Current Day
She sees the realization on his face. She slowly nods and stands. "I'll go" she whispers. Removing herself from the situation before she has to face his rejection again. As she's leaving she starts to think about Stevie's wedding, and how much it had hurt her to watch her ex-husband walk their little girl down the aisle while doing his best to avoid her all day. She guessed he was done being cordial now that all of their babies were grown.
He's watching her leave. He wonders if this is how she felt watching him walk out of their house and out of her life. He is thinking about how he never expected to leave her, how he didn't plan it. He just knows that he said it was over and he felt nothing but relief at the time. He has been so blocked by his own guilt and trauma that he has never taken the time to even think about the fact that there were two people in his marriage.
"WAIT, let's talk. Please I know you don't owe me anything, but we never talked about it. Maybe it's time?"
She stops in her tracks. Of course they never talked about it, he cut her out of his life and out of his heart. She sat in a therapist's office pouring her heart out begging for him to talk to her for months, while he stared straight ahead and ignored her. And now he wants to talk. No, he doesn't get free access to her innermost self anymore.
"You want to talk about it? Now? It's been years. I took me so much work to get over you. To get to this place where I don't cry when I hear our song on the radio, to get to the place where I don't immediately go to text you when something funny happens at work?" she lets out an involuntary sob, and takes a deep breath. "I don't want to talk about it, not anymore. You missed your chance."
She once again turns to leave, this time walking out of the apartment. He is left standing there for the first time forced to acknowledge that he is another villain in Elizabeth Adam McCord's story. He starts thinking about the day he left.
2014
Here we are sitting in this godforsaken office again. I can't believe she is still going on about this. How can she not see that she betrayed me by betraying Dimitri? How can she not tell that I'm not willing to forgive this transgression? But if she just gives me enough time maybe I can push it down. But god she's droning on and on and "I can't do this anymore."
I hear her gasp. I must have said that out loud. I didn't mean to, but god it felt good. It's the first thing that's felt good in a long time. I stand up and leave the room. Behind me I hear her pleading with me to just talk to her, but I keep going my pace ever increasing. Before I know it, I'm running down the street, literally ruining away from my problems while creating new ones in my wake.
And then I'm home, throwing clothes into my old military issue duffle. I should stop and think about this but I can't, this truly is freeing. I'm in the office I share with her packing my work up and grabbing my favorite books when she walks in. she looks shocked to see me here packing my life away into bags. She opens her mouth to say something but nothing actually comes out. I slam my laptop closed and put in my backpack.
"I'm leaving Elizabeth. You were right, we do need to be talking to lawyers." I break the news as softly as I can. She doesn't look surprised when I say it. She just nods in defeat. I grab my bags and walk out of our house. I don't know where I'm going and I don't much care at the moment. I'm free. Free from the pain and the grief. Pure relief and unexpected nervous glee have taken their place. I know I have a lot to figure out, with the kids and the houses and the money, but that can all happen tomorrow. Tonight I will be in the quiet of a hotel room.
Current Day
Elizabeth is now walking around New York city. She is trying so hard not to think of the day he left, but as she sits ona bench outside the UN of all places, she flashes back.
2014
"I just want you to talk to me, please talk to me?" I am begging. Which is something Id usually never do in front of someone else, but I've grown pretty fond of Doctor Sherman and I feel safe here.
Suddenly Henry is speaking "I can't do this anymore"
What does he mean he can't do this anymore? Do what, therapy, the jobs, or the marriage. I open my moth to ask but before I can him, he is up and leaving the room. I am asking him to come back, but I can't get the full sentence out. I can't breathe and my hands are going numb. I can't have a panic attack now, I have to go after him. I have to know what he meant. I try to stand on shaky legs and fall back down again. I hear Dr. Sherman telling me to remember what I've learned. She's asking me to name five things I see. Can she tell not I can't do that right now, I have to get to Henry.
"Elizabeth! Look at me." Something about her tone makes me look up. "Tell me three things you see right now" and I do. We go through the other senses too and I calm down. We spend the next 25 minutes of the appointment making a plan for how I will speak with Henry tonight.
I feel okay on the car ride home. I've decided that he doesn't have to do the therapy if he doesn't want to. I decide that we will find another way to work on it. When I walk into the house he is in his office grabbing his favorite books off of the self behind my desk. He looks over at me, almost looking through me and try to ask him what he's doing, but the words don't come out. Because I know what he's doing, I know that he's leaving. I know that my worst fears are here. I know that he is done with the marriage. Done with me.
He closes his laptop and looks at me while he's putting in in his bag. "I'm leaving Elizabeth. You were right, we do need to be talking to lawyers." His words cut right through my heart, but his voice is soft. I'm not surprised, I think that's why I freaked out in therapy, in a way I knew how today was going to end. He walks past me and out of the door. I stand there for a long time wondering what I'm going to say to the kids when they get home.