Soleil
10.5 EDWARD'S POV
7. I AGREE
Could this get any worse? Well, the term worse was a deep hole to traverse down. But Edward accepted this was bad. He had been wrong, miscalculating their pervious interactions. The entire time. Bella was dwelling in the same position as him.
Edward's guilt was gnawing at him as he waited in the hospital waiting room with Jessica and Eric. His head jolted up when Bella entered the room. He lingered, unable to resist the invisible constraints working against his body. He observed Bella's conversation with her father while desperate to make amends. His brow furrowed deeper with every passing minute he had to remain idle. It was easy to tell she was yearning to leave. The greenlight to approach Bella was given when Jessica made her move toward Bella, Edward followed all too eager.
He was unsure of what he wanted to say to Bella once they arrived in front of her, but anything would have been better than nothing at all.
Bella locked eyes with him and stepped forward with her pale hand outstretched, a white plastic medical band clinging to her wrist. He inspected her hand and assumed she wanted to pass something on to him. Perhaps another note? Was he being presumptuous? What if it wasn't meant for him? Edward's lips rubbed together. He was not allowed to ask her, of course. It took every molecule in his body to force his right hand forward to test if the note was meant for him. Halfway through reaching out his hand, he was met with resistance. But he eyed Bella's delicate hand and found the strength to push past the boundary, even as it felt like his skin and muscles were being peeled back from his arm.
Edward visibly relaxed when Bella released a folded piece of paper into his hand, rewarding his agony. Bella remained quiet and did not engage them anymore, even Edward. It was odd how Jessica and Eric said nothing about this or his and Bella's private exchange. They were just blinking with blank faces. Edward inferred there was nothing more to this moment then as Bella offered them an awkward smile and waved. It was the signal Edward needed to unwrap the folded paper. Edward muffled a cough when he realized the paper was stolen from Dr. Cullen's medical prescription pad. He unfolded it at lightning speed, not bothering to glimpse at Bella's departure like his "friends" were.
When we read Wuthering Heights in English, we were once quizzed on the main themes of the story. I wrote that an underrated theme to this story was 'self-knowledge'. The importance of this theme is understanding one's own capabilities and power to control choices that impact one's future.
Do you agree?
Edward smirked. He did.
OoOoOoOoO
A month had passed by and Edward had been falling short of successfully passing on to Bella a response to her note. The opportunity just seemed to deteriorate once it should have started.
Then on the first Wednesday in March the timing was different. Or so it appeared that way to Edward.
Escorting Bella to their next class seemed to be the perfect opportunity. Funny how it was not this simple before…
"So," Edward started, looking at the floor. He could infer what was coming out of his mouth next. It annoyed the hell out of him, but the more important task was to pass on his 'real' response. He retrieved it from his pocket, casually, and held it out to her. Bella gasped and Edward could admit he enjoyed hearing her squeal of excitement. She yanked it from his hands at a breakneck speed and began to read his response while he informed her, "Jessica asked me to the spring dance."
He knew his response on the note had pleased Bella since she was laughing herself into hysterics.
"You'll have a lot of fun with her." That…was unexpected from her. He could admit it to himself. He noted she shook her head, perhaps refuting the words she had just said aloud.
"Well…" He studied Bella. He wondered if she as well looked for the same cues from him when their actions conflicted with what came out of their mouths. "I told her I had to think about it." She also must have put together he was not a willing participant to be Jessica's date.
"Why would you do that?" Her question sounded genuine, and Edward was confused. Was he wrong? Was she mixing up how to read his tells?
"I was wondering if…" This next line was painful to recite. Yet, a small part of Edward, that he refused to acknowledge, wasn't so opposed to saying, "well if you might be planning on asking me."
Bella narrowed her eyes, and this pleased Edward. She obviously knew these were not his words.
"If you mean that take this back." Bella offered the note back to him. Edward was confident that was not what she was meant to say. Her words were strained. Like she was forcing them out. Another demonstration of how she could break out from what was required of her. It was…amazing.
He admired her. He wanted to see if he could do the same. Respond freely. As he struggled to formulate an audible response, Bella hissed, "Edward, I think you should tell her yes."
She hissed? Why? Was she upset he too could not break free as she just had? It was not his fault. If anything, she should teach him how she did it.
"Did you already ask someone?" It was not the question he wanted to ask. Then Bella ripped up the note with his response and tossed it in the air. This reminded Edward of what he had done to her when he thought she was Enemy Number One. He mentally scolded himself for being so impolite.
"No." Her smile had a devilish tint to it. Perhaps even hinting to him that they were in this together. To fuck up the system. Or whatever was going on. "I'm not going to the dance at all."
"Why not?" Edward sighed. He wanted to have a normal conversation about this with her where they didn't have to look for hidden meanings. He did not even understand yet how often she could break free.
"I am going to Seattle on Saturday," Bella explained. Edward bent over to pick up the torn-up flecks of notebook paper that were sprawled on the floor. It was evidence that should not be left alone, no matter how cryptic the message already was to any onlookers.
"Can't you go some other weekend?" He asked while meshing the scraps into a paper wad before walking into the classroom. He would dispose of them later when it was safe. If this was even a possible notion in this world.
"Sorry, no. So you shouldn't-" Bella stopped speaking and Edward could have sworn she bit her tongue. "Make. Je-Just. Wait. Rude. Come." It was nonsense but he knew she was trying. Very hard. To say something real. So, he would patiently wait as she figured it out. All day if that was required of him.
He noticed how Bella brushed the tips of her fingers at the column of her throat. Was that a secret method to help speak freely?
"With me?" she asked, a certain gruffness to her voice to any other listener. But Edward found her voice beautiful because of the words spoken. It could have been Pig Latin and he still would have been captivated. "I want to hear more of your thoughts on that quiz question." Those next words from her mesmerized him with how natural they sounded.
Edward was amazed.
And jealous.
"Yeah, you're right," he whispered, his amazement evident in his voice. The jealousy muted. He focused his gaze on Bella. Yup, he was jealous as hell. He hoped she could not read that off his face. He had to play it cool. She shrugged her shoulders up and Edward had to hide his annoyance too now. She was playing off such a monumental moment like it was no big deal. It was infuriating.
Edward took his seat as Mr. Banner walked into the room. He felt Bella's eyes on him as class started. He opened his notebook to the next clean page and began taking notes. He focused on Mr. Banner's lecture in hopes it would alleviate his fury at Bella's independence over his own.
8. _
9. _
10. FREEWILL
The next day, bitterness still clung to Edward like an ex that did not get the message the relationship was over. He was granted an extension of avoiding Bella when his trajectory had him sitting in the back of class in English next to Eric rather than his usual seat next to Bella. He was more than pleased to comply with this shift. He required more time to sort out his feelings and adjust to his new standing with Bella.
He knew it was too good to last. In an unfortunate but expected turn of events, he was reunited with Bella's presence once class was over. Reset to his golden retriever mode, he remained by the doorway with Eric once class was over. For her. As soon as the Queen strolled over to them, she yanked on his elbow and pulling him in the opposite direction of where they were supposed to head in. Edward could have fought off her grip. But…she was changing the course of where he was supposed to go. In reward for this fun change up to his routine, he decided he was along for the ride.
"You're going to the dance with Jessica, why?" This was what she had asked him in the moment she was creating. Edward was shocked. Well, for two reasons. The first being he just recalled he was going to the dance with Jessica, but he did not know how or when this had happened. The second, and probably more irritating reason, was the fact this was her first question of her own volition since yesterday.
Of course, he could not answer this question. He did not even bother to offer her a physical response because he was bothered that was what she had asked him. He clenched his fists at his sides as he prattled on about the weather for a beach trip. His response was utter shit. But her asking that to him was even worse. What was with her?
Edward was too caught up in his own inner mind's workings to notice Bella drawing nearer to him. She gripped his collar, pulled him towards her and kissed his cheek before he could process what the hell was going on.
From the imprint of her lips on his cheek, a sensation of being flooded with warmth. She had kissed him. For a split second, an irrational need of wanting to care for Bella and put her wellbeing and freedom in front of his own appeared. But just as quickly as it surfaced, it disappeared.
A shutter rolled through Edward's body, spreading warmth from his cheek up to his head and down to his toes. In a daze, he raised his hand to where Bella had kissed him.
"You just-"
Edward stopped. He said what he was thinking. He verbalized his thoughts.
He was set free.
Bella beamed at him. "Edward, did Jessica ask you to the dance and you accepted?"
"I…uh…think so?" Edward thought this over. His thoughts were murky on recalling the exact details of how Jessica had asked him and him accepting this invitation. "I don't remember her specifically asking me, but I know I am going with her now." A wave of nausea rolled through him. "I didn't want to." He could say what he was thinking. And you know what he really wanted to do in the moment? "I don't even want to wear this polo!" He tugged at his ridiculous popped collar and removed the polo and threw it on top of the nearest locker nearby. He looked down at his plain white undershirt. He would have preferred a darker color, perhaps with a v-neck too. It was still a win though which inspired the smile on his face.
"Does time skip for you too?" Bella asked, her words coming out too quickly. She appeared nervous.
"Time skip?" Edward questioned. This was a new piece of information to him, and he was unsure how this 'time skipping' worked.
"Is this the first time using your own words?" She skipped answering his last question which he found rather maddening.
He nodded and without thinking he hugged Bella, leading on impulse. "Thank you, I feel free. What happened?" His gratitude towards her was genuine at the least despite the rollercoaster of unbecoming, sometimes even ugly, emotions she often inspired within him.
"Oh…um…" she stammered. Edward quickly released her from the hug realizing he was making it awkward for her too.
"I don't know what's going on. It's like we all have these roles to play. Actions and lines that direct the flow of a story or something like that. When you break free from that, things don't match up. Reactions or replies. Free will is not a real thing, Edward. I am just worried about having a time skip right now," she confessed, her voice shaking.
There it was again. Time skip. He wanted that explained.
"What is a time skip?"
"Less important at the moment to discuss." Edward withheld his annoyance again. "Edward, I am pretty sure we are the only two 'aware'. I was the first to break free and I think you are now the second. What does this mean?"
He had to let it go for the moment. This issue was more important to discuss anyways.
"I don't know. I theorized along the same line of what you are thinking. But I haven't been aware of time skips. But as I am thinking on it…there are gaps. And any real moments I can recall-" he paused. Memories came flooding back to him. All the vivid pictures and moments had one root common factor. "They all seem to focus on my moments with you. Why is that, Bella?"
"Hearing you say that leans me to a theory I rather reject," she muttered and Edward could tell she misinterpreted how he meant his question. He was accusing her of something. She was the problem and the solution. And he wanted answers.
"Tell me now or you should really stay away from me," he followed up because he needed her to take him seriously. He was taking a risk so she would answer his questions instead of dismissing him again. He needed to know everything that she did. It was only fair they were on an equal playing field.
"Like I have a choice," she had snapped back to his pleasure. He had pushed the button he wanted to. "Just give me some more time to think on it. It's kind of ridiculous."
"Please tell me this little theory." His gazed at her, putting the full weight of his desire to know more in his eyes.
Bella reviewed the area they were standing in. She was acting cautious, and he wanted to know why. He noticed the hallway was becoming less clustered with students. Of course, their next class would begin soon. They were out of time.
"Okay so I think-" Bella started and then she disappeared along with everything else in front of him.
OoOoOoOoO
Edward was now in the cafeteria. It had to be lunch. What had happened? Where had Bella disappeared to? Edward's complexion paled to an extent where it looked sickly. Was this the time skip she had mentioned?
When he finally spotted Bella, she was sitting at the Cullen's table…with Mike. He was displeased they were talking when his own conversation with her had been interrupted when he was about to learn more valuable information. He could have disrupted her conversation with Mike. Freewill and all. But instead, he let them be. She just as well could have come back to this table. She was choosing to sit there with Mike and chat with him when there were more important matters at hand.
Edward's jaw tensed. He was giving himself a headache. Dealing with his feelings for Bella was giving him whiplash. He went through all the highs and lows, unsure if he wanted to do this with her now that he was free as well or traverse the path alone. What was her deal anyways?
They needed to have a real conversation. Later though. She could spend her lunch with mediocre Mike. Whatever.
When he was settled into Biology, Edward could not help but look at Bella when she entered the room. He was unsure when they would have their next conversation understanding time skips could prevent that while not understanding their triggers.
Edward was not surprised but rather impressed when Bella volunteered him to escort her to the nurse's office since she was feeling faint for their upcoming lab. Blood made her squeamish. He held in his need to make fun of her for it no matter how tempted he was. He was further impressed when she pulled him into a janitor's closet.
"Time skips, they are real." Edward feigned a wonderous tone. He needed her to explain them to him and his direct questions did not work before. He was shifting to a different approach. "I never noticed them before. But you did. How?"
"I don't know. But do you fully grasp how something is wrong here?" That was not helpful and rather disappointing to Edward.
"Yes. Now tell me your theory." His demand was softer this time because she had been inclined to confess it earlier before a time skip interrupted.
As he listened to Bella, Edward's fury was provoked. According to her theory, he was a pathetic side character in a love story focused on Bella and Mike fucking Cullen. This was great. Just brilliant.
"Well, now that is something. So, the world revolves around you?" His bitterness was served as sarcasm.
Bella snorted. "Not by my choice. But what if it's true. What's the end goal? What happens if I revolt from what's expected from me in big ways rather than small?"
Edward recalled watching Bella sitting with Mike during lunch. "How do you know your feelings won't change for Mike?"
Bella gagged. "No. Never. Plus, I already like someone else. I should have choice over my own feelings."
In his disbelief, Edward huffed a laugh. "Really? The heroine shaking things up with another love interest? Who captured your eye? Eric or maybe even Tyler?" It truly was laughable if she had feelings for one of those clowns. And who had time for romantic feelings when stuck in this shitty world? She needed to focus on escaping, not falling in love.
"Um, neither of them." She averted her gaze from him and Edward could sympathize with her embarrassment. She was probably coming to understand it was a foolish endeavor as well. "I think I have feelings for you," she choked out.
"Me?" He had not seen that one coming. Instead of becoming obsessed with finding a way out of this situation she came to like him? His lip curled up in disgust as it dawned on him why she liked him. "Was it the popped collared pink polo or how I followed you around like a puppy that led to this?" She was so pathetic that he could not help but roll his eyes. "I don't think that's the real me. You like an illusion, Bella," he scoffed. Edward swallowed a sour tang in his mouth.
A pained expression flashed on her face as if his words stung her heart. For a brief moment, his own heart reflected the same pain at his cruelty.
"It's not that!" She insisted. Edward's body tilted closer to Bella, mildly curious to hear how she refuted his assumptions. "At first, I noticed how handsome you are." Not off to a great start. He wondered if that really was much better? "Then there was something familiar about you." The back of Edward's neck tingled. "And since then, I wanted your attention even when it wasn't genuine. Oh god," Bella slapped her hand to her forehead. Edward pressed his lips together, resisting a smile. She needed that slap, and another one or two to return her common sense and to realize she should hold herself to higher standards to 'like someone'.
"As I say this out loud, this sounds ridiculous." It was. To help her save face, because for now he still depended on her help, he resisted from agreeing. "Look, I don't know why you and not Mike who I think I am supposed to pair up with. It just had to be you and I am regretting saying this at all."
It just had to be you.
A rush of warmth sparked and receded in his chest.
Edward hesitated as Bella turned away from him and grabbed for the door handle. He did have sympathy for her. So just as she was opening the door, he shoved the door back shut.
"Look, it's okay. This is weird. I mean, I don't know how I feel. I didn't like you at first. Then it grew worse when I thought you were my enemy. And now, I see you as the only person able to help me out of this. I think being more than that crosses a line we shouldn't until we figure things out." He was worried that he was too harsh earlier. Her feelings were real. He needed to salvage her pride somehow. "You're a nice girl," he added fluidly.
With that out of the way, Edward was rewarded with a constructive conversation with Bella finally laying everything on the table. It was possible they spent hours in that janitor's closet as Bella detailed everything from start to finish. Edward listened. Every now and then his attention was caught by a cardboard box on a shelf in the closet that was labeled 'Lost and Found'. Unsure as to why, he pulled the box off of the shelf when Bella finished detailing her conversation with Mike at lunch. Now they were caught up in the timeline.
He withdrew a worn black book from the box, titled "Sun". Or he assumed it was the title because it was scratched in pen, denting the hard cover of the book.
"Oh my! I remember that!" Bella exclaimed, a little too high pitched for Edward's liking.
"Huh?" Edward shot Bella a confused look. She often needed prompting to offer more details or context which she seemed to love to skip over.
"Remember how I said I first started noticing things in Trigonometry on my first day of school? That's one of the first things I distinctly recall." She pointed at the book. "I tripped over that on my way to my seat."
"Oh yes." He vaguely remembered her mentioning that. It was not an important detail it seemed, so he reprimanded himself for thinking poorly of Bella once again. He often needed to correct his thinking in this janitor's closet conversation. Especially after they declared they were allies in escaping from this…world?
"Soleil?"
"Huh?" Edward repeated himself.
"The book. It looks like that is the title."
"It's Sun, Bella," Edward corrected her. He caught his own arrogance after the fact. Why was he like that?
"Oh, is that what Soleil translates to? Huh, I thought you took Spanish and not French."
Edward did a double take of the book's cover. She was right. Soleil. He automatically read it as Sun. Did he know French? He thumbed over random pages before he flipped to a page titled Preface. He shoved the book in Bella's face. "Can you read this?"
"Um, no. I am taking Spanish, remember?" Bella chewed on her bottom lip.
"Yeah, I can't either," he lied. "I guess I just recognized the title page. Whose book is this?"
"Adalene's, but she transferred out of school after that first week. I kind of forgot about her until just now."
"I think…I will hold onto it."
"Okay." Bella had an unreadable expression on her face as she assessed Edward. "We should figure out what's going on. I feel like we should have heard at least five more bells with how long we have spent in here."
Edward nodded, not really paying attention to this important detail Bella had called out as he focused on the book in his hands.
As soon as they left the confines of the closet, Mike Cullen intercepted them. He was concerned over Bella's well-being. Edward let Bella handle this one. She moved ahead with Mike, possibly not by her own volition. She had informed him that often happened around Mike. He was the exception to her freewill recently.
Edward trailed them down the hallway to squeeze out every minute he was allowed in existence before another time skip occurred.
It should have been more important for him to investigate that time seemed to have frozen when they were in the janitor's closet. But…he could not help but focus on the book in his hands.
Soleil, a book that referenced the name Bella Swan on its pages.
Note: Efff this was long. I LOATHE editing long chapters. So there will be typos. Sorrrrrrry.
New twists came in this update. Interesting knowing E's POV now, right?! hehe don't worry, he will fall for our heroine. He just needs to understand her better. It's going to be a real gotchya moment I think lol ~pixelephant
Oh yea, 8 & 9 were blank because Edward was not in existence in those scenes :/ but hey this chapter was still effing long. Ur welcome