Close Calls

Summary: See ch1

Disclaimer: I still don't own them

A/N: Loving the reviews! Keep them up!

Love?

After Olivia had calmed down, and received a scrub shirt to change into she rejoined the rest of the squad in the waiting room.

Cragen had called Kathy to tell her of Elliot's condition. Even though they were no longer married, everyone still felt Elliot would have wanted her to know; want them to keep his family informed.

Olivia sat with her head in her hands as she rubbed her tired eyes. She was both physically and emotionally drained, and terrified. Elliot had been one of the only people in her life she had ever really been able to count on; and when he needed her to be there for him, where was she? She had her back turned, and was tending to the victim. She blamed herself, and knew she wouldn't be able to live with the guilt if he didn't pull through.

"Excuse me; is there a Detective Olivia Benson here?"

Olivia looked up immediately at the mention of her name. Standing at the front window she saw Kevin. He looked as if he would pass out with fear.

"Kevin?" Olivia asked, as she rose from her chair to greet him. She could see the tears in his eyes when he turned to face her. "I'm right here Kev."

Kevin ran to her and wrapped her in his arms. He buried is face in her shoulder. "I was so afraid." He simply confessed. "I heard that you and Stabler came under fire. They said one of you had been shot. I was so afraid." He explained.

"I'm fine Kevin." Olivia said softly. "Elliot… he… he took my bullet. He saved my life." She told him, holding back her tears.

Kevin pulled away. "Is he alright?" He asked, real concern in his voice. He knew that the two were quite good friends.

Olivia just shook her head sadly. "No word yet. They rushed him into surgery as soon as the bus got here." She informed him.

"And you. You sure you're alright?" He asked again, giving her a once over.

"I'm fine." She assured him. "They checked me out when I got here. Just… numb." She sighed.

Kevin wrapped an arm around Olivia's waist and led her back to her chair. He knew that she was hurting, and blamed herself. He took the seat next to her and simply held her hand in silence.

When the doctor finally emerged from the OR Olivia had to grip onto Kevin's arm to ensure she would be able to stay on her feet. Munch helped to support Kathy, and everyone held their breath waiting for the worst.

"How is he?" Cragen ventured.

"I can only give out Detective Stabler's medical information to family." The doctor informed them.

"Jordan, these people are his family." Kathy simply breathed. Everyone in the room silently thanked her for choosing to make her profession as a nurse in this particular hospital. "Now please, just tell us." She almost begged.

While Kathy may not have loved Elliot Stabler as a wife should love her husband, she still loved him. He was the father of her children, and her first love. He always treated her well, and they would always be friends. Besides all that, she needed to know the fate of her children's' father. Needed to know what she was going to tell them if he didn't pull through this one.

"Detective Stabler is currently in critical condition. The bullet just missed his heart, but still did some damage in his chest. It hit one of the main arteries connecting to his heart, but we were able to repair it. We'll have to wait and see how well the repair on the artery holds, and if his heart will be able to sustain the extra work of having that artery being damaged. I'm afraid that we also won't know that full extent of the damage done by loss of blood until he regains concisions." The doctor finished.

"But, he's alive?" Olivia asked, as if she needed the doctor to tell her that directly to believe it.

"He's alive." The doctor smiled.

"Can we see him?" Cragen asked.

The doctor thought it over for a moment, and then gave his answer. "Yes. But only for a moment."

The group filed into Elliot's room. They silently surrounded his bed, looking down at their injured family member.

Elliot looked so weak lying in the hospital bed. His skin was almost as pale as the sheets he was laying on. Olivia followed the multiple tubes running from his body to the machines they were connected to. There was an IV that was dripping medication into his veins, a line connected to the blood that replaced the large amount he had lost, and two tubes running from his nose to an oxygen machine to ensure air continued flowing to his lungs.

The rest of the wires were connected to monitors that told the doctors his heart rate, and other vitals.

Olivia was shocked at how frail her best friend looked. He had always seemed so strong in the past. The thought that she had put him in this position made her heart ache in a way that it had never ached before.

"He looks so helpless." Kathy noted quietly.

"He lost a lot of blood volume." The doctor told her. "When he receives the whole bag of the transfusion blood, he should look better."

"What… what about his brain function?" Kathy finally asked. She was a nurse, and well aware of the consequences on the brain of loosing as much blood as Elliot did.

"The monitor is showing brain function, but, unfortunately, we won't know the full extent of his injuries until he wakes up." The doctor told her.

As the realization sunk in that Elliot may never be the same again, the room grew silent and somber.

As everyone's eyes fell onto their fallen friend Olivia fell back to the corner of the room. She didn't feel she should even be allowed to be in the same room as Elliot. It was her fault, and she was ashamed to even be near him.

Kevin noticed how Olivia was acting. He snaked his arm around her waist, and pulled her close to him.

"It's going to be alright." He whispered in her ear. "Don't blame yourself for this baby."

Olivia pushed past him, and got out of the room. She couldn't be around Elliot anymore, not after what she did to him. She didn't deserve to call herself his family.

As she ran into the hallway she could hear Kevin following her.

"Olivia, Liv, wait." He called. He reached out and grabbed her hand, stopping her.

"Let got of me Kevin." Olivia demanded as tears streamed down her face. She wrenched her arm free from his grasp

"Why are you running?" Kevin demanded with loving force to his voice.

Olivia took a deep breath in order to try to get her thoughts together. "I don't deserve to be in there." She said in a somber whisper.

"Why not?" Kevin asked.

"Because. This is my fault. That bullet had been meant for me. If I had been paying better attention to my surroundings he never would have been shot. Elliot may be brain dead because of my actions. How can I be in there, and call myself his family after that?" She asked, pleading.

"How many times do you need to hear that this wasn't your fault until you believe it?" Kevin pushed. "Elliot did what he was trained to do. He had your back." He tried to comfort.

Olivia just shook her head. Having her back was one thing, but she was pretty sure giving your life for your partner was not in the handbook.

"Look, baby, I know how you feel. When I…" Kevin began.

"You know how I feel?" Olivia interrupted, indignant sounding. "You know how I feel? How the hell could you possibly know how I feel Kevin!" She barked.

"I've had partners clinging to their lives too Liv. Just because I may not be the field anymore doesn't mean I wasn't once." He answered, matching her tone.

"Have you ever been the cause of that!" She yelled, her voice filled with emotion. "Has it ever been your fault that someone you love is lying in a hospital bed, fighting for their life because of something you did! Because if not, then there's no way in hell you can know how I feel!" She finished, breathing hard due to her outburst.

Kevin was silent for a moment. "Love?" He asked, unsure if he had heard her right.

"What?" Olivia questioned. She had been so filled with emotions of pain, fear, and anger that she hadn't even realized what she had just said.

"You said 'someone you love'." Kevin answered simply.

"I…" Olivia began. She hadn't meant to say love, it had just come out. "He. He's my partner." She tried to explain, not that it really helped.

"Do you love him Olivia?" Kevin asked. He needed to know.

Olivia rubbed her hands over her worn face. "He's my partner Kevin. I see him every day. You know the bond partners share." She said, avoiding answering 'yes' or 'no'. The truth of the matter was, she wasn't even sure what she felt for Elliot at the moment.

"Of course I do." Kevin finally answered. "He's your family. Your brother." He clarified for her, although the explanation was more to sooth himself than Olivia.

Olivia just smiled. This wasn't something she wanted to do right now. Her emotions were running high today, and she wasn't sure what she felt for anybody. "He's my partner." She simply said again.

"You look exhausted, why don't you get some rest." Kevin said, changing the subject.

"I… I want to stay here." Olivia answered. "I just need to be sure he's going to be okay."

Kevin nodded his head. "You want me to stay with you?" He asked.

"No. It's alright. I'll be fine." Olivia answered. "You go home. You need to be up early for work in the morning."

"Okay sweetheart. If you need anything, you call me." He instructed her. He kissed her softly on the forehead. "I'm so glad that you're okay. I'll come by tomorrow okay?" He asked.

Olivia nodded her head and offered him a smile.

"I love you." Kevin said before turning and leaving.

After he was gone, Olivia sat in one of the chairs in the waiting room, and cried.

TBC.. just a little something for you guys! tell me what you think!