Disclaimer: Yo no tengo el Teen Titans.

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Chapter Eight - With or Without Her

The room was pristine and dominantly green, not a speck of dust visible, not a single shirt out of place. The only thing marring the perfection of the area were the sheets littered across the deep green bed, pulled in spots and tangled around a dark, olive green man. He lay bunched under the covers, his eyes wide open and bloodshot.

"Make sure she moves as little as possible."

"Get her down on the bed, softer man, softer."

His room was too clean, he didn't really like it. His breathing was somewhat irregular. It sounded as though he would start to hyperventilate, then calm himself down, then start all over again, and he was constantly sniffling. The Teen Titans Digital Beast Boy Alarm Clock glowed 3:46 am in bright green numbers.

"Is she going to be okay?"

"Well, my systems say that she's alive, but it looks like her self-healing hasn't kicked in."

"What do you mean it hasn't kicked in? How can she not be healing herself right now?"

"Look man, I don't know, I'm just telling you what's going on. It looks like her survival instincts came on at the last second. Otherwise she would be…"

"…"

It was happening, just like he had known it would. It was happening, and it was all his fault. He had broken things off with her to avoid their current situation. He hadn't wanted her to get hurt - but none of it mattered. Despite all his efforts, he found himself awake in his bed with the knowledge that she would've been safe and sound if he had just been able to leave her alone. If he had just been able to resist the temptation to invite her to his wedding, this wouldn't be happening.

He should've paid more attention. Shit, Marilyn was Mamba. Mamba! The first animal he had ever fought was a black mamba. Why the hell had he thought it would be a good idea to change into a hawk? He should've become a giant mongoose. This wouldn't be happening if he had just changed into a giant mongoose.

"What is required of us to make Friend Raven better?"

"I don't know, I'm going to go ahead and set her tibia and fibula."

"I'll get her cape off."

"Thanks."

In fact, this wouldn't be happening if he had just stayed away five years ago. He had seen something in her that he had known - that loneliness and the lack of inhibition that came through in her laugh. He hadn't realized it before, but maybe that was what had first caught his attention. He knew, on some levels even more than the others did, about being alone. He knew what it was like to be a freak. He knew how it felt when you forgot how to smile.

That was why he was so playful. That was why he was always cracking lame jokes. That was why he was always working as the comic relief.

He never wanted to forget again. He never wanted to feel that way again. And God, having people around him happy too… Maybe he was just trying to erase all those old memories.

"Is that all that's wrong with her? Just a couple bones?"

"It looks like she's broken a couple of ribs, her skull's fractured, and - well, I better go ahead and set her humerus too."

"Her skull's fractured? Wait, does that mean she's going to have brain damage?"

"She might, but if her healing kicks in - sorry Rae, this is probably going to hurt a little - then she should be fine."

Yeah, he had felt that attraction to her, and look at where it got her. Stuck in the medical bay because he couldn't think fast enough. He smiled wryly, shutting his eyes tightly as though he could shield himself from his own mind. She had always told him he was slow. She was usually right about things like that.

"Alright, yeah, she'll be fine. She has to be fine. She's Raven, right?"

"Friend Beast Boy, we all know that Raven is of the survivors. She will not be so easily defeated."

"Easily defeated? A whole freaking building fell down on her!"

And now it might cost the only person he had ever truly connected with in his life, her life. What kind of a price was that to pay? He should've stayed away from her. There was something wrong with him. Maybe the Sakutia had brought about a curse. Maybe everyone he loved really did have to die - the price of his own survival. But it wasn't worth it. If everything he touched was sentenced to death… it wasn't worth it.

"C'mon, maybe you should go outside for a bit. Give Cyborg some room to work."

"But… Raven…"

"I'll call you if anything happens."

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"Is there any change?" Robin asked, leaning against the back of the couch in the Tower's living room with a sense of lofty tension. His body was positioned in a way that seemed stoic enough, and the way that he laid his arms across his chest looked moderately detached, but there was a foreign tension to his shoulders and a heaviness to his breathing that conveyed his suppressed emotions.

"Nothing negative. It looks like she's starting to heal herself, but she's not working very fast," Cyborg answered. He wasn't as great at hiding his emotions as the leader of their pack. His body was tense as he stood across from the Boy Wonder, his eyes both distressed and resolute. He didn't attempt to cross his arms over his body, instead holding them at his sides, not really interested in what they were doing.

"I did some research on 'Mamba.'" Robin said as he surveyed his silent party. "From what her DNA sample's told me, Marilyn Fisher, codename 'Mamba' was created from spliced DNA, part human, part demon. It looks like her mother - or whatever that thing in the church was, didn't give birth to her. I was looking through some old police records and found a Marilyn Fisher with the same description that was kidnapped in Metropolis twenty-two years ago. I haven't been able to contact her family yet."

"So you're saying that she's been with that thing since she was… what, five?" Cyborg asked as more tension filtered into his body.

"Four," Robin corrected solemnly. The group was silent as they processed the information.

"What must be done to help Friend Raven do the recuperating of the body?" Starfire asked, her arms wrapped around her as though she could use them to protect herself. She never attempted to put on a strong front. Ever since Raven had been admitted to the medical bay the day before, she hadn't left her room for anything other than food and water. She hadn't cried at all - she had wept. Robin had gone in several times trying to comfort her, but found himself at a loss for words. He had held her for a bit, then felt awkward and made up an excuse to leave. He would go back to his room, think about what he could say then go back to start the pattern all over again. Her green eyes were bloodshot and she made no attempt at hiding the tremor in her shoulders as she took in breath after shaky breath.

"Well, right now it looks like its all up to her." Cyborg answered, his shoulders sagging slightly. The room reverberated with the sound of a fist meeting the wood of a table.

Beast Boy stood on the other side of the kitchen counter, staring at the spot where his fist had connected with its surface. He had changed out of his tattered wedding clothes late the night before, instead preferring to pace just outside the doors of the infirmary in hopes of positive news. His posture was nothing like any of the other Titans. His eyes were wide, his face was bleak, his shoulders didn't seem to have the strength to hold themselves up. He hadn't spent the night before holed up in his room sobbing - his grief was much too quiet for that. He had lain in his bed and accepted the responsibility he had garnered for the current welfare (or lack thereof) of his former girlfriend and teammate. He hadn't tried to sleep. He hadn't tried to get out of his room. He hadn't tried to eat. He hadn't really tried to do anything. His teammates didn't have the heart to try to influence his actions. They had called him for their regular weekly meeting, and that had been all.

No one said anything in response to his outburst.

"Right," Robin said, nodding slightly although his shoulders sunk just a touch as well. "Starfire, have you ever seen anything like this on Tamaran? Do you think we could find a way to help her there?"

"I shall try." She responded, already abandoning her teammates in favor of the possible solutions on her home planet. Robin nodded to her back.

"I'll search through hospital records and check for cases in the United States. Cyborg, you take international." The tin man nodded in response, walking off towards his room. Robin faced the green titan next. He still hadn't looked up from his hand. "Beast Boy…"

He didn't say anything more. His teammate swallowed hard then nodded without so much as looking up, and headed out of the door. Robin closed his eyes briefly, sighing gently before he let his posture fall apart. He rubbed his face with his palms and took a deep breath before shaking his head and walking towards his room.

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"I know this is going to sound strange, but have you ever felt completely helpless? Stupid question, of course you have. You're the daughter of a demon, of course you've felt helpless.

"I feel that right now, Rae. I know that… that it's been a long time, and I know that I brought this on myself and… yourself and… I'm sorry. I can't… I'm sorry."

Raven lay in silence, her only response the steady beep of her heart rate monitor. Beast Boy played with her hand idly, staring at it as he gathered the courage to look at her face.

"Y'know, when you left, I was a pretty big mess. I know, I broke up with you but… Rae, I was… well, stupid would be one word. Really, really stupid. I felt like somehow, you would just figure out why I broke it off and (he gently snapped his fingers). I shouldn't have put you through any of that, I was just… I was scared. I mean, what was I supposed to do?"

He stopped for a moment, laughing bitterly at his own words as his lips curled into a cynical smile.

"Look at me, even when you aren't conscious I'm defending myself. Ignore that. I was supposed to talk to you and tell you I was afraid because I've never… felt like this for anyone before. I know it's been five years, but to tell you the truth, I don't think I could ever feel that way about anyone else. Corny, right? I figure you should know the truth, even if it doesn't mean much now… I did what I did because I was scared… And I didn't want to lose you. It's like, everything I've ever loved… and I mean really loved, I lose it. My parents for one thing, then my first, well… attraction… don't kill me for this when you wake up, promise? I'll take that as a 'yes,' but there's Terra. I didn't want to lose you too. Lot of good that did, right? You're still here, in the stupid sick bay."

He swallowed hard and closed his eyes briefly before opening them and surveying the woman before him.

"…It's really weird to see you here. You look so small… and I know that you aren't really. You can hold your own anytime. Maybe its all the… bandages. In all the years we've fought side-by-side, I've never seen you bandaged up. And it sounds like you're barely breathing, but its kind of peaceful. I just have to hold my hand up to your nose every once in awhile to make sure that you're still… y'know… You look so pale, I think it might just be because the sheets are so… white.

"But still… I know this is my fault, and if you hate me for it when you wake up… I understand. Because you are going to wake up Rae, and I promise that whatever it takes, I'll do it to make it up to you. I promise."

He took a shaky breath as he let his forehead rest against her arm. His eyes closed gently.

"This is going to sound really selfish Rae, but you've got to get through this. The team needs you to. I need you to… Please… I lov- just… please."

He tried to block it from his mind, the image of her right then. For a split second… for just a split second, she had almost looked dead.

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Calm had reclaimed Titans' Tower, muffling the most obvious traces of sorrow with the repetition of a simple routine.

Robin was the first to wake up in the morning. He would slide away from Starfire and change silently, trying to ignore the pillow, wet on her bed. He would slip into his room, change and make breakfast for the house. He would set aside a portion of tofu waffles and soymilk which he would later bring to Beast Boy, who had yet to relinquish his spot by Raven's bedside. He would make small talk, try awkwardly to comfort the man, then sit in silence and watch Raven breathing, watch the monitors indicating that her life hadn't been stolen from her yet and try to cheer himself with her slow but steady progress. He would exit and retreat to his room, scouring the internet for any similar cases in the fifty states, though he doubted any existed.

Starfire was usually the next to awaken. She would stretch in her bed, go to the living room for breakfast, then head back to her room to research any similar cases on other planets. She had started on Tamaran, but found that there was, well, nothing to find, so she had taken it upon herself to broaden her search parameters. She would trudge back down to the living room and make lunch for the team, bringing a small meal to the green man. She didn't say much when she was there, she would simply place his plate near his scarcely touched breakfast, then take the empty chair next to him and cry as quietly as she could. He would look at her from time to time, his green eyes streaked with red. They had a silent understanding that neither of them needed to say anything. Just by sharing their likewise emotions so openly, they were saying all that was needed.

Cyborg spent most of his time in his room, researching over the internet for clues to help them from other countries. His T-Car was gathering dust, as was the oversized television screen in the living room. He would go down to retrieve his breakfast and his lunch, then make dinner and bring it to his vigilant friend. He would attempt to console the man or try to joke his old companion out, but the attempts seemed hollow even to his own ears, and there was little response from Beast Boy. He had hooked his system up to that of the medical bay wirelessly, so that Raven's status could always been checked no matter where in the Tower Cyborg was.

And Beast Boy… when he slept, it was in the uncomfortable chair by her side. When he ate, it was with the hand that wasn't holding hers. He only left when he needed to use the restroom. Of all the Titans, he was the most affected by her actions.

He had been by her bedside since that second day, staring at her and the various monitors beeping in the background. She was silent, now her arm and leg the only cast-covered appendages, gauze still covering her forehead. He knew it was stupid, but he thought that maybe, just maybe, if he was beside her long enough, she would come back to him.

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So I think this is going to be the second to last chapter. Thanks to everyone who has ever taken the time to review - it's really nice to get feedback on something that you put so much time into. I've been responding to all the signed reviews, and I'll do that again for these last two installments of "Here With You."

Like always questions, comments, concerns - I'm here for everything. And once again, thanks for all the support :).