AN: I deserve no forgiveness for my serious absence, and for that, I really am sorry. But in my defense, I've had a lot going on in, what, the last year since I updated? And now, it's crazier than ever, what with me dealing with work, school, home issues, friend issues and moving two states away.

But, for the time being, I intend on using writing as a means to relax and chill out. And honestly, I couldn't do that if I had any flamers, which I don't, and for which I'm supremely grateful. All my normal reviewers have probably forgotten about me by now, but to all of you, I dedicate this very short and probably crappy but still kinda sweet chapter...

hEyKyRa13

Protect Me

Chapter 16

Thank You

The rest of the evening pretty much passed in phases- first, there was the "rinse cycle phase", whose title pretty much summed up its contents. In other words, it consisted of Kagome leaking every bit of moisture from her eyes to Inuyasha's favorite red shirt. Next came the "tumble dry phase", which was just about the same as the rinse cycle phase, just without the leaky eyes. Inuyasha was almost tempted to call for Miroku and Sango with the way her body kept trembling furiously with her sobs long after she ran out of tears to cry, but the hanyou found it all but impossible to pry himself away from Kagome's grasp to do so.

Didn't really matter since the tumble dry phase wasn't long lived. To both Inuyasha's relief and horror, the whole process ended rather anticlimactically as the girl fell into sudden silence. This sudden change could only be described as the "fold and… attempt to put away phase". As the silence grew, Kagome folded herself into the smallest ball possible, curling into the fetal position half against Inuyasha's chest and half on Inuyasha's lap. And after what he had then thought to be a safe period of time, he tried to simultaneously gather the sleeping girl into his arms and raise to his feet with the intention of "putting her away" into bed. But, as described earlier, it was but an attempted effort, for it appeared that Kagome was not as asleep as she had led him to believe and blackmailed him with the threat of fresh tears every time he so much as flinched to move. So, with a suppressed grunt, Inuyasha settled back down on the ground, at least rearranging her so he could stretch his cramped legs. It was far beyond his comprehension to understand why she would prefer his lap over her own bed, but with the threat of her tears upon him, he didn't dare try to test her resolution.

So, that left him with nothing else to do but sit there, holding his charge like a child, silently begging her to fall asleep. At this point, it was safe to assume that the entire situation was scaring him more than anything else had in his entire life- and this was coming from a murder convict! He wasn't used to dealing with his own emotions, let alone someone else's.

And on top of that, they belonged to Kagome- the craziest, most emotionally high-strung woman he'd ever met. He'd take her screaming and hurling dishes at him over this any day- to see her so broken down was just downright creepy, and the equally creepy feelings her state were bringing upon him weren't welcome. They made him actually stop and think- never, on any occasion, a good thing- about the girl he had been forced to live with for the last few months and why she was there.

She watched an international criminal murder someone right before her eyes. She watched her boyfriend, or soon to be fiancé, die trying to protect her. She almost died herself. She was torn from her perfectly normal family and her perfectly normal life to exist in this place with a convicted murderer, waking every morning with the knowledge that she could be dead before the end of the day.

The more he thought about it, the more he felt disgusted with himself. But self-disgust was something he was used to- it didn't give him the somewhat satisfying feeling of anger and the need to punish himself for what he unintentionally did to Kagome everyday. All he felt was hollow… and that wasn't what he needed right now, so he tried focusing his attention on the girl in his arms.

How the hell did you get up every morning? He wondered, frowning down at her deceitfully relaxed face. He knew she wasn't really asleep. Or even walk out the front door? Never knowing whether there was a gun pointed at you with every step you took? Hell, living that kind of life would probably be enough to scare the shit out of me… but you?

At some point in the midst of his internal interrogation, his questions started coming out of his mouth. He wasn't completely sure when it happened, but for the record, he actually became aware of it right about here. If she really wasn't asleep, then she was making no effort to shut him up, so he continued rather absently.

"Why did you smile? All the time, everyday, even to me? You smiled, you laughed, you teased… you hummed while you cooked. Why? How? How the hell can you… could you… be so happy when your life is all but shitting all over you?"

Kagome shifted just slightly to move her face away from his collarbone enough to talk.

"I had to," she croaked in a harsh whisper. "I… I owed it to him."

His ears flicked in surprise. After her extended silence, he didn't expect her to actually answer.

"To who? Your boyfriend dude? Why?"

Another uncomfortable squirm. When she sniffed, Inuyasha instantly stiffened defensively, preparing for the worst. If she started bawling again, he was seriously debating simply dumping her on the ground and running.

Kagome took her time with answering, and when she finally did, it was soft and barely audible.

"I… I didn't… love him…"

…

…wait…what?

Inuyasha frowned, trying to comprehend this. "You… didn't… love him."

Kagome seemed to take this as a statement of disgust, and folded into herself once again to cry, but Inuyasha held her tight to keep her from doing so.

"Dammit, Kagome, stop crying! I didn't mean to say anything bad! All I meant was how the hell can you call all this shit 'not loving him'? You seem pretty well damn in love to me!"

Kagome gave him a face that gave him the impression that he didn't know a thing about love before turning away, reaching for the small velvet box she had left on the bed.

"I'm not in love," she told him softly but sternly. "I wasn't… Mom made me see that."

Inuyasha sighed, ridiculously confused. "I still see nothing."

For once, Kagome actually sat up and scooted away from Inuyasha to lean back against her bed. And while grateful for the change, the half-demon did not move, intent on hearing her explanation.

He had to wait a while before it would come, though. Kagome just sat staring at the diamond ring inside the box, twisting it back and forth to admire the glimmer it gave off. Inuyasha was driven insane by it. But nonetheless, he stayed.

His patience was soon rewarded.

"It was what Mom said," she said at last, eyes still locked on the ring. "About Hojo not being my kind of perfect, or something like that. That night, her words were bugging me the entire time until Hojo and I went on our walk. He was sweet and gentlemanly, offering me his coat and saying he didn't want me to get cold. I just smiled and thought about how perfect he was… that's when it hit me…"

Kagome took a deep breath before closing the box and continuing. "Hojo was perfect, and I wasn't. That's what made me feel uncomfortable. And that would never change. Even if none of this had happened and we did get married, there would always be that rift between us. Hojo was just being himself, but I wasn't. I kept trying to be perfect just for him, like I had to prove something or I had to catch up. I couldn't ever be who I truly am around him- I couldn't yell at him for something stupid or cook breakfast in my pajamas or just be silly and crazy because I felt like it."

The tears were flowing once again, but Kagome kept talking faster and faster, knowing she had to finally get her secret off her chest. "I couldn't be any of those things around him. I couldn't be really honest with him, even though he was always so honest about his own feelings. And I knew that night that I never would. I knew that if I truly loved him, my fears wouldn't hold me back. I may have adored him and cared for him more than anyone else, but that wasn't the same thing as love. In my heart, I… I felt like I was cheating him. Like he deserved so much more from me that I just couldn't give."

"And then… and then… he died… just like that. I couldn't believe it… didn't want to believe it, but… he was dead. He… he gave his life for me… literally… completely… and I didn't even… love him… do you… do you realize how much I've hated myself for that!?" she exclaimed, practically glaring at Inuyasha.

The poor hanyou could do little more than stare at Kagome incredulously, jaw flapping uselessly. "I… but… Kagome, you shouldn't-"

"Yes I should!!!" she screamed. "Hojo loved me… he gave his life for me… for a stupid, selfish woman who didn't even love him back! I feel… I feel like… like he wasted his life… like I was the one who should have died! Dammit, why!? Why!? Why…" Her voice began to dissolve now into soft sobs as she tucked into herself again, her entire body trembling terribly. "After everything… everything I did… to him… I didn't deserve his life… he didn't deserve this… this fate…"

"But Kagome," Inuyasha began, wondering what to say to ease even a fragment of her grief, "you… you didn't do anything to him. I mean, he loved you, didn't he? Right up… up until… well, the end… well… he couldn't have been too unhappy, right? I… I don't think… that being with you… or even… dying for you… made him unhappy."

Kagome was still sobbing up a storm but as least she quieted enough to show she was giving what he said some thought. This encouraged him enough to nervously place his hand on her shoulder. When she looked up, he flashed her his best smirk in true Inuyasha fashion.

"So get up off your ass and stop your blubbering. If that guy meant half as much to you as you say, then you wouldn't be trying to stuff your life with even more stupid false pretend crap than you did before he passed. You always said you were so worried about pissing him off because you were pretending- how the hell do you think he'd like you wasting the life he gave you on this bull?"

And, surprisingly, Inuyasha's blunt, brash manner got to her. While she did stare, at least her tears hung still, and her shaky breath smoothed. At first, Inuyasha was unsure as to whether this was a good thing or bad. An emotionless Kagome typically meant one of two things- more tears or more broken dishes.

But, in an unusual stroke of luck, neither applied. Instead, Kagome laughed, turning her head away to wipe away the few remaining tears. "Figures that a jerk like you would think of yelling at me to cheer me up."

Inuyasha frowned. "A jerk!? I let you ruin my shirt and scream in my ear, and you call me a jerk?"

Without warning, Kagome spun around and reached for one of his ears, rubbing it gently as a means of apology. Inuyasha himself was so stunned by the switch that he couldn't even move away. Kagome took it as encouragement and smiled. "No, I don't. At least, I don't mean it. No one who could make me feel so relieved after months of almost hating myself could really be a jerk, no matter how much he may pretend to be one."

Inuyasha didn't know whether to frown or not. He was almost positive there was an insult hidden among the compliments, but he was a little too preoccupied with concentrating on her fingers on his ear.

The only reason she did it was because she had harbored some secret longing to touch his ears since the moment she met him. And, in her mind, being as vulnerable and exposed as she was deserved some sort of reward. But she wasn't quite confident that Inuyasha would continue being as patient with her as he'd been, so with a final tweak, she released it and sighed. This time, Inuyasha did frown. It had been so long since anyone wanted to get close to him, let alone to stroke his ears, that he had forgotten how good it felt.

"But you're right," she admitted, taking once last glance at the box in her hand. "I'm… I'm not doing Hojo any favors, am I? I mean, I do care about him and I don't want his… sacrifice to go to waste. I'd like to enjoy my life… but to be honest, I'm a little scared to."

Inuyasha snorted, pushing himself off the ground while he stretched. "So, let me get this straight. You're not scared of Naraku, or Miroku, even me, an accused murderer, but you're terrified of having a good time?"

Kagome blinked once before laughing again, shaking her head. "I guess that is kind of crazy, isn't it?"

Inuyasha smirked at her before reaching out a hand to her. "Then again, I never pegged you for the 'sane' type."

Kagome flashed him a mock glare before taking his hand and letting him help her to her feet. She wiped her cheeks once more before turning on Inuyasha and poking him in the chest. "And I should let you know now that you're not as scary as you think."

Inuyasha, surprised at first, turned devilish as he leaned over her with a smug sneer. "Oh, you think so?"

Unperturbed in the least, Kagome nodded, reaching for his ear again. This time, semi-prepared, he found himself unintentionally dropping all pretenses of arrogance to lean into her touch, eyes drifting close. "See? You're not scary. Loud, obnoxious and immature at times, maybe, but not scary. Not to me."

"I can't scare you anymore, can I?" Inuyasha murmured, lazily opening his eyes to grin down at her. "You sure?"

Kagome shook her head. "Nope."

Inuyasha chuckled and gently pulled away from her hand, rolling his eyes. "Whatever."

He moved toward the door to head for the kitchen when he felt a tug on his hair. Spinning around, he saw a thick lock of white held in Kagome's hand. Confused, he frowned at Kagome, only to find her in almost a stupor, smiling at him.

"Uh, Kagome?"

"Thank you, Inuyasha," she said. Her voice was quiet but her eyes were clear and soft. "Thank you for being here for me and telling me the truth."

The half-demon's cheeks were bright with embarrassment as he tried to look away, but Kagome's firm grip on his hair prevented most movement. So he had to be satisfied with turning his eyes away. "Well, duh, I'm here. We only live in the same apartment together. Where else am I gonna be?"

But Kagome tugged on his hair until his golden eyes were locked back on her. "I mean it, Inuyasha. What you did for me, I… I just can't tell you how… how much it means to me." She finally let go of his hair to punch him lightly in the chest. "Whether you like it or not, Inuyasha Taisho, you've really become my best friend. And for the first time in a really long time, I'm happy."

Inuyasha rubbed his chest with a glare at the girl. "Am I a best friend or a punching bag?"

Kagome's smile never dropped as she passed by him, patting his head idly. "Both."

Inuyasha spun around, growling. "Hey! You little-"

"Kagome! Inuyasha!"

Both girl and hanyou froze, staring up at the pair of officers that just burst through the front door, gasping for breath. Kagome was the first to react, rushing forward toward Sango with concern.

"Sango, what's wrong?"

Sango, being completely out of breath, turned to Miroku for support. He nodded once before glancing up at Inuyasha. "It's… it's Granny Kaede," he replied uncomfortably.

Kagome instantly jumped to the worst conclusion. "Oh God, is she okay? Nothing's happened to her, right? Has she-"

"No, no, Kaede's fine," Miroku assured her. "But… it's just…"

Inuyasha stepped forward, fisting his hand in the man's shirt. "Cut the crap, you damn bastard! We're not in the mood for it!"

"It's Shippo," Sango whispered, eyes locked on the ground. "He's been kidnapped."