Author's Note: I've never written a full length story before, but I'm going to give a go after some requests I got to continue this one shot as a story.

She was nervous, she didn't want to go in. Stevie had called 2 weeks ago. "Dad was in an accident, he thinks it's 2013. I need you to come, I don't have the answers to his questions." So she came. She put on her Mom hat and her big girl pants and she got on the plane. Now here she was standing outside her ex-husbands apartment in New York for the first time ever after not speaking to him since Jason's high school graduation. She took a breath, raised her hand and knocked.

He knew they were divorced. Jason had the unfortunate chore of dispensing that news. He thought he was joking, he knew he had lost his memory at that point. Retrograde amnesia. It's hard to wake up with suddenly grown kids and no wife. He felt like he missed it, even though he was there for every milestone, graduations, and first jobs, and even a marriage. He wanted nothing more than to be able to remember walking Stevie down the aisle. He missed Elizabeth, his heart literally ached for her. He jumped up at the knock on the door, Stevie said she was coming to see him and he couldn't help the smile that came to his face.

When he answered, she was taken aback by the smile on his face, it had been so long since he had shown happiness at her presence. "Hey babe!" he said out of habit.

She flinched at the word babe, but recovered quickly and smiled softly, "Hi."

He stepped aside and gestured for her to come in. He led her to his kitchen table and offered her to sit.

Not knowing where to start she asks about the kids. "Have they told you what they're all up to? They grew up to be so amazing, and we made them, best thing we'll ever do"

He nodded taking a long look at her. She was just as beautiful as she's ever been, maybe a little older. But her hair was just as blonde and her eyes were just as blue, if maybe a little duller than he remembered. There was pain there now, pain directed at him, pain he can't place because there is no way he hurt her, he would never hurt her, "You seem... a little... I don't know, down?"

"This is the nicest you've been to me in a long time... I guess it's the nicest I've been to you in long time too..." she was trying to be kind and to be neutral. Trying to not let him see the pain he left her with. Trying and hoping she was successful at putting the walls up just high enough so that he couldn't see all the gluing she had to do to her heart; but not so high that he would be suspicious that she wasn't being honest.

"I'm sorry" he didn't really know why he was apologizing, but it felt like the right thing to do.

"Don't be, I can't imagine what it would be like in your position. To not remember. And, I can really only provide you with my version of events. I wish I could tell you what you were feeling and thinking, but we quit talking to each other long before you left -"

"I left?" He cut her off. There was no way he was the one who left. He couldn't imagine a situation that would make him leave her. She was the best thing in his life. She was his soulmate.

She hesitated before answering, not wanting to upset him so soon. "...yeah."

"But I love you. You are the love of my life, my best friend. Why would I give you up?"

"Shit happened, y- we... What's the last thing you remember?"

"2013? We were leaving Charlottesville to visit my Dad in Pittsburgh. When I woke up I thought we had been in an accident and I was frantically pressing the nurse button to ask if you and the kids were okay. Next thing I know our little smart-ass 11 year old, was walking into the room a fully grown man."

"Okay... We did not get into an accident. That was actually a pretty good trip... Maureen was actually nice to me." She laughed, and his breath hitched, her laugh is still the most beautiful thing he's ever heard. "Oh and Jason is still a smart-ass. I guess the divorce story really starts when I was appointed Secretary of State."

Right, he had googled her when he was given his phone. He waited for Jason to leave the room to call his sisters and he couldn't resist. He had to know if she was dead, because if she was alive she would be there, "I saw that on Google. You served from 2014 through the rest of Conrad's presidency?"

"Yeah. Hardest job I ever had, world diplomacy..." she took a long pause. She was uncomfortable and her back stiffened. She didn't know what to say or how to say it. Her hands started to shake and she balled them into fists, pressing her nails into her skin so hard she might make herself bleed. She took a breath her anxiety rising and continued, "Late in 2014 Russia invaded Ukraine. We had an asset imbedded in the Russian Army that was in charge of giving us battle plans, so the USAF could provide the right air support for Ukrainian troops on the ground. That assets name was Dimitri Petrov. He was a student of yours at the National War College. You were teaching military ethics there and consulting with DIA on the side. You were also his handler. You got very close with him, maybe even saw him like a son. Eventually things came to head between Russia and the US after a few cyber-attacks on both sides. I was scheduled to give a speech to the UN rallying our allies for war and you convinced me not to go. You had a feeling that Russia did not commit the cyber-attack that started the conflict and you were right. I was able to get Ostrova to agree to peace talks and we headed off to Geneva. You tagged along as arm candy in order to pull Petrov out and repatriate him to the US. You were never able to get him out..." it had all come out in what seemed like a single breath. It was the fastest he has ever heard her speak.

"During the negotiation Ostrov wanted us to turn over our Spy in exchange for peace... Conrad and I agreed to her terms." She goes silent waiting for the yelling. The yelling that cut her to her core every time. The insults usually followed, normally perfectly designed to break every last piece of her heart.

"Two former spies... gave up an American asset... How could you do that?" He stated calmly, "How could you ever do that? You know what they do to spies in Russia!" He was yelling by the time he was done, as if his body remembered his anger and his hurt and his grief even if his mind didn't.

"I do." It's a simple statement. She does know what they do to spies in Russia. She does know how Dimitri died. She knows every last detail of what happened to that kid, that what he was really, a kid. She had forced herself to memorize every last detail of his death report, smuggled out of Russia by one her contacts at the Russian embassy. She has spent countless nights since begging for forgiveness from a God she never really believed existed.

"I know that what I did was for the greater good." She said it quickly and quietly, feeling the need to defend herself for actions taken that Henry doesn't even remember.

Henry sits silent, across from her. He's trying to remember, he wants so badly to remember. His body feels hot, and his heart is beating fast, telltale signs of anger and rage. He can't place them, it makes him nervous. He needs to remember, he needs to find the reason that he feels like he could punch a hole in the wall. This a new feeling for him. When did he turn into his father? Has he felt like this before? Is she scared of him? He's scared of himself. He stands suddenly, and she startles. He starts to pace, he needs this feeling to stop, he's drowning and breathing heavily.

She is watching him pace wondering if he remembered. Wondering how fast she can get out of the room, she needs to cry and scream and...

"I... I... don't... I can't... br-br-breathe" Henry whispers.

She's up and out of the chair, and before she knows it she is putting Henry onto the floor and pushing his head between his knees. She is rubbing his back and telling him that everything is okay. She is trying to remember the last time she was this close to him. That last time she touched him, hugged him, kissed him, and made love to him. She's losing herself in thoughts of him and her, cuddling after sex, rejoicing at positive pregnancy tests, laughing at their precious toddlers, singing Baby I Love Your Way to one another in their kitchen. She feels his thumb on her cheek and realizes that she must be crying.

"Don't cry, I'm okay... I think... I don't know what that was."

"It was a panic attack. I don't think you've ever had one before..." She stops short of saying she knows what they're like, she's not here to talk about Iran. She's here to answer his questions and leave. The sooner she leaves, the sooner she can go back to pretending that she doesn't still love him, she go back to burying her feelings. Back to her seemingly perfect little life, with her little house in Alexandria and her not so little tenured position at George Washington University.

"I'm just so confused…" Henry starts. "I don't know what happened and I can't put the pieces back together fast enough. I don't how to do this." His voice breaks and he buries his head in his hands.

"You can ask me anything you want to know. I promise I'll be honest with you?"

He thinks for a moment. A US asset was given up to the enemy, he was his handler and his teacher. He moves his head up to look at her. He catches her eyes with his. She looks remorseful and guilt ridden. Suddenly he's back in a hotel room in Geneva. His guilt is eating him alive, and he takes it out on her, then he's yelling at Conrad. Then he's packing a bag. Then he's in car with Jane calling his wife making sure she didn't get hurt in the bomb. Then they're fighting again, and again, and again, and again. Then he's in Dr. Sherman's office saying he can't do it anymore. Then he's leaving the office, her quite pleas for forgiveness going unanswered. Everything is back, all the pain and the guilt.