Revenge 101

As Apple hurried to the privacy of her room, she tried to wrap her head around what she had just done:

She had just lied to her mother. Her mother! And her mother was the queen! And Apple had lied to her in order to plot revenge with a hardcore would-be villain.

Apple couldn't help but feel ashamed of herself. And scared of the trouble she'd be in if her mother or father knew (Apple had never seen either one of her parents get mad, but if her own temper was anything to go by, it wouldn't be pretty. Apple figured her own frightening brand of anger had to come from somewhere).

But above all, she was stunned at how easily she was able to lie to her royal mother. She had been raised to believe that honesty was the best policy for a future queen, but all that seemed to be rapidly going down the drain since Rotbart had saved her. Apple wondered if associating with the former Swan Lake villain was corrupting her; she never seemed to be herself when Rotbart was around (at least, not the perfect, royal self that she was supposed to be).

Maybe he is the devil incarnate! She thought with a shudder. How else could he compel her to do unprincessly things like tell lies and seek vengeance?

And yet despite all her fears and doubts, Apple was willing to lower her lofty moral standards to make Daring Charming pay for his indiscretion. What he did was unforgivable. Apple grimly thought. An example had to be made.

As soon as Apple locked the door to her room, she quickly dialed Rotbart's number. After three rings, the young villain answered:

"Hello, princess." He said in his softly-accented, baritone voice. Apple felt chills run down her spine. Rotbart's voice wasn't unpleasant to listen to, but it was uncannily creepy. And its creepiness was even more pronounced over the phone.

"Hello." She began stiffly. And she wracked her mind for something to say to him. "Are you having a nice break?" She asked awkwardly.

"Eh. So-so." He said noncommittally. "You?"

"Uh…very well thank you…so…uh…"

"Can we skip the small talk?" He asked wryly.

"Yes." Apple said, relieved. She honestly had no idea how to talk to a real villain (Raven didn't count).

Rotbart was immediately all business. "Right. Now, tell me: what does Mr.-Big-Prince-On-Campus love most?"

"Himself. I told you, remember?"

"Yes, but what exactly does he love about himself?" Rotbart pressed.

"Well…" Apple paused in thought. "He loves how handsome he is." She finally said.

"OK, good. And?"

"And…he loves how popular he is." She added

"Indubitably. So the goal is twofold: destroy pretty boy's looks and his precious reputation."

"Destroy?" Apple asked waveringly.

"Yeah. So?"

"Well, isn't that kind of, mean? Really REALLY mean?"

"No it's not mean. It's payback. And payback's a bitch, princess."

"But does it have to be quite so bitchy? I mean, do we have to destroy his looks?" That seemed a little too terrible a fate to the beauty-conscious princess. Even for the prince she despised.

Rotbart sighed in exasperation. "No, we don't have to." He said sarcastically. "It's more deliciously soul-crushing and poetically just if we do, but we don't have to put the effort in. We can totally half-ass it. We'll muss his hair and call it good. Or better still, give him a single, tasteful zit and then cover it up with make-up…"

"That's not what I meant!" Apple said crossly. "I mean, do we have to destroy his looks permanently? Can't we do it for just a little while?"

"Where's the fun in that?" Rotbart asked disgustedly.

"You can make him as ugly as you want." Apples aid sweetly. "Just not forever after."

Rotbart cynically laughed. "I'll do that in any case, princess. And how are you going to prevent me from cursing him just as long as I like?" He grinned as he thought of the kind of stupid, self-righteous answer she'd undoubtedly give him. Probably something along the lines of: "Because-I'm-princess-and-I-say-so."

Apple's response was surprisingly sinister and compelling: "You mar him for life, I'll serenade you for life." She threatened.

Rotbart gave an audible shudder. He hadn't forgotten the agony of Apple's singing. "Fine. Six months." He said brusquely.

"Three." Apple countered.

"Fine."

"Fine." Apple agreed.

"You do realize that once we destroy his rep, that's not going away, right?" Rotbart said.

"No. I'm good with that." Apple said calmly. She might have had qualms about disfiguring another person for life, but she wanted to ensure that no other princess would ever waste her time with that Daring pig again.

Rotbart was surprised by Apple's multifaceted attitude regarding Daring's comeuppance, but decided to let the matter slide. "OK, we've got the objectives for Dick Charming. How about Lizzie Tart?"

"Ruin her reputation too?" Apple suggested. "And make it so Daring wants nothing to do with her?"

"Would that really be a punishment?" Rotbart dryly asked.

"It is for anyone who believes it." Apple bitterly said.

"Fair enough. Now how do we pull these objectives off?"

"How?"

"Yes: how do we damage Daring's looks, Lizzie's hold over him, and both their reputations in one fell swoop?"

"Does it have to be done all at once?" Apple asked.

"Yes." Rotbart said.

"But why?" Apple asked, mystified.

"Too many separate schemes means too many chances of getting caught." He explained. "If one, major, awful thing happens to your target, and it just happens to have certain undesirable consequences that fit in with your agenda, that just looks unfortunate. A tragedy, if you will. But if you repeatedly go after your victim to make them suffer, somebody's going to notice. And at that point, you might as well go public. And I'm guessing you don't want this public."

"NO!" Apple practically shrieked. The pranks were one thing, but she definitely couldn't let anyone know about this! Her own reputation would be shot!

"Thought not." Rotbart said with a smirk in his voice. "That's why we need to do this efficiently. Remember: all you really need to get even is one masterfully-planned master plan."

"How do you know so much about plotting revenge?" Apple asked. Rotbart's knowledge seemed awfully specific.

"Old friend of my dad's. Iago. Cool guy. And brilliant too. He applied for a teaching position at EAH, but he didn't get it."

"Why not?"

"He was too good. Or rather, he was too good at being bad."

"How can you be too good at being bad?"

"He was a master villain. And old Grimm didn't like it."

"But why didn't he get the job if he was a master?" Apple wanted to know. "I mean, if he was best of the best, er, the worst of the worst, he should have gotten the job, right? It's only fair."

Rotbart laughed that sinister laugh of his that Apple didn't like. "You think Grimm would let a top-notch antagonist teach at EAH? He was too worried that Iago would teach future generations of baddies all his tricks and that all the pwecious widdle princes and princesses would get their perfect feathers ruffled."

"Oh." Apple said. What Rotbart said made sense. It was probably for the best that Iago didn't get the job. But Rotbart's insinuations that Milton Grimm played favorites and didn't strive to give everyone the best education possible made her uncomfortable. She didn't like to think that headmasters would act that way. So she decided to get off this tangent:

"So how do we make sure it happens all at once?"

"We craft a masterfully-planned master plan."