Soleil

7. FREEWILL

Handling Dr. Cullen and his son in the hospital is what had delivered Bella's present headache. Not her recent injury like most would expect. Mike's absurd one-sided conversation was dizzying Bella. She could only keep up with correct responses half of the time. And the correct response made her want to vomit. Bella was not curious as to how Mike had saved her despite it being an unnatural thing. Mike for some unfathomable reason did not pick up on this. In their conversation though she had asked one genuine question, "Why did you even bother?" His "I don't know" response did not sway Bella's heart one way or another. She understood it was supposed to happen. Everything in this world had a purpose, or so she had theorized. But she thought it would be nice to know the reason behind it.

In the waiting room were too many familiar faces for Bella. Except one. After soothing Charlie's concern and updating him with the news she was released to go home, she fought the urge to leave. Edward and Jessica and Eric were approaching her. Concern obvious on all their faces. Once they converged around her, nothing more happened. All three "friends" of hers were silent. They had no speaking parts. It was clear that she was supposed to leave with Charlie. Bella had only stayed for one of them.

Edward.

Bella stepped forward and outstretched her hand, a closed fist, in Edward's direction. She stopped before getting too close. She would force him to meet her halfway. Bella noticed how Edward's full lips rubbed together. She wondered if he too struggled with words or it was only her who did not understand her role in this world. Edward reached his hand towards her own, stopped, and then continued. He faced his palm open under her fist. She released her note, hastily written on the back of a blank prescription sheet she stole when Dr. Cullen was focused on his son. A response that could change their future together going forward. If he chose to respond and if he had the right response.

In her absurd conversation with Mike, she had come to terms with that she was in desperate need of an ally. If she was only offered Edward as the ray of hope in this abysmal, cursed world, then so be it. She could put up with his duplicitous behavior if it meant her insanity could be halved by sharing. A deeper hope she denied to herself, was the wonder if his attitude stemmed from his own awareness that they were puppets. What they were taught in school was a lie. There was no freewill in the world. Sure, Bella had moments. But even if she was awarded more of them, she celebrated them alone.

Unable to endure the awkward silence that no one else seemed aware of a second longer, Bella sheepisly waved goodbye to her friends, ending their scene together.

The month that followed that accident passed by too fast for Bella. Or for any normal unit measure of how time was supposed to work. Her moments with Edward in school were fleeting. Every opportunity to receive his response to her question was ripped away before the note could be transferred to her hands. But Edward always remembered and made the failed attempt.

Then on the first Wednesday of March, a miracle occurred. Time readjusted to pass by normally. It started at the end of lunch, after Bella silently confirmed to herself that Jessica's mission to ask Edward to the dance had failed. It pleased Bella but she would never admit this to anyone.

Edward was still quiet as he walked Bella to class. Bella wondered if he too questioned how long this moment would last until they poofed to another scene, or if that was just her.

"So," Edward started, looking at the floor. Bella caught his hand digging around in the front pocket of his pants. She gasped when he held out the note for her to take. She greedily grabbed it and read his response while he said, "Jessica asked me to the spring dance."

I responded to that question on the quiz with a major theme from the book, not a trivial one. However, I see your point.

I agree.

Bella laughed herself into hysterics. He agreed! She fought the words "That's great", scraping against her throat to be released. She was smug about her success until "You'll have a lot of fun with her," escaped her mouth. Bella contradicted her words with a quick shake of her head to Edward.

"Well…" He carefully spoke, appraising Bella's actions. "I told her I had to think about it."

"Why would you do that?" Bella asked, considering that she wanted to know if there was true intent behind his rejection.

"I was wondering if…well if you might be planning on asking me."

Bella narrowed her eyes. "If you mean that," she forced out, "take this back." She offered the note to him. Allowing him some small measure of freewill. When he hesitated, Bella hissed, "Edward, I think you should tell her yes." Because although she was beyond thrilled to give him a choice, feeling spurned by his hesitation (aka rejection) caused a lapse in judgment.

"Did you already ask someone?" Bella ripped up the note and tossed it in the air, as Edward had once done to her. Petty? Yes. She would get over this feeling. But for now, she wanted to act on the freewill, though probably short lived, of a resentful woman.

"No," she assured him with a devilish smile. "I'm not going to the dance at all."

"Why not?" Edward sighed, presumably tired of his part as well.

"I am going to Seattle on Saturday," Bella explained. She did not understand her line because she did not need to go to the city. However, getting out of town to escape the repetitiveness of her Forks lifestyle seemed too good to pass up. Her eyebrows arched in curiosity as Edward bent over to pick up the torn-up flecks of notebook paper that she had littered on the hallway floor, just outside of Biology.

"Can't you go some other weekend?" He asked while meshing the scraps into a paper wad before walking into the classroom.

"Sorry, no," Bella said. "So you shouldn't-" Bella bit her tongue, pain at the cost of choice. "Make. Je-Just. Wait. Rude." Bella suppressed her humiliation at the non-sense she just sputtered out. "Come." Bella brushed the tips of her fingers at the column of her throat, coaxing the words out. "With me?" The words grated out of her throat. Even as broken as they sounded, they were beautiful. "I want to hear more of your thoughts on that quiz question." These words -her own- flowed like it was natural, as if she always had a choice in what she said.

Edward blinked at her, taken aback. She was just as surprised by what she had said. It was another miraculous unscripted line. He was not supposed to be going with her. She could feel that in her bones. Was she testing the fate of this world too much? Was she allowed an ally?

"Yeah, you're right," he whispered in a tone full of wonder. His golden eyes flicked to Bella's, asking Can we really do that? Bella shrugged up her shoulders, not wanting to push her luck in this moment. He took his seat as Mr. Banner walked into the room and Bella walked to her own. She could not bring herself to tear her eyes away from Edward as he opened up his notebook to a clean, blank page. She watched him scribble something down, hoping it was for her.

All the while oblivious to the curious stare of her table seat mate, Mike Cullen.

Hmmm... wondering what Bella wrote in her note to Edward? Stay tuned to find out ~_^

~pixelephant