Quick note for some background part i: if you have made it this far in the story. You can skip if you are familiar with the plot of "July Found by Chance". Bella's awareness pays homage to the text from Twilight. You could open up your copy of Twilight and have understanding of where this story weaves in and out from. Her actions and lines are from the Twilight Book but you can see she is starting to deviate and have consciousness of her words/choices. The time skips are in parallel with the book. The time she is 'aware' matches the book. The skips that occur are the same skips in the book. There is no text written for those scenes and thus no part for her to play in.
Soleil
3.5 EDWARD'S POV
1. NEW GIRL
High School.
Edward liked to liken it to paradise. After all, he was the poster boy for most likely to be Homecoming King of Forks High School.
Similar to more than half the male population in the school, Edward was aware of the new student's arrival. Isabella Swan. She had his attention. Not only was she something new but the girl, according to school gossip, was hot.
That was all Edward needed to know to fixate his attention to the shiny new object that all the students in the school were enamored with, one way or another. It was just a bonus that her arrival would help remove Jessica from breathing down his neck in hopes he would return her affection. She was old news. A friend, but nothing to hold Edward's interest. Half of the girls in school wanted him as well. But Mister Popular's attention could only be satisfied by the presence of the new girl.
During lunch, only two tables away from the object of his desire who was blockaded by Jessica, Edward focused on Isabella. He could not help but wonder, what music she likes…maybe I could mention my new CD.
His patience would have to go into effect until their first shared class. Where Edward encountered another obstacle to Isabella's attention, Mike Cullen. Edward did not like Mike. He thought he was weird, and Edward intended to focus on introducing himself to Bella rather then dig into why he found Mike Cullen so "weird".
But the weird label only stuck further to Mike as Edward observed his reactions to Isabella in the class.
Mike was leaning away from Isabella, sitting on the extreme edge of his chair and averting his face from her. Poor Isabella seemed nervous as she fidgeted uncomfortably next to the weirdo. To Edward's mild surprise, Mike held that uncomfortable looking sitting position the entire lecture. Once class was over, Edward was set on saving Bella and introducing himself, of course.
Luck seemed to be on Edward's side as he watched Mike rush out the door, before anyone else in the classroom, when the school bell rang. Edward would not waste his opportunity. He gathered his backpack and walked up to Isabella who remained still in her seat, looking dazed.
"Aren't you Isabella Swan?" Edward asked, turning on his charm.
Isabella looked up and her face…looked stunned. Edward hoped it was attributed to his good looks or his popularity.
Isabella swallowed. Edward smiled down at her, relishing the thought of his presence making her nervous or shy.
"Bella," she corrected him, sounding unsure of herself.
"I'm Edward."
"Hi, Edward."
"Do you need any help finding your next class?" Edward only expected some version of yes from her mouth.
"I'm headed to the gym, actually. I think I can find it." Now it was Edward's turn to be stunned. He had not expected rejection based on her physical reactions. It was not his first rejection from a girl. But for some reason, this rejection cut him deep. And that annoyed him.
This annoyance gave life to a starling realization for him. Everything annoyed him. His life. His mannerisms. His actions. Had he always thought this way? Or was this triggered just now? Before Edward could reflect on this mini-life crisis, he fluidly responded to Bella, "That's my next class, too." His voice sounded thrilled. But it was not his choice to say that, he recognized. Why would he want to walk her to gym after she just rejected his offer? Was he that pathetic? He looked at Bella, feeling disturbed and…empty. Yet, he chatted with her the entire time he escorted her to the gym. He even dominated most of their conversation. He loathed learning he had English with the new girl too.
Her shiny object status she once held at the beginning of the school day vanished. She now seemed unpolished and unremarkable as a new door opened up into another world view for Edward Newton. For once in his life, he felt like he did not belong. Or that he was some unwelcomed outsider. But the was wrong. He was welcomed. He was popular as Edward Newton. Maybe then it was imposter syndrome he was suffering from?
As they were entering the gym, signaling their time spent together was coming to an end, Edward asked, "So, did you stab Mike Cullen with a pencil or what? I've never seen him act like that." Since his conversation began with Bella, he finally found some humor in the words he spewed out like a puppet. He could not help but smirk to himself, enjoying Mike's display in Biology even more now for some odd reason.
"Was that the boy I sat next to in Biology?" Edward knew she was lying. He walked past their lunch table when Bella asked about the Cullens to Jessica. He was impressed though, that she dared to deny his existence. What was the point?
"Yes," he confirmed. "He looked like he was in pain or something." Edward's smirk widened, so much that his stretched cheek felt some restraint against the pull. Like he was not allowed to enjoy this.
"I don't know," she responded. "I never spoke to him."
"He's a weird guy."
Bella coughed uncomfortably at his comment. He presumed she perhaps did not agree. Not that it mattered to him. Edward found himself glued in place to the floor, forbidden from removing himself from this awkward conversation by heading through the men's locker room door. Unsure what to do, he looked at Bella, curious if she noticed something was off too. She just looked at him with…big brown, hopeful eyes? He could not help himself as he told her, "If I were lucky enough to sit by you, I would have talked to you." Edward wished he could have gagged on the words that just tumbled from his mouth. It sounded so corny. Why would he say this? But…wasn't it something in line with his cheesy character? Why was he questioning himself now when he knew this? Edward was confused.
2. RAISED BROW
The next day was worse…much worse.
Edward found himself sitting by Bella in English. He walked her to her next class. He sat with her, amongst his friends, at lunch.
Okay, Bella was not the problem. HE was the problem. But her presence forced him to discover and then confront this problem. Somehow, he had become aware of how he did not fit in with his role in life. But still he was forced to play the part of generically popular Edward Newton.
The fake niceties. The bullshit conversations. Walking around like he was following some arrows that designated his direction. Talking words that were his own and yet they were not. He found himself repulsive and the people he was subjected to frolic around with even more so.
Especially Bella Swan who triggered whatever the hell was going on with him. And he could just not escape from her, like some magnetic pull forced him to follow her like a lost puppy and act foolish. God how he hated himself every moment he had to interact with that girl.
When lunch was finished, Edward was walking Bella to Biology. He groaned internally, wondering why he was never given a break. But he could do nothing more then that. When they were both outside the classroom, Bella stopped and Edward paused along with her. He stared down at Bella, unsure what broke the flow of their process. His body wobbled slightly, seeming off-kilter, as if their present interaction had been set off course. Focusing back on Bella, Edward's eyes widened a fraction of an inch in amusement as her cheek's ballooned out. Like holding one's breath and making a show of it.
Without thinking, Edward raised a brow in question. It was all he could do. And it was exhilarating! A small taste of freedom from whatever personal hell he found himself confined to. Bella soon exhaled and the moment of glory had to be relinquished. She walked to her seat and Edward followed, talking about the upcoming trip to La Push beach. Edward wrangled for control of his body, fighting how he lingered by her desk till the bell rang. When he left, he felt himself unable to frown, but knew his smile had to have lessened in its enthusiasm. Another effort for control he was determined to sneak away with. He was sure that Bella was so caught up in the plethora of male attention she received on a daily basis at school, that his obscure nature towards her would go unnoticed.
3. ENEMEY NUMBER ONE
It was an uneventful week after Edward pushed past his limits and was forced back into compliance mode. Or that is at least how he liked to refer to it as. He followed Bella around school like a good little golden retriever and resumed being Mr. Popular. It was exhausting. But he could never show it. He was stuck. In this loop of life or the portrayal of who 'Edward Newton' was.
The next Monday at school was the same. All of it was the same. Everything. Edward just wished he could shut off his brain and resume the pilot mode he was in before where he presumed his consciousness stayed asleep. Enduring this 'awakened' state of being was miserable. A purgatory that no one deserved.
In English, they were assigned to take an in-class quiz that Edward was able to answer without even ever reading the book Wuthering Heights- that he knew of at least. He was aware he finished the quiz first amongst his classmates and knew he would get full marks.
After acing the quiz, he walked out of class with Bella. A change up to today, unlike the previous school week, was that there was snow. Edward was weary if he even liked snow.
"Wow," he said. "It's snowing." Edward did not even cringe as he was now used to either his bland or embarrassing dialogue with Bella.
Edward stumbled over his next step along the sidewalk when Bella grabbed his hand and shoved a folded-up piece of paper into it.
"Ew."
Edward did not understand if her comment was about the note delivery or the snow. He did not have to wait long before he asked, "Don't you like snow?" His words came out cautious, skeptical of how their actions did not match their intended dialogue. Edward unwrapped the note lazily, masking how anxious he was to read it.
"No. It means it's too cold for rain." Edward rolled his eyes when he caught the tail end of Bella waving her hand, gesturing for him to hurry up. "Besides, I thought it was supposed to come down in flakes – you know, each one unique and all that. These just look like the ends of Q-tips."
Edward appreciated that he was not the only one to suffer through lame speaking lines. When the note was unfolded in its entirety, he first noted it was the quiz paper from English before reading its contents.
Why are you being two-faced?
A chill ran down Edward's spine, colder than the temperature around them. It was a trap. The 'system' was setting him up. Putting him back in his place. And of all the people, they were using her to send a message.
"Haven't you ever seen snow fall before?" he asked, biting out his response at the real puppet.
"Sure I have." Bella paused and Edward narrowed his eyes, waiting for the rat to speak. He focused on her brown eyes, they screamed "Get back in line" to him. Since Edward could not voice any retaliation, he did the only thing he felt in power to do in the moment. He ripped up the note and tossed the pieces into the air, demonstrating he got the message- but not admitting he would submit willingly to fall back in line.
"On Tv," Bella gritted out through her teeth and Edward laughed, a cold dark laugh knowing she understood his response. The tension was cut in a heartbeat when Edward was pummeled in the back of his head with a snowball. Edward hated his existence here. But for now he would comply, until he learned how to break free. So to maintain the act, he reluctantly bent over, to begin scraping together his own pile of snow for the ensuing snowball fight.
"I'll see you at lunch, okay?" Bella sighed and Edward detested her audible relief as he pretended to resubmit to his role. She was walking away as she spoke, "Once people start throwing wet stuff, I go inside". Edward just nodded, marking Bella as enemy number one on his list.
Author's Note: Wasn't sure if it was a good idea to add this 'bonus' chapter on to the story. If it sucks or if there are inconsistencies in Edward's awakening, let me know. Otherwise, no comments = semi-believable or still readable lol ~pixelephant
Quick note for some background part ii: Edward's awareness is different than Bella's. He is not as advanced as Bella in revolting against his thoughts/actions. This will be detailed later as I flush out this plot point. He also lacks awareness of the time skips.