Yzak finally opened his mouth again,

"To be honest, I don't like you."

"Tell me something I don't already know."

"I used to see you as a rival you know, and then I got angry when I noticed that you didn't care at all. It really pissed me off when I noticed you looked down on everybody. It was extremely frustrating to see that you managed to get the highest grades without any effort and I envied you. But I don't anymore, I pity you Athrun because you're pathetic." Yzak stopped and looked at him.

"…" Athrun unconsciously tightened his fists, but he didn't say anything and Yzak continued,

"I don't know what happened between you and Cagalli and I don't really want to know. But you'll regret it if you don't take this chance to settle things between you, anyway you owe it to Cagalli."

"What the fuck gives you the right to give me advice? You don't know fuck about me." Athrun said boiling with anger, he had tried to press it away but it was impossible.

Yzak looked surprised at first but then smiled amusedly, "It seems I hit a nerve."

"Fuck you." Athrun muttered and was getting ready to leave when Yzak said, "But anyway it must mean a lot to you. This was the first time you got angry at me for real, you've never taken anything I said seriously before."

"Whatever." Athrun said and turned his back on the student council room. The stress and irritation were piling up, his carefully controlled exterior was beginning to crack.

He headed towards the main entrance and from a distant he could see long pink hair and for a second he thought about taking another exit but changed his mind when he saw who she was talking to, Cagalli and Kira. He knew he didn't have the right to feel jealous but it didn't help, the hole in his heart just became wider. As he got closer Kira seemed to notice him and said something to Lacus and then Cagalli and he left while Lacus remained.

It was a comfort that Lacus was in the same situation. He noticed that Lacus was interested in Kira, and at least he could delight in her misfortune because there was no way Kira would return those feelings.

"So, even the famous Lacus Clyne has faults…" Athrun said smiling maliciously as he reached her.

Lacus quickly turned around and answered, "Of course, I'm only human, everyone has faults. It's just that some have more than others."

"And by "some" you mean me?"

"Oh? I said no such thing." Lacus smiled sweetly at him, and it made him irritated. He knew she really didn't mean that smile and he felt like hurting her.

"Anyway, it's no use going after Kira. He's interested in someone else."

"I know."

"And you still go after him? That's why women are stupid, they cling on, even if there is no chance no matter how much they get hurt."

"It's called love, Athrun, but you wouldn't know anything about it."

"You think you know me so well don't you? So what if I don't know what love is, it doesn't change that it's stupid."

"Perhaps you're right, but it doesn't matter anyway."

"But still, to think that you would do this. You've been so condemning towards me, and now you're doing the same thing yourself... Don't you think it's a little slutty? Throwing yourself at another guy when you're engaged?"

Lacus expression hardened for an instant but then she smiled, "What can you possibly be talking about? I don't have a fiancée."

"…What kind of joke is that? We're engaged no matter how much we don't want it." Athrun couldn't hide the shock of Lacus sudden declaration.

"Oh, has no body told you? The engagement has been annulled since almost four months."

"You're lying."

"I'm not lying, I was the one who annulled it. I asked my father, and he agreed to my request. You see, my father cares about me… I hope you don't think I would stand being married to you for the rest of my life?" Lacus now looked almost triumphant, she knew that she had won.

"…" Athrun was at loss for words, not in his wildest dreams he could have imagined this.

"So I would appreciate if you didn't put me in the category as you, we're nothing alike. And if you don't believe me why don't you talk to your father, he will tell you. Well, if you would excuse me…" Lacus finally said and left.

Athrun could just stand there, it was hard even to breathe. It felt like if he would stop breathing that moment, it would be a relief.

I

"It's been a while since I was here…" Cagalli had finally decided to deal with the situation. First she agreed with Kira to come over to his house, she had a lot things she wanted to talk to him about and she wanted to tell him what she was about to do.

"Yeah, I was afraid you'd never come back." Kira said smiling as he took a sip from his coke.

"Well, that was my original intention." Cagalli smiled apologetically.

"Cagalli… I've been wanting to apologise to you all this time."

"What are you talking about? I'm the one who should apologise, I said horrible things to you when you were only worrying about me, and then I left without saying anything."

"You did say some pretty harsh words, and I was pretty mad at the time. But even if I was stressed I pushed you, and I could have said things in another way. I didn't want you to get hurt but I ended up hurting you instead."

"Don't worry about it, I think nothing about it."

"Really!? I was afraid it was my fault you left."

"You thought that?"

"Well yeah, kind of. Well not all my fault, mostly Athrun's but still…"

"No, it wasn't your fault at all. Athrun did have something to do with it, but in the end it was my own decision. Normally you don't run away just because you've been dumped."

"Athrun… So you really were together huh?"

"Yeah…" Cagalli answered and continued, "Kira… about what you said that night."

"What do you mean?"

"You know, that you eh… love me."

"Oh, that…" Kira laughed dryly.

"I didn't answer properly that time."

"It's ok, you don't have to. I understand."

"No, I owe you a real answer. I want you to know that I'm really happy for your feelings but I can't return them. I love you, but as a friend. Maybe it's cruel to ask you this but I want us to be friends."

"No, I want us to be friends! I'm ashamed to admit it, but I was happy with the way things were. I didn't want anything to change but when I saw Athrun and you I panicked and acted before I really understood what I really felt."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, I love you. I feel like I can connect with you. But I think it's different than being in love. Somehow I got jealous anyway, maybe I wanted to be the one closest to you. I'm sorry it ended up this way. I made Athrun promise he wouldn't go after you, maybe that's why he did, just because I told him not to, but I really didn't think he was that kind of person. Come to think of it, the worst thing for me was Athrun's betrayal. I really thought I knew him."

"Do you really believe that? Do you really believe Athrun is that kind of person?"

"What are you talking about, you heard him right? He said those terrible things about you, sorry but if he really loved you he wouldn't say something like that."

"I can't say I wasn't hurt by what he said, but I don't think he meant a single word of it."

"Then why has he avoided you since you came back? He should have taken the chance and apologise to you immediately!"

"Because he is a coward, I think he is afraid of rejection. He is a person who doesn't know how to deal with feelings. It's pretty obvious he puts up a shell to protect himself from being hurt, sadly that has made him lonely."

"…"

"Have you spoken to Athrun at all since the fight?"

"No…"

"Do you think Athrun is unaffected by this, do you think he doesn't care?"

"…"

"You miss him too, don't you? You want to make up don't you?"

"…honestly I've seen how Athrun's gotten worse by the day. I've seen how he's been doing. But I haven't been able to forgive him, possibly because I haven't been able to forgive myself. And more than anything I'm angry, no furious that he didn't trust me. He could just have asked me to shut up when I asked him to stay away from you. Or if he changed his mind he could have just told me the truth, sure I would have been angry but it probably would have passed. At least he would have been honest, but now he didn't trust our friendship enough to tell me. It feels so sad."

"It's not that I don't understand how you feel, but right now he isn't strong enough to do that. I'm going over to his place tonight, I'm going to talk with him and we'll see what happens after that."

"Are you going to see him? Then I'm coming too, I can't let you go alone."

"No, I have to do this by myself. I'm sorry but you'll only be in the way. But if I manage to talk to him and he agrees to see you, are you willing to forgive him?"

"It depends, if he does something to hurt you then I'm not. But otherwise, at least I'm willing to talk. Truthfully I miss him, and I'm really worried about him but he can't keep acting like this."

"Great! I guess I'll be heading over there now then. I'll call you later."

"Be careful, if anything happens be sure to call me."

"You worry too much, I can take care of myself, Kira."

I

"What is the meaning of this father!?" Athrun screamed, he felt anger boil up with such ferocity he was afraid of what he might do. For one thing he had not once raised his voice to his father before, but it was like his mind had turned blank, and all that was left was bitterness and resentment and furiousness. This, on top of all that had happened, was the last straw.

"Don't you take that tone with me Athrun! Yes, the engagement is annulled since Februari, but you were never attached to Miss Clyne so you shouldn't have any objections. Now leave this room, I don't have time for your petty complaints."

"Don't you think you should have let me know sooner? After all it is my life we're talking about here." Athrun tried to control himself.

"I didn't find it necessary, in any case I'm too busy to worry about your discontent. You just make sure that you graduate with top grades and get your ass to university. I'll let you know when I've decided on a new fiancée for you. You better make sure you don't screw it this time."

"What am I to you anyway? Just a tool to grab new business advantages?" Athrun took the courage to ask the question he had wanted to ask for so many years now. Not that he expected anything but he couldn't help feel incredible disappointment when he heard his father's answer.

"Now that's enough of your insolence, get out of here right now. Shouldn't you be studying for your exams?" Patrick pressed a button on his desk. "Show Mr. Zala out." Of course his father wouldn't say it wasn't true. He knew that and still asked, maybe that was what being stupid meant.

Immediately two robust looking men in suits showed up and positioned themselves on both sides of Athrun.

"This way please, Mr Zala." One of them said and pushed Athrun's back.

"I can find my out on my own thank you." Athrun said rudely and shook off the unwelcome hands.

When he got out he hit the wall with his fist, "FUCK, FUCK, FUCK!" He was so angry he didn't know what to do. It was obvious that his father couldn't care less about him, his father probably wouldn't even care if he died if it wasn't for the fact that he would be loosing an heir. Athrun thought that he had gotten over the fact that his father didn't love him, that he didn't care about what his father thought about him. But now it hurt like hell. He laughed bitterly at being so pathetic, how much he even tried he would never be able to break free from his father's clutches. But now he wanted to get an outlet for his anger, he wanted to hurt someone just as he had been hurt, he wanted a shag.

He wandered around aimlessly for some time, and before he knew it he was almost outside his home. He might as well go home, and he could call someone over. In any case this way was much more practical, he was after all Athrun Zala, he didn't have to put any effort to get laid.

But when he reached the gate he saw the person he least expected to be there and at the same the person he least wanted to be there. He decided he would try to leave without her noticing it but it was too late, she caught his eye. He could see she looked at him with sympathy and it made him a little irritated, he didn't want her pity, he didn't deserve it.

"Athrun…" She said.

"Cagalli" He merely stated.

"Ah, eh… Athrun I…"

"What do you want?" He interrupted her coldly.

She looked a little surprised at first but then sad, "I, I just wanted to talk."

"I can't talk to you right now Cagalli, cause if I'll do I don't know what I might do." He said bitterly.

"Athrun, did something happen?" She said softly and reached out her arm.

"Don't touch me! Didn't I tell you? I don't know what I might do to you. Get away from me." He screamed but Cagalli didn't budge.

"Didn't you hear me, please go Cagalli." He begged. "I don't want to hurt you."

Cagalli just smiled a gentle smile and reached out her hands and touched his cheeks, "I don't care. Athrun let me share your pain, don't shut me out." She gently stroked his hair and embraced him.

"Why? Why are you doing this? I don't deserve it, I haven't done anything but bad things to you."

"That's not true, anyway let's get inside."

Athrun could just nod, all anger had just run out of him. Why did Cagalli have so much power over him? That she could calm him down so easily in an instant?

A little while later when they sat silent on the side of Athrun's bed, it was Athrun who first broke the silence, "So why are you here?" He didn't look her in the eye but stared intently at the floor.

"I told you right? I want to talk or rather perhaps I want to explain."

"What is there to talk about? You heard me before right? I don't love you, I was only playing with you."

Cagalli continued as she hadn't heard what he said, "Truthfully I was at my limit even if I hadn't overheard you and Kira I probably would have left. I was at a point where I couldn't think about anything but myself. I was shocked of course, that you had a fiancée. But that wasn't the reason I left..."

At the mention of the word "fiancée" Athrun froze and he remembered his meeting with his father again, and anger began to boil up again.

Cagalli noticed the change in Athrun's mood, "Athrun?"

"Don't!"

She wasn't sure what he meant, he didn't want her talk or he didn't want her to touch him? She didn't care though, she wouldn't let him get away anymore, it was for his own good and of course for her own sake.

"Something has happened right? Tell me?"

"It's none of your business, I think it would be if best you leave now."

"Like hell I will!"

"Cagalli?" He looked at her surprised.

"I'm not letting you get away this time. I'm not gonna let you take the easy way out!" She screamed at him. Then followed with a softer voice, "It's alright you can confide in me."

"Why are you so kind to me? Is it pity? Frankly it pisses me off! You're wasting your breath, I'm not strong like you." Athrun spat out.

"It has nothing to do with pity and really I'm not that strong. And I don't think I'm superior to you in any way, I have plenty of ugly sides too as you know. The reason why I can't leave you alone is selfish and simple. It's because I love you of course, stupid."

"…" Athrun was lost for words. She had said it once before but this time it felt just as strong. After all they had been through it was hard to believe but when he looked in her eyes he knew it was true. He felt a lump in is throat and his eyes started to sting, a sad and nostalgic feeling. Tears? He swallowed hard to press them away.

Cagalli hugged him from the side and stroke his hair, "So tell me what's bothering you? You'll feel better if you let it out."

Athrun finally gave in and started to tell her about his meeting with his father. Cagalli just listened silently while gently holding him. Strangely he felt nostalgic, how long was it since someone held him like this? It reminded him of his mother, how she was busy with work but took time and always comforted him when he was sad. Now she was gone, and it was a long time since he had allowed himself to feel sad.

"I don't know why but nothing I've done have ever been good enough for him, I never managed to live up to his expectations. I can't remember him ever hugging me, when I brought home perfect grade cards he never praised me he just acted like it was obvious. I tried so hard to make him proud, to get a reaction from him but he's never praised me once.

He's never hugged me, not even when my mother died. He didn't comfort me, instead he told me not to disgrace him by crying when we were at the funeral. When we came home from the funeral, father must have drunken a bit but…, he said it would have been better if it was me who had died. That he wished that I had died instead. …Maybe it would be better if I was dead, you know I thought that so many times. I know he wouldn't miss me anyway."

Cagalli felt how tears were welling up, "You stupid idiot!"

"Cagalli?" Athrun asked confused by her reaction.

"Don't ever say something like that again! What would be better if you were dead? Answer me!"

"I wouldn't have to feel this pain for example…" Athrun answered hesitantly.

"So you you're just going to run away?"

"I haven't said I would do it, I probably don't have the guts, I'm a coward anyway."

"There's nothing brave about taking your own life. To live is hard, it's a struggle but you know there are rewards if you're willing to accept them."

Cagalli thought about what Athrun had told her, and she knew it was impossible to fully understand how Athrun felt. Even though her own father was busy, there was no doubt in her mind that he really loved her. But she did understand how hard it was to oppose your parent, if her father told her she would be engaged would she be able to oppose him? It wasn't unusual in their social sphere with arranged marriages, Athrun wasn't the only one. But after all that had happened to her the last year made her think, and Athrun who obeyed his father in almost everything wasn't the least bit happy even if he had more than most materially.

She slowly started talking again, she didn't know exactly what she wanted to say, but somehow she tried to put it into words,

"It must feel very lonely to feel like your own father doesn't love you. And I know you want his approval but that is not all of you, Athrun. I understand you want to be loved by him but you can't force him to, and living your life as he tells you isn't the answer, it won't make him love you more." She looked at him and smiled as she stroke his cheek gently and continued, "You can't change him, but you can change yourself. You only have one life, live it as you want to and not as your father wants to. I will be here for you, I will love so you don't have to worry. If you died Athrun, I would miss you, so don't do anything to make me sad, because I would be too sad."

The words just poured out of her, she didn't know if she made any sense, if he understood what she meant. But she just wanted him to know that she would be there for him. Honestly she was incredibly angry at Athrun's father, how could he say something like that to his own son, his own flesh and blood? How could he be so cruel to a child? Did he know what he was doing? But had swallowed that anger because she sensed that wasn't what Athrun needed right now.

"…Cagalli." He said and she could hear a sob.

She leaned back and lay on her back and reached out her arms to him as to invite him, he cuddled up against her and buried his face against her neck. She felt it get wet by the tears that were silently running down his cheeks. Soon she heard deep and regular breathing, he had apparently fallen asleep. She soon followed him and they lay there peacefully together until morning came.

I

"Cagalli."

"nng…"

"Cagalli, wake up." He shook her gently.

"What, is it morning already?"

"It's already noon."

Suddenly she opened her eyes wide open, "What the hell, I can't feel my arm!"

"Eh?"

"Athrun have you been sleeping on my arm the whole night? I can't feel it damn it!"

"Eh, I'm sorry I guess I must have." He smiled a little nervously.

"I guess it can't be helped but could you get off it right now?"

"Sorry." He apologised and sat up in the bed supporting himself with his right arm and looked down on her with gentle eyes.

Cagalli was busy with shaking life into her arm so she didn't notice at first but when she turned her eyes at him she asked curiously, "What?"

"Cagalli… until I met you I never felt this way. I didn't recognise it at first and I was confused. But the truth is… the truth is I love you. I love you so much I don't know what to do without you."

"I know" she answered a little teasingly.

"If you're willing to give me a second chance I promise it will be better this time."

"It better."

"Yeah." He smiled a little awkwardly as he wasn't exactly proud of what he had done.

"We won't keep it a secret this time." He continued.

"No, and you will talk to me when something is bothering you."

"Yeah, and the same to you. I want to be able to help you, I want to support you."

"Yeah, I'll make sure I will. Thanks Athrun."

"…" Athrun smiled teasingly.

"?" Cagalli looked at him questioningly.

"And I will help you get rid of these interfering clothes now."

"Eh? What? Wait Athrun!"

"No?"

"…No"

"No meaning you don't want to or no meaning it's Ok?"

"…It's ok." Cagalli couldn't help but blushing a little and Athrun who noticed widened his grin a little. It made her a little irritated and she wished she hadn't Okayed him, but as mortifying as it was she too wanted to feel him, it had been so long since she had.

He placed a kiss on her forehead and whispered in her ear, "Good, because I want you badly."

I

He lay on top of her and hugged her tight and he felt how her thin arms pressed against his back returning his hug. Oh my God, so this was what love felt like? This was how it felt to love someone so much it hurt. It made him scared because what would happen if he lost the one he loved again? He didn't want to think about it. Cagalli had come back to him. He knew that he had to trust her if he wanted to keep her, and more than anything he didn't want to hurt the person he loved the most. He had to trust Cagalli, trust that she had chosen him, trust that she wouldn't leave him again. She was all he had so he couldn't doubt her.

He held her tighter as if to confirm her existence and he felt how tears were burning his eyes again. He felt a little pathetic, he was crying again in spite of feeling so happy.

"Athrun?" Cagalli looked at him worriedly.

"It's nothing." He said hurriedly and wiped the tears with the back of his hand.

"I thought I told you, I don't want you to hide from me. If you want to cry you should cry."

"It's not like that, I don't know why I'm crying. It's just that I feel so happy."

"Athrun…"

"I'm so happy that you are here, I thought I lost you. But you're here, in my arms, holding me. It makes me feel so happy."

"I'm happy too, I don't want to be anywhere else."

"Promise me you won't go anywhere, don't leave me again, Cagalli."

"I won't leave you."

"You're the only one I got."

"That's not true Athrun, you've got Kira. And Heine and Nicol and everybody from the student council, everyone has been worried about you."

"They have?" Athrun looked surprised.

"Yes they have, even Yzak. You shouldn't push people away, there are people who care about you."

"Yzak has been worried about me? That's hard to believe." Athrun laughed dryly, "I thought everybody hated me. I haven't exactly done things to deserve people worrying about me."

"You certainly haven't made it easy for people to like you, but you should give them more credit than you do. They noticed that something was wrong of course, they're your friends."

"Friends?"

"Yes, your friends, you should talk to them. Thank them."

"…I will. Thank you Cagalli."

"Why do you thank me?"

"Because you don't let me get away. Because you make me want to be better, I'm too pathetic to figure these things on my own."

"You're not pathetic, you were just confused. You shouldn't degrade yourself all the time, no one can do everything on their own. It's ok to rely on others."

"How did this happen? I didn't know you were so mature."

"I'm not mature, I'm telling you these things but I might as well tell myself the same thing. It's just that I've had people who have helped me, like I'm trying to help you now. I'm just sure of two things, you can't manage being all alone. "

"What's the other one?"

Cagalli put a little more force in her arms that where embracing his back, "I love you." It was almost like a whisper but still it was clear and without hesitation.

Athrun didn't answer he just put his lips to hers, how long it was since they kissed.

How different it was to kiss her compared to others, he didn't feel emptiness or disgust, he felt love. Her lips were so soft and she was so warm. Warm enough to reach inside of him.

It was impossible to measure how much Cagalli meant to him, but one thing was certain: it was more than anything else, more than his father's approval and more than his pride. He knew that he would never regret Cagalli. In so many ways she had saved him and whatever happened from now on wouldn't change that.

He let go his thoughts, concentrating only on those lips and that body. This moment would be with him, always.

The End

I

I

So this is the end, I just want to thank everybody who has been reading this. I hope I've been able to entertain you, at least I've had fun. It's been a lot of work but I feel it's definitely been worth it. I hope this has made me a better writer, I'm not sure but I hope so. It definitely has made me much better at typing… Hopefully I've become a little better at English too. I still think it's hard to write in English, but that is something I share with many on this site. Still doing my best though…

Even if this story has ended, my love for asucaga has not! Be sure to look out for my new stories, I have two (or maybe three), ideas that I've been writing on.

Lastly, just for fun and as thanks for reading this story. If there is anyone who wants me to write a side story, you can pm me. Be sure to write what scenario you want and if there are any particular characters you want to be in it. So please don't hesitate, if there is a situation you want to read about, tell me and I just might write something about it. If there are several requests I will take the liberty of picking one.

Thank you, tack så mycket!

Lalalu