Chapter 3, The Darkness within,
Tommy's POV,
Waking up this morning I felt a sense of peace for the first time since coming home from the war, last night was the first night I had slept without nightmares, the first night I hadn't heard those dreaded picks and shovels and I knew it was because I fell asleep with my arms around Ness. I looked at her face, moving my hand to her cheek cupping it softly and running my thumb under her eye, her eyes started fluttering so I knew she was waking up. Once her eyes were open I leaned down and placed a soft kiss against her lips which had her smiling softly at me, I knew it was hard for her because she couldn't quite see me at the moment, but I also knew I wouldn't let her get down about this I would make sure she knew I was here, I would make sure I was always touching her so she could feel me close.
"Good morning my love, how are you feeling?"
"Morning Tommy, I'm in some pain but I just want to go home."
That had me chuckling,
"I know sweetheart, the doc should be around soon with your discharge papers and John, or Arthur should be here soon as well to take us home."
"I can't wait to be able to sleep in our bed again, wrapped in your arms knowing that I'm home."
"It's been to long my love, when we got home I felt like I was missing something, and I know now that it was you I was missing, it was like I was only half of me like I have been for the past four years without you, I don't ever want to be separated from you again."
Her right hand moved to hold mine on her face and she smiled at me,
"I never want to be away from you Tommy, your my home, the place I always feel safest is in your arms and I wouldn't want to change that for anything. I haven't been whole since leaving for the war, four years of only being half of me I am complete now I'm home with you."
I leaned down and placed another soft kiss on her lips, then her forehead, eyes, and cheek, I pulled back and just took a moment to really see her to feel her and know she was home with me and safe, I closed my eyes and just felt how complete I felt now she was back with me and in my arms again. I opened my eyes again and placed another kiss on her lips then put my forehead against hers and just enjoyed this moment of us being together and in peace. We were brought out of our moment by the door opening, this had me turning my head to look over my shoulder and relaxing when I saw it was John, I felt Ness tense and I knew that was because she couldn't see who it was so this had me speaking up so she would know who it was.
"Morning John, is it just you?"
"Morning Tom, Ness. Yeah it's just me I shall be your chauffeur this morning, Arthur wanted to come but Aunt Pol said it would be best for just one of us, so I came."
"Morning John."
He walked over to the bed and leaned down placing a soft kiss to her forehead then pulling back, he grabbed the chair by the side of the bed and pulled it over to sit down on,
"So, we breaking Ness out of this place yet?"
That had a small giggle break through Ness's lips and both me and John smile at her,
"Just waiting for the doc to come in with her discharge papers, did you bring some clothes for her?"
"Course I did, there in the car."
"Why are they in the car John? Go get them and fetch the doc while you're at it."
With that he stood up and walked out the room, I kissed Ness one more time before I got out of her bed, I moved to the other side and sat down on the chair grabbing her hand and running my thumb over her knuckles.
"Tommy?"
"Yes my love?"
"Is it ok, me coming home? I don't want to put any pressure on you or become a burden."
I leant forward and cupped her cheek, still holding her hand.
"Sweetheart you could never be a burden, I want you home so I can look after you, you won't be putting any pressure on me, or our family so stop worrying so much."
"I just don't want our relationship to become me depending on you so much that you come to resent me for it all."
This had me frowning, as if I could ever resent this woman who has brought me so much love and happiness, from the minute I met her and even so when we got together. I let her hand go to cup her face with both my hands, running my thumb along her bottom lip, I leaned down so I could place my forehead against hers.
"My love, I could never resent you! You are my wife, and it is my job to care for you and right now I need to care for you more, I need to help you and be there for you, that doesn't bother me because I love you! And because I love you I will always be here when you need me, I never want you to think you are a burden to me or that I will resent you because its not true. You my love are the love of my life, the other part to my soul and I don't feel complete unless your with me so please don't ever think I could resent you or walk away from you because I couldn't. It's you and me forever and always Mo ghrá." (My love in Irish Gaelic)
With that a lone tear made its way down her cheek, I wiped the tear away with my thumb and kissed her lips softly. Her hands moving to hold my face against her lips, I pulled away slowly to place my forehead against hers again.
"I love you Tommy, always and forever."
Before I could respond the door was being opened, I looked up and saw John walking back in with a bag and the doc behind him,
"The docs here my love, and John has some clothes for you."
The doc walked over to us with a smile on his face, he had Ness's chart in his hand and was carrying a paper medicine bag also, once he got to us he stood next to the bed and read through her chart then popped it on the side of the bed.
"Right Mrs Shelby, I have your discharge papers here ready to sign but I need to just check you over before I can sign it. So, I'll check your eyes again and your stitches, then I am going to show your husband how to clean and change your bandages, I have a bag here of bandages enough to last you about two weeks and some morphine just in case your pain gets too much."
Once he finished speaking the door opened again and nurse pushing a trolley full of bandages and a bowl of water walked in to the room, she brought it over to the side of the bed the doc was on then went to move Ness's blanket which had the doc speaking up again.
"Thank you Nurse Smith, I have it from here you can leave."
The nurse left looking rather unhappy, but I didn't pay more then a second of attention to her immediately looking back to the doc, he pulled the trolley to the spot he needed it in and nodded his head at me and John.
"Ok, Mr Shelby and Mr Shelby if I could have both of your help we need to get Mrs Shelby sitting up so I can take a better look at her eyes and assess them, once done I will need your help to lay her down again so I can check the wound on her hip, clean it and dress it."
"Where do you need me doc?"
"Mr Shelby if you could grab her from your side, and the other Mr Shelby can grab her from this side. I need you both to be very careful and you Mr Shelby will need to watch where you put your hands as her wound is on your side."
He pointed at John when he said that who nodded his head in acknowledgment, I moved so I could whisper in Ness's ear,
"Ok love me and John are going to do all the work ok? All you need to do is relax into our hands and let us,"
Once she nodded her head in agreement I nodded to John who moved to slide his arm under her shoulders, I then slid my arm under and around her waist with the other hand I grabbed her hand and John grabbed the other once we had a good grip on her without hurting her we nodded to each other and slowly got her sat up John moved his arm but kept holding her hand and stepped out of the way for the doc I kept my place with my hand holding hers and my arm around her waist I wanted her to know I was here for her no matter what and that I was taking all her weight so she didn't need to strain her wound anymore then needed right now.
The doc stepped forward and put his hand on her chin moving her head slightly towards the light, he pulled out a torch from his pocket and turned it on flashing it in Ness's eyes (Now I know torches were invented in 1890s, but I am unsure about the medical pen light so for now I am going to stick with the doctors use torches lol) I took a breath and didn't let it go until I saw a slight smile on the docs face. He flashed it again in both eyes and nodded slightly he then put the torch away and took a cotton ball getting it wet with the water then leaned towards Ness,
"Ok Mrs Shelby this might sting a bit, I am going to just dab some water and alcohol on the wounds around your eyes ok?"
I felt her tighten her hold on my hand and nodded at the doctor,
"Ok doc."
He dabbed the cotton ball on her right eye, and I felt her tighten her hand more which had me running my thumb along her waist where I was still holding her, I heard her intake of breath and knew she was in pain. He did the same to the other eye and then threw the cotton ball back on the trolley.
"Ok Mrs Shelby, can you tell me if your eye sight has changed at all today?"
"The colours have got brighter if that helps doc, but I still can't make anything out."
"Right, that's better then no change. So, when I shone the light into your eyes your pupils reacted which is a good thing it means your retina's are still attached and that there is no serious damage. I am positive that your eye sight will come back its just going to take some time for your body to heal which you need to give it."
I felt the moment the news sank in as Ness relaxed slightly her posture became less tense and she took a breath, it also had me relaxing slightly too not that anything would change if her eye sight was gone for good because it wouldn't she would still be the love of my life, still be my wife and I would still do everything I could to make her happy. But with that bit of positive news, I knew Ness would be a lot happier knowing she would be able to see again one day soon.
"Let's lay her back down so I can clean her wound and redress it, while I'm doing that Mr Shelby you should watch what I'm doing so you know what to do when she's home. Once that's done I can sign the discharge papers and you can be on your way, but I want to see you in a weeks' time to make sure you are still healing and if there is any progress on your eye sight."
(Now I don't know anything really about eye injuries, so this is all going to be from googling things so if I get things wrong then I do apologise but it is fanfiction so its fiction lol 😊)
I nodded my head at the doc I would watch him just to make sure when I did it, I didn't hurt her that would be the last thing I want to do especially with how bad she is already hurting. I looked at John who once again took his spot and slid an arm around her shoulders and then tightened his hold on her hand, helping me lay her back down once she was laying down he squeezed her hand and then stepped back I moved my arm from around her waist but kept holding her hand. The doc stepped back to his spot moving the blanket to her waist then lifting her top to just below her breasts, I heard a gasp from John the second he saw Ness's wound, this is his first time seeing it and I don't think he expected it to be as big as it was or have as many stitches as it did.
My head snapped up to his when I felt Ness tighten her hand in mine so I knew she had heard him, but it was the shaking I could feel from her that had me worried I knew she didn't want anyone but me and the doc to see it because she didn't want anyone to treat her differently so I looked John in the eyes and could see the tears forming and I knew he was feeling pain that Ness had been hurt, she maybe my wife but John and Arthur have always thought of her as their little sister. I looked at him and shook my head, he couldn't do this not now Ness needed him to be strong he could break down when he wasn't in the same room as her he could see what I was saying from the stern look on my face, so he nodded his head letting me know he understood what I was saying and took a deep breath. Before the doc could say anything Ness was speaking up,
"You ok John? It doesn't look to pretty does it?"
Ness giggled but I could hear the slight hysteria in her giggle, and I knew John could to because his eyes softened, and he chuckled.
"Ah love you're the prettiest girl I've ever seen, this is just a wound that will heal it shows you survived the worst shit on earth so don't think on it ok? Your still my little sister, you're a Shelby wounds and scars just show how badarse we are!"
That had her giggling which had both of us smiling, I nodded my thanks to John then looked at the doc,
"Right Mrs Shelby lets take a look shall we."
He then poked and prodded at her wound, I could feel it was hurting her because she gripped my hand so tight I thought she was going to break it, but I didn't say anything if this helped then I would let her break my hand, if I could take away at least some of her pain then I would do anything. The doc grabbed a cotton ball dipped it into the bowl of water then leant down towards Ness,
"This might hurt a little, its just warm water I'm going to dab it down with first then I shall use some alcohol to prevent infection."
He then dabbed the cotton ball on her wound trying to be soft but firm at the same time, he had to make sure it was clean, once that was done he grabbed another cotton ball and dipped it in a bowl of vodka by the smell of it,
"Ok this is gonna sting."
He then dabbed the alcohol-soaked cotton ball along her wound, and I knew that stung from the second he touched it against her skin as she gasped loudly then winced and gripped my hand more tightly, I gripped her hand back and moved my other hand to her hip and ran my thumb along it trying to keep her calm and to focus on something else. She took a deep breath and tried to smile but it came out as more of a grimace then a smile, but we could all understand why that was. The doc finished then reached over for a bandage and some white tape he put the bandage over her wound making sure he covered all the wound and that the tape wouldn't get stuck to the wound, once placed he taped it down then pulled her top back down and pulled the blanket back over her.
"I am happy that your healing, its going to be a slow process so I need you to be careful Mrs Shelby, I know your itching to get home, but I do caution you to be on bed rest for at least a week longer if you feel you need it. Once the week is up I want to see you to assess and then if you need more bed rest we can work it from there but absolutely no getting out of bed without help! You will pull those stitches and be back in here with me and if that happens I won't be letting you home before you are fully healed!"
I could see the frown on Ness's face and knew she was about to argue with the doc so I spoke up before she could say anything, I knew the doc was being serious and I was adamant that I didn't want Ness back in the hospital once she was home so I would make sure she was on bed rest, I would be on hand to help her with everything no matter what it was the business could wait Ness was more important.
"Don't worry doc she will be on bed rest; I will make sure of it, and I will make sure she won't leave her bed without help because I won't be leaving her side anytime soon and if I do then I know my brothers or aunt will help her."
I squeezed Ness's hand, so she knew I was being serious, when she spoke up.
"See doc you don't have to worry Tommy will make sure I do what's needed but truth be told I will listen anyway because I don't want to prolong the healing process anymore then I need to."
"Good, I shall sign those papers then, and leave you in the care of Mr Shelby."
"Thank you Doctor Rogers for everything."
"Ah Mrs Shelby you don't need to thank me, you saved my life and to this day I don't understand how you were able to work with the determination you did when in a war zone you plugged my artery like it was nothing and if this is all I can do to pay you back then I am happy to do it. You are a brave woman Mrs Shelby."
Before she could say anything back he was signed the papers and passed them over to me nodding at me then walking away we heard the door open and close then Ness spoke up.
"Tommy?"
"Yes love?"
"Can you help me get dressed?"
"Of course, love."
I looked at John and held my hand out for the bag of clothes,
"What did you bring her John?"
"I don't know aunt Pol packed it Tommy, I wasn't going to go in yours and Ness's room and go through her clothes and underwear draws."
I just nodded to that, hopefully Pol got her something nice and lose to wear because something tight would hurt her. I grabbed the bag off of John and pulled out a skirt and one of my shirts with a bra and Knickers and a slip. I took one look at the bra and then looked at Ness, I knew there was no way I was getting a bra on her, her wound was to close to the bra area, so I put it back in the bag.
"Ok love I think we're going to need Johns help here as well."
"Ok Tommy whatever you think."
I looked to John,
"I'm going to need your help here brother, I can't dress her and hold her at the same time."
"You don't even need to ask Tommy; I'll help anyway I can."
"Right, you get her up off the bed and we're start from there."
John pulled the blanket to the bottom of the bed, he grabbed Ness's legs and slowly slid them to the side of the bed, then he reached down and wrapped his arms around her waist and her arms went around his neck. I picked the clothes up and walked behind the curtain divider (I am so sorry, but I can't for the life of me think what the damn thing is called lol.) I put the clothes down on the chair that was behind there and walked back to help John walk Ness over. I grabbed the right side of her wrapping my arm around her waist and grabbing her right hand, John doing the same on the left side. We made our way slowly to behind the curtain, once stood behind it I looked grabbed the shirt that John bought for Ness,
"Right John place your hands on her waist under her top,"
Once he did that I reached to the hem of the top she was wearing one of those horrible generic hospital tops slowly sliding it up, I saw John turn his head and close his eyes which I was thankful for, I got the top off and then put my shirt behind her putting her arms in and sliding it in place over her shoulders doing the buttons up, it was long on her, so it covered her private areas,
"You ok Ness?"
"Hmmm please hurry though, it hurts to stand for too long."
"Its ok love John's got you just let him take your weight ok?"
She nodded her head in agreement and took a deep breath, I took that moment to kneel down and pull her trousers down, I tapped her left ankle so she could lift her foot, she couldn't lift it to high, so I just pulled it off and tapped her right leg. We did the same that side and once those were off I grabbed her knickers and once again tapped her feet to get them on, once pulled up I did the same with the skirt, I didn't bother with the stockings cause we were going straight home and she was going straight to bed. I stood back up and grabbed her hands,
"Ok sweetheart I've got you dressed but I need to sit you down to put your shoes on ok?"
I could see she was in pain because she was biting her lip so hard she actually drew blood, but she nodded anyway, I then looked at John who had just opened his eyes, I nodded to the chair, and he nodded back.
"Right John-boy lets do this nice and slow."
He kept one hand on her waist but moved the other to grab the chair and bring it closer, we both lowered her down onto the chair, John staying close just in case and kept holding her hand I knelt down in front of her and picked up her left foot first aunt Pol had packed her a pair of boots, so I slid them on her feet doing the laces up thankfully Pol had the thought of a little heal on these boots which was good. I could see they hadn't packed her a coat so I would put mine on her, I looked at John.
"Go get the car as close to the entrance as you can?"
"On it brother,"
He leant down and kissed Ness's cheek then walked out the room I took her hands on mine running my thumb along her knuckles,
"How you doing sweetheart?"
"I'm ok, Tommy."
"I know you're not, but I'll let it go for now, I'm gonna grab our stuff then I'll come grab you ok? Give me two minutes my love."
"Ok babe." (Now I don't know if babe or baby was used a lot back in the 1920's but I am going to use it in my story not a lot just occasionally)
I stood up kissed her lips then made sure I had her papers and the bandages, I packed them in the bag John bought then grabbed my coat I walked back to Ness, wrapped one arm around her waist and grabbed her right hand with mine, I made sure my hand was no where her wound and helped her stand, I then moved to stand in front of her and put her hands on my shoulders,
"Hold on to my shoulders a moment love I just need to put my coat on you."
I put my coat on her shoulders and pulled it so it was sitting just right and wouldn't fall off, I then moved to stand next to her and wrapped my arm around her waist again taking her right hand.
"Off we go love nice and slow ok?"
She nodded her head and slowly put one foot in front of the other, I made sure to take as much of her weight as I possibly could. we got to the entrance, and I saw John stood outside the car waiting for us, once he saw us he came over and got on Ness's other side and took her and putting his arm around her shoulders.
"We got you love,"
"Thanks John-boy."
"Your welcome love,"
He looked at me and nodded so we started making our way to the car, he opened the back door and got in I passed him the bag first then got behind Ness putting my left hand on her hip and my right around her waist,
"Love the car is right in front of you, step up ok nice and slow."
She lifted her left leg up and felt for the step of the car once she knew she had it and was ok she nodded her head, I took her weight and helped her into the car, John helping her to sit down once she was in John got out and I got in the back with her I sat down and wrapped my arm around her shoulder pulling her to lean on me John got in the front and started the car,
"Right off we go."
Ness fell asleep during the journey home which I was happy with cause I knew with her being asleep she wouldn't feel how bloody bumpy the ride was. We pulled up outside the house and John got out coming to the back and opening my door, he looked at me and smiled, I lifted Ness into my arms and stood up as much as I could, John grabbed onto me, so I didn't fall stepping out of the car. Once I was out he grabbed the bag and walked to open the front door for me, I turned so I could walk in without banging Ness's head on the door frame and walked into the house. I saw everyone sat at the table waiting for us, once they saw me carrying Ness and she was asleep they smiled at me.
"I'm gonna take her straight up to bed ok? But we're talk once I've got Ness settled in bed,"
With that I carried on up the stairs and to our room, John following me to the pull the bed cover down. I placed her on the bed and removed her boots, I put her legs in a comfortable position, I then moved to unzip her skirt then pull it down leaving her in just my shirt once done I pulled the cover over her and placed a kiss on her forehead. I stood up and walked out of the room leaving the door open so I could hear her when she woke up, I made my way down stairs and sat down at the table with everyone. Polly speaking before anyone else could,
"How is she Tommy?"
"In a lot of pain Pol, she is on strict bed rest for a week and I when I say strict I mean it. She's not even aloud to use the toilet on her own, I'm going to be here as much as I can this week so any work that I can't bring into her room with me then I will leave for Arthur and John. If I'm desperately needed then Pol, Ada can one of you sit with her?"
Ada spoke up while putting her hand over mine on the table,
"You don't even need to ask Tommy, we're a family she won't be left alone."
I turned my hand so I could grab hers and squeezed it gently,
"Thank you. Now Ness is having sight problems the doc is hopeful her sight will return in time but right now all she can make out is colours so when your in her room you have to make her aware or she will panic. She has a lot of stitches the doc showed me how to clean her wounds and bandage them so I will take care of that as I know Ness isn't comfortable with anyone seeing her wounds and with how John reacted I don't want her upset by anyone's reactions. The doc gave me enough supplies for two weeks and will give me more when I take her back in a weeks' time for a check-up. If I'm not available and she needs the toilet then you need to literally take all her weight to help her stand ok? The doc doesn't want any strain on her wounds."
It was Arthur who spoke up this time, he looked at me and I could see the apprehensive look on his face.
"How bad are they Tommy?"
"She's alive Arthur that's all I care about. Her wounds will heal in time, and they will leave a scar, but I don't care, and neither should any of you!"
He put his hands up in surrender,
"I was just asking Tom."
"I know but Ness is upset about them as it is, John saw them he can tell you just not around me and it's not something Finn should hear."
"Ok Tom."
"Ok, I think that's everything, I'm going to go sit with Ness. Pol can you have John or Arthur bring up dinner for us? Ness can only handle broth right now too, nothing to heavy."
"I'll send some food up with John in a bit Tommy, you just worry about Ness."
I stood up and kissed Ada's forehead then made my way back up stairs to see Ness still asleep, I didn't want to disturb her, so I pulled the chair from the corner of the room and put it next to the bed, I grabbed her hand and just watched her sleep. It wasn't long before I was closing my eyes and falling asleep myself.
AN,
So, I'm going to leave it here and do a time jump in the next chapter, not quite starting from the beginning of Peaky Blinders just yet but I think towards the end of Chapter 4 I will start from the beginning. I hope you like this update, if you have any ideas or suggestions for this please let me know,
I have a few other stories if you're interested, there not on Archive of our own there on Fanfiction if you want my name on that please message me for it.
Thanks
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