"I don't know what this school is coming to." Minerva sighed as she almost collapsed into an easy chair in the teacher's lounge.
"Why what happened?" Severus asked curiously and not a little kindly.
"You try teaching those horrible little first years for an hour before lunch on a Tuesday. I just wish the little idiots would all learn how to do occlumency. Fancy giving them some lessons?"
"Are you kidding? I don't want to see them any more than I have to. Besides you can't really complain, I have them last thing on Friday afternoon. Why occlumency?"
"The amount of secrets that people are trying to hide from everyone else in this school is phenomenal. Some of them are quite sill and others are shocking to say the least."
By now all of the teachers were listening.
"I just wish I couldn't do occlumency," Minerva continued. "Some of the effort that some of them pour into concealment is actually quite remarkable. Take Potter's secret, well, his biggest one. He has a whole network going to hide it from Hermione. Mind you I was surprised that Ginny Weasley was in on it, what with her prior crush on Potter. Well that was until I saw who her new partner is."
"Tell us. I haven't been able to get close enough to find out." Dumbledore said as he offered a bowl of sherbet lemons to the group gathered around the fireplace.
"Her affections now lie with Parvati Patil."
"Parvati's homosexual? Ginny's gay!"
"I was surprised too."
"Shall we help them?"
"To what? Keep it secret from Harry?"
"I don't think Ron would be too pleased either. From what I hear he's really homophobic."
"He can't be that homophobic, considering what he's hiding."
"It must be just lesbians then."
Dumbledore sat quietly and then he burst out laughing.
"Yes, Albus, I know you just read my mind. And yes that is the information I gleaned from Parvati, who by all accounts knows everything there is to know about her friends, except Hermione's secret. Hermione hasn't sussed Harry's secret and they will go to any lengths to prevent her from finding out. I think I will lend a hand subconsciously. Just don't tell them that!"
Hermione and Fred heard the laughter coming from the teachers lounge as they went outside. It was a nice clear day, so they had decided to enjoy the sunshine while it lasted.
"I wonder what's just been said to make the stodgy teachers laugh like that." Hermione said entwining her fingers in Fred's as they walked.
"I dunno. McGonnagal's been looking both shocked and amused for a while now. I reckon there's something going on that they aren't telling us."
"Yeah, Snape's been a tad more cheerful recently as well. You don't think…"
"I dare you to finish that thought."
"Actually I don't think I want to, thanks. Finish your own thoughts."
"Technically, Miss Granger, it was your thought."
"Whatever."
They settled on a shady patch near the lake and Fred reposed languidly with his head in Hermione's lap.
"Hmm, you smell awfully nice, darling."
"You must have a very good nose if you can smell my perfume from down there."
"What, Eau de Hermione?"
"Very clever."
"Well, I am very clever indeed."
"Carry on like that and you won't be able to put your head in my lap."
"Why not?" Fred turned his head so he was looking at her stomach.
"Because it'll be so big I won't have the strength to support it! Make your amends."
"All I meant was that you smell lovely and are absolutely radiant, not just because we had sex last night and you are radiant anyway."
"Very prettily done. Oh! Sit up!"
"Why?"
"You're brother's on his way over."
Fred turned his head the other way and made no attempt to move.
"Why aren't you moving? You should be moving. Why aren't you moving?"
"It's George. He knows about us."
"You told him?"
"He guessed. Being twins we have a kind of telepathic ability. He found out that way. Hi George."
"Hey guys! Having fun?"
"No! We made a pact not to tell anyone for fear of what they might say and Fred broke it when he told you."
"He didn't. Has he told you about the twin thing? That's how we can finish each other's sentences and stuff. Anyway I just thought I'd let you know about the lightheaded pill situation. It's proving harder than you thought it would be and I could take a couple of months to perfect. Unless you want to wait that long you're gonna have to come up with a better plan for finding out what the big secret is. Maybe a spy on the inside would be the best way."
"I'll think about it."