Life is Not a Bed of Roses
02: Tinkle is the Sound of Glass Breaking
He flicked another rock at the window, pleased that it didn't break this time. He would get out of bed but there was too much glass on the floor. He could have cleaned it up, but why bother when he had 'minions' brothers to do it? Speaking of which…
Kadaj rolled over onto his stomach, scowling. Yazoo had politely requested an absence of leave that morning when he was still half-awake and prone to agreeing to anything just to continue sleeping. The bastard. Not only that, he had dragged Loz along with him, so Kadaj was left with no source of amusement for the day.
What the hell were they up to anyway? The teen sniggered into his hand as his imagination provided some suggestions. Yazoo did say something about solving some problem pertaining to Loz. Probably because of the incident last night with the funny sounds. He wasn't sure what went on since he slept like the dead till daybreak after getting Yazoo annoyed at him.
It was the little things in life that mattered. Besides Mother, of course. Getting a rise out of Yazoo was fourth on his list of 'favorite things to do'. He even had a little scoring system that involved the ratio the number of words and complexity of action to the level of annoyance he got out of his brother.
So far, his record was two sentences and a level nine.
He had a strange feeling that it would be his lucky day today.
Yazoo sneezed explosively. Odd. He didn't have allergies, as far as he knew, and it wasn't as if he could fall sick. When no suitable explanation came to mind, he dismissed it as a fluke and went back to the task at hand.
They were seated comfortably in the corner of some pathetic excuse for a bar. It was too early in the day for many customers, so they were pretty much left alone after getting their drinks. Coke for both, though Yazoo had quietly motioned for a bottle of vodka to be passed to him while Loz was distracted. He sincerely hoped that he wouldn't be needing it.
"Okay, so look at these pictures and tell me which type appeals to you," he told Loz, handing over the deck of cards. They were poker cards, 'The Best of Honeybee', and he honestly had no idea when he lifted them from some drunk sod ages ago. He was half-embarrassed and half-thankful that he kept them, though.
"But they have no clothes on!" protested Loz, a little too loudly for comfort.
Yazoo winced and glanced around discreetly to see if anyone heard. As if their hair wasn't drawing enough attention. "Just look through them and tell me if you see anything you like," he hissed quietly.
"I don't like any of them," said Loz after a moment, putting the cards aside.
"What?"
"They're all scary."
"WHAT!"
Oh dear, not that teary-eyed look again. Yazoo tried again. "Why do you think they are scary?" he asked, telling himself to be understanding because Loz could be such an innocent.
"Because they are not like Mother."
Loz blinked at his brother. Yazoo was making an odd sound that could have been laughter but looked more like a scream of pain.
"Yazoo…"
One slitted eye gazed up at him through the curtain of silver hair.
"Why do you carry cards of naked women around with you?"
Yazoo learnt that hitting the table with his face was more painful than it sounded.
Time for plan B.
There was a room for rent near the outskirts of the village. Yazoo had noted it the moment they'd entered. It was perfect for plan B, but he'd really, really hoped that plan B would remain just that: a plan. But no, Loz was always making things more troublesome than they had to be, so here they were with that freaky old lady giving them the nudge-nudge-wink-wink.
Yazoo made a mental note to raze the village after they were done. And to kill the woman personally, because the way she looked at him convinced him that he could never feel clean again. Thank goodness Loz was oblivious to the looks.
The bed, in a word, sucked, but fortunately, they were not here to use it. They were here for a lesson. A lesson that Yazoo had been hoping never to have to teach. It was a wonder that Loz didn't already pick some of this up during their 'childhood', but then again, Loz had always been a little oblivious.
That was why he could be so cute sometimes.
Yazoo shook his head to clear it. Right. On with the… lesson. He took the cards out again, Loz giving him a weird look.
"You still haven't answered my question," reminded Loz. "Where did you get those things?"
Yazoo felt his face heating up. "I stole them. And before you say anything, I was looking for poker cards, not porn."
His brother looked almost thoughtful for a moment. "But you kept them…"
"For this purpose, in case it ever came to this," interjected Yazoo smoothly, hoping that Loz wouldn't spot the obvious logical fallacy in the statement. "You have to learn not to be afraid of women, Loz, otherwise you'll always have this… problem."
"And Yazoo will get really angry again?"
The elder man grinned, teeth bared. "Yes, Yazoo will be fucking pissed," he informed Loz. "Now, let us begin."
He drew a random card and passed it over to his brother. "Tell me what you think of this one."
"…She looks like she wants to eat me."
"That's a good thing, my dear brother."
Loz stared at him as though he had gone insane. What is to say that he hadn't? But he knew that he was right and he was going to make sure that Loz knew that too.
"Here, have some vodka."
Five hours later, Yazoo felt that he was making considerable headway.
"S…sho gurls are, like, seriously weird, right?" asked Loz, staring at the ceiling with unfocussed eyes. "W… when they look sc… scary, they shup… shupposed to be shex… shexy. And nuffin' shuld… shuld stop me from enjoying the… their company."
"Good boy." He felt a little guilty about the killer hangover Loz would definitely be getting, but hey, that was the price of education, ay?
"But Yaz… Yazi… Ya… aniki is shexier than all those gurls," mumbled Loz. A drunken smile spread over his face. "Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaallllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll of thems."
Yazoo twitched. Maybe he should just burn down the entire frikkin' house with Loz still inside.
He took a deep breath. "Mother, give me strength," he intoned. "For this CHILD is my brother and I sincerely do not wish to harm him."
Then he went downstairs and paid the freaky woman off, explaining that his brother was drunk and would be sleeping it off for the rest of the night. She smirked at him and his fingers twitched toward Velvet Nightmare. Fuck it all.
"You're back," stated Kadaj with some measure of disapproval in his voice.
Yazoo blinked as if seeing the room for the first time. "Why is there so much glass?" he mumbled before collapsing on the couch.
Kadaj peered at his brother quizzically. "Ne, what were you doing today?"
"Out with Loz, I told you," muttered the man, putting one arm over his eyes.
The teen stared at the man for a little while.
"I was really bored, you know?" he complained, though he looked more thoughtful than annoyed.
"What do you expect me to do about it?"
Another moment of silence.
"You know, I'm old enough. I don't mind if you guys want to screw in the next room or something."
"WHAT!"
20/8. Not bad.
"You don't have to run off on purpose, leaving me behind, all alone," continued Kadaj, a decidedly wicked look on his face.
"We're NOT sleeping together. For goodness's sake, we're BROTHERS!"
13/8. Cool, it was getting better and better.
"Whatever told you we were anyway?" demanded Yazoo, looking utterly pissed off and ready to practice ultra-violence on his youngest brother.
"Loz."
The angry expression melted off into one of sheer blankness.
Kadaj backed away slightly. Maybe he had gone overboard? Well, it was true! Anyone could see that the two of them were involved, right? And Loz said… "Yazoo, where are you going?"
"When I get to him," said the man calmly, enunciating each word. "I will make sure that he wishes that he was never conceived."
The door slammed, Kadaj still staring at it. Slowly, a wide grin spread over his face.
That was a 1/10.
A/N: Thank you for all the kind reviews! Kono watashi shall endeavor to update every week until this fic is done or until I run out of inspiration. In view of that, it shall probably be kept pretty short. Yazoo shall continue to get tortured, but I'm not sure if there will be any pairing at the end of this, though I do enjoy Yazoo/Loz (in that order, thank you very much).