Apple Goes Too Far

For a moment Apple was too shocked and angry to speak. She just sat there and gaped like an outraged gargoyle.

"What did you say?" She finally said, in a quiet, dangerous voice. Raven had never heard Apple use that tone of voice before and it sent chills down her spine. Sparrow also looked pretty worried, but Rotbart didn't seem phased at all. He crouched down so he could look Apple in the eye and said in an equally quiet voice:

"I SAID: you sing like a drag queen with a head cold."

Apple couldn't believe it: this asshole-villain was criticizing her singing. Her SINGING! It was a low blow for any fairytale princess to take. Especially Apple, who was in deep, deep denial about her vocal prowess.

She promptly exploded. "I order you to take that back!" She yelled as she stood up in fury. She was so frightening that Odie immediately flew for the safety of his hole and several of the mice shat themselves on the floor before they scurried away.

Rotbart laughed aloud at this as he also stood up. "Hah! You order me to! That's rich. Let me tell you something, princess: I only listen to real royalty, and then only if I feel like it!"

"I'm your crown princess; royalty doesn't get more real than me!" Apple said haughtily.

"Oh yeah?" Rotbart challenged. "Then how come your singing sucks dragon dick? What princess sings like that? Seriously!"

"HOW DARE YOU!" Screeched Apple.

"How dare YOU make that noise in public?!" Rotbart retorted. "If you rule like you sing, this kingdom's going down the shitter!"

Raven tried to step in. "Haha, OK...funny joke Rotbart!" Raven said unconvincingly. "Oh you big kidder, he's just kidding around, aren't you, Rotbart?"

Rotbart gave his little sister a withering look that plainly said: You've got to be kidding me!

Raven tried again. "Oh come on, you've always said Sparrow was the worst singer in the kingdom!" She said.

"HEY!" Sparrow said. Raven gave him a pointed look, and Sparrow thankfully caught on. "Erm, I mean...yeah...WORST PIPES IN DA KINGDOM THAT'S ME-OW YEEEEAAAH!" He screech-sang. Sparrow Hood may not have been the sharpest arrow in the quiver, but even he realized it was best to put out this fire as quickly as possible.

"Yes. I have said that, multiple times." Rotbart admitted. "And it's completely true." Raven and Sparrow heaved a small sigh of relief and even Apple looked a little mollified by that statement.

"But I think Princess Apple is quite easily the worst singer in the WORLD." Rotbart declared.

Raven and Sparrow quickly braced themselves for Apple's reaction. Tears? Tantrum? Threats? Tongue-lashing? Terrible, terrible violence? Who knew? They were shocked (and quite frankly, terrified) when they saw a sinister grin creep over Apple's lovely face like a sunrise.

"So. You hate my singing THAT much, huh?" Apple said in that quiet voice again. Rotbart slowly nodded, like a man in a trance. For some reason, Apple was extremely fascinating to him right now; he couldn't explain it, but that spoiled, blase' princess was a lot prettier when she looked like she was plotting something.

And then Apple started singing again:

All the doves love to fly

And the hares love to burrow...

Raven groaned. She had heard Apple sing this cutesy princess song a hundred times and she knew it was the sort of song that Rotbart loathed with a passion. This can only end in tears...she thought.

Once again, Rotbart acted as though someone was physically attacking him. He collapsed to his knees and then started writhing on the floor in total agony, cursing in his first language:

"Заткнись, О, Боже, Заткнись ты, сука!" He howled. But Apple just smiled and continued singing.

And then Raven suddenly noticed that Rotbart's right hand was starting to glow with a dark blue light. And that could only mean one thing!

"Apple!" Raven said urgently. "Stop! Stop before he-"

But it was too late. Rotbart zapped involuntarily and his magic hit Apple right in the face. She collapsed to the ground with a humongous poof and immediately transformed.

"Oh great." Raven said in a deadpan voice.

"Uh-oh." Rotbart said, when he realized what he had done.

"Dude." Sparrow said in amazement. "You just SWANED the princess!"