Title: Teamwork
Rating: G
Pairing: None
Word Count: 708
Warning/s: Spoilers for Kakashi Gaiden, perhaps. And little boys in briefs.
Summary: Kakashi and Obito get along as well as fire and water, but the future Yondaime Hokage is a man with a plan. And like all the Yellow Flash's plans, whether it succeeds or fails, it's going to do it on a spectacular scale.
Notes: Inspired by a challenge from bitethehandthatfeeds, who is the supplier of crack to the world. I quite like it, actually.

"He started it!" Obito yelled, throwing a punch that would so have knocked Kakashi's stupid dandelion-fluff head right off his shoulders if the jerk hadn't dodged. And then stuck out his foot and tripped Obito right on his face. Obito lunged up spitting grass and mud and curses—or would have, if Sensei's sandal hadn't descended on his back before Obito was more than two feet off the ground. He went flat again with a betrayed wail.

Kakashi sniffed and turned away. Then stopped, because Sensei's hand was pinning his shoulder and the Yellow Flash wasn't a jounin for nothing. "Think you're getting off the hook?" their sensei asked sweetly. "What did I tell you about fighting each other?"

They stayed obstinately silent. The Yellow Flash's large hand tightened on Kakashi's shoulder, and he leaned a little more weight onto Obito's back. "Huh?"

"Don't," Kakashi muttered at last, because Obito's mouth was too full of mud for him to speak.

"Exactly," the jounin said with satisfaction. He stepped back, hands on his hips. "So what are you going to do about it?"

"Glips foij nead ov," Obito muttered, prying his face out of the mud with a sucking gloop and a great deal of spitting.

"Oh, really," Sensei said even more sweetly, and Obito knew he'd made a mistake.

That was the last thing he knew before something jabbed into his arm and darkness covered his eyes.

But appropriately enough, the last thing he heard was Kakashi cursing.

-

He woke up cold. And wet. And slimy. Cold and wet he could understand, 'cause it had been raining when he'd first started quarrelling with Kakashi over who had to set up their tent, but slimy—?

And stripped down to his Uchiha-fan-printed briefs?

And handcuffed to Kakashi?

He tried to surge to his feet. The handcuff pretty effectively prevented that, because his left wrist was chained to Kakashi's right, and even if Kakashi was far too thin to be healthy (Obito could count his ribs, and he really did not need to know that Kakashi wore camouflage briefs!) he was still almost as heavy as Obito was.

The mud didn't help, either. Obito's feet slid out from under him, and he fell with a painful thump in really cold and slimy mud.

"Idiot," Kakashi muttered without opening his eyes. "What are you trying to do?"

"Get away from you, you creep!" Obito yelled. "This is all your fault!"

"You're the one who had to have the last word," Kakashi pointed out, opening his eyes at last to direct a dark glare at his teammate. "If you'd just kept your fool mouth shut sensei wouldn't have done anything."

"If you weren't such a jerk I wouldn't have said anything!" Obito tried to climb to his feet again, and once again slipped and fell flat on his butt. He glared back at Kakashi. "Are you just gonna lie there all night?"

"Are you gonna spend the rest of your life as a hyperactive idiot?" Kakashi retorted, but he did sit up and pull Obito's arm sharply to the side as he inspected the handcuffs. Obito held his tongue for once, because no matter what anyone said about Kakashi, it was true that he was a genius, and he'd get them out of these handcuffs if anyone could.

Unfortunately, their sensei was also a genius. And he knew them rather too well. Kakashi let their wrists splash back into the mud and scowled down at them. "He's done something to it. I can't get it off."

His lower lip pushed out in what was almost a pout. Obito gaped.

"You're not wearing your mask!"

"Idiot," Kakashi growled. "You think sensei'd take my pants and leave my mask?"

Obito didn't care about that, and said so. "Point is, I can get you back now—"

And he launched himself at his teammate.

When the Yellow Flash returned ten minutes later to see if his recalcitrant boys had finally learned their lesson, he found Obito sprawled panting in the mud with a magnificent black eye and a broken wrist and a set of beautiful bruises blooming over his pale body.

Kakashi was doing his best to clean the mud out of his mouth.