Dear Reader,

SPOILERS BIG FAT UGLY SPOILERS

Okay... This is a weird fic. Really, really weird. A few weeks ago I was wandering through Y!gallery when I found a Final Fantasy VII: Dirge of Cerberus fanart called "Eurydice, Don't Follow Me". That phrase stuck with me and stuck with me. A few days ago my friend Degal lent me the entire Full Metal Alchemist series. I love that series. It's beautiful. And funny. And sad and a great big emotional rollar coaster ride. The movie was even more so even though I think it mauled Huges' character. When Alphons Heiderich dies that phrase came back to me. "Eurydice, Don't Follow Me". And so I wrote this. It's reminiscient of my other deathfic "As I Lay Dying" which was for Appleseed, only longer because I started writing and just couldn't stop. It all came tumbling out. I wrote this in one go. Fifteen minutes. How do I know this... That's how many minutes it takes for the laundry to go through the dryer. Anyway. Loooong monologue. Alphons Heiderich's thoughts upon the moment of his death. I like it.

I don't own Full Metal Alchemist.

I don't own Final Fantasy VII: Dirge of Cerberus. I give credit to the inspiration...

Here's to my reviewers and friends. Here's to Everfire, Sukidayo Everfire! Chuu.

Love to everyone who loves FMA! Especially Lone-chan who introduced me to it. I love you too.. Give Irvine a hug from me, I'll have BoD Chapter 45 done soon. I hope...

Don't ask me why, but I never plan to look at this fic again. It makes me sad for some reason...

Stay safe
Stay healthy
Sincerely,

Starr

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A moment in time. That's what it is. They say when a person is dying their entire life flashes before their eyes. But that's not nessecarily true. Everything slows down. I'm given the time to think of everything that I've ever loved and know that I'll never see it again. But I know I'll see it again. I'll just be looking through the eyes of another.

It reminds me of Eurydice. That Greek Myth about a man who went into the pits of hell to get his lover out, but failed because he didn't have enough faith. I don't even remember the failed hero's name. I think it started with an O. The story I read in that far off time when I had a family. A father, a mother... And a big brother... I never told you that did I? I had a big brother. He was wild and mischievious. He was just like you. We were going to go into rocketry together. Make a name for ourselves. The Brothers Heiderich. That's what they'd call us. And we'd be famous. But that was before the war. Before Father was conscripted to fight. Before Mother and Brother and I had to work in that factory that took my lungs and worked Mother to death and took my brother from me in that accident. I never told you that did I? That it wasn't long after I lost everyone I held dear that I found you. Living with my mentor. It was like seeing my brother alive again. Only, you weren't my brother. You looked like him. But the colors were all wrong. My brother was fairer haired. My brother had blue eyes. My brother had all of his limbs. His skin was clear and unblemished by scars. He didn't cry out in the night from terrors I can't even imagine, even though I've lived a life almost as bad. I guess I can live with it because I don't blame myself for the things that happened. And when you looked at me you looked as if you had seen a ghost and you whispered my name. Only it wasn't my name. It was the name of a brother you lost. A younger brother who wasn't me. A younger brother I look exactly like. That's why you remind me of that story. You went into the pits of hell for someone, but you aren't sure if you got them out safly or if they are still trapped in that hell. Or maybe you're the one who's trapped.

It's funny the way time passes. Injuries heal. Pain fades, or gets worse in my case. It's like my brother never left. Only you're not him. You're bitter. And sad. Not all the time. Not when you immerse yourself in our studies. Not when you forget that I'm not the brother you love. Sometimes I'll see drawings in your notebook. Strange circles and geometric shapes and spirals. Sometimes you'll clap your hands together for no reason. Sometimes you'll apologize for no apparent reason. Why are you sorry? I don't understand. I can't understand. I won't understand. I refuse to understand. I won't forgive you because you've done nothing wrong. Then you'll look away. Avoid my eyes and say

"Sorry..." So softly that I can barely hear it. I should be the one who's sorry. I was supposed to be the youngest in The Brothers Heiderich. You were supposed to be the eldest in The Brothers Elric. Maybe it was because I wished and prayed to a god I don't believe in to bring my brother back. Maybe it's this Equivilent Exchange you believe in almost a fevantly as any preist.

I never told you this. I didn't want to give you hope. I dream of your world sometimes. I dream that I'm thirteen years old and traveling the world. I go to a tiny village and a young woman hugs me close and tells me she misses me. I go to a big city and big millitary men and toughened soldeirs call out cheerful greetings that I cheerfully reply to even though I hate the millitary. I go to desert towns where the brown skinned people praise me and a beautiful young woman who looks just like Noah takes me into her home and laughs about the latest gossip while mixing treats for the children that are constantly surrounding her. Maybe that's why I'm not prejudice the way most of my countrymen are. Because each night I fall asleep and travel to so many different places and stay with so many different people. And when those people need something from me all I have to do is clap my hands together and all they need I give. And each night I go up to a person and say,

"Have you seen my brother?" and each time they will give me a look of such sadness and pity that it makes me want to scream and each time they will answer,

"No, Al... Your brother isn't here..." And they will try to convince me to give up. Your brother is dead, they will say. Your brother died two years ago. Why don't you stay for awhile. We miss you, Alphonse. And each time I will refuse and move on to the next town.

The dreams have gotten stronger since you told me about speaking with your brother at last. I believe you. I've seen it. I've even asked Noah to watch with me. We travel my dreams and she wants so badly to go there. Where the people don't fear the millitary. Where physics is a joke compared to Alchemy. Where people aren't judged by the color of their skin. Makes me wish I could go there too. But I can't. Equivilent Exchange won't let me. All I can do is work and work and work on ways to send you back there. To a world that you obviously miss. To a brother and a people who miss you desperately. If I send you back you'll be The Brothers Elric again. Heroes of the People. The Fullmetal Alchemist. I don't care about the sins you commited there in the name of love. I don't care about the hell you had to go through to bring your brother back. You don't belong here. And I won't be here much longer. I worry for Noah. If I send you back she'll be all alone. I'll have Gracia look after her. Gracia already loves Noah like a daughter, even though only three years separate them. A baby sister then. Maybe I should find one of the Roma to take care of her. At least until she can find her place. You don't know what I'm planning. I don't want you to. You'll just blame yourself. I want you to go back to where you belong. To a ruddy haired, pony-tailed, cheerfully opptomistic, bronze-eyed Alphonse who doesn't cough every time he takes a deep breathe. Who doesn't gag on phlegm when he laughs. Who doesn't cough up blood when he tries to run more than a few yards.

Breathing is becoming easier now. Or maybe that's because my body no longer has the use for air. There goes my rocket. My grand design. Proof of my existence. That's what I've named her by the way. Although I did want to name her Eurydice. Because I've gone into hell for you too. I'm going there now. Such a bright light from the gate. I'll see my real brother again. And you. Stay where you belong. I never want to see your face again. Ever. Because if I do, I'll know that I failed. The only one I pray for now, is Noah. I hope she'll understand. She can't go through the gate with you because she already lives on the other side. And I hope you'll never use that stupid gate again. Ever. Never ever ever ever... I guess everything has it's opposite. Even that stupid story...

Eurydice, don't follow me...