Disclaimer: I don't own Lord of the Rings but I would like the elf, unless you know Santa wants it back or something.
Randomness the fifth: Elf Public Service Announcement
Legolas stood alone against a blue backdrop as he began to speak into the camera. "I would like to take a minute to address these atrocious rumors I have heard of small, hobbit-sized elves who work as slaves for a fat man in a red coat at something called the North Pole. These vicious lies are an insult to myself and my people who—"
"Hey, who are you calling an 'atrocious rumor' huh?" Legolas turned to see a small North Pole elf with a pointed green hat and pointed red shoes. "And what's a hobbit?"
"It's like a munchkin," Legolas offered weakly, his head swimming in a minor state of shock as he struggled to believe that these miniature elves actually exist.
"So we're short, so what?" the elf fumed. "Did you ever think maybe it's because of the extreme cold in the North Pole? Well, did you ever consider that?"
"Is it because of the extreme cold?" Legolas asked.
The elf shrugged. "Beats me. Either that or all the caffeine we drink to keep working twenty-four hours a day, three hundred and sixty-four days a year for the Fat Man. And let me tell you, he's a slave driver. He's gotta be violating some labor laws somewhere. Ever notice how close the word "Santa" is to "Satan"? There's a reason for that. See—hey! Where'd you go?"
The elf looked around and, discovering that Legolas had fled for his sanity, turned back to the camera. "We now return you to your regularly scheduled programming."