A Piece of Yesterday

By Shinsei Kokoro

I don't remember how it happened exactly.

Work had been dreadful. The invoices had just kept on coming in, and Tomoyo had kept annoying me over taking a few weeks off work. It had been extremely hot and nearly impossible to get a decent parking at the supermarket. Then I had spent about fifteen minutes in the art supplies aisle, wondering which glue would hold the strongest.

One second I was crossing the road tugging along a bag of groceries and wondering if I had bought enough glue for making 'papier-mâché' hats, and the next, I felt myself breaking into a million pieces.

This ghastly ache flushed into my senses. A tearing pain that felt as if I was being torn apart from limb to limb. My mind became numb. And I was screaming until my voice became hoarse.

Then suddenly, the pain vanished. Just like that. I felt myself sinking.

My scream slowed to raspy pants. And I was abruptly aware of loud honks and more screaming. Except this time, it wasn't from me.

Confused, I sought to my closed eyes, and turned my head away. They were so loud. Talking at once. A loop of monotonous voices winding around me tighter and tighter. I felt suffocated. Out of breath. Out of any energy.

But the yells didn't stop. They were like sirens in my head. Just going on and on.

"Nggh." I broke away and spat something out of my mouth. It tasted metallic. Probably blood.

Forcing my eyes open, I made to get up and ask them to shut the bloody hell up. I mean, I must have slipped over something. Big deal. No need to bring the parade.

I didn't realize just how many people had gathered until my eyes were entirely open. I felt like one of those new tigers at the zoo. Where everyone would stare at the poor animal with awe and fright. Last year when I went, Syaoran was too busy keeping Nachi and Inari from climbing the fences, but to me, I pitied those animals in their cages.

For a second, I couldn't make out any faces as I laid there on the road. They looked blurry.

Rubbing my eyes, I pushed myself up slowly, hoping I hadn't sprained an ankle or something. Inari would hate me forever if I missed his play tomorrow.

"Ugh." I rubbed the side of my face, and turned to the mass of thick crowd which had gathered around me with hands over their mouths. Jeez, they didn't need to look so tragic. I'm sure everything other than the stupid eggs would have made it.

"I'm okay. Nothing broken." I grinned at them, "Other than the eggs offcourse." I chuckled at my offhand joke, then stretched my arm back a little bit to get some feeling into them. Except, they didn't stop talking. "But honestly, I'm fine." They didn't stop leaning into me and yelling rapidly.

I know I should have noticed it before. I know I should have noticed something was wrong. That something felt wrong…

But I never noticed it. Not until I realized they weren't even looking at me any longer. They were looking down at my feet.

And when I looked down myself, I felt my knees crumble beneath me. My breath was knocked out and I fell to the asphalt.

There was someone lying there. So bloody that I couldn't see her face. But it was a woman. Lying in a pool of blood so red, I felt myself drowning in it. Her clothes were disarrayed…but my mind was only on the blood. The blood that was everywhere. The blood that was making me sick.

And the grocery bag clutched in her fist.

I felt my something rising to my stomach. And I touched it. I felt the wetness. I felt the blood.

I should have realized. I should have realized that I was soaked in blood. I should have realized how it was suddenly so cold. I should have realized why I was shivering. But I was screaming. Screaming so much, that I never realized until now.

That woman lying there dead was me.

It was my body.

My bag of groceries.

My work clothes.

My blood.

I never realized until now…

I was dead.

Dead.

It couldn't have come more of a shock to me. I hadn't moved from my spot on the road, watching my own body bleed and bleed. I couldn't really feel the pain on me, but the blood on my skin made me recoil in into myself wishing more than anything that Syaoran was there with me.

I prayed for all of this just to be a dream.

I prayed so much.

But then came the real sirens. An ambulance and two police cars pulled over. And I watched a man being pulled out of a white four-wheel drive. It had blood patches stained on its windshield and hood.

I stood up to inspect the car. Running my hand over the front of it. Making my way towards the aged man who was getting handcuffed, I screamed at him. I scream at his panic-stricken face.

"You asshole! You…you pathetic asshole…"

But what could I do?

I was dead. No one could hear me cry. No one could see my tears. No one could see my disturbance. My horror. My anguish.

I had a family! A husband expecting oden for dinner tonight. Three kids. They were just below ten. Just little kids who were waiting for me at home. Waiting so we could make paper hats and paint them.

I could not be dead…

The ambulance took me to the hospital. Into the morgery. And I followed my body closely.

I felt disorientated. And tired. So tired…

But I felt like I had no choice but to follow. It felt like instinct. But I followed brokenly.

I was dead. The words kept repeating themselves in my head, and I had long given up on searching for a reason why I was walking like this.

I was dead because someone had killed me. Hit by a Toyota. By a man who had been on his cell phone and seen me too late in front of his car. Bystanders had reported that I was twitching for a few seconds before I stopped moving.

I had overheard by own death report and it felt sick…I felt like throwing up.

"Her family?" A small policeman asked from his notepad.

"On their way." Replied his partner.

No.

I didn't want them to see me. Not like that. Not broken and bleeding. I didn't want my family to see me. Not my little innocent kids who were expecting to wear paper hats to a play tomorrow.

I felt like I broke all over again the moment I saw Syaoran. The kids weren't there with him, but seeing him made me leap up from the chair.

He must have been called from work. Because he was in his white office shirt and his black plants I had forgotten to iron this morning. I couldn't recognize him for a second. I couldn't make out the expression on his face. He looked pale. Deathly pale if I could say.

And he was silent. That was the first thing that let me know something was wrong. My Syaoran was never silent. He always had something to say. Always a stupid or snide comment he would put in. Like last year, when Eriol dressed as a zombie for Halloween, the kids were all excited, but he never stopped grumbling on how much toilet paper Eriol must have wasted to cover his large obnoxious head.

"Are you Syaoran Li?" he was asked a question, and he didn't say a word to answer. The police officer paused before beckoning him to follow.

His eyes looked so ghastly that I ran to him.

"Syaoran." I cried grasping his arms, "Syaoran!" I grabbed the front of his shirt, yearning more than anything to making him look down at me, "Help me…"

But he never looked.

He just followed.

And I was left following his rigid footsteps.

I think they had cleaned my face. Because that was the only clean skin that showed.

I was zipped in a grey plastic bag. So still.

But I didn't want Syaoran to see me. I didn't want him to see me dressed in blood. Syaoran hated blood. He would act all macho but he would become so weak at the sight of it.

But they pulled the zipper down. It was too late. And I watched my husband become a different man slowly in front of me.

I watched him closely. First his eyes froze. His lips parted. Then his eyes crinkled. Then the tears came so fast, I flung my arm around him, shielding myself from making him watch that body. "Don't look!" I whispered fiercely.

But I was dead. And I couldn't stop him from seeing the blood mass.

Then he fell over it. He clutched the shoulders and shook it, "Sakura?" His hands touched the blood.

His voice cracked as he cried and his trembling hands held my neck with both hands, "Sakura? I'm here."

I was on the floor behind him, rocking myself. No one…not one person could hear me howling.

"Sakura!" I could hear him. I could hear the man I loved. I could hear my Syaoran. Crying. Yelling my name. Distraught. "I'm here…"

"Sir, it's too late." Someone told him.

"Sakura!" he didn't stop shaking the body. "It's me! Get up."

"She died on the spot."

"Fuck off!" Then the rage came. He hauled the body off the table and staggered. Two men sprang on him. But Syaoran was already on the floor, with my body in his arms and his white shirt already printed with my blood. He hugged it tight and screamed so loud that I felt myself shattering repeatedly. He dug his face in the crook of my neck.

And I was aching to be there. I was aching to be held by him. To feel his warmth. To feel his skin against mine. I was aching to feel myself molded into him. To be able to hear his beating heart.

"Sakura…" his shoulders shook as I watched him from behind, "Please…wake up…"

The men paused where they stood watching the scene like I was.

But I hated it. I hated seeing him cry. Because he never did. The last time he cried was when Nachi was born with some slight complications. He was never someone to break apart. He was always the pillar. If anyone cried, they went to him. If the kids cried, he would give them piggy rides and let them dirty their hands in the cookie jar. If I cried, he would pull out some dry joke that would make me laugh and slap his arm. But in front of me right then, that's exactly what he did.

Syaoran broke apart.

Everything after that was a blinding blur. My body was taken away, and Syaoran was offered a white plastic seat. I sat there next to him, holding him close and hoping and wishing more than anything that he could feel me. Praying he could hear me crying with him. Praying he could feel my arms around him, my fingers soothing his hair.

But he never stopped shaking. So violently. So loudly. It tore me apart to see him like this. Tore me apart every time he murmured my name.

"I'm here…" I murmured into his ears.

Tomoyo and Eriol came with the kids after some time. Syaoran had changed out of his shirt, and as Sora came running to him, he pulled her up into his arms, and I kissed her cheeks.

She merely looked into the air and I cried. Cried knowing she couldn't see me. Cried knowing she was only four and would never see me ever again.

Inari looked up at his father, and Nachi looked so solemn, I knew he was old enough to understand so many things. He knew I would never be coming to his play tomorrow. His teary face said everything I needed to know.

"Dad?" Inari pulled at Syaoran's pants, and he came down to bend on his knees.

I watched as he drew all three off them into his arms and kept a straight face as tears ran down his face.

"Where is mama?" Sora pulled at his wet cheeks.

"Mama…?" Syaoran looked void of words. He just watched them watching him, knowing of nothing to say, and I threw my arms around both of the boys.

It hurt.

It hurt so much to know, that none of them could see me.

I couldn't tell them how sorry I was.

While Tomoyo drove the kids home, Eriol drove Syaoran's car.

Somehow I was able to follow. And somehow, I wasn't able to keep myself from choking when I stepped into the house.

It was a little big for the five of us, but Syaoran had insisted that he always wanted a house he could roller-blade in with the kids. Pain greeted me as I breathed in the silent air. Tomoyo took the kids upstairs, but Eriol stayed at the door with Syaoran.

"I'm sorry." I never knew Eriol could cry.

But Syaoran never looked up. He hadn't stopped shaking. He walked into the lounge, and I should have realized. I should have realized what he was about to do the second he picked the coffee table.

Without saying a word, he flung it against the wall. The glass shards flew out, but he didn't stop. He kicked away the lamp and the light in it flickered once. The mirror against the wall shattered as he tore around hurling Inari's toy truck at it.

He never stopped. He never stopped screaming. He never stopped tearing away everything around him.

And Eriol never stopped him.

I sat on the couch and cried into my hands.

And when I looked up, I saw the kids and Tomoyo standing by the stairs.

Syaoran refused to leave his room. And when Tomoyo started making dinner, I realized it was late in the evening. The kids should have been in bed an hour ago, yet they were sitting at the dining table with Eriol talking to them softly.

Nachi didn't touch his plate and he continued to stare at his noodles. Inari poked and shred his with his fork, while Eriol helped Sora slurp hers noisily. I smiled, reaching to rub her chin.

But nothing happened. I couldn't feel her warmth.

Last week when we had had ramen, Syaoran and Sora had been busy making slurpy noises. Inari busy telling me about a girl at his elementary and Nachi interrupting us by mocking him.

I hadn't realized.

I hadn't realized I would never be having dinner with my family again.

Tomoyo left after putting the kids to bed like she had done before so many times. Eriol gave a soft knock on Syaoran's door before driving off into the night.

I'm glad they had been there. I'm glad those two would always be there. They would help Syaoran take care of the kids. They would help clear up every time he broke into a mad rage.

Sora's room called me in, and sung her a lullaby before kissing her and failing to pull away her thumb from her mouth like I'd do every night. I wanted her remember me as best as she could. I wanted her to know she had a mother who loved her more than anything.

Inari was sleeping at the edge of his bed as usual and I kneeled to get a better look at his face and kissed his nose.

Nachi, however was sitting up by his bed, tears on his face and rubbing his runny nose with his blanket.

He knew.

He knew I was gone. He knew he would never see me again. And I hugged him tight.

I felt restless.

So restless.

So sad…but happy.

I knew the kids would be fine. I knew they would be taken care of.

"I'm sorry baby." I whispered into Nachi's ears as he pulled his covers over his head, "I won't be able to make it to your play."

My room stood like heaven's gates. And I wondered at the back of my head for the first time.

Why was I here?

Why was I dead…and yet still…here. Walking around with my family. Kissing my kids goodnight like I always did.

Pushing myself through my door, I paused for a second.

Syaoran was on our bed. On his side of the bed. He was crying. But he didn't look angry anymore. He was just crying.

I had known him since high school. Never been apart since the day he, being the new exchange student had asked me to show him around school. But here I was…so close…yet a million mile away. Torn away from his side.

His eyes were open, staring at the ceiling, not blinking once.

I knew I was in love with him the first time he kissed me in his car. He had been rich, and out of every girl he could choose from, he had picked me. Me because, I made him happy. Me because, I could make him laugh. Me because, I was the only one who could make him blush.

But watching him there on our bed, I felt like this was goodbye.

I wanted him to know I was there in the same room with him.

I wanted him to know how happy he made me. How lucky I had felt when he had proposed. How lucky I had felt every time he came home and dropped his briefcase to take his three kids into his arms. How lucky I felt, when he would pull us out of sight from the kids and kiss me senseless.

And still standing there…watching him cry…I felt so lucky. So lucky to have been a wife for eleven years and a mother to three of the best kids. And it was because of him. He had given me this world. This life. This beautiful life. And so much love.

I was only thirty one and I had always expected to die next to him when we were ninety. I had expected to watch my children grow up. To embarrass them on their dates. To see them graduate. To see them get married. To see my own grandchildren. To have Christmases every year with the entire family. To finally surprise Syaoran and change my name to Sakura Li like he always wanted.

There were so many things I would miss out on. So many things my family would miss out on.

But Syaoran was a pillar. Until today, he has only ever cried in front of me, and if I knew him, he would continue to do so. He adored our children, and he would forever keep them happy.

I climbed onto the bed beside him and stared at the same ceiling Syaoran was staring at.

Last night, we had gone to bed holding each other, and gotten up looking at the ceiling and making plans for the school holidays.

Turning onto my side, I touched his cheek. I wanted him to remember me. Pulling myself close, I kissed his lips softly. I wanted him to always remember me.

He might not have seen me there beside him, but I hugged me tight, swinging a leg over him like I'd always do.

I wish I could stop his tears. I wish I didn't have to say goodbye. I wish he would look at me just once and give me his sexy smile. But I knew, it was too late for that.

Then he turned his head to me. I knew it wasn't me he was looking at. It was my side of the bed he was looking side. The side that would remain empty from today on.

"Sakura…" his murmur made me smile. And I dug my face into his shoulder.

"I'm here..."

I may not see him again tomorrow. But for now, I needed him to know, that when he lies on this bed every night…my heart will be lying there beside him. Holding him close, relishing in his warmth, and loving him forever.

A/N: To tell you guys the truth, I wrote this on impulse. It's certainly different and certainly shorter than any of my fics! Hehehe...anyways...I hope you guys don't notice too many grammer errors...and hope you enjoyed it as much as I enjoed writing it. Bye bye!