Chapter Four

Warmth

Emma opened the door of her loft with her keys and pulled it open.

Sean was behind her still in suspense until Emma flicked on the lights by the doorway and stepped inside mindlessly tossing the keys on the side table and shut the door behind them.

She had a nice modern entryway section with modern touches white and light seafoam green walls, with many shelves of books, accented mirrors and some framed floral painting and photos littered the home. It was a nice space large space but it was through and through very Emma. She removed Sean's coat once they were both inside, "Thanks again. Take off your shoes make yourself at home."

As Emma stepped into the larger area of the loft, Sean put his hands comfortably in his pocket in trying to warm them up from being cold and taking off his shoes by the door without using his hands.

"So now that we're inside. Let me give you the grand tour."

They stepped in the room separated by a divider had a flat screen television big long inviting couches which were visible from the door, ahead from there was a dining room table and behind them was the kitchen with one of those dividers leading toward the back.

"I watch TV in here but so I have a high top dining room table back there. To the left is the kitchen and follow me the rear is the bathroom for when you decide to go you know where that is."

Sean couldn't help but sheepishly look inside the room across the way from the bathroom as Emma went on about how ecofriendly her bathroom is and what kind of tile she decided to use in the flooring and the bamboo she used for rugs before she noticed him. "What do you think?"

Sean jumped, and looked back at her eying the places he wasn't paying much attention to, "It's really nice in here. I love the green."

"I picked it out, I know I didn't want plain white walls. It's the space I never had."

Emma threw herself backwards onto the huge comfortable couch and impatiently tapped the seat next to her.

Sean politely maneuvered himself beside her stepping around the coffee table and sitting next to her. Emma looked up at him, "You need anything water, snacks, candy? Feel free to raid my fridge."

"I'm fine, that coffee you gave me back at The Dot was plenty enough."

"I'm certainly glad you enjoyed it." Emma grabbed the remote from the coffee table. "Want to watch something? I'll sit up like an adult I promise it's just really comfortable sitting upside-down."

"You can stay where you are."

"You should join me." Wordlessly, Sean maneuvered himself to lay on Emma's large couch facing her not really caring how ridiculous it looked as they laid down face to face, "Would you like a throw blanket?"

"No thanks I'm actually starting to warm up now, How about we play a game? The questions game, it's a lot of fun."

Sean answered back quickly, "But I enjoyed chatting with you, reminiscing." Emma made a fake-sad face causing him to change his tune, "How do you play?"

"Exactly how it sounds." She answered, "Ask a stupid question, and answer a stupid question."

"Are they stupid? Do they have to be stupid?"

"No of course not." Emma answered, "I just figured it would be a great way to catch-up. No questions are off-limits, all must be answered, they can be loaded and no questions are really truly stupid. Must be a question but I don't know how someone could screw that up."

Sean chuckled, "I can start?"

"Of course you can start." Emma said placing the remote on the other side of the couch.

"I don't know how to ask this but I must ask why exactly did you invite me here?"

"What do you mean?" Emma asked feigning insult, "If you're not into this - - I swear there's no ulterior motives here."

"No I mean I just want to know if we're on the same page. If you feel the same."

"Sean, I'm so into this if we're even talking about the same thing."

"So why?" Sean asked.

"Alright, I invited you because first I wanted you to see my apartment, secondly I wanted to spend time with you, catch up hence the game and everything tonight, thirdly I'm used to spending lame nights home alone and we were still having fun, so why stop? Are you not having fun?"

"Fair enough." Sean replied, satisfied with his answers he got back, "and for the record I am having fun."

"I'm glad. Sean question for you is, what made me stand out to you?"

"Easy one. First time we ever met I was about to punch Jimmy Brooks' face in."

She managed to laugh as she held the pillow near her, "Normally I'd never do something like that."

"Bull, you never gave a rats ass what anybody thought of you. Fearless."

"Contrary to what you believe, when I was 12, at that dance, that night I all I wanted was to fit in." Emma confessed thoughtfully. It was the truth. She wanted a night out with her best friend who so happened to be unable to attend due to her strict parents. She was even surprised herself that her mom let her go after it only being a few weeks into her grounding over her almost kidnapping on the night of the big reunion, "Manny couldn't go I was by myself, on my own. I barely knew you, you told me nothing in homeroom you straight up refused to if I remember correctly. I had never danced with a boy before."

"To be fair, I didn't want to be an open book."

Emma sat up and attempts her best impression of him, "I am Sean Cameron and I come from Wasega Beach . . . "

Sean hid his face with mild embarrassment shaking his head wildly his voice muffled, "I don't sound that way!"

When Sean lifted his head, Emma giggled rolling her eyes, "Oh so serious."

Sean said with a smile, "That was cute."

"No it wasn't."

"It was so cute." Sean confirmed, "Same for you what was your first impression of me?"

"I thought you were lonely but hopeful enough to make friends and I thought that you were a major hottie." Emma playfully threw her pillow at him, "but you didn't hear that from me."

Sean laughed, removing the pillow from his face, shaking his head, "Throwing your pillow - It didn't stop me from hearing you say it."

"You want honesty?" Emma questioned as she crossed her arms at her chest still sitting up, "this is me being honest. Don't make fun."

"I won't." Sean jokingly remarked as he rolled his eyes, "it's your turn."

"When we broke up the first time, if we could even call it that - why did you agree to go to the wedding, when Manny invited you?"

"She made-I-I knew this would come up someday!" Sean exclaimed as he answered getting all flustered all of a sudden but quickly added, "She made it seem when she invited me that you wanted me to be there so I didn't feel wrong accepting the invite. Evidently you had no idea. When you found out you were apparently pissed and I thought I was going to have to forget about you again only I never really did. I still held onto this hope that you'd forgive me that year. I can't say I'm surprised that Manny wanted this for you, she knows you better than you know yourself. I think sometimes she's protective and worried for you more than you worry and protect yourself sometimes."

"I always tell her you know, not to worry."

Sean smirked, "What are your defense mechanisms to avoid problems? How are they working out for you? Do you ever get alone?"

"I try to avoid getting close to people anymore. It's just that trusting people comes out to be hard enough. I let Spinner in because I thought that we could make it work. I had dated Kelly for almost a year, the more time we spent together though the more strain it had and then I got married a few months later."

"So? Just avoiding situations that could be good for you in hopes you might be missing out on something else?"

"I don't know though." Emma answered, "I don't know if I have them or maybe it's just all subconscious. I mean I liked them enough or maybe it was the idea of it. When they left however it ends in the end it didn't really matter to me like it never mattered at all. Emma paused, "But with you it's different; it matters. It does when you left and if you leave again I know it will."

Sean looked at Emma and sat up from lying down, "Never. I know it sounds like a load of shit but I don't want to go away." Looking into her eyes now he takes her hands into his and offers a warm smile, "I have everything I could want right here in town. I'm home and besides, I don't think I could ever lose you again."

Emma shakes her head skeptically at him holding his hands tight as he's saying he's not going to leave again, of course he would say that she thought to herself, sometimes he made her so angry because he just knows what to say to make her fall for him. No matter how many years go by, no matter how many times she used to claim to hate him it only would reinforce the fact that she is still every bit as in love with him as she had always been. Nothing has changed at all.

"I don't know if I could handle losing you is the problem. That's why it's important to me that you stay. If you leave or plan to leave you may as well walk out tonight."

"No, I'm staying, for good. The only game I'm playing is for keeps, Emma."

" How do I know you're not just saying this to me today but down the line who's to say you-you'd just go again?"

"I'm just going to need you to trust me, I can't think of anything to say that will make you believe me, but you just have to." He was right about her being unable to trust when it comes to things that are good for her or things that would make her happy sometimes her stubbornness is what ruins good things for herself. She probably would never admit it but she has taken such positive strides in self-realization about various things in her life-like the hypocrisy she judged and ridiculed others about when it was her who had that unfortunate disposition. Sean continued, "I've done everything I've ever wanted to do, some things I never thought I'd do or ever want to do and things I did just for the experience but wish I never did at all but at the end of the day where ever you are is exactly where I want to be. I needed the distance to wise me up I guess; I never wanted to hurt you you've got to believe me. I knew if I didn't go I'd be going nowhere and nowhere fast. I'd be likely living at Jay's sitting on his couch. Only difference is I have means to do things that I didn't have before."

Emma nodded and then looked up at him wide-eyed "I understand what you had to do for yourself. I just wish we didn't have to part ways, I just thought at that time we were going to be together forever. I thought we were going down like this line that I had always wanted for us and I just had thought then you did too. Even after, I struggled finding my place when you were gone because I'd pass your locker and I knew you weren't there but it always hurt those halls used to haunt me because one day you were there and the next you weren't."

"And for that I'm sorry. Hurting you was the last thing I wanted to do."

"I know that but it just sucks I just missed you so much." Emma answered, "Jay and I always talk about you, you know? He's the only person who understands how I feel about you. He keeps me in check though and I'm grateful for that."

"What do you guys say?" Sean smiles.

"Jay assures me that the second you come back to town you'd come and see me."

"Half true."

"Please, you were looking for Spinner … "

"To ask where you been possibly. Possibly get high."

Emma laughed, "So what you get high now?"

"Well it helps me calm down." Sean muttered matter-of-factually avoiding her gaze, "don't judge me."

"Who said I was? I've smoked before no big deal."

"This is a story for another time right?" Sean inquired laughing.

"I partake privately." Emma admits, "In the privacy of my home."

Sean grinning like the Cheshire cat, raising an eyebrow, "Oh really? This night has been very telling."

Emma beams in agreement, "We could have our double cheese nights, except perhaps we'd get the munchies and eat all the pizza."

"Yes we can rent a movie - a comedy or something neither of us have seen, sit on your couch and consume pizza until we fall asleep."

"When are you free?" Emma asked hopefully.

"Anytime. I love you and if that means spending more time with you, finding new things so be it." Sean says Emma moved from sitting up to resting her head on his comforting shoulder, "I was right that you felt the same."

"Sometimes I'm just really guarded. Since things happened I suppose." Emma said not moving from where she was closing her eyes and letting out a sigh, "or just maybe I talk too much and my real feelings show. I just feel like I can't lie to you though. Keeping feelings that strong is super hard and I don't know how I'd done it for this long."

Sean nodded, "I know the feeling myself. I can understand why you keep walls up. I just thought you should know I keep walls up with everyone but you."

"Why me?"

"Because you always believed in me, even when I didn't believe in myself. That's why I thought you were perfect, and I still do even now. Nothing you could do could make you imperfect to me." Sean took a second to collect that Emma was here, he was in her home she was lying on the couch next to him with her head on his shoulder, he's never felt closer to her before yet there are things he'd love to tell her or more or less would love to get off of his chest so he could reach full happiness. Things happened while he was gone and he can't tip toe around them on a count of true love, things that had nothing to do with his love or his feelings.

While he was in basic training fresh of the heels of him leaving Degrassi he met a guy named Shane who was a guy who had never been away from his family but only a few days. He was married to a girl named Beth and he had a daughter named Sarah. Sarah technically wasn't born yet but that's when asked to come to training so he was super concerned with being away from his wife. At the time, Sean was dealing with the loss of Emma after leaving for the armed services.

They initially bonded because their bunkers were close by and they tended to do things together because their last names correlate each other in the alphabet in terms of Cameron and Calson. He hadn't truly thought of the good times with Shane since the last time he saw him mostly because he tried to block all of it out. Something tragic happened to him and he happened to witness. He had been torn up about but he simply refused to acknowledge it because if he were to remember it would hurt all over again. He was his best friend and now he's gone. In retrospect, Sean never thought he had much of a selection of best friends. Before Shane there was Craig, and sure he and Jay were friends but never best friends.

Shane was a few years older than Sean. He took a few stabs at college but mostly quit due to a lack of motivation and moved back home in Ajax and decided to start a family and signed up to serve but didn't expect the time frame to be so close together. He was braver than Sean and served as a sort of mentor to Sean. When it came to thinking positively instead of being down because in his words, "it's always easy to kick someone when they're already down". They had this mutual respect for one another and not to mention all the guys liked Shane it wasn't just Sean he was an inherently good guy. Shane was the person that really was close with Sean when he was far away from his friends and loved ones and Sean helped with his separation from his girlfriend and unborn baby. He wished that he had got to see him through but unfortunately there was an awful accident.

Sean's mind returned to the present and where he was and he wouldn't trade that for anything but they both couldn't deny that it was getting late. Even though they had both tried to stay brave and tough out the night visibly they both were tiring out. Emma's eyes closed once more followed by a yawn as she asked him, "Can you just stay here? Tonight you could right?"

"If I stay," Sean paused and sighed audibly before he closed his eyes which he struggled to keep open but there was one thing he wanted to do before he sailed off to sleep which he felt like he could do at any moment. Seconds later he blinked his eyes open and looked to Emma who had just reopened her eyes, "If I stay I'd probably want to kiss you."

The words escaped her lips without a single thought, "I wouldn't be totally opposed. Take it however you want to take it."

Sean was quiet they just watched each other for the next move, Emma snuggled closer to Sean so that her body was within in the curve of his, they were silent just looking at one another wishing one would take the initiative. He whispered hazily, "I don't want to stop seeing you now or ever." Within seconds he did it, Sean crashed his lips into hers with the likeness of a moving car. Emma was drowning in the warmth of his strong arms bound tightly around her body as he kissed her.

He threw her head first without harm on the pillow they had been half halfheartedly tossing between themselves for the past few hours with the force that she took in gladly and willingly, his hands caressed her head from below as he gave into everything he had held back in their time apart. It was soft and slow like always but with so much feeling and infinite passion. Minutes would've come and gone and they'd still be in no hurry to be coming up for air giving anything to perpetually exist in that moment, within that kiss for all eternity for the rest of their lives - forever. As they continued kissing Emma wrapped her arms around him pulling him even closer to her for warmth, for the closeness to be enhanced her teeth lightly bit his bottom lip that beamed with delight when she finally released it. Sean looked into her eyes as she reopened her eyes, she smiled at him and he smiled back, Sean placed his hands upon her cheek, Emma placed her hand on top of his hand, with all the things she could have said she just whispered, "That was amazing."

As the pair lay happily holding one another close they suddenly were interrupted by a knock at the door. "I'll be there in a second." Emma called as Sean moved aside to let her by to answer the door. He sat on the couch and waited for her turning around to see Emma and whoever the assumed guest was.

"I wonder who that could be?" Emma questioned him but he was at a loss for an answer. She was somewhat startled she hadn't been expecting anyone. She quickly sprung up from the couch they had laid on. She shrugged as she walked toward the door.

Emma heard a loud shrill squeaking scream with excitement and a familiar face, "EMMA!" the voice shrieked before adding "Are you surprised to see me?"