I haven't been able to update lately, given my busy work schedule, my computer getting a virus, and then being in a lot of pain, but I finally got this typed and ready to post, minus sending it to a beta.
Ghost From the Past (14/15)
Rating: PG-13 (I think)
Word Count: 1,910
Disclaimer: I own House. Um, right. That was a lie. I don't own anything. Except seasons 1 & 2 on DVD and my own insanity.
Summary: In the middle of a case, a figure from Cameron's past arrives, creating complications and confusions in her life.
Author's Note: As I said, this is my first House fanfic. The characters may be very, very OOC. It is possible. I have no medical experience, therefore anything I write is probably very wrong. No spoilers after season 2. Since this is three days late, I'm posting it without sending it to my beta. All mistakes are mine.
Ghost From the Past
Chapter Fourteen: Decisions, Decisions
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Chase is quitting. Chase is quitting. He's leaving the hospital. He's leaving me. The thought reverberated through Cameron's head. She couldn't think about anything else. She couldn't hear anything. She knew that the room was crowded, but the only person that she saw was Chase. She could think of no one else, nothing else but Chase leaving her. Hadn't his cardiac arrest been enough to make her realize that her life would be like without him? So why did his quitting bother her more than his cardiac arrest?
Because quitting was a choice. His choice. He was choosing to leave her.
And that hurt.
The weight crushed her chest, making it hard to breathe. She couldn't focus like this. She squeezed Chase's hand, silently begging for help.
"I need to speak to Cameron alone," Chase's voice broke through Cameron's chaos. She was thinking clearer, but she still could hardly breathe. "Please."
She swallowed hard, watching the others leave. All except House. She stared at him. She wanted him to go, but she couldn't ask. Chase's hand was the only thing she had. She couldn't say what she needed to say. She could only hope that Chase could figure it out.
"House, go," Chase insisted. "Just—go."
Cameron watched House leave. He'd considered staying, but for once, House seemed to acknowledge that they needed the time alone. After a moment, Chase squeezed her hand. "Cameron, I told House that I was quitting, but I haven't left yet. I'm not sure that I am leaving."
"Don't," was all she could manage to say.
"I'm not sure I can stay," he told her. "It could be—it would be easier if I left. Easier for me. For you. Because I love you, Cameron. And I know that you don't love me."
She heard him speak, and the weight on her chest seemed lighter. Why should it? She had known that he loved her before. Why was it so different to hear it from him? He loves me.
"Chase—"
"I like my job, Cameron," Chase interrupted. "I want to keep my job. I've done things that—which I shouldn't have been forgiven for. I lied. I betrayed. I was a jerk. I want this job. But every day I would see you. Every day I would work with you. I love you, so I want to see you every day, even if I knew I couldn't be with you. But then I'd see you with Joe. Know you were with Joe. It would hurt. And then there's your side, Cameron. You don't want a love sick wombat following you around."
She laughed. She couldn't help it. "Chase, you're not a wombat"
She wanted to kiss him. She knew that it would be a terrible idea. If she kissed him, he would take it the wrong way. She couldn't let him take it the wrong way. She stepped back, letting go of his hand. "Chase—"
"I'd like to ask you to make the decision," he told her. "Ask you if you wanted me to go or stay. But it's not fair to ask you to do that. The decision is mine. And I have to make it myself."
"Chase," she began, afraid that he would cut her off before she could say what she needed to say. "I don't want you to go."
He nodded. "Thank you for telling me, Cameron."
"I—I should go," Cameron whispered. "I—You need time to make a decision."
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Time heals all wounds. That was what they said. Time hadn't healed Cameron's wounds. Five years later, she was still missing her husband and conflicted about Joe. But maybe that was because she hadn't actually dealt with any of it. She had run from it. Now it had caught up with her. A decision had to be made. She had to face this. In a perfect world, Cameron would love Chase, and Joe would love Lauren. Instead, Lauren loved Joe, but Joe loved Cameron, Chase loved Cameron, and Cameron didn't know what she felt. Or what to do.
Cameron, you've really screwed this up, she told herself and then stopped. She'd thought… she'd thought that she shared a greater intimacy with Joe because he called her "Allison." But in the years since she'd know Joe, she'd become Dr. Cameron. She was used to people calling her Cameron. She'd even begun to think of herself as Cameron, not Allison. This would be different. She was different.
She wasn't sure why it had taken her so long to see it. She was not the same person who had fallen in love with Joe five years ago. Joe loved a person that no longer existed. And it wasn't fair for her to let him think she did.
She went to find Joe. He was in Elizabeth's room, watching Lauren and Elizabeth play Chutes and Ladders. They were laughing. Cameron looked at Joe. "She'll make a wonderful mother, Joe."
"Allison," he began in surprise, following her out into the hall.
"I prefer Cameron," she said with a smile.
"But—"
"I'm not that girl, Joe. The one that you fell in love with five years ago. That isn't me. I'm a doctor. I work long hours, follow the orders of a brilliant but flawed man that I admire and at one time wanted more from. I won't leave here, and I know you don't understand that. My only friends are here at the hospital. They've betrayed me and stolen my papers, but I forgave them. And I know you can't understand that, either.
"There is a part of me that's still the Allison Cameron you knew. That's where I've come from; it's a part of me. But I have changed. And I've moved on. I thought I hadn't, but I have. I loved you once, Joe. A part of me always will. But not a big enough part to let you walk away from the best thing that's ever happened to you."
"Allison—"
"Joe, I had a decision to make. I didn't make it rashly. I made it after I thought about it. I've been sitting by Chase's bed, thinking and being racked by guilt. Now I know that a part of me has been guilty over you. Because I don't feel the same," she told him, drawing in her breath. "I'm sorry."
Joe looked at her. "So am I."
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"I made a decision."
House would have made a crack about congratulating her, but Wilson nodded sympathetically. He knew how hard it had been for her to reach a decision. He knew how confused she'd been. And he'd helped her through it.
"I told Joe that it was over. It was over a long time ago. I don't know why I didn't see it sooner," Cameron said, sitting down in the chair opposite Wilson. She found herself staring at his desk.
"Maybe you didn't want to," Wilson suggested. "Maybe you wanted to believe there was still a chance for the two of you."
She smiled. "I did. But aren't you going to add something about me wanting to believe in a future with Joe to avoid feelings I have for someone else?"
Wilson looked at her, intrigued. Like a kid in the candy jar, he couldn't help his grin. "Are you?"
She laughed at his enthusiasm. She couldn't help teasing him. "I'm thinking of asking House for another date."
That got Wilson to choke on his coffee. "You…and House?"
She smiled and stood, folding her arms. "How much did you bet?"
"Bet?" Wilson was trying to play innocent, but Cameron didn't buy it for a second.
"How much did you bet that Chase and I would get together after Elizabeth's case?" She asked.
"Originally two hundred," Wilson admitted. "House went double or nothing after Chase quit. Then I countered when he went into arrest. You really don't want to know how high the pot is."
"But you want inside information, right?" Cameron asked.
"Of course," Wilson agreed. "So… You're asking House for another date? I have to tell you, it's what he wants. He wants you to still have feelings for him, to be in love with him, and not Chase or Joe."
"But only because of the bet," she said bitterly.
She saw pity in Wilson's eyes. "I've known him a long time, Cameron. He never got over Stacy."
She nodded. "I know. I knew when I saw him with her… and Joe's presence made me realize that I really was over House."
Wilson nodded. He wasn't saying anything, but she was pretty sure she knew what he was thinking. He sipped from his coffee, considering his next words. "Cameron, were you trying to believe in you and Joe to avoid feelings for someone else?"
She considered saying something teasing, like yeah, Foreman, but she just shook her head. Smiling, she walked out of the office.
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"Am I pressuring you?" Cameron asked, knocking on Chase's door. He looked up at her, smiling. He shook his head. She stepped into the room.
"No," he said. "I was getting a little bored. And House thinks he needs to push his advantage since he's able to walk, and I'm stuck in this bloody bed for another day of observation. I'm going out of my bloody mind. I could use the company."
"While you go out of your mind?" she asked teasingly. "I'm not sure I'm up for that."
"You did come for a reason," he continued, watching her carefully. A part of him was glad that she had come back. He'd been afraid that she wouldn't come back once that she knew how he felt about her. "Was it to know if I'd made a decision?"
She bit her lip. "Maybe. But… I guess I had something to tell you that might have a bearing on your decision."
"I've already made a decision," he told her. He had made up his mind hours ago, had even told House his decision. "You won't change my mind."
"Not even if I tell you that I'm not dating Joe?" Cameron asked, her words coming out in a rush. He tried to hide his smile. She was cute.
"Did you tell him no so that I wouldn't quit?" Chase asked, knowing that Cameron would do something like that for a friend. She would sacrifice to keep her friends close. He didn't flatter himself that she'd done it because she cared for him as he did for her.
"No," she answered. "I did it because I'm not in love with him. I was, five years ago, but I am not now. And I'm not the girl that Joe loved, either."
But you are the woman that I love, he couldn't help thinking. He looked at her. She hadn't come close to his bed yet. She wasn't going to, either. "Cameron, I'm not changing my decision. I made a decision. I talked to House already. He knows."
"Chase—"
"I know you don't want me to leave, Cameron, but I—"
"Chase, I love you."
"—Am staying here. I don't—" he broke off as he realized what she'd said. "What?"
Cameron stepped close to the bed, taking his hand in hers. "I love you."
He pulled himself up to where he could cup her face in his hand, bringing her lips to his. Behind her, he heard House curse.
"Damn, I just lost two grand to Wilson."