Chapter Three

Memory Lane

Sean and Emma walked in the park surrounded by trees with a black top path illuminated by tall, well-lit gas lanterns lighting the way. The park itself wasn't far away from the main road and was about a stones throw away from the back lot behind The Dot and is well-known as a popular destination for picnics and even contained a tiny playground for children that was empty as expected at this time of night. The trails led into the woods and if you came to the park early enough you'd see the joggers getting in some exercise before they start their busy day. It was late, the night was starry and it was just them, which was nice, refreshing to just be able to walk at their own pace. His hands were in his pockets and her hands were hugged around herself in trying to keep warm, she was wearing a black cardigan sweater that wasn't exactly doing the trick but she wasn't complaining. The conversation continued the evening through with Sean questioning, "So tell me what's it like being the boss?"

"Fortunately for me, I come in when I want since we have managers and others who work under me and staff on hand. I just own everything and I meet with them to see what products are moving or what needs to stay and what needs to go. I want it to be a place where people who are young can have some pocket change to go out and do things and just be kids. Have what experience I had when I used to go there. I try to come in at least a few times a day," Emma answered modestly.

Sean offered some sentimental upside to the perks of being your own boss. "Can't argue with free coffee right?"

"Free coffee, " She stated in agreement, "That too. Definitely a perk. Also, structure. Structure in my life is good something I never really thought about until I started there. I'm financially safe so it's just another plus. Nobody's really asked me about that heck, I don't really talk too much anyone except strangers who come and go and the employees. I try to make it fun by having different events and adding new things and customization to the menu."

Sean liked to hear her talk about her business that she made it all right, even if it was without him. He knew she could do it all by herself, but he needed to be gone for her to realize that. Even though she was missing him, she still managed. It may not have been the ideal but it's still secure. He just wished that even though he is happy for her, that he could have been there for that just to see it all happened for her to dive head first. Even apart they both did things that shaped them into who they are today. "That's really nice, Emma. I'm happy you found something. You're not a failure."

"I appreciate that."

"Local artists sometimes will hang their artwork up in hopes someone might buy it or just simply admire it from their seats. It brings new life to it changes the experience. We recently sold a painting for like $500 dollars. Some bigwig rich guy bought it for his summerhouse. It was huge. I didn't expect it to go but it did. A barista named Fitzgerald who worked here with us painted it during a tough time in his life while he was in juvenile detention for bringing a knife to school. When he came asking about a job I thought to myself whom should I be to stand in his way to better his life. I just can't see him doing anything like that, he's this nice kid."

"Not destructive like Rick you mean?"

Emma nodded with hesitation, "Right I mean Rick was a complicated story there was always something wary about him. There were times when you didn't understand how he would tow a gun into school and others where you could see him breaking down in this big way. For a while I blamed myself for that because I was unkind to him. One of the last things I said to him before the showdown in the hallway was something awful."

"He was just so . . chilling. I spent a long time making sense of it and it was pretty senseless and I really don't like to think about it. I just knew that there was a good reason to leave him alone until he started messing with my friends that is."

"I don't either, but I do know one thing." Emma looked at him and her hand managed to grace his, "I wouldn't be standing here now if you didn't think fast."

Sean hesitated for a moment and tightly grasped her hand tighter, "How'd you know?"

"I know you better than you know yourself. You've wanted to do that since we left The Dot."

"That's scary alright? Stop doing that."

Emma continued laughing audibly, "It's easy."

"How do you do that, then? I want to know your secrets."

"Body language." She replied, "it says a lot about your behavior and what you're thinking and feeling. I sense I make you a little nervous. Genuine that's why I believe in you. Everything you said back there completely and utterly honest. Look, I can't help it. I'll stop talking about it though if you'd like. It won't stop me from analyzing you though."

"Well you must like what you see then, right?" Sean asked.

"Yes. I do like what I see. You look good. I thought I said that already."

"Thanks. I had to be in shape and stuff of course." Sean flashed his winning smile really built up by Emma's unspoken compliment, "I'd work out almost 7 hours a day."

"I've never seen this side of you. I think we've talked more than we ever did this night over any other night in our lives."

"It was a much-needed catch up . . it's really telling."

They stopped walking and just looked at each other under the light of the gas lanterns that adorn the park about half way down the park they had strolled slowly catching up on little things, oddities and memory lane. A light wind had let the small waves on Emma's hair waft from side to side and the long loose cardigan she held tight to her body with her other arm, "Cold?"

"Extremely," when she spoke her teeth started to clatter. Living in the moment though she didn't care about being cold that they were just enjoying the company.

Sean offered her his jacket, taking it off and Emma can see the fruit of his labor in the weight rooms on his military base, she avoided that familiar blue eyed gaze but beamed still, and wordlessly agreed to the inquiry as he draped the jacket over her shoulders and Emma adjusted it. Although oversize on her slender frame and heavy from it's material on her shoulders she slid her thin arms into it's sleeves but to the untrained eye you couldn't see they were even inside, a shy thank you escaped from her lips.

"I feel like sort of an ass for not seeing you were cold sooner, I just like really got caught up in conversation."

"So did I." Emma confessed shrugging taking in the warmth of the jacket, "I had forgotten how cold I was myself, no apologies it's fine."

Sean paused and walked facing her his back to the path ahead, "It's funny, I had played out our first meeting since my leaving since it happened. I'll say that none of them I ever thought of would end up like this. I had thought you would have told me to leave when you did see me."

"I would never -"

"And then I thought you wouldn't but then I would because I couldn't take what you'd say back to me. Which prepared me for any outcome, good or bad and -"

"I imagined things too. ." She sort of trailed off, "I didn't expect it to happen this way at all."

"I see so much in you that's lovable, Emma."

"Really now, like what?"

"Like for instance you're gorgeous tonight in this light. You look beautiful." Sean avoided her gaze which while he was looking down at his feet she was looking at him; they alternated from time to time. It wasn't awkward, it wasn't weird it was just how they operated. They made each other giddy like the teenagers they had been and the teenage quirks they never quite grew out of. That and Emma totally not being able to take a compliment.

"And how you offered me coffee even though you just cleaned up. And how embarrassed you got when you dropped that cup by mistake because I must have scared you when I came in. I just used to dream, day-dream so many times that you'd walk through that door and then when you did I had to know if I was dreaming. Here I am in the cold and I still haven't woken up. Like this new beginning, like serendipity something I never thought could ever happen to me or to us." Emma sighed, "I always thought you'd forget me."

Sean looked her in the eyes, "You're unforgettable. Plus I had pictures of you but I never really needed them because you're permanently ingrained in my memory."

"So are you. I could never forget you either, Sean."

"I have no idea and I don't want to know - where I'd be or what it'd be like without you. You believed in me when not many people did. You helped me see what was it that made you like me so much. Even when we were at odds you wanted what was best for me."

"Remember that summer when you worked on Snake's car?"

"Yeah." Sean said flatly, "I knew I had blown it with you. But you'd give me lemonade and offer me lunch so we were civil. I wanted to apologize about things but we never communicated besides the old 'how's life?' and even then it was very . . tense." Sean thought to himself.

It was in that moment Sean had realized he had truly damaged Emma. Things were never the same between them after they had broken up and he knew she had been disappointed in him. Sometimes disappointment is even worse than anger because while someone could be angry, it does eventually fade because disappointment in someone it never really goes away and it's hard to change the persons changed perception of you once someone is disappointed in you.

The fact that he had stolen from the only people who believed in what was good in him in the heat of the moment or in anger was something that changed their entire dynamic. They went from dating and being best friends to becoming strangers and enemies. She was unable to count on him, trust him and began to hate him and all that the stood for. She wanted revenge. She wanted him gone because he broke her heart and violated her trust and he wouldn't even tell her the truth worst of all. Even if he did, she would have never believed him. She was even surprised when Snake came around and forgave him or at least entrusted in him to fix the family car which had gone awhile without routine fix ups due to him being too busy with being sick all the time that year.

Worst of all after they broke up for real for the first time it was hard for her to see him anywhere like at school, in town and much less her home. She went from practically jumping out of her skin with excitement and warmth when she'd so much as hear him say a single word to her to hatred and anger when she so much of heard anyone say his name. As much as she wished it would all go away, she couldn't. What he had done was something he could never fix. She thought she would never move on. Ironically enough she managed to find someone but they only reinforced that she found it nearly impossible to contain her strong feelings for someone else.

She swallowed her pride that summer did her best to make him feel welcome and knowing what he had done. If Snake could forgive that great of a disappointment so could she. Despite her anger and misplaced hatred for Sean at that time she hadn't looked down upon him because she knew he was better than the rotten crowd he ran with. She decided it was time to let go. It wasn't a time to hold on to the past because life as they knew it was over and it was time to move on. She knew that he wasn't himself when he did all those awful things. Why should she crucify him?

When he finally was able to apologize for all of it in Wasega Beach, she brushed it off, water under the bridge even though the damage had already been done. Saving her life in that hallway on that faithful afternoon more than made up for it. Where they had both been at the same place at the same time was nothing short of a miracle, the miracle that she'd forgive him and be able to say those words to her and really truly mean them because he was seizing that moment that wasn't ever guaranteed.

He had so many chances to tell her how he really felt, but rather show her would have sufficed until he grew the courage to say it. How he always had felt but was afraid, but he never knew why or what exactly he was afraid of by telling her the truth. He thought he would say it when they'd reunite again, he had the speech practically memorized but he discovered she was with Peter and he so much of lost his nerve. Even when he lived at her house for those few weeks after being released from jail they'd sit there in silence just holding one another and not wanting to let go, or at least he remembered not wanting to let go and he wanted to tell her then, finally and make it official but to no avail. He had her and his fears took over. What if she didn't love me too? In retrospect, perhaps he wasn't meant to say it then, they didn't know what was going to happen next. Perhaps she knew his feelings and it was wordless and unnecessary.

"I didn't like who I was, I was never proud of who I was unless I was with you." Sean added, "I went through a time where I fought everything and everyone. Nobody understood me but I didn't exactly give 'em a chance to either. I thought Ellie did but she was too wrapped up in her own messes to even be there for mine and then I even was stupid to think my parents could but I couldn't pile my things on their long laundry list of things.

Jay and his friends liked me. But Jay was different; he liked me you know why? I deafened someone and he was intimidated by me. That's why he initially befriended me. I'll admit it felt good for a while, he referred to me as his type of people."

"Jay, I got him all wrong you know?"

"Are you guys friends?" Sean inquired.

"Of course. When Spinner and I were together we were and then we stayed friends even after. He's like a brother. Even given our bizarre past. How we became friends after we hated each other is beyond me really."

"How is he? I mean I live with the guy but he seems different."

"He is different, he truly fell in love - with Manny. Can you believe it? He's never been that happy in his life. She's like the light of his life."

"What? How did that happen?"

"She love tapped another car, I took her to the garage to get it looked at and he was able to fix it before her parents saw it. I would never sway her different from Tony's." Emma smiled, "Jay said if you ever came back around he'd hire you in an instant, he owns the garage now because Tony retired. He always said you guys made a great team."

"When we were getting along." Sean reiterated Emma's lending hand, "So I guess he asked her out as repayment?"

"Actually she asked him out to dinner with her parents where she was hoping they'd flip out but they actually loved him. Much to her dismay because she was hoping her father would flip. She wanted to attend college for acting and that's why she lived at my place for a while because her dad was totally against it. They had a few bumps in the road, broke up for a time but they're still together and totally not engaged."

"Yesterday, Manny was on the phone with Jay and she said that she'll be back from a shoot next week and that she wants to have drinks. Maybe double up? She so surprised to hear I was back in town."

"Are you sure that was just you looking for an in to ask me if I wanted to have drinks with you?"

"I know you'll say yes." Sean answered confidently, I'm just so -"

"Happy?" Emma offered reaching for his hand that he gleefully accepted.

Sean confirmed breathlessly, "Absolutely happy. How did you do that?"

"I'm happy too. The happiest in a long time. I couldn't tell you when. And I'm analyzing you again."

"Stop that." Sean's hands were on her shoulder, pressing down lightly. "It's weird."

"Stop making it easy." Emma happened to glance down at her wrist and saw what time it was. "What? Is it really almost one?"

"Time flies when you're having fun." Sean said offering her a hand; "I can walk you home if you need to be there."

Tonight Emma feels like doing nothing concerned with sleep. She doesn't care how cold she is. Standing in the dimly lit park with the guy of her dreams brings her so much happiness she could never duplicated sandwiched between a blanket and two pillows in a double bed alone no matter how tired she is at this moment, "No need. I spend so much time sleeping."

"It's so cold I wonder where we could go that's still warm but where we can still be together."

"My place?" Emma asked.

"Way to be forward, Emma Jeez."

"I wasn't Sean, I wanted to show you my awesome house is that so wrong?"

Sean thought about it for a moment, "You're right, so you don't live with your parents?"

Emma shook her head, "Of course not. I got my own apartment one of the first things I got when I moved out on my own." Emma motioned which way to go, "Come on we'll go this way it's not far."