Chapter One
Midnights & Cups of Coffee
The bells on the door jingle as a figure trudges in to the warmth of The Dot, the neighborhood eatery at closing time on a Saturday night. The streets were bare aside from a few cars; it's at this time that Emma typically closes down shop and goes home.
She carefully picked up a cup left behind at a table to send to the back. Focused on her craft she didn't really budge making sure she didn't drop anything. She often believes it's not a normal workday if at least one mug breaks.
No sooner she goes to acknowledge the person standing before her and was about say the words that everybody hates, "sorry, we're closed".
She then carefully glanced at the man standing by the door as if she wanted to shout their name out, as if she recognized them but the words didn't come out. Frozen. Solid.
She stood there stock still, frozen in shock; in disbelief she dropped the coffee cup that was in her hands heard it shatter and did nothing.
Quickly, the moment the cup slid from her hands he lunged forward into the light inches from her. He missed the cup shatter by seconds as it had fallen on the hardwood and shattered, her eyes darted toward him instantly, and her eyes narrowed as if it was a dream, her head cocked, "Sean?"
"In the flesh." He said sheepishly uncomfortably combing his hand through his cropped hair. He looked different, mature even wearing turtleneck sweater much like the one he wore on their disastrous first date. The chance of even recounting the detail was perplexing the detail was something that brought her comfort a feeling, a place, a moment she hadn't thought of in years.
He looked different to her but it was no way he was anybody else but Sean. He just looked older, perhaps taller, more refined.
He was muscular, tall and wearing a nice winter jacket made of brown leather and looked by all definition of the word hot. It was winter and Degrassi was back to its 30-degree freeze. Sean was as handsome as always but much more grown up. His trademark look jeans just a little more refined with this relaxed fit and a gray pair of converses. He awkwardly flashed her a winning smile showing his dimples in an effort to fill the silence.
Emma was happy. She imagined this moment for a long time she just never expected it to be this moment, in this place at this time. "It's really you." She was in a trance-like state the silence filled the time with thoughts and recounted memories bubbling up to the surface of their minds. Just the sole need of wanting and needing the other to be there but simply just recounting all the reasons with them was more than enough to bear. It was in that moment that all the things you'd want to say, like "why?" or all the things you'd imagine you'd want to say just vanish and all you hear is the silence.
Emma's been sort of hopelessly dreaming of this moment since he left nearing four years ago, shrugging it off like something that would never happen dreaming about it since the moment he left and now she's thinking, never say never.
"You look good. Really good." Sean said looking around searching for the words to say.
"Likewise." Emma answered still entranced.
Emma was wearing a pair of slate gray leggings and a lavender tunic. Her long flowing hair was tied up in a hair-tie with loose curls.
Six months ago she began seizing control of The Dot. Product of an amicable split between her and Spinner leaves her with managing the place that holds over a thousand memories both good and bad. She never thought she'd ever say she loved her job until she began owning it. Emma and Sean were the first customers at The Dot when it opened the summer before freshman year. Sean eyes around the empty café. "I uh like what they've done to the place. It looks unrecognizable . . . no red décor, bricks. . Looks very clean, very you."
"Well I had a hand fixing it. We had a fire a few years back, so we rebuilt it from the ground up. It was my first day. Sounds like a bad omen huh?"
Emma oversaw the construction that followed the big fire, since Spinner took ownership of the space The Dot was sort of Emma's baby. It distracted her from the cracks that formed within their marriage. For a time it even saved their marriage during the early period as they worked together, hired employees and got it up and running again. Peter even opened the attic back up again and they raked in more business. The Dot was their lively-hood until personal problems; his insecurities and jumping in so early made their marriage somewhat of a bumpy road that eventually ran off the rails. It was mostly trust that contributed to the cause of things to crumble. The only thing they could have cited on the papers was, irreconcilable differences.
When they were splitting the assets up during the divorce he gave it to Emma as his parting gift because he knew she loved it and that The Dot had held a special place in her heart. Spinner didn't want to divorce though he agreed to it.
He couldn't bear to come back to a place that holds so much significance to the girl he married but hardly ever knew.
"You like?" Emma spun around proudly modeling the new look of the restaurant.
"I do like." Sean nodded looking down at the broken ceramic that he was half tempted to clean up his hand hovering over it, "Has Spinner been around? I was uh hoping to see him. Sorry about the cup."
"I shouldn't be so clumsy." Emma scrambled to change the subject she eyed him reach for the shards of ceramic, "Let me give you a hand with that." Emma called as she walked to the back to get a dustpan and a boom. She added when she finally emerged seconds later, "Wouldn't want you cutting your hand."
"I didn't expect to see you here tonight, in here, in town working. Hey weren't you in college?" Emma began sweeping as he asked her some valid questions.
"Let's just say Smithdale didn't work out. I'm going to the community college now."
"Poly science not for you?"
Emma stopped what she was doing and thought of not explaining herself on this particular occasion on why things didn't work out with her and school. School had never been a problem for her; she was a great part of Sean's successes. She was successful herself.
"Not that necessarily I just wasn't feeling it away from home."
"Oh you missed your mom huh?"
"It wasn't like home if that makes any sense. Everyone was so gung ho, even I was gung ho about going to Smithdale with my best friends but in reality I don't think I was ready to leave home behind yet."
Before Smithdale, Emma had never been away from home more than a few days. It was an easy and welcomed transition for both Manny and Liberty to get away from their homes with their overprotective fathers and more than willing to indulge into the wonder that is college. She tended to need something to lean on.
When she discovered she wasn't going to be rooming with them, she freaked and made every arrangement possible to get them to room together like they had always wanted and planned to thinking that would get her to ease her uneasy. It worked for a while, then Kelly came into the picture and that was another ball game. Emma added, "I guess wanted to be close to home. Manny and Liberty are still there and I visit them every now and then. I take classes at TU. I just think I got overwhelmed, out of place and then my crusader ways came back and I started attending school less and less until I went on this biking excursion and . . I got myself kicked out. No motivation at all what so ever. I never thought I'd be like school isn't for me because I was always good at.
She turned around, to look at him again and pulled him into a tight hug, "Sorry for not doing this sooner. I just - I'm glad to see you. I never thought I'd see you again after everything," Emma paused swallowing hard, "the way you left they way I left things sort of up in the air."
"You should know since we're venturing down this conversation, you're the reason I uh came back home. I told you that I would and if I remember correctly you told me I shouldn't make that promise."
A coy smile played on her lips. "I know I just I guess couldn't deal if something were to happen to you. Did you happen to get any of my letters?"
"Every last one. I was expecting one recently but I guess you've been busy keeping up with the place which by the way looks great."
For the year she was married she didn't write Sean until it was over, she knew Spinner wouldn't have fared well if he knew she was still speaking to Sean. Spinner had major trust issues. Most of the destruction in their marriage had to do with his insecurities that would eat away, if a male customer or a new trainee got too close to Emma he would be found asking her in the bed they shared if she'd ever cheat on him.
When Emma is in something that her heart was into the answer was no but in this case she wasn't sure so bringing Sean into the equation the answer would be yes and she in her heart of hearts could never put Spinner through something like that again.
You can't just dive head first into something like marriage following a major blow like what happened between him and Jane because it doesn't end pretty. "I'm sorry. Can I get you anything?"
"Just a cup of joe would be nice. Just cream, maybe some vanilla flavoring?"
Emma snickered at that comment as vanilla bared some significant memory but she had beaten him to the punch. Emma got creative on one of those late nights where she stayed at The Dot and was mixing flavors and coffee grounds and made a new one all her own. "So tell me, Sean how's life, I've talked enough about myself. You seem just so . . grown. I-I just see this whole new Sean emerging. I can't deny that I like it."
Emma put her apron back on and took to the coffee machines and put on a nice roast. "This rost is a vanilla rost, it's my personal favorite, and it even smells like it."
"I'll take it. How much?"
"On the house." Emma grabbed the coffee she wanted to show him, "Smell?"
His eyes closed as the smell wafted, fragrant a familiar smile was brought back to him, a smell of comfort. "Vanilla."
"I figured you'd like it." Emma sort of went to work with prepping to make the coffee. She likely wouldn't stay open or serve at this late of an hour but Sean was an exception, an old friend. Even if she were at home she'd make him a coffee, heck she'd even make him something with meat even if is against her wishes.
Sean sighed, "To answer your question, I just know I've been blessed with a lot of things, things I took for granted when I was young. The stressful things I wish I didn't sweat before. Real world is tough."
In his pause she said, "Couldn't agree with you more. I think you had your normal worries in your life but I think you've more than overcame them."
"It wasn't worth it to stress myself over every little thing I ever did because I never got to smell the soil, or appreciate the little things like coffee there weren't moments like that in the army. All I did was cling to those little things that I never truly appreciated but always loved." Sean offered a smile that Emma wordlessly returned, when the roast was finished she poured him and her both a cup and gave him the sugar and the creamer.
He added, "It was very much rigid but at the same time it was the best thing that could've ever happened to me and I needed that kick in the pants. I needed that to remember what was truly important to me, how to provide for my goals and ambitions and you were the one who always believed that I could do something about. Mr. Simpson too."
"I remember I didn't want you to go, for my own selfish reasons but I'm glad you got what you needed. School wasn't for you and I shouldn't of held on too tight because I guess thought I needed you. We did leave things kind of on a sour note I mean I try not to think of that but instead try to think of the good things. . but I just felt like I was the one talking all the time and you . . were always in this deep deep thought and I wish I knew what you felt for me."
"The same as I do today. I was never honest with this though, I owed it all to you. You intimidated me you were so smart. I never felt good enough for you. Like I didn't deserve you. Like you were this perfect princess and I was this prisoner locked in a tower who didn't deserve you. I was always down on myself. I used to think we were so different but I don't now. We both wanted the same thing but I was too chickenshit to say anything. There were so many things I should've said to you. There were so many things I wish I did that I don't know if I could change."
"It was you who I wanted to be beside when those things come to fruition it's just you Emma. I guess I needed the distance to wise me up. I guess I needed to see the world. Whatever it was, every step of the way I loved you. I don't know when, I don't know where it started and I don't know why I never said it before. It was somewhere between when you announced to our English class you got your period and between the time I wrestled that gun from rick and we just hugged there for awhile as uncomfortable as I was to be that pillar to just hold you there. That hug affected me. My life would never be the same and that I wanted you there. It was a complicated time for both of us and I sometimes feel I let you down so you were the first person I wanted to see when I came back that year. I wanted to tell you then and I had so many opportunities."
He paused while Emma just stood there mesmerized in silence she had never heard him say things like this, at all, about anything or anyone. What could she possibly say? What could she possibly say to rebut or follow such a confession, how could he have kept this from her for so long? Had she always known? Were they both just far too stubborn to admit the truth?
"I knew then I wanted to be more than I was but I just needed the tools to survive the small things. I wanted to tell you it was going to be all right. I just thought you knew I guess. It's going to sound strange but I loved you before I even knew what love was. I never felt that way before but I knew it was the feeling that everyone wants and that I always wanted. I never thought I ever had, you know with my parents. I know I had this terrible knack of screwing things up though, when I hurt you when we went out. I know that wasn't me, my lifestyle but my unfortunate actions that broke your heart." Sean sighed; he wiped his eyes with his hands.
"I know you've seen other people before. I know you've been hurt again. You're not alone. I won't be hurt if you reject me right now. I just feel like I owe it to you. I don't care if you're forty and fat, I don't care if you have eight chins I don't care if your boobs are bee stings or as large as mountains your heart made me into the person I am now and I know I'm late and I might be too late and I'll admit I'm never on time but I was always so insecure and I always needed help but now I see it's flipped and not that you need help but I want to take care of you, grow together, be with you again. I'm ready to do this."