Elizabeth 2016
I can't sleep again tonight. I have a weapons smuggling ring to take down. Allison is supposed to hear back from Rafferty on Tuesday. And of course that it's coming up on a year and half since he left now. I'm searching through Airbnb dreaming of a vacation, I'll never find time to take. I come across a photo of cabin… it looks so familiar. I click on the link and I find myself tearing up. It's our cabin. That cabin holds so many memories of happier times in its four walls.
Henry and I first went their right after we were married. We spent three days wrapped up in bed. Holding on to each other for dear life before his deployment. It became our special place. We conceived Stevie, and maybe Allison there too. He was so beautiful, then. He was always so attentive and gentle never straying from that unless I asked him to.
Suddenly, my skin feels cold. Henry was always so tactile. His hand on the small of my back as we walk through doors, rubbing knots out of my shoulders. His hand on my cheek while he kissed my pain away. He can't do that anymore. No, not can't… He doesn't do that anymore. He doesn't want to do that anymore. I wonder what he would think if he came across the photo of our cabin. Would he even remember what we shared with one another in that sacred place? Would he even find it sacred? Or would he look at it in disgust, wondering if he ever loved me at all.
Henry
Keep going I tell myself, just one more mile, you can do it. I'm doing a trail run in the Blue Ridge Mountains. It started as a hike, but devolved into running away from myself pretty fast. I get to the top of the summit and look out. My vision gets blocked with tears, something I should have expected. Elizabeth and I used to go hiking almost every weekend together before the kids were born. After that we settled for walks around our neighborhood.
Going on walks together was always how we opened up to each other, it was like the words could flow easier with every step. On our first ever walk together, which happened on the day we met, she told me about her parents, I remember her stopping in the middle of the sidewalk and saying, "I don't tell very many people about that". On our second walk I told her about my Dad, and how complicated our relationship was. We got engaged on a walk, too. I wonder if she walks by herself now, or worse if she's walking with someone else.
Elizabeth
I have to break a promise to Allison. I promised to be there in person when she got the email blast from Rafferty. I can't do that, I have to go meet an arms dealer. I have to because Anise doesn't deserve to die. It's always Allison that gets the shitty end of the stick when it comes to my job. I almost die in a violent coup on her Birthday, and now this? I pick up my phone to call Henry, I need him to be where I can't be, again. He doesn't answer. He always answers, he always used to answer.
Henry
Elizabeth is calling, and I let it ring. I can't answer. I can't answer the phone while I'm on top of this mountain, looking out seeing forever. I miss my partner, my friend, my accomplice. If I answer the phone right now I know I'll beg for her forgiveness. I'll beg to come home. I'll tell her I miss her and that I love her, and that I'm sorry. So I can't answer the phone. When it finally goes to voicemail I find myself crying. Crying for both us and letting my whole body feel the pain I caused.
Elizabeth
I'm on the plane, now and he still hasn't called me back. I feel like I should call again. This feels wrong. Maybe he's moving on. The thought creeps up, not for the first time. It doesn't make me feel nauseous anymore, but I still feel that deep pang of jealousy. I'm kind of shaken that I don't quite feel like it would be a bad thing. The thought of him being happy is a good one. No matter how badly I'm hurting, I want him to be happy. I want him to find whatever it was he was looking for when he left. That's the thing about loving someone, you put them and their happiness first. I wish I knew what it would take for me to stop hurting and be happy again. I decide to go back on Airbnb and book that cabin for a weekend. Maybe I can go there and learn to start letting go.
Henry
Elizabeth is meeting with an arms dealer. I'm sitting here with the kids, while we wait for the email blast from Raffety and all I can think about is Elizabeth's security. I want her to be safe. I look at a photo of Allison I have up on the fridge. It was taken at our cabin. She was so tiny. I can't believe how big they've all gotten. It feels like just yesterday, that we were all at our cabin with Allison and Stevie running around and a very little Jason was being held by my beautiful wife.
"She still hasn't called." Allison pulls me out of my reverie. I look at her and smile. I know Elizabeth won't miss this. I know Elizabeth well enough to know, that she has had many sleepless nights researching all of the university's that Allison applied to, just like she did Stevie, and probably will with Jason, too.
"She'll call Noodle" I say, wondering how Elizabeth's pregnancy craving is still our daughter's nickname.
"Maybe not" Stevie replies. I look over to her "she gets busy, America's chief diplomat and all" She says. I can tell she's anxious. Stevie always worries about good things.
"I made sure, she wouldn't flake." Allison replies.
"How did you do that?" I question. Hoping that Allison wouldn't have done something to put her mother in danger.
Elizabeth
"Mom, Mommy, Mom, Mom, Mom, Momma" I startle at my phone ringing with Allison voice coming through. Blake leans over.
"I think it might be time for that phone call home, ma'am." I nod and excuse myself away from Dito, for a moment. DS walks me over to a secure closest, and hands me my iPad. I FaceTime Henry.
"Hello" My whole family is there in the frame. I smile looking at all four of them. I lough and tell Allison "I had a fool proof reminder system in Blake." She looks apologetic, but smiles.
"I just really wanted to make sure you were here" She says right as her phone dings. Henry looks at me and crosses his fingers. I hold my breath, why is he looking at me like that?
Henry
As Allison's phone receives the email I can't help but look at Elizabeth. I study her, she's smiling so big at our little girl. She looks so beautiful.
"Ms. McCord" Allison starts reading the email pulling my gaze from Elizabeth. "We are happy to inform you- I GOT IN!" we all cheer and I look over to Elizabeth again and watch her cheer for our daughter. She catches my eye and in a shared look we love one another.