Close Calls

Summary: See ch1

Disclaimer: Not mine

A/N: Here is another chapter for everyone, glad that you all seem to like where I'm going with this. I'm afraid that the angst will continue in this chapter, but just bare with me for a while, it will be worth it; at least I think it will! If I do say so myself!

I Love Him

"Hey, what are you doing out here?" Cragen asked in a whisper after he exited Elliot's room and came into the waiting room.

Olivia looked up to her captain with glassy eyes and a tear stained face. "I couldn't face him." She stated simply and truthfully.

"What do you mean 'you couldn't face him'?" Cragen asked as he took the seat next to her.

"This is my…" She began.

"If I hear you blame yourself for this one more time I'm putting you in counseling." Cragen warned.

"I just. I feel like I failed him. I can't bare to see him like that." She answered truthfully.

"What if it were you lying there?" Cragen asked. "Would you blame him?"

Olivia was silent.

"You wouldn't." He answered for her. "Because it would have been your decision to take that bullet for him, and you would just be happy that he was okay."

"But, I love him Don." Olivia finally admitted in a mear whisper. It was the first time she had said it aloud. It felt good to get it off her chest though. "If he doesn't make it, I don't know what I'll do."

Cragen took in what he heard. He had known for a while that those two had had feelings for each other; it was about time they realized it too. He lovingly rubbed her back with his hand.

"I know you do." He said gently. "And I know that it's hard to look at him the way he is in there, but, when Elliot wakes up, how do you think he's gonna feel if you're not the first person he sees? If he finds out that you didn't even go in there are sit with him, he's going to be crushed." He said, and then paused to let it sink in. When there was no response, he added, "Now look Liv, we're leaving for the night. If you want to stay for a while, I think the doctors will look past it."

Olivia simply nodded her head.

"And if you want to take tomorrow off, I'll look past it." He added.

"Thank you." She smiled.

With that, Cragen gave her hand a reassuring squeeze, and got out of his chair. After the rest of the group assured Olivia that everything would turn out okay, and said their goodnights, they left.

Olivia sat in the waiting room for about half and hour before Kathy finally joined her.

"How you holdin up?" She asked, startling Olivia a little. She stood directly in front of her.

"I'm okay, I guess." Olivia breathed. "You?"

"Hangin in there." Kathy answered.

"Have you told the kids?" Olivia asked.

"I called them after he got out of surgery. I told them I'd bring them by tomorrow. They don't need to see their father looking like he does. Jordan said he should look a little stronger tomorrow, once the transfusion is complete." Kathy explained.

"That's probably the best idea." Olivia answered. "Look Kath…" Olivia began.

"Don't you dare apologize to me Olivia." Kathy interrupted her. She sat down next to her, and took her hands. "Olivia, I know that you've heard this about a million times tonight, but what happened to Elliot is not your fault. He was just…" Kathy began.

"Doing his job. I know." Olivia finished for her.

"That's not what I was going to say." Kathy smiled. "I was going to say that Elliot was just following his heart."

"What are you talking about?" Olivia asked, now confused.

Kathy chuckled a little and smiled. "You really don't see it, do you?" She asked.

"See what?" Olivia asked, growing annoyed.

"See how much that man loves you." She smiled.

Olivia was silent for a moment, her jaw fell slack. "Loves me?" She repeated.

"Yeah." Kathy answered. "He's crazy about you Olivia."

"How… how do you know that?" Olivia questioned.

"I was married to the man for twenty years. He gives you the same looks he used to give me; only they seem deeper when he looks at you." She answered. "Elliot would be devastated if he had just stood there and watched you get shot without doing anything. He would do anything for you Olivia, including lay down his life." She finished.

"What about the kids? They'll never forgive me for this." Olivia almost sobbed.

"The kids will understand what he did. They'll forgive you." She tried to assure her. "However, I don't think that Elliot will be as understanding if he wakes up, and your not there next to him." She added with a smile.

"I don't deserve to…" Olivia began once more.

"Olivia, for eight years you two have been there for each other. Now I know that this is hard, but he's gonna need you now more than ever. Don't let this be the one time you're not there for him." Kathy tried persuading her.

Olivia just sniffed, sighed, and then said, "I guess you're right Kathy. Maybe I should see him. Thank you"

Kathy smiled, and squeezed her hand. "Hey, what are ex-wives for?" She smiled.

Olivia rose from her seat, and slowly made her way down the hall to his room.

The room was silent with the exception of the quiet beeping coming from the various machines Elliot was hooked up to.

Olivia silently made her way around to the side of his bed, and pulled a chair so that he could sit next to him.

"Oh Elliot, what did I do to you?" She asked, breathing deeply to suppress the cry she felt inside her. "I know that everyone has told me this isn't my fault, but I can't help feeling like I caused this." She said, barely above a whisper. "I'm so sorry."

"Excuse me mame, but I'm afraid it's past visiting hours." A nurse said, quietly coming into the room.

"Oh, I, I'm sorry." Olivia muttered, pushing herself out of the seat.

"Julie, it's okay." Olivia heard Kathy say from the hallway. "She's family."

"Oh, sorry." Julie responded before walking away.

"You stay as long as you need." Kathy smiled. "He'll need you to get better." She added before following Julie down the hall and once again leaving Olivia alone with an unconscious Elliot lying in the hospital bed.

Olivia sat down once again. She spent most of the night simply sitting quietly, staring into the darkness of the room. When it felt like she would never fall asleep, her eyes slowly drifted closed, and her tired body finally gave into the sleep it so desperately craved.

The next morning Cragen entered Elliot's room to find a sleeping Olivia at his bedside. He gently shook her shoulders to wake her up.

"What, what is it?" She asked, jumping a little as she woke.

"Relax Benson, it's just me." He laughed.

"Oh, what time is it?" She asked, rubbing her eyes as the sunlight hit them.

"It's nine o'clock." He answered.

"Any change?" She asked, looking over at Elliot.

"None." Cragen answered. "You alright?"

"I'll be better once he wakes up." She answered.

"Why don't you go get something to eat, I'll sit with him a while." Cragen suggested.

"I'm really not al that hungry." Olivia answered.

"Well, you need to eat. So just go down and get some cereal or something." Cragen ordered.

Olivia just nodded her head, and went down to the cafeteria to get cereal and a cup of coffee. She would need all the pick-me-up she could get today, and she knew it.

TBC... I think I'll post two chapters tonight, since I won't be able to post one tomorrow!

REVIEW