One Shaken Rotbart
Rotbart couldn't believe it. Apple White, PRINCESS Apple White, his future ENEMY Apple White, was actually coming on to him. The wet dream of nearly every other guy at Ever After High was happening to HIM. Hundreds of princes and would-be heroes would punch their own mothers just to be in his shoes.
And all Rotbart wanted to do was run screaming into the night.
For one thing, Rotbart had never liked girls being flirty with him. It annoyed him to no end; to him, it was all part of the "let's-get-married-even-though-we-don't-know anything-about-each-other" cliche' that EAH students so easily succumbed to. That, and he thought the airs most girls put on to get a date were totally contrived and utterly ridiculous.
But this time it wasn't just annoying, it was downright scary. For the first time in his villainous life, Rotbart was actually frightened by another person. He had encountered wicked witches, power-hungry wizards, evil sorcerers, hardened criminals, bloodthirsty pirates, and hellish demons, and no one had managed to terrify him as much as this love-sick (and undeniably horny) human girl.
And the fact that this girl was Apple made it all the more disturbing. How the hell is this even HAPPENING?! Rotbart thought.
"Wanna kiss me?" She asked.
Rotbart somehow managed to drag himself out of his horrified stupor. "...What?" He asked.
"Wanna kiss me?"
"Not particularly, no."
Apple looked crestfallen for a moment, but then started giggling in a way that made Rotbart's flesh crawl. "You don't mean that!" She said.
"Yes, I DO."
"Why not?" She pouted. "Don't you like me?"
"YOU don't like ME, remember?"
"Of course I don't; I LOOOOOOOOOVE you!"
"Noooo, you DON'T!" Rotbart said as he extracted Apple's drink from her hand. "What the fuck did Kelly PUT in this?!" He muttered angrily to himself as he examined it.
"Of course, I love you my sweet Roboo...you're my prince!" Rotbat had to suddenly fight the urge to vomit. "NOW KISS ME!" Apple" suddenly declared. Rotbart only managed to dodge her embrace by one second and Apple hit the floor face first. "OWWWWWWWWWW..." She whined loudly. "Whadja do THAT for, my sweet Roboo?"
"I am NOT your sweet Roboo!" He hissed.
"Oh yes you are! Apple insisted as she clumsily clambered to her feet.
"Oh no I'm not!" Rotbart protested as he tried to figure out a plausible escape plan (and a way to murder Kelly).
"Are too!" She said as she moved closer.
"Am not!" He said as he backed away.
"Are too!"
"Am not!"
"Are TOO!"
"AM NOT!"
"OH JUST FUCK HER ALREADY!" A pirate in the corner roared. At that point, Rotbart realized that everyone in Kelly's was staring at them.
"Yes, fuck me already!" The future Snow White entreated as she plastered herself to Rotbart's torso.
"We don't mind watching!" A tipsy henchman cheered.
"Oi, if he's too big a tool to shag you, I will!" A young leprechaun yelled. Rotbart could feel his face turning the same color as his hair as he struggled to pry Apple off him.
At that point Kelly wandered out of the kitchen again. He raised an eyebrow at the chortling and catcalling crowd. "What's goin' on here?" He asked casually.
And before Kelly knew what was happening, a very angry young sorcerer picked him up by the scruff of his shirt and took him to the men's room for a private "word."