Hey guys! Sol here and may I say, I'm back after Wilma paid lil ole Florida a visit. Now, I bring you Day Four of The Misunderstood Asylum. Please Read! It'll make me super happy!
The Misunderstood Asylum
Chapter Five
Day Four: FUNeral
A/N: Please pay respects to the deceased and don't mind my crazy ass. I just saw a play and it inspired me. Hope you like it though!
"Four bodies all found dead, but the way this funeral went they might as well rot in a shed…….."
Wolf's Room
Wolf was sound asleep in his bed when he felt a slight movement in the bed. "What the hell?" He looked to his right.
"Ooh! Don't move so much……" A feminine voice complained while she repositioned herself in the bed. "You're making my head spin, especially after the headache from last night." The figure fidgeted even more.
"Yeah……I'm sorry for last night. I didn't mean to go so rough on you Sol……" Wolf traced his hands around her body.
"What are you talking about? I loved every minute of it!" She giggled and turned towards him.
"Yeah!" Another figure took the sheets off her and revealed herself. "Thank you for the best time of my life Wolf!"
"No problem Ava, you know, you are quite the kinky one." He put his hand on her face.
"Oh! Really?" She blushed
"But wasn't I the bold one?" Another girl came from under the covers
"Of course baby……Roll, I take back what I said about Rabbits. You girls can do a LOT sexually."
"I'm so glad, I got the chance to prove you wrong…..but, in a good way." Rollinda smiled
Wolf and his small group of ladies frolicked in between the sheets some more and then his door opened…..
"……………." Silence grew deeper as the orgy stopped.
"What the hell is going on here?" Zane walked in unannounced with shards of horror in her eyes.
"Wait….WAIT! Zane, we can explain….." Wolf began to stammer in his words "You see……."
"No…." She automatically responded "You don't have to say a word. I see where this is going……Hmph…." She turned her back around and started to undress herself.
"Zane, what the….."
"I'm quite disappointed that you didn't invite me to your little party……But, I assume that you'll make it up to me."
"Well, you assumed correctly babe……..Come on over here….."A really big smile came over his face.
"Actually, I prefer this to be a one-on-one type of thing……" Zane turned her head away from the bed.
"Awwwww….." All the girls moaned and complained
"I'm terribly sorry ladies…..maybe we could have more fun another time…." Wolf gave a nervous chuckle as he looked at the other girls.
"Out….." Zane simply said and Sol, Rollinda and Ava left the bed. Then she simply looked back at Wolf
"Ah-heheheheheheehehe…….I…..I….."
"It's okay…..you can tell me about it later. That is if you can stay awake after our little session."
"Don't worry, I can…..count on it. Now, come over here sexy….."
Zane couldn't help but giggle as she stripped herself of the other clothes and climbed in his bed. "Okay Wolf, let's do this thing……" Zane and Wolf leaned toward each other and kissed. This lasted for about ten seconds until Wolf felt something near his family jewels.
" Ahh!" Wolf jumped up in surprise"What's wrong baby?" Zane stopped and put her hand on his chest to calm him down.
"I feel something funny….."
"Something funny? Where……?" Zane looked around the bed.
Wolf looked at the lump in the sheets near the middle of the bed. Then he tapped Zane on the shoulder and pointed to the now-moving lump.
"…………………" (O.O/O.d)
"Wolf……what is THAT?" Zane had an excited and hushed tone of voice.
"I….hee-hee….d-don't know….Ooh!" Wolf kept smiling, wincing and giggling.
"That's it! I told you and your lady friends to get out…..now, I mean it….." Zane got up immediately and put on a large T-shirt nearby and leapt out of the bed. She stood next to the large lump and tapped it. "Excuse me….time to rise and shine…." She looked at the lump as it slightly budged. "Hey, you…..get up! NOOOW! I mean it…..Get up this instant!" Zane went from tapping the lump to pushing it very roughly. After about 2 minutes of pushing and shoving, Zane became a little out of breath.
Zane panted and gave a stern look at the lump. "Okay…..so you wanna be stubborn eh? Okay, I got your stubborn right HERE!" She yanked the covers off of the bed and dropped the cover. "Wolf?…….You wanna explain what's going on here?" Zane pointed her finger
"………………"Wolf stared at the figure near the foot of the bed.
"Hey bro……" A'Lou lifted her head from his crotch "Next time we do this, don't pull the covers over me. I could barely breathe and it's so frickin hot in here. Well, not as hot as we were…..Whoooo!"
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Wolf screamed
"Wolf? Wolf? What's wrong?" Zane got up and placed her hand on his shoulder "Relax….relax, it was just a dream."
"Not a dream……" Wolf panted "A nightmare….."
Fox's RoomFox hugged a pillow as he continuously whined, "I have a five head? A five head? She can be so mean to me……..I still love her though. Oh Kylette…..-sniff sniff- How can you be so mean?" Fox hugged his pillow and cried some more.
Rollinda's Room"Boy oh Boy……" The girl twirled in her bed for about five times "I finally got food and sex…..I'm beginning to like this so-called vacation more and more……Now!" She sprung up out of bed "I must make haste to put O'Donnell confess to his crimes and…….Hee-hee-hee! Everything's going to go as according to plan." The rabbit got out of her room with the eagerness to conjure up a new plan.
Ace's RoomAh it's good to get some grub in the bread basket. He peered his eyes at the sunlight that was piercing through his nearby window. "Ahhh…..Time to get up….." He stretched his arms and yawned very loud. Then he got out of bed and left the room
Falco's Room"Mmmm….URP! Food……."
A'Lou's RoomA'Lou widely awake, disturbed by the fact that last night's fun and games were a bit too extreme for her.
"Oh crap……" She was sitting on her bed upright "It seems that I can't get that kiss out of my head…..and the scary thing is that, Vildamera's not that bad of a kisser….." She closed her eyes to get back into reality. "Whew….okay….I really need to clear my head. Yeah, I better go clear my head."
Leon's Room
"Hmmmmm……..Oh, Panther…….Hee-hee-hee! Oh, Panther……No, you are the freakier one……Ohh…..Ooh! You hit the spot that time……Oh! Yes…..yes….YESSS!" Leon finally woke up and grew a frown. "Awww….it was just a dream." He wiped the sweat off his forehead and then said, "Hmmm….I think I'll go to his room and make my dreams come true. –strange noise-….." Leon jumped out of his bed giggling like a little school girl as he exited the room.
Mansion Main Room
"Tee-hee-hee-hee-hee!" Leon put his hands over his mouth giggling (a little too much if you ask me) as he ran over to Panther's room. Along the way he ran into A'Lou. (Literally)
"Ow!" She was taken aback a couple of steps "Watch where ya going ya fruitcake!"
Leon who was completely knocked down to the ground got up and sneered, "Well, at least I know which side of the fence I'm on. Not like I'm jumping from one side to the other."
"Look Lizard! That kiss was in the dark…..how am I supposed t'know if that was Kylette or not? Besides, the lights could be on and you'd still would trying to dry hump one of your teammates. Tch…..please. Don't even compare me to you."
"Say, all you want O'Donnell……you are just confused about the whole ordeal."
"Confused? So, is that what you would call it." A'Lou scoffs "Look, I told you before. I like guys. Guys and Only Guys."
"You and me both….." Leon added in
"Hmph….But, I can get a guy with the snap of my fingers if I really wanted one. Not many people have that going for them. Especially you." A'Lou smiled with her ego on the side.
Leon knew he had to say something, "Yeah, well in Wolf's case, all you had to do was stand there.-strange noise-"
"That's it!" A'Lou tried to punch Leon in the face but he quickly jumped back
"Hee-hee-hee! I would stay and continue this little bitch fit you have going on here but I have to see about my love……Toodles." Leon left it at that.
"Yeah yeah……" A'Lou rolled her eyes as she watched him leave "Pompous cocksucker….."
"I heard that!" He yelled over his shoulder
"Ugh…..Gay Chameleons make me sick….." A'Lou had a blatant stare as she made her way downstairs.
Panther's Room
"Oh Panther?" He said sweetly "Come on…..Let's try something new! Hee-hee-hee!" He eyed the big lump of sheets that he presumed to be Panther. "Panther sweetie? Ah, you must be waiting for me to jump on you huh? –strange noise-. Don't worry…..here I come snuggle bunny…..ROWR!"
Well he jumped on the bed and he wrestled the lump of sheets until he ceased his movements two minutes later. "Panther? Panther? Where are you? Quit kidding me…" He looked around and around again
"Panther? Where could you be? I swear, I'll be easy on you……" He looked around some more. Then a few seconds later it became frantic
"PANTHER! PANTHER?" He ran out the room
Mansion Main Room
Leon bolted from each end of the hallway screaming "Panther? Where are you? Panther?"
A'Lou and Falco who were already downstairs had a ball snickering at the poor chameleon.
"Say, watch this…." A'Lou gestured
Leon still upstairs repeatedly calling Panther's name as he paced back and forth, side to side, and in circles (and up the walls while we're at it. Just kidding) looking for the feline.
"Awwwww….." A'Lou interrupted "What's the matter Leon? Find out Panther isn't a queer like yourself?" A sinister laughter followed
"Heh-heh….Good one A'Lou." Falco laughed as well.
"Shut up bitch….."
"That's the best you got?" A'Lou laughs out loud. "You need more practice."
"Ugh…..leave me alone. I must find Panther." Leon kept trotting along the upper level of the main room
Kylette's Room
"The time has come………" Kylette said while gazing upon the morning sun through the window "I must find my next victim to either kill and or kick out of the house…..I need more money……Yes….Hah-hah-Ha!" A cackle equivalent to a witch's was heard "So….who should it be? Hmmmm…..In order to get what I need, I'm going to have to……….."
"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"
"What the…..?" Kylette got up from her bed to get near the door then she opened it just enough to hear what the entire hubbub was about.
Mansion Main Room
Leon finished his blood-curdling scream, then started panicking again
"PANTHER'S GONE!" He blared out "PANTHER'S GOOOOOONE! He left without a trace! Why? Why? WHYYYY?"
Everyone peeked their heads out of their rooms.
"Everyone…..Get out here this INSTANT!" His voice went up an octave.
"…………" Everyone except Kylette sidled out their rooms and came downstairs
Kylettte's Room"Oh no…..Oh no…..OH NO!" Her hushed voice exclaimed as she slammed the door shut "What am I gonna do? Ah, think Ky…..think old girl. THINK!" She paced up and down her room for around two seconds before she announced, "Aha! I got it! Hee-hee-hee-hee!" She went over to her suitcase and got a pen then went over to the nightstand and grabbed a few pieces from the stationary set.
"I'll write a farewell note……Nah, A suicide note……Yeah, suicide….Eeh-hehehehehe! They'll never know the difference." She took a seat on her bed and frantically chicken-scratched a note that made it seem like it was from Panther.
A few seconds into it, a knock was heard on the door.
"AH!" She jumped "I mean, who is it?"
" Ky!" A voice came through the door "It's me Zane……"
"Okay…..What do you want?" She slid the paper and pen under the sheets.
"Can I come in?"
"No."
"And why the hell not?" Zane was obviously offended
"Because, um….I'm a little busy right now. No offense Zane."
"Okay…..None taken. But seriously Ky come downstairs. Leon's panties are in a bunch and he wants everyone to come downstairs."
"Okay, okay, I'll be there soon. Now, go away." She took the covers off to get her note together
Zane just busts open the door "What is your problem Ky? Just come downstairs, damn."
"Look!" Kylette springs up out of bed and starts walking towards Zane "I need you to just get away from my room, like now……Okay?"
"Oh?" Zane folded her arms and got in a defensive posture "And what if I don't?"
"Grrrrr…….ZANE! I WILL BE THERE IN A COUPLE OF SEC---Whoa!" Ky tripped over the rug and landed straight forward into Zane's chest.
"Oof!" Both girls grunted as they hit the floor
Zane had to pull her friend off of her and stare blankly at what just happened. Oh wow….I hope no one saw that…. "And when I hope for something good to happen…..something always bad happens. Great…." She got up from the floor and rolled her eyes.
Just then everyone from downstairs already ceased at what happening with Leon to look upwards.
Wolf, Falco and Ace all grinning like idiots.
"Hey Zane!" Wolf yelled from the first level
Zane sighed "What is it Wolf?"
"Got Milk?" Wolf chuckled under his breath
"WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!" Came from the two falcon brothers
"How original Wolf….." Zane scowled I am so going to get him…..Sooner or Later. "Ky? Just come downstairs already." She was about to head to the stairs when Kylette called her.
"Hey, Zane, Wait!"
"Yeah?"
"Have you ever tried putting on a robe?"
"What do you mean Ky?" Zane knew full well where this was going
"Well, your sleepwear is so thin that you might as well be naked." –poke poke- (I think we all know where, I'm talking about ;D)
"Grrrrrrr……I'm going to…." Zane tried to grab Kylette but was too quick for her and she ended hitting the door "Kill you……Hmph….." I'll get her as well too. "You'll come back out…..I know you will."
"Damn it…." Kylette removed her ear from the door. "I did it again….."
Mansion Main RoomAs Leon kept at his constant blabbering, Zane as she made her entrance back to the crowd. Wolf, Falco and Ace kept their eyes on the she-wolf, as she stood right beside the three perverted musketeers.
She took a deep breath and said "Okay, what ever you ass wipes have to say, just hurry up and get it out of your system."
"Zane…..?" Wolf put his hand on her shoulder "We are not going to jump on you about that little incident."
"Really?" Zane shot an eyebrow, obviously not convinced
"Yeah!" Falco jumped it "So don't worry about "tits"….." He snickers
"What was that?"
Ace shook his head "Falco, brother…..that's not the "breast" decision to make. Obviously it was an honest mistake."
"GWA-HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
"Grrrrrr……" Zane grits her teeth
Ace decides to continue because he's such a smart falcon, "I mean, all it takes to get access to your chest is to quote accidentally unquote trip and fall on you. I mean, if it's that's easy, why don't I try that….." He laughs some more
Zane gives a mocking laugh too, "Ah-hahahahahahaahahah! Yeah, why don't you fall "accidentally fall into my chest……HAHAHAHAHAAHAHAH!"
Everyone turned around to see what was so funny.
"Really Zane? I can?" Ace got all excited
"Yeah! Hee-hee-hee! Come on! Bring it on to mama!" Zane shakes her chest
Ace slowly made his towards the wolf as she encouraged him, "Come on baby!"
"Okay! Hee-hee-Hee! Now, I am going to "accidentally" trip on the carpet!" Ace does "Whoops!" He "stumbles", with a big ass smile on his face and his head his nearing her chest.
Zane, took a step back, held out her arms, waited for his head to land there and then…….
SNAP!
Ace fell with a twisted neck and his tongue all out.
"……………." (O.O)
Rollinda, the one in most shock, just let out one good scream, "GYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! I DON'T BELIEVE THIS! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" She ran upstairs crying and slammed the door shut.
"Oh no….." Sarge looked at Rollinda's door. "That was her partner."
"Ahem, well……" Wolf heads upstairs "I think I'll go console her. Yeah, console….." If that's what guys call it now-a-days.
"I'm sure you would….." A'Lou rolled her eyes, knowing what he meant.
"A'Lou, your partner is grieving and you think I'm going to have sex with her? Ugh! I am so revolted." Wolf calmly went up the stairs and knocked on Rollinda's door.
"GO AWAY! –sniff sniff—."
"Uh….Rollinda?"
"No, it's me Kylette…..What do you want Wolf? If it's about the thing with Leon, I'll be out in a second. Damn!"
"Sorry, wrong door……but why do you sound like you were crying?"
"Crying? Noooo……I just sneezed that's all."
"Oh! Sorry again."
"W-w-w-wait! Wolf! WOLF!" Kylette slowly creaked the door open and whispered
"Huh? What?"
"How do you spell Panther's last name…..?"
"Why?"
"Um, because……I…..I just need it."
"Caroso. No big deal, see ya sweetheart." He left to find Rollinda
"No, no NO! I needed….you to……" She closes the door. "Spell it. Tch….. DAMN IT!" She hits the door.
At the Mansion Main Room
Wolf picked up the soft sobs coming from another room.
"There you are my weeping maiden…." He smiles and knocks on the door "Roll? Roll? Are you okay? Can I come in?"
"No, I prefer if you didn't……-sniff sniff-."
"Hmmmm……." He scowled out loud Damn, now I know I'm not going to get any today………Well, I gotta change that right now.
BAM!
Wolf kicked the door in
"Huuuuuh! Oh!" Rollinda gasped and clutched her chest "You made my heart jump for a second."
"I'm sorry babe…..but, seeing you in tears makes me sad too." Wolf closes the door behind him and asks, "Mind if I sit next to you, so we can talk about Ace more?"
"Um…..well, okay. Come on." She wipes tears from her face and pats on the bed to motion Wolf to sit down
"So, who was Ace really?" Wolf turned his body facing Rollinda
"Well, he was one of the nicest charming guys I ever been working with. You see, he and I, in my rookie years, we busted a lot of criminals and….I was….wondering why are you taking off your shirt?" Roll stops to observe the fact that Wolf was indeed taking off his shirt.
"Huh? Oh well, it's kinda humid in here. Doesn't it feel a little stuffy in here to you?"
"Uh…..no?"
" Hmmmm…..well keep going with Ace's life. I'm so moved by what you are saying."
"Okay, well he was my field trainer and why may I ask are you pulling off your pants?"
"Because it is so damn stuffy. I can't believe you don't think it's so warm….Whooo! It's almost a scorcher." The wolf in boxers pretends to fan himself "Well, Rollinda I came in here to grieve with you As well as jump into your panties and I know that this is a very….very….tough time for you. You are handling this like a strong woman…..Give me a hug babe, you are toughing it out."
"-sniff sniff- Thank you so much Wolf." Rollinda and Wolf hug very tightly and suddenly Rollinda feels that some of her clothing is being loosened. "Hey! What's going on?"
"I'm grieving with you, Roll! Times like these are rough and that's how I'm going to give it to you."
"What?" Rollinda looked confused
"Umm….Look Roll, I'm trying to make you feel better with sympathy sex. There I cleared it all up." Wolf frowned
"Wolf….Why didn't you say that from the beginning?" Roll starts to shed her clothing and slip under the covers "Come on….."
"Well, if it were that easy, I would have done that a long time ago." Wolf got into the bed as well
They kissed once and Rollinda said. "And this time don't be so rough on me."
"Okay okay……" Damn
So the two……yeah, just fill out the equation.
Mansion Main Room
"I can't believe that assrat is getting laid." A'Lou snarles.
"Well, are you jealous or something?" Falco asked
"No why would I be jealous…..?"
"Well, I was thinking maybe we could try to match up with them. If you know what I mean."
"Uhhhhh….Hmmmm…..Let me think…….Doesn't sound like a bad idea there, Lombardi. Come here…… I wanna whisper something to ya."
"Okay!"
A'Lou to a deep breath and said, "NOOOOOO! Now, get the fuck away from me before you end up like your brother."
Falco got all defensive "Okay….Whoa…..I'm backing away." Bitch…..
"This still doesn't explain why Panther is NOT IN THIS HOUSE!" Leon screamed out loud
Perfect timing for Kylette, she runs out of her room and announces, "Guys! Guys! I just…….Whoa….." She stops when she passes by Rollinda's room "Oh me oh my! What do we have here?" She "accidentally" pressed against the door to open it. "Whoa! Hey, how'd you two get like that?" (O.O)
"-huff huff- Hey, do you want to join us?" Rollinda barely managed to get out
"Yeah, we could always use your sexy ass in here as well." Wolf managed to get out too.
"Hmmmm……Why I never….." Kylette coughed "Would deny this opportunity. Hee-hee-hee!" She ran into the room and made the ménage-a-trois a pleasant one.
"I thought Kylette had something to show us." Sol said
30 Minutes Later
"Oh Wolf…..that was great….." Rollinda said
"Hell, I didn't know Ace that much and there was sooooo much sympathy in the sex. I wish someone close to me died. Whooo! That was the best!" Kylette yelled
"Ladies…..I'm up for round two, that is if both of you are" Wolf yelled out loud
"OKAY!"
"What the hell?"(O.o) everyone else said
1 Hour and 30 Minutes Later
Ava simply covered her mouth in surprise as they group finished hearing all that jazz.
"An Hour and Thirty Minutes Later……What the hell are they on?" Zane complained
"Oh God…..That was the best EVER! Whoo!" Kylette yelled
"Yeah……" Rollinda's all dreamy
"Hmph…..Heh-heh-heh." Wolf was damn proud of his work
"Say, Ky?" Rollinda asked
"Yeah babe?"
"Didn't you have to tell the others something?"
"OH! Yeah! I gotta go! Bye you two! We should really try that again sometime." Kylette jumped out of bed and put her clothes on
"Okay!" They both said
Mansion Main Room
"Whooo! Oh God…." Kylette slouched down the stairs
"Kylette please we don't need to hear "Oh God" and/or "Oh My God" For like the seventeenth time." Sol explained
"You counted?" Kylette turned her head
"Yes…….the three of you were very loud, quite difficult not to focus on your voices."
"We were?" Kylette had a concerned look on her face "Well, that was all the fun you missed out on. I tell ya. Whoo!"
Sol shook her head in utter disgust "Ahem, didn't you have something that you wanted to show us?"
"Huh? I had……something?" Ky scratched her head "OH YEAH! Here! I found this note in Panther's WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!"
"Panther's 'WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH?'" Sol shot an eyebrow
"Can you shut up? I'm sympathizing……..!" She said in a hushed tone "Ahem…..-sniff sniff- Panther's Room! Boo-hoo-hoo! I found a suicidal note in his room! Oh it's horrible…..HORRIBLE!"
"Yeah, I can see by your so-called "reaction". Hand it over." Sol demanded
"Sol, how can you be so insensitive to the fact that our dear deported Panther took his own life due to the harsh living conditions?" Kylette finally handed the note over to Sol.
I hope she buys it……
"You seem to be overreacting in my point of view……." Sol opened the note "Hey Everyone, please gather around! It really seems that Panther did commit suicide and left his farewell letter."
"NOOOOOO--Hohohohohohuuuuuugh!" Leon sobbed and fainted in Fox's arms.
"Poor Leon…." Ava simply said with a hand covered over her mouth
"Ahem, I will be the orator and……" Sol stopped to look at Falco. "What the hell do you think you're doing?"
Falco had a greasy smile and had his pants down to his ankles "Well, as an orator I believe you should do your job and let me be your first volunteer! Hee-hee-hee….."
"Okay…..But, instead of what you think of what an orator does…..I'll demonstrate what an orator actually does."
"Oh?" Falco voice went up a couple of octaves "And what's that my sexy bat babe?"
"I….." She takes a couple of steps forward "Will….." She's right in front of him "READ THE DAMN NOTE BECAUSE AN ORATOR IS ANOTHER WORD FOR SPEAKER YOU PERVERTED BASTARD!"
"Uuuuuuuh……" Falco paused in mid-thought "Yeah, I knew that, I was just testing you. That's all…."
"Yeah, I bet……" Sol rolled her eyes
"Heheheehhe……" He pulled up his pants Man, I need to bring a Thesaurus more often.
"Hehehehehe….." A'Lou cackled "What a dumb ass….."
"Okay…..Now, where was I before that retarded intermission? Ah yes, the note…Okay….Here it goes:
Ah, Hello Everyone,
Yes, it is I Panther, Panther of the Star Fo---Wolf team.
"Hmmmmm….he doesn't remember what team he was on? That's a little weird."
"AHAAHAHAAHAHAH!" Kylette nervously laughed "That Panther….he must have snooped in the garden when he wrote it. HAHA….HAHAHAH!"
"Yeah……" Sol didn't mind Kylette then searched for the place she left off at "Okay, dadadada…..Star Wolf okay here we were:
I killed myslef because…..
"Myslef….um….obvious mistake….I guess." That or Panther's a total retard.
I killed myself because of all the living conditions of this…..
"Chicken scratch chicken scratch chicken scratch est- chicken scratch stat- chicken scratch chicken scratch…."
Place. I hated the living conditions of this place so I ran myself into a knife and Bam-O! I killed myself. There you have it.
"Uh, okay…..I don't think that Panther would be the type to say "Bam-O" and oh the horrible penmanship. If I were him, I'd slap whoever taught me how to write like that oh and I know I shouldn't start on the grammar but…..come on….."
Kylette gritted her teeth as Sol kept ranting about the poorly written paper "LOOK BITCH! I tried my hardest….to….."
"……………." Everyone looked back at her
"Uhhhh….I mean I tried my hardest to keep back…..all of my tears….as this poor Panther is making his journey into the afterlife…..-sniff sniff-. It's so hard to keep all these emotions bottled up inside me……(Put on the sad sack violin music folks hear comes a tear jerker.) How can you chastise this poor soul on his writing…..? I mean are we supposed to conform to society's every whim when it constantly changes and…..and we are always oppressed when we can't live up to its expectations? Also,-sniff sniff- some people can take criticism well and others…..like Panther, poor Panther only got a permanent solution to a temporary problem. May he rest in peace…." Two tears fell from both of her eyes.
At that time Wolf and Rollinda peered their heads out with tears in their eyes as well as everyone else except Sol. Erm, Sol?….she was in a confused state.
"Uhhh…..I'm Sorry?"
"Yeah, I bet you are sorry…..you insensitive hag!"
"Yeah!" Everyone else yelled
"Okay….I'm sorry?" Sol said again "Man! Let me just finish the note….Dammit!"
I killed myself because I love Krystal –thedumbstupiddimwitwhoalwayschasesafterFox knowingdamnwellshe'snotgoingtogethimbecausehelovesKylette and I think she's the Queen of Lylat blah blah blah….and she's beautiful.
Far-Thee-Well,
Panther Calrosey
P.S. RRRRROWRRRRR! (That stupid growl I do when I think I'm sexy and crap)
"Okay, that was quite interesting….." Sol looked at the note with a shot brow "I thought his name was Caroso, number one and number two…for loving Krystal he sure can rant about her."
"FOR CRISSAKES SOL!" Kylette screamed out loud "THE MAN KILLED HIMSELF! HE KILLED HIMSELF! HAVE YOU NO SHAME! HAVE YOU NO HEART A'TALL? Ugh!" She fainted in Fox's arms knowing that Leon was already there.
"Ummmm….Kylette?" Fox nudged his arm "Kylette?"
"What?" She mouthed out
"You're not helping matters, seeing though as Leon is in my arms as well."
"Fox? Get real…..who would you rather be with?"
It didn't take Fox but one second to answer that question
BAM!
"Ughhh…my head." Leon groaned
"That's what I thought….."Kylette whispered to Fox
"Hey Sol, can I see that letter?" Fox asked
"Oh yeah, sure…..Here you go." Sol handed him the paper
Fox totally ignorant of his girlfriend in his arm he let her go to get the note.
BAM!
"Ouchies!" Kylette rubbed her head
"Hah-hah!" Leon laughed while he was still on the floor
"Shut up lizard."
"This is sad…..Four people are dead already." Ava shakes her head in dismay. "We should have a little commemoration to honor these people, you know?"
"Hey, that's not a bad idea there Ava." Sarge nodded
"Yeah, nice call Ava." A'Lou smiled
"Oh T-Thanks!"
Kylette instantly got up "Ava….! Why so early? I mean We don't even know if there'll be more deaths in the house. There will probably be some more but, not like I'd know or anything……Hahahah….Neither can I tell the future. Heheheheeheheh!" She looks around.
"But hear me out Ky, a funeral would be nice you know."
"Yeah, and I know the perfect clergyman for the job."
"Really?" Zane asked "You can get someone this quick?"
"Of course Z…..Or my name isn't Kylette Vildamera! Now everyone…..get ready within an hour."
"ONE HOUR?" Everyone screamed
"Yeah, you heard me! ONE HOUR! HURRY UP! LET'S GO GO GO!"
As everyone was about to race to their rooms, Zane stopped as she was the last to go up the stairs. "Something fishy is going on…..Oh well, not like I care about it. I guess, I'll get Wolf" She finished going up the stairs
One Hour Later
BAM! BAM! BAM!
A loud knock on the door was heard
"Kylette sweetie, it's me! Open up the door chile it's hot out here!" A woman with a spicy Southern accent called out loud.
"Ooh! They're here!" Kylette raced downstairs in a tight little number of a dress.
BAM! BAM! BAM!
"Hurry up chile, it's hotter than the dickens out hee-yah! (supposed to be here)"
Kylette opened up the door
"Huuuuuuh!" The woman gasped "How's my little niecesy-wiecesy doin'? Girl, I remember you just skin and bones, butcha filled out jus fine. You eatin alright young'un?"
"Aunt Vera! I'm so glad you came on such short notice! I----……" She was gonna give her Aunt a hug but, Vera was standing right outside the door (and if you remember correctly out of the houseout of cash)
"What's wrong withchew chile, come on here and give yo Aunt Vera a hug."
"Come inside the house first."
"Oh, okay…..I reckon you were gonna let me in soona or later." Vera steps in the house
(Vera, she looks like she can pass for late twenties but in actuality she's in her early thirties. She's a golden fox with similar facial features of Kylette but with mature eyes. She wore a black business suit and donned a feathered sun-hat. Vera, also has a sorta –Glug, glug, glug- problem (She's an alcoholic ;p) and can easily intimidate Kylette. Vera and Sol don't like eachother because of a past incident. Vera's weakness would be the discussion of her age.)
"Yeah! This way, I'm sorry. May I take your hat?"
"Why thank you chile! You are ever so kind." Vera threw her hat in Kylette's face "So, Ky lemme ask ya somethin if ya don't mind."
"Uh sure….."
"Why in the world didn't you step out of the house? Are you agoraphobic?"
"No no no…..It's just the rules of the house, Auntie."
"Rules of the….? Now what kinda mess is that?" Vera's voice went up several octaves
"Looong story Aunt Vera. All I can say is that it's for a contest."
"What's it about? Y'all supposed t'act like foster chil'runs or somethin'?"
"No, not quite….." Kylette chuckled
"Well, never mind…..Uh, say where are those other girls?"
"Oh, everyone's just about finished getting ready, so they'll be down in a sec."
"Say chile? Can you get your old Aunt Vera something to drink, I'm mighty parched."
"Uh, water and ice sounds good?"
"Hell nah……where's the liquor?"
"We don't have any……"
"You mean to tell me y'all live in this big ol mansion and ya don't have a liquor cabinet? What is tarnation is the world coming to?" Vera rolled her eyes. "Well, good thang I keep a personal reserve." She goes into her purse and pulls out a black flask then takes a sip.
"Aunt Vera…..did anybody ever tell you that you have a drinking problem?"
"Nope."
That's because you're too drunk to hear anything…..
"Oh, well that's good."
Sol was just coming down the stairs as Kylette finished her sentence.
"VERA! UGH! You mean to tell me you invited HER?" Sol sounds utterly disgusted.
"Hmph…..well ya don't need to be so loud and rude with it." Vera turned her nose up in disgust as well.
Kylette tried to break the ice "Sol! Hehehe….you look good. I love that dress you chose."
Vera looked at Sol as if she came up from a swamp. "Yeah, she looks good alright….A good mess…."
"Vera! I really don't want to hear your mouth."
"Well, I'm gunna tell everyone to come on downstairs. Hehehehehe….." The nervous fox ran upstairs
"Kylette, I'd hurry up……" Sol suggested "Or we might have another addition to the funeral." She turned to Vera.
"Yes Kylette, I hope you hurry back soon, in time for you to stop me from stranglin' this young hussy right here."
"We'll see….."
"Yeah, we'll see all right….."
"Uhhhh…..yeah well I got to go ummmm….yeah, try not to kill each other." Kylette turned to face the stairs. "EVERYONE COME ON! LET'S GET THIS ROAD ON THE SHOW!"
"Well, gee….." Vera shook her head in dismay "I coulda done that."
"Ugh, that's not the point idiot. The thing was she said the quote wrong. Ky! It's "Show on the Road!" Not "Road on The Show"…..tch….."
"Whatever! EVERYONE! COME ON DAMMIT! I WANNA GET THIS OVER WITH!"
"HEY!" A'Lou snarled "Shut up you brat, we're almost ready……"
"HURRY UP!"
Ava, Leon, Sarge and Rollinda came down the stairs first.
"Why, I do declare! Is that my lil Ava?"
"Miss Vera!" She ran over to give the lady a hug
"Oh sweet chile, you can call me Auntie! I treat you just as you were my daughter."
Sol gave a creepy smile "Oh, so you throw shoes at her head every time you ran out of liquor?"
"Grrrrrrr…….."
"Aunt Vera! I'd like you to meet some…..friends of mine." She walks over towards the other three. "Aunite, this is Sarge….."
"Hey, how are you?" Sarge waved her hand
"Rollinda……"
"Nice to meet you." Rollinda smiled
"And finally…..finally" Kylette stared at Leon's outfit "this is a random person, who I don't know……"
"What do you mean Kylette of course you know me…..Hello, my name is Leon."
Kylette frantically shook her head as she denied the truth, "No, random person…..leave me alone. WHERE IS EVERYONE ELSE?"
Vera had a shocked expression as she stared Leon down, "Uh, honey, why in God's name are you wearing a dress?"
"Oh, I had nothing to wear so a girlfriend decided to let me wear it. Don't you like it? It's totally cool."
"I guess it is….Kylette come over here for a minute." Vera pulled her niece over to the side "Kylette? You know if you Nora found out, consider yourself dead you hear?"
"Yeah, heeheeheehee…Please don't tell her." Kylette clinched her teeth
"Jus, letting you know. So, if she just so happens to overhear from word of mouth, more specifically, my mouth, then it's best to move to another planet and change your name."
I know you're gonna tell her, because you can't keep your big mouth closed. I mean, I wouldn't be surprised if you did. "Yes, I get it Aunt Vera."
"Good." Vera nodded her head "So then, is this everyone? I would like to start the procession already."
"No, there's still quite a few more to go. HEY! EVERYONE GET YOUR ASS OUT HERE RIGHT THIS INSTANT!"
"SHUT THE HELL UP!" A'Lou yelled "I CAN'T FIND WHAT I WAS GOING TO WEAR! JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!"
"Well, she's frustrated….." Vera said
"The sad thing is, that's her normal mood."
"Oh….." I should recommend her (what's that drug called?) Ummmm…..Lithium. I guess.
Then Wolf, Falco and Fox came down.
"Oh wow, Falco……" Sol hinted a smile "For once you actually look like my type." Admiring the business suit.
"Oh really? I look like your type huh? Does that mean you'll take more of an interest in me?" Falco puts on that charm
"Don't take what I said out of context. I was only complimenting you on your suit that's all."
"Hahahahaha……rejection to the 10th power." Wolf laughed
"Grrrrrrr….."
"Honey, I wouldn't worry so much……." Vera put her hand on his shoulder "Y'see, tryna hook up with Sol is like…..well….it's like playing Russian roulette, with a fully loaded gun. No matter what you do, you are guaranteed to die sooner or later."
"Huh?" Falco scratched his head
"Well, let's put it like this honey, if I were to choose a date between Ms. Sol-Ratcht Saporro and Russian roulette, I'd rather put a bullet in my head."
"You know Vera…." Sol interrupted "I'd prefer if you did put a bullet in your head. That would make my day."
"Sure sugar, after I shoot you and leave you for dead, I'll be more than happy to take your request."
Wolf took a couple of steps back to where Sarge was standing and whispered, "Who is that?"
"Hmm? Oh, that's Vera." Sarge answered "Kylette's aunt."
"Ky has family around here? Ch'eh…..That's news to me."
"News to me too."
Vera's ears flicked when she heard the sound of Wolf's voice. "Oh my who do we have here?" She turned herself around and smiled "Hey, there cutie…..what's your name?"
Wolf had a wry kind of smile "It's Wolf…..Miss….?"
Miss! Ooh! I like this boy already. "That's right Miss Vera Vildamera"
"-coughliarcough-……" Sol put a handkerchief from her pocket to cover her mouth
"Anyways…..I can see a fine young man as yourself has had the proper home training. You really know how to address a lady. Son, why don't you ditch this mansion and come along with lil ole me? Hmmmmm…..?" She rests her hand on his cheek
Sol, amused by all of this wanted to put her commentary in as well, "Say, Vera before you consider going out with someone who's like half your age why don't you jump into a tub of anti-wrinkle cream? I hear it works wonders."
"YOU KNOW WHAT?" Vera screamed
But before she could finish a male voice came from the outside, "VERAAAA! IS EVERYONE READY? IT'S HOT OUT HERE!"
"Uh, I'M COMING YOU OLD COOT!" Vera ran outside "Can one of you gents help a gal out?"
Kylette laughed again, "Remember the rules Auntie?"
"Tch….those rules. Damn those rules, that's what I would say……" She marched outside while muttering some other words and closed the door slightly
At that time A'Lou came out
"Ugh, I couldn't find anything that was black…..Dammit!" She was obviously flustered because she had to wear slacks and a blouse that were a deep hue of blue.
"Don't worry, it's the fact that you're here…..Makes all the difference to me." Rollinda sighed
"Ace was really a good partner huh?"
"Yeah, and I'm going to miss him……So much…..Boo-hoo-hoo!"
"No don't cry Roll….."
Leon came up to her, "Yeah sweetie don't feel sad. At least he doesn't have to go through anymore hardships in life."
"I suppose you're right….I never knew that….." As Rollinda was talking A'Lou turned her head as if something was wrong with the picture.
"Shut up…." She said quickly "Leon….You know, I really like that dress you have on. In fact, I seem to have one just like that one. Lemme ask you something? Where did you get the dress Leon……?"
He just simply looked left and right.
"Answer my question…..Where did you get the dress Leon?"
He turned his head back, still trying not to look at A'Lou.
"You must have not heard me the first two times but I will ask you ONCE MORE! WHERE DID YOU GET THAT DRESS FROM LEON?" Everyone turned to A'Lou
He said in a voice so low you no one could hear it "Your suitcase……"
"I KNEW IT! I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!"
"AAAAAAHHHHH!"
Leon ran from the crazed lupine, out of the Mansion Main Room and into the kitchen
The Kitchen
"AAAAAAAH!" He shrieked "GET AWAY FROM ME!"
"YOU WENT INTO MY ROOM AND STOLE FROM ME! I OUGHTA RING YOUR SCALY NECK!"
Leon ran out of the kitchen and back into the Mansion Main Room with A'Lou in hot pursuit.
Mansion Main Room
"AAAAAAHHH! SOMEONE SAVE MEEEEEEEE!" He ran towards Wolf
Damn, why does he have to run towards me all the time?
"SAVE ME SAVE ME SAVE ME SAVE ME SAVE ME!" Leon and A'Lou ran around Wolf about five times
"Save yourself Leon……In fact, I can't believe you're running from a girl, more specifically my sister. Some assassin you are……"He rolled his eye upwards
"AAAIIIIEEEE!" Leon ran passed the door that lead to the outside
"I'M GONNA GET YOU!" A'Lou was about to past the door but……..
BAM! The door flung wide up
And left a poor widdle A'Lou unconscious and on the floor "Oof!"
"GOOD LORD! IT'S HOTTER THAN THE DEVIL'S SPA RESORT OUT THERE!" HOOOOOO-WEEEEEEEE!"
"UNCLE ROSS!" Kylette ran towards the figure
"IS THAT MY LITTLE NIECE KYLETTE? GIRL, COME ON OVER HERE AND GIVE UNKY ROSS A HUG! IT'S BEEN AGES AND AGES SINCE I SAW YOU!"
(Kylette's Uncle Ross, he's something alright, married to Vera and has been a veteran in the age old Venomian/Cornerian war. (Fighting on Corneria's side) He's a golden fox and he's about thirty-five years old. He's also knows about Kylette joining the Vice Girls so he's familiar with the rest of the gang. (But the other girls haven't seen him) He seems to think he still got the charm and would occasionally hit on young ladies. After the war ended, Ross decided to become a fine con artist. He uses preempted scripts to carry out his skills. He managed to swindle goods and embezzle huge amounts of money and he's always proud of his work.)
"Uncle Ross!" She runs up to him, but as she's running towards him her smile dies out. Oh great…..He's wearing those shades again and he has that walking cane….I wonder what script he wanted me to use? I bet its number 32…..yeah, that's the one.
"Where are you at baby!" He holds his arms out but he notices her and hugs her quickly. The first thing he mutters is, "Script 32……"
"I knew it……"
"So, how have you been doll?"
"Fine! Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Unc! Look, remember the Vice Girls? Look, there all here." She points in the direction but she "supposed forgot" about his disability "Here Unc, take my hand……" She leads him in the house "Hey, everyone! Here's my Uncle Ross! He's the one that's going to do the event."
"Uncle Ross eh? Oh, we've heard much about you." Sol said
"But, look!" Ava pointed out the attention "He's blind and he's got a weak leg!"
"Oh, it's nothing sweetheart; it's just my memento for serving the great Cornerian side."
"You served in that giant war? Wow…..I can't recall when Ky said you were a war hero." Sol had a concerned look on her face
"Yeah, but at least you're alive and well."
"Oh enough about me……I've heard all about you ladies and I would like to thank you for taking good care of my niece." He inches his way up to Ava "It feels like I've known you girls a lot longer. Come on and give me a hug."
Ava takes about two steps and hugs him.
Two seconds into the hug, Ross's hands travel down to where her butt was and grabs it pretty hard.
"AH!" She jumps
"Oh, please forgive me dear, I thought I was touching your back….." Behind the shades his eyes were lighting up.
"No, its okay……we all make mistakes." She backs away from him blushing and all
"Ah, yes, where was that other young lady at. Come and give me a hug too!"
"Uh, I don't think so….." Sol kept her distance "Why don't we just shake hands instead?"
"Oh, alright, I suppose…..maybe we're not that close….So, where are you dear?"
"I'm…..right in front of you sir."
Ross puts his hand out until he felt something
Ooh! Nice…..hers are big and round….. "Am I touching your hand dear? I can't tell…..these old hands I tell ya, not like they used to be." Ross continues to "shake" her hand/chest.
"………….." Sol stood there stunned. Her face was in shock. What the hell? I don't know if I should slap him or…….no no Sol, he's blind, don't go through such drastic measures……Just guide him to your hand…..that's all……..
Sol simply took his hand and grabbed it with one of her hands "H-here's my hand sir….." She shakes it quickly and gently returns it back to him "Nice to meet you….."
Falco stood off to the side as he witnessed the whole thing WHAT THE HELL? THIS CRIPPLED BLIND PERSON IS HERE FOR ONLY TWO SECONDS AND HE GOT MORE ACTION THAN ME! What does it take for me to get with her? I, too, have to disabled? What is that like the new thing with guys? Wolf, only has one eye but he's able to get 5 girls and this Ross fellow got to grab some ass and touch some tits. What is this world coming to? GAH! Falco tapped his foot in frustration and blew out air through his beak.
Kylette shook her head. I don't believe him…..Going that low….. "Hey, that reminds me of something…..Where is Zane?"
"Yeah…." Wolf wondered as well "Maybe I should go check on her." He went upstairs
Zane's Room
"Oh God……I don't have anything to put over this…." Zane went through her suitcase
"Hey! Zane can I come in?"
"N-no! I'll be out there in a minute."
Wolf shakes his head Why do I even go through the motions?
BAM! The door is kicked in.
"AH! GET OUT!" She quickly covers herself with the bed comforter.
"Zane, come on, Kylette's people are here."
"I'll be there in a minute! Just go!"
"What's wrong with you? Are you naked?"
"No, I have something on; it's just that, it doesn't fit well with a funeral."
"Let me see….." Wolf goads
"No, that's okay…."
"Come on, can't be that bad…..let me see."
"I said no…..now get out….." Zane gritted her teeth
"You want to be difficult? Okay then….."
"What do you think you are doing? NO! STOP!" Zane is pulling the sheet closer to her body as Wolf is trying to rip it away from her.
"Let me see DAMMIT!"
"NO! THIS IS EMBARRASING! STOP IT! NO PLEASE DON'T!"
Mansion Main Room
"Anyone get the feeling that it sounds like rape up there?" Kylette asks
"Yeah….." Everyone else replies
"Okay great then it's not just me….."
Zane's Room
"Wolf, let got of the sheet…..!"
"What's the big deal? It's just a stupid dress!" He finally was able to rip off the comforter to reveal her outfit "Whoa…..Hey, now…..that's not a bad dress…." Wolf said eying the girl
Zane tried to fold her arms to cover herself but then she let them down. What was the point? The dress was tight, body fitting and had a big cut in the front and the back of the dress in the shape of a "V" exposing her chest and her back. "Now, you see what the big deal is? Are you happy now?"
"Hold on a minute….." He walks over to her and splits the front of the dress even more then lets go of it "I'm happy now."
"Yeah, I'm going to pretend that that didn't happen…..Anyways, I don't know what to do, and I don't have anything to cover this dress up. And I can't wear a bra because that's not how a girl wears this type of dress."
"First of all where'd you get that dress?"
"From Andross……"
"Wow, HE gave you that?" I'm impressed…… "Well, I do have a trench coat that Leon gave to me one day out of the blue…..I remember it like it was yesterday:
Wolf's Flashback
Leon is skipping merrily in the hideout in Fortuna. "Lalalalalalala! I can't wait to show Wolfy the gift I got him……"
Then a Wolfen comes in the docking bay and after a few seconds have passed Wolf comes in the hideout. "Oh, Hey Leon…..Dammit, I'd wish you would stop wearing those housewife clothes, it's really disturbing……"
"I see you've come back from a long day's of searching for work! Would you like me to get….."
Zane's Room
"BWAHAHAHAHAHHAAHHAHA! Are you SERIOUS? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
"Can you shut up and let me finish…..?" Wolf is seriously pissed.
"Sorry Wolfy……heh-heh-heh….."
Back to Wolf's Flashback
"Would you like me to get you your pipe and slippers? Lalala!"
"Leon, I don't have any pipe or slippers……"
"Oh, yeah…..Um….well, I was shopping in the mall today and I saw this cute trench coat that makes you look so suave…..I hope you like it! Hee-hee-hee!" He hands Wolf a box with a big red bow on it.
"Leon, I don't appreciate you spending up whatever little change I bring in……You shop too damn much! Would it kill you to go out and look for a job?"
"Boo-hoo-hoo! I slave over the kitchen and I do your laundry and you can't appreciate one good deed I try to do for you….." Leon got into hysterics.
"Hey hey hey! Quit crying……All I ask you to do is look for more work! That's it and you always think I'm the bad guy…..Well, I'm not! You just play the victim and I get the wrap for it. So tomorrow, LOOK FOR WORK! You lazy bum……"
"I don't need this Wolf, I can do so much better than you! And you know it!"
"FINE! GO AHEAD AND LEAVE! SEE IF I CARE! I'M USED TO IT! THEY ALL LEAVE!"
"Hmph…..I
can't leave because……"
"So I thought……Shut up and get dinner ready." Wolf walked towards his room
Zane's Room
"Come to think of it, why in the world did I tell you that?" Wolf scratched his head
"I don't know and don't care……Where's the trench coat?"
"I'll get it….."Wolf exited the room and within 5 minutes he's back with the coat.
"Thank you……" Zane takes the coat and slips it on. She then buttons it to only where her legs are exposed
"Not bad for improvising….."
"You know I try my best……So, shall we go?"
"Zane, you're a sweetheart when you want to be."
Zane simply laughs as they both left the room.
Mansion Main Room
"ZANE! What took you so long……?" Kylette yelled
"I'm sorry, I couldn't find anything to wear."
"Ah! Miss Zane! I heard all about you……" Ross said
"Hey, who's the blind crippled guy?" Wolf asked
"WOLF!"
"Now now now, Kylette it's quite alright……but where's Miss Zane? I personally want to thank you for taking care of my little niece!"
"Oh, okay!"
"Zane!" Sol and Ava whispered
"Hmmmm?"
They mouthed out 'Don't do it…..DON'T DO IT!'
Those girls…..
"Miss Zane, Come a lil closer….."
"Okay…."
Out with the hand again, "I'm ever sorry for my blindness…Just guide me to your hand." He was quick to grab her chest. Is she even wearing a bra…..Ooh! This one is freaky!
Zane was blushing like crazy "U-uh….No, my hand's right here…..Sir."
"Oh, I do apologize……Miss." He then shook her hand "Do forgive me….."
"I-it's okay……"
"……….." Wolf just stood there Why didn't I break his fucking hand off? I think he's using it as an excuse to get to touch my Zane…….I'll see what other funny stuff he tries next.
The door opened and an exhausted Vera dragging a coffin came in…..
"Oh look everyone! The Mummy Returns……" Sol said
"Ugh! Some gentleman you are……Ross, let's get this over with, the day's practically over with and these heels are killing me."
"Yes, dear……" Ross went over to the center of the room. "Where is the body?"
"I dunno, ask one of the kids…." Vera then whispered "To tell the truth I think Sol ate him….."
"Hmmmmm……."
"Hey, Trinity! Go get the body….." Kylette told Zane
"Trinity? Me?"
"Yeah you! Go get the body!"
Zane gave Kylette a murderous look
She tugs a bit on Zane's coat "Doesn't she look like she came off the Matrix? Zane, are you gonna take the red pill or the blue pill?" She laughs "Hey, Zane, go get the Nebuchanezzer! I think left it in Neutral……" She laughs some more "Mister Anderson……Join me…." She laughs louder
"Kylette I think you should stop…." Fox said
"Look she's gonna do that crazy kick off the movie! Look! Wah-Tah! YAYAYAYAYAYAYA!" Kylette laughed her butt off
"Grrrrrrrrr……" Zane just simply punched Kylette in the face.
"Ow….." Kylette remained unconscious
"I'll go get the body……" Zane walked off towards the other corner of the room and carried Ace's limp body near the casket. "Open the coffin….."
Fox and Falco obeyed and Zane gently put the body in the casket. As Zane finished dusting herself off she heard Kylette calling her.
"Z…..Z…..Zane….." Kylette faintly called her
"What do you want?"
"Come here…..hurry…..before…….I black out again….."
"You sound serious……what it is?"
"I…..just wanted to tell….you…..that……There is no spoon….."
"Huh?"
"Hee-hee-hee-hee-hee!" She giggled
Zane just stomped on her stomach one good time
"HOOF….HACK….ACK…..URGH!" She rolled around several times.
"COME ON! LET'S HURRY! The sun is setting!" Vera screamed
"Uh, we don't have time to pull out chairs and stuff so let's all just sit on the floor." Sarge concluded.
"This is the weirdest funeral I attended." A'Lou said
"Yeah? Well, it's also going to be the fastest. Everyone take a seat NOW!" Vera commanded
And everyone did….except Kylette she had to cringe like a worm to get to her seat.
"Now, we will have our song selection…..Which is….? Vera, pick a song."
"Okay sing along with me...Ahem…."
"Get your earplugs out folks….."
"SOL!" Rollinda yelled
"Sorry….."
"Sing with me if you know it and know it when you sing with me……"
Amazing Gra—
"That's it! Go on to the next part….Go on!" Vera hit Ross on his shoulder
"………….." (O.O/O.d)
"Uh….now we will have Reflections done by various members of the house. So if you please take your time and tell us what type of person were they."
"But, in truth we will only have four people dead so four people can speak about them and for the people who do speak you can only say your reflection in one sentence. Just to let you know……" Vera cleared her throat "Somebody GET UP!"
"Okay, I'll guess I'll be the first to go." Rollinda got up from her spot. "Ace was one of the best partners…..you see, I-."
"Okay thank you!" Vera interrupted
"Huh?"
"I said thank you"
"But, I only got out a sentence and maybe one seventh of one….."
"Y'see, I was being very generous to let you have another portion. Now please sit down we have a tight schedule."
"But…."
"SIT DOWN!"
"I never got to say anything…..Boo-hoo-hoo!" She sat down and sobbed
Vera rolled her eyes "Hargh…..Okay next!"
"Okay…." Wolf rose from his spot then scratched his head "It was sad that…..Uh, what was his name again?"
"Next…." Vera said
"Hey, what a damn minute. I asked a question, you said we can only have one statement. I never did say a statement."
"Well sugar, if you want to get technical. By statement I meant one of the following: declarative, command statement, interrogative and exclamatory and you just used an interrogative verbatim which derived from an intended declarative. You may sit down now, thank you."
"I---….whatever man, I don't care. I still don't know his name……" Wolf sat down frustrated
"Next!"
"I-I-I have something to say about Krystal……" Fox got up
"No my love….let me do it……" Kylette rose up
"Oh, Kylette that's very thoughtful of you. Thank you….." Fox sat back down
"Anything for you my love." Kylette blew him a kiss "Okay as for Krystal……I think she was the ugliest blue whore ever to have graced this house. That's all….."
"I take back what I said……." Fox shook his head
"Next!"
"Okay, I'll say something about good ole Slip……."Fox rose up again "Slippy wasn't the best pilot but he was a……."
"Stupid idiot….." Falco finished the sentence
"Hey, that's not what I was going to say!"
"Okay, Ross, I believe now it is time for the eulogy of the poor soul whose body is with us now, Mr. Ace Lombardi. Who better to do it than……."
Me Falco thought
"My own little niece Kylette."
"WHAT?" Everyone said
"Shouldn't it be somebody who's close to him, like you know Falco or Rollinda?" A'Lou asked
"Well, if we had enough time we could have done it like that but we don't and it's almost night time, so Ky come on babe get up here and say the eulogy. You know the one."
"That one….? Huuuuuuh…" She sighed "Okay here goes nothing…..Ahem….Throw him in the dirt dirt. Hope no feelings are hurt hurt. There."
"A wonderful eulogy. Now we shall view the body right Ross?"
"Y-yeah…..May, I have a strong gentleman to open the casket?"
"Ross honey, it's already open……"
"Oh, never mind then. Now is the time to part our goodbyes to not only Ace Lombardi but to Krystal, Slippy and What's-his-name?. They shall dearly be missed. Please take these final moments to view the body."
A'Lou and Falco were the first to get up and kneel beside the casket.
"Oh man, he looks so peaceful…..Even though we couldn't get his head to correctly align with his neck." A'Lou said
"Yeah, Zane did a pretty good job there…..Hmmmmm." Falco simply sighed "I'm gonna miss you brother dear." A'Lou puts a hand on his shoulder as he sheds two tears
Next were Rollinda and Ava
"Oh Ace……Boo-hoo-hoo! I'm going to miss you a lot."
"I'm so sorry Rollinda." Ava seemed to be crying too. "Here take this." She hands her a handkerchief
"Thank you so much……" Her voice went up an octave through her tears. "He meant so much to me."
"Sometimes, it's hard to let go Roll. But, I'm here for you, as well as your teammates. So chin up and always remember the good times you had with him."
"-sniff sniff- Yeah, you're right. Thank you…..And I'll remember that." Before leaving Rollinda kissed her hand and touched Ace's beak.
Next was Kylettte and Leon
"Ewwww……His neck looks like a big clump of Linguini!" Kylette was poking at his neck "The least we could have done was snap his neck back in place.
"I suppose your right." Leon looks disgusted as well
As Kylette and Leon were talking Vera shook her head in dismay. "Ugh these kids do not know how to mourn for a person……I guess I need to show them how to be a good mourner."
"Oh Vera……I seriously wonder if she's had something to drink before we left." Ross looks onward
"Now looka here……Y'all don't even know how to act at a funeral. You all cry like you lost a dollar not a loved one. Let me show you how it's done……HUUUUUUUHH! WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" Vera slumps near the casket and drops on her knees in an instant. "WHY OH WHY LORD! WHY DID YOU HAVE TO TAKE MY ACE FROM MEEEEEE!
"……………."
"YOU COULDA TOOK ANYONE BUT YOU DECIDED TO TAKE MY ACE AWAY FROM ME! OH LORD! YOU SHOULDA TOOK ME INSTEAD! I WANT TO DIE NOW THAT HE'S GONE……"She shakes her fist up in the air
Sol decided to get up and walk towards Vera
"WHY DID HE HAVE TO LEAVE! I WOULD GLADLY TAKE HIS PLACE IF HE WERE ALIVE TODAY!"
"Why don't you join him…?" Sol kicks Vera into the coffin and sits on it
BAM! BAM! BAM!
"HEY! LEMME OUTA HERE! AHHHHHH! I DON'T WANT TO BE HERE WITH A DEAD PERSON! HELP! GET ME OUT OF HERE! AHHHHHHH!" She repeatedly screams and bangs on the top portion of the coffin
BAM! BAM! BAM!
"Sol you are so evil……." Falco comments
"Tch, I'll let her out….." She gets up from the casket with a smile
"AAAHHHHH!" Vera was breathing frantically "Sol you stupid……" She tries to swing at her
"Hahahaahahah…..I distinctly remember you said you wanted to join him."
"Whatever. That's it the funeral's over with. Come on honey, let's go." Vera stomped out of the house
Kylette had a fake smile "Bye Aunt Vera!"
"Yeah, whatever…….Bye." She was clearly upset
"Uh-oh……Vera's mad. Everyone, if I am to leave you with anything, here's a word of advice through a Proverb, "A family that stays together……"
"Get's laid together…..Isn't that right Wolf? Isn't that how it goes? Huh? Huh?" Kylette nudged Wolf on the shoulder.
"Grrrrrrrrrrrrr………" This little bitch…..
"Hmmm….Heheheheheehe…." Zane, Fox, Falco and Leon thought it was funny
"SHUT UP!" Wolf snarled
"EVERYONE JUST SHUT UP! THIS WASN'T HOW A FUNERAL WAS SUPPOSED TO BE! THIS WAS JUST A WAY TO MAKE ALL OF THE DECEASED TURN IN THEIR GRAVES!" Rollinda yelled "DON'T YOU SEE? WE'RE ALL MAKING A MOCKERY OF A TRADITIONAL FUNERAL! UGH! THIS…..THIS IS MAKING ME SO ANGRY AND I JUST WANT TO HIT SOMEONE RIGHT NOW! GOD I JUST WANT TO SLUG SOMEONE RIGHT IN THE FACE!" She stormed around in circles
"Here!" Kylette grabbed Ava all of a sudden "Come on Louise slug her……SLUG HER RIGHT IN THE KISSA!"
"N-no! What did I do….?" Ava squirmed trying to break free
"Grrrrrrrrr……Heee-YAH!" She did slug her
And by her, I meant Kylette
"Ooh!" Ava opened her eyes to see that she was okay "Whew….."
"Ow….." Well that didn't go as planned…..No more Steel Magnolias for me. Kylette got up from the floor and shook her head lightly
"Nice…." Wolf nodded his head in approval
"Well, that wasn't what I meant but um……well, just keep Ace and the others in your thoughts and prayers." Ross smiled and laughed nervously "Can someone help me bring the casket to the corner of the room so it will be out of all y'all's way?"
"Uh, sure…..I'll do it." Wolf said then he walked over and picked up the casket by the front handle.
"Uh son? Don't use that front handle right there. Instead use the side handle. It's much more stronger."
"Hmmmm? For a blind person you saw through that pretty well……" Sol drummed her fingers
"Yeah……" Ava and Zane said
"Uh….well, whaddya know, it's a miracle! I can see again!" He takes his sunglasses and throws them up with his free hand (Mary Tyler Moore Moment)
"Oh please Unc…..cut the bull shit out. Hey everyone look here; he's not a cripple but he is a con artist." Kylette walked towards him
"No I am not a con artist but I am on disability. How dare you? I……"
By that time she was able to kick the cane out of his hand and he never fell
"Uh, WOW! It's another miracle! I can walk perfectly too!"
"The only miracle you are going to get is if we let you live after the beating we are going to give to you." Zane cracks her knuckles loud
Ross gave a electric smile (Not a good one) "Uh…..What's that Vera? You got the car started? Okay, sweetheart I'll be there…."
ZIP!
He was gone.
"Ugh, I can't believe I let that pervert touch me like that……" Sol shook her head
"I can't believe how this funeral went." Ava shook her head
"I can't believe I got punched in the face twice…..But whatever. Let's go to bed."
Everyone seemed to agree as they went into their separate rooms
Kylette's Room
As Kylette was already in her sleepwear, she was sitting on the bed, smiling as she was brushing her hair
"My aunt and uncle…….they may be crazy and all but they are still one of the best con artists in Lylat. And I'm proud to have them as my blood and as for Ace, well, I really hope you resting in peace……I mean it from my heart." Kylette then put down the brush on the nightstand turned off the lamp, climbed in the bed sighed and went to sleep.
CLICK! The light came back on
"I wonder will his ghost come back to kill us all off?" (O.O)
End of Day Four
Sol's Commentary
Happy April Fools Day (or Post April Fools Day)! YAY! Since I'm in the spirit of April Fools, I have decided to cancel this story……
Hahah! Just Kidding!
Or am I?
No folks, I'm only kidding……
Happy April Fools though! Look for an update very soon! I promise!
Sol