Close Calls

Sumamry: See ch1

Disclaimer: Still not mine

A/N: okay, so this chapter is like three times the length of the others! but I figured you would be okay with that considering I've been typing short ones!

I Love You's

That night, Elliot lay awake in his bed staring at the ceiling tiles. He was thinking about the conversation he and Olivia had almost had when he first woke up.

When Olivia silently peered her head into the room she thought that he was asleep. She stealthily made her way into the room to regain her position on the chair next to his bed.

"Hey, what are you doing here?" Elliot asked, making her jump. "Sorry." He smiled. "Didn't mean to scare you." He chuckled.

"You didn't scare me." She lied, placing her hand over her speeding heart.

"Yeah, okay Benson, whatever you say." He smiled. "So, what are you still doing here? I figured you'd be out with Kevin by now." He said, slight disdain in his voice.

Olivia sat back in her chair and shook her head slightly offering a smile. "He really is jealous.'"She thought to herself. "I'm not seeing Kevin anymore." She said softly.

"Why not?" Elliot asked, genuinely surprised. "What happened? I thought you guys were doing good. Didn't he tell you he loved you?" He asked.

Olivia let out a deep breath before continuing with the conversation. "I think, that that was the problem." She said.

"Why? Didn't he mean it?" Elliot asked.

"Yeah, I think he did." Olivia smiled, happy that someone out there cared about her, even if she didn't feel the same.

"So then what was the problem?" Elliot asked. It wasn't that he wasn't happy that Kevin and Olivia had broken up; it was just that he was confused as to why.

"The problem was that I don't love him." Olivia answered. "I mean, I tried, but I realized that I couldn't and I never would." She sighed. "Don't get me wrong, Kevin's a great guy, he's just… not the one." She sad with a sad smile.

Elliot thought his heart stopped when he heard he say that. He had never been so happy.

"Wow." He said with a smile, trying to keep the conversation light. "Never thought I'd hear Olivia Benson say 'the one'." He joked.

When Olivia smiled his heart lit up. "Looks like Kevin isn't the only one who can make her smile like that." He thought to himself proudly.

"So does this mean the search continues?" Elliot asked.

Olivia took another deep breath. This conversation was getting increasingly harder to have. "I actually think the search may be over." She smiled.

Elliot was confused for a moment. "What, you found someone?" He asked.

"Yeah." Olivia smiled and nodded her head. "I think I have."

"So, what makes this guy the lucky one?" He asked.

"Well," Olivia began. "He never fails to make me smile; he has always been there for me, even when I don't want him to be; no matter how much I push him away he always seems to hang on; even though he can be stubborn, arrogant, pig headed, and a royal pain in the ass, I can see his the softness he has inside; and then of course there's the fact that I realized recently that there was no way I could imagine my life without him in it." She finished.

Elliot was silent for a moment. "Could she be talking about me?" He wondered. "I thought that you were the poster woman for the independent woman." Elliot smiled.

Olivia just smiled and shook her head at him. "I've tried to isolate myself for so long Elliot. I tried not to care about anyone, because that would have made my heart vulnerable to be broken." She began.

"What are you talking about Livia?" Elliot asked. He wasn't sure where she was going with this.

"Just, lemme finish El. I need to say this." She answered. "Look, I've been so afraid of love for so long that when I did find it, I forced myself to get over it. It was easy at first, I mean, married men are off limits." She said, beginning to rant more to herself than to Elliot. "But then, then he was single, and I started falling harder. That's why I started seeing Kevin. I mean, I did like him, but, I don't know, I guess… it was just easier to be with someone that I knew I would never love." She sighed, explaining what she had been through with him.

"So, who is this guy who seems to have captured the heart of Olivia Benson?" He asked cockily.

Olivia's mouth was suddenly paralyzed. She wanted to tell him, but she was scared to finally let her feelings out.

"What, don't know his name?" Elliot asked with a smirk.

When Elliot had first heard that she was in love, his heart broke all over again, but after she explained the man, his heart swelled at the possibility that she may have been talking about him. He knew that it was a long shot, but hell, it was a chance he knew that he had to take. He realized now that life was short, and could end at any time. If he didn't find out how Olivia felt, he probably never would.

Olivia just smiled shyly. "I know his name." She said quietly.

"Then who is it?" Elliot asked. "I mean what, is it Munch or something?" He laughed.

"No." Olivia answered. "Look El, I just… when I almost lost you… I've never been so scared." She started shaking her head and staring at the floor.

"I never meant to scare you Liv." Elliot said, stroking her cheek with the back of his hand. "But what does that have to do with anything?"

"It has to do with everything!" She shouted as the tears began to fall again. "It has to do with everything." She repeated again, only this time more softly. "I don't know what I'd do without you Stabler."

"We talked about this already Liv. You'd be fine. You'd make it." He said quietly.

"No." Olivia said shaking her head. "No, I don't think that I would."

"You seemed to be okay when you went to computer crimes." He said, not trying to be mean.

"I had to come back Elliot." Olivia sniffed.

"I thought you came back for the victims." Elliot answered.

"Are you really that blind Stabler?" Olivia asked in disbelief. "I came back because of you!"

"I thought that you left because of me." Elliot noted softly.

"I did! I left because I was so afraid that if I stayed I would lose you! After watching that perp hold a gun to your head in that warehouse, and feeling so helpless. Then you told me that you thought we were getting too close and I just… I couldn't stay." She said, and then paused. "But then I came back, because I hated having to go to work each day knowing that I wasn't going to see you." She added softly.

Elliot was silent for a moment. He wasn't so sure what he had heard. His head had to process it before he could respond to anything.

"Don't you understand Elliot? I can't lose you. My heart couldn't take it. You've been one of the only men I have ever really been able to count on. You have my heart Elliot. You've had it all along, but I've been too damn afraid to tell you; too damn afraid that I would lose you both as a partner and a best friend. I couldn't face that." She said and once again paused. "I would have rather lived the rest of my life miserable, and alone, than to tell you, and lose you."

Elliot was again silent before finally finding the words to speak. "Why… why would you think you would lose me?" He asked hoarsely.

Olivia just shook her head and tried stifling her tears. She was an emotional wreck right now.

"After eight years, don't you realize that I'm not going anywhere?" He questioned, taking her hand.

"Elliot, you might not be going anywhere, but… Casey said something to me outside earlier that made a lot of sense." Olivia continued. "She made me realize that I can't live the rest of my life going to work, and being nothing more than your friend. It hurts too much." Her eyes were fixed on her hand. It seemed to fit so perfectly in Elliot's. Then she suddenly realized what she was doing. She had just told her partner that she was madly in love with him, and he clearly didn't feel the same way. She was suddenly very embarrassed.

"I… I really should go." She stammered, pulling her hand free from Elliot's and rushing to the door.

"Liv, wait!" Elliot called snapping up in his bed. "Uhhh!" He yelled out due to the pain that shot through his chest when he moved so suddenly.

Olivia turned back to face him when she heard his cry. She couldn't hide the tears.

"Wait." Elliot repeated softer as he leaned back into the bed as the pain subsided. "Please, don't leave Liv."

"Didn't you hear anything I just said? I have to Elliot, for me." She said in a whisper that was filled with guilt.

"But… I… I love you." He finally revealed himself. "I love you. And the thought of losing you kills me. Please, don't go."

Olivia couldn't speak. She was frozen in the doorway. "What did you just say?" She asked.

"I said… that I… love you." Elliot answered in a voice barely above a whisper.

"El, you don't have to do this for me." Olivia argued quietly.

"I'm not doing this for you. I'm doing it for me." He breathed. "I almost died the other day, I think that's sign enough to tell me that it's about time I tell you how I feel." He paused and kept his eyes on her. "Now, will you come back in here? Please?" He asked with pleading eyes.

Olivia sighed heavily, but did as she was asked. Instead of sitting in her chair, Elliot motioned for her to sit on the bed. She sat sideways with her legs hanging off, but had her upper body turned so that she could face Elliot.

"What?" She asked, clearly tired.

"When Cragen first told me that you were going to be my new partner, all I could think of was 'why God'?" He smiled. Olivia tried to say something, but he cut her off. "But after spending one day with you, I changed it to 'thank you God'." He said taking her hands in his.

Shivers went down her spine with the intimate contact.

"The more time we spent together, the more you amazed me. When I was married you were my best friend Olivia. I could always go to you whenever I needed you; and while I may not always have been so forthcoming with all my problems, the notion that I could go to you had I wanted to, comforted me more than you could ever imagine."

It was not Olivia's turn to smile. Hearing that she made him feel that way he made her feel was unbelievable. The simple fact that she was able to comfort him, in any way, made her heart swell. She realized that she would never love anyone as much as she loved the man sitting before her.

"Then, after the divorce, I started seeing you in a whole other light. I mean, yeah, at first I was just on the rebound, and was interested in anything that was female… and human." He smiled. "But, as the divorce became more distant, and my dates became fewer, I still couldn't seem to take my eyes off you. I had always noticed how beautiful you were both inside and out, but as the weeks went on, I found myself noticing the more minute things about you." He smiled at the thought.

Olivia was captivated by all he was saying. Could he really care about her this much?

"I would notice things like the way you click your pen and let it slide back and forth in your hand when you're interrogating a suspect, or the way you pinch the bridge of your nose when you get frustrated or tired. Things like that." He explained. "I figured that I had a crush on you then, but I knew I could never do anything about it because of the whole partner thing. Then the whole shooting slash stabbing think happened, and everything changed."

"What do you mean changed?" Olivia finally asked.

"I realized how much you actually meant to me. I thought that it was just a crush, but I realized, when you were lying on the ground clutching your neck, that you meant so much more to me than that. My heart shattered in that second Olivia." He paused. "Then you left. You went to computer crimes, and I never knew I could be so lonely. At least when Kathy left me I still had you. I was so lost those weeks. I prayed every night that we would need computer crimes help on a case just so that I could get a glimpse of you." Elliot's admittance made Olivia smile. "Then, when you came back, I was so overjoyed. I'll never forget what you said; 'I work here'." He smiled remembering the day so clearly. "Like you had never left. Then you started seeing Kevin. I was jealous, but I figured it would be over as soon as it started. When it wasn't I thought I had lost you forever. That's why I've been such a jerk lately. I thought that if we hated each other, watching you walk away in his arms would hurt less."

"Looks like we were both trying the same tactics." Olivia smiled. "But, why didn't you just tell me?" She asked quietly.

Elliot just shrugged his shoulders. "I guess for the same reasons you didn't tell me. I was too afraid of losing what we did have, as little as that may have been. I just want you to be happy Olivia."

"You make me happy." Olivia said coyly.

Elliot was shocked at what she said. "You don't know how much I have wanted to hear you say that." He grinned widely.

"I love you." Olivia said, repeating what Elliot had said before.

"I figured as much." Elliot smiled as he leaned closer to her.

As Elliot's lips softly pressed against hers, Olivia let her hands slip out of Elliot's, and rested one on his chest, while the she placed the other on the side of his cheek gently.

As soon as he had kissed her, the two separated slightly. Their lips were merely inches away from one another.

"So… what does this all mean?" Elliot said in a whisper.

"I guess it means that we love each other." Olivia smiled, her hand still resting on his unshaven face.

"And what happens now?" Elliot asked, bringing on of his hands to rest on her thigh, and using the other to push a lock of hair behind her ear.

"Well, normally, I would start seeing you." Olivia said. "But, unfortunately, we work together." She sighed.

"Dating is only frowned upon ya know Liv." Elliot answered.

"Yeah, but IAB already hates us." Olivia informed him, as if he didn't already know.

"They only way they would find out is if someone told them." Elliot tried.

"You know that anyone in that precinct could be a mole for them El." Olivia argued.

"Well that would only be a problem if the precinct found out." Elliot suggested.

"Casey and Don already know that I'm in love with you; and I'm pretty sure Munch and Fin have a good idea about it." She said.

"So. No one else has to know. And we don't have to tell them for sure. It could be out little secret." He smiled. "Come on Liv, will you be my girlfriend?"

Olivia thought it over for a moment before pulling his lips back to hers. She didn't let go so easily this time. She parted his lips slightly and kissed him with all the passion she had been bottling up for years. He returned the intensity on his end.

By the time they separated, they were both gasping for air.

"I'll take that as a yes." He smiled.

"It's a yes." Olivia smiled back. "I really should go though." She added, but didn't move an inch from her spot on the bed.

"Stay with me." Elliot begged.

"While I would love to, I don't think that I could spend another night in that chair." She sighed.

"Then don't sleep in the chair." He smiled devilishly. "Sleep next to me."

"El, I couldn't." Olivia argued. "What if Cragen or one of the guys came in. How would we explain that one?" She smiled. "Or one of the doctors. I'm sure they don't need me in here all night."

"Screw the doctors Liv." Elliot answered. "And the guys won't be here until at least eleven tomorrow. We'll be awake by then. Please."

How could Olivia say no? This, after all, was something she had only dreamed about.

"Scoot over." She smiled as Elliot pulled the covers off enough to allow for Olivia to climb into the bed with him.

He wrapped his arms around her as she settled her head on his chest.

"I love you Benson." He whispered on more time before shutting the lights off in the room.

"I love you too Stabler." Olivia answered.

That night, Olivia Benson fell asleep to the most beautiful sound in the world. The steady beating of Elliot's heart, a heart that had finally got what it so desperately needed, her love.

TBC... okay, so I was going to stop this story here, but then I decided to write more, so there's a lot coming! Stay tuned! And Review