Chapter 13

A House is not a Home

In the airport, a man was babbling on his cellphone to an unknown person from above, with a guitar in tow, and a duffel bag of clothes as a carry on coming out of the gate. He was well dressed, wearing a black band tee-shirt shirt with a dark unbuttoned pea-coat over it, his pants were black to match. He was smiling.

Craig had come a long way in recent years, he has made a lot of money. He was wearing wayfarer style-sunglasses to stay inconspicuous to tourists and people in the airport who know his story. Financially, he's well off and he's dabbled in zen to stay calm and steadfast to the surface. He has a life coach, a weekly therapist and medication for his bipolar disorder that he doesn't skip out on. For a while, his therapist was on speed dial but recently he's led a very calm, sober living performing shows, tours and putting out records and his concerts often sell out.

"Joey, I know it's bad for me, dropping into town in the old stomping grounds, but it's almost Christmas."

"What about your addiction?" The other line said, someone to the onlooker of Craig would hear by the name of Joey.

"That was years ago, you know I feel like a million bucks."

Joey snickered somewhat relieved he wouldn't have to worry about another meltdown, "Just be careful, say hello to Spike and Snake for me. Will ya? Ang and I won't be able to come see them this holiday, money's tight at the lot."

"Will do. And Joey?"

"Yeah?"

"I'll miss you, dad. Won't be quite like the holidays without you and Ang. I promise presents will come I got you both some special things they should be coming within the next week." Craig replied, as he turned around to see the wayfinding navagation system to tell him where he needed to go to get his luggage and other things.

"I'll miss you too. Thanks, Ang will be excited." Joey called into the phone, "Buh-bye."

"Bye." Craig said as he hung up the call on his swanky gold Iphone as he got his rolling luggage from the conveyor belt. He was shocked silent by a girl standing beside him wearing a tee shirt with his face on it, set aflame. Legend has it that this was a shirt that had ties to Craig's early days and became a symbol tee-shirt that are now being sold at his venue's and concerts. The tee-shirt design originated by another high school band Ashley Kerwin's band Hell Hath No Fury. Today Ashley Kerwin is a struggling San Francisco musician, whose career never quite took off, sadly. Craig eclipsed her fame, even Jimmy has with his mix tapes being recognized by rap legend Lil Wayne.

She sent her demos in dozens of times but her music doesn't seem to strike a chord with young people today. Craig occasionally hears from her but it's mostly drunken phone calls about how he failed her. Hearing his failures is the last thing he needs considering how his life had sort of went down the tubes and then up again with a lot of help from Joey and his army of safety nets. In the not so recent past Ashley and he had played sets together but they were no longer close. Occasionally Craig would call her up for a booty call if she's in town. She has success writing songs for famed musicians but never for herself. She's penned top forty hits but she never topped the charts herself.

He turned his attention to the wide-eyed girl with Ellie-esque high school hair. She beamed her teeth wrapped in braces non-stop hoping he'd pay attention to her, causing him to move his eye glasses to get an eyeful of her shirt, before looking up at her piercing blue eyes, she let out a squeal as soon as he did, exclaiming quietly and discreetly careful not to cause a ruckus in the airport during after hours. She exclaimed, "Craig Manning!"

He cluelessly and discreetly nodded answering the high school aged girl, "Yeah that's me."

"Sign me?" She asked joyously. She gestured to her tee-shirt.

"Kids at school won't believe you, huh? How do you want it addressed?" Happily obliging the autograph and fanfare as he put his glasses on top of his head and took the girls permanent marker she had tucked away in her hand bag.

She answered, "Madison."

He obliged, scrawling on her tee-shirt, "Madison, Don't stop believing! You Rock! xo Craig Manning."

Finally, his face was revealed, it was Craig, Craig Manning rock star Degrassi alumni Craig Manning formerly of the band Downtown Sasquatch, even took a turn at wedding funk but mostly stuck to rock. Technically, the boy never graduated but that didn't stop him from getting a full ride at university in Vancouver and after that a record deal out in LA. He was rich and fortunately for him sober and on a better track in life.

Manny Santos brought Craig a lot of things, one thing is love and other, Christmas and love during the holidays. After their dinner-date he went to check out her digs and found out by the doorman she had left to go home so he naturally followed. Got the first plane out to Toronto and took a cab the rest of the way. As he made his way to the hotel front desk, he saw the same old concierge guy from years ago when he trashed the wedding suite when he was but a teenager. It was different back then.

This time, older, much more graceful he called out, "Reservation for Manning."

The guy looked less than enthused, eleven o'clock at night some guy asking for a hotel room completely alone. He shrugged and saw the name matched and delightfully gave him the keys, "We have a continental breakfast in the lobby down the hall and in the hotel room there is a menu for room service if you'd like that, sir."

"Thank-you."

"If you need anything, call me up I'll be here or the day concierge will take care of you to make you stay pleasant."

"Thanks, see you around." Craig said turning away to the elevator to his room on the twelfth floor, 1206. When he arrived there he walked down the halls, the decor hadn't changed much from his last visit years ago, when he was still with his high school girlfriend Ashley Kerwin. He had been there once more on a drug bender before rehab too, when Ellie kicked him out and then Joey booked him for a flight home. The place brought back some memories but Craig had plenty to do now that he is back home. He took pleasure in knowing he is in a better state of mind and his goals are much loftier in ambition then they were all those years ago.

He kicked off his shoes once he slid the card in the door and was able to get inside of his room. He tossed his rolling carry on in the closet once his shoes were off and removed the duffel bag from over his shoulders. Carelessly, he tossed that on the chair by the television and threw his jacket on top before throwing himself onto the large queen bed with floral bedding and exhaled calmly. He was so happy to be in his room, he was sort of tired. He looked the clock beside the bed and saw it was around eleven. He looked up at the white ceiling noting there was nothing really to count, but perhaps his blessings. It took him a long while to get over his addictions, he had accepted there were a lot of things that would only manifest in his past but not Manny. He loved her presently and he hated the circumstances that brought them to where they are. He talked about her often at his sessions. He talked about how she was the only girl who cared about him, how she supported him going away to school, how she had an abortion in an unwanted pregnancy and he had repressed it for years but he understood her sacrifice in the present. His therapist also talked to him about healthy family and relationships for the future. They say he'll never be able to share true love until he loves himself and Craig today cares about himself - he is healthy now, he doesn't use drugs and he doesn't drink. He remains, content with friendships, but he finds it tempting if they are addicts so he tries to avoid people who have addictions. He doesn't feel resentment for his father, and sees Joey as the father he never had and even goes as far to call him dad. Technically, Joey is the only living member of his family his mother and father are dead and Joey and Angela are the only piece of the puzzle he had. Manny is someone he wants a future with, so that he someday could have a family too. It makes it even easier, that Manny mostly lives in LA.

That night at the restaurant was what catapulted him to realize that he needed to see Manny again, he couldn't put it all to bed or to rest. One last shot, his therapist Nancy gave him her blessing but warned him to call if anything should go bad in an instant. She is usually on speed dial.

He needed to see her for once and for all to see if there was anything left salvaging. Perhaps her leaving town back home was her way of closing the door but he wasn't certain yet. Alone in the hotel he had a lot to meddle on. He specifically asked when he made his reservation at the hotel not to have any liquor there. He was pretty parched and famished so he rolled over on his side and picked up the menu atop the alarm clock and checked out what they had in store.

Looking down the list, he had many choices, but he was jonesing for scrambled egg sandwich with cheese and Canadian bacon. He knew it was hours before breakfast but on the menu it read, breakfast dishes sold all day. When you ordered room service, the food could be ordered at any time day or night. The last thing Craig wanted to do was be outside in the cold again to go find something to eat so room service although pricy will have to do. He picked up the phone and ordered, with it he asked for a Coke.

When he hung up he quickly realized he hated to be alone. It was toasty and warm but missing the sound of human interaction. On tour he was used to talking and smoking cigarettes with roadies and groupies. On the plane it didn't bother him much because he saw people around him even if they weren't talking to him. He could always call Nancy but she was likely asleep with the time difference. Nancy almost always encourages him to call but he can't help but feel rude for calling so late, he's done it before but he almost always feels guilty. While he waited for dinner, he flicked on television and flicked through the channels and absent mindedly and impulsively looked through his contacts, reading down the names, it stopped at Manny, she had given him her number but Craig was too flustered to ever call her but tonight he was desperate. He was afraid though. With his thumb he clicked on her name, he showed a call log of zero past calls, as he looked at the contact, the picture of her, she was smiling beside him. It was taken that night after hours of couch chatter at night. She left before he had the chance to say anything he wanted to say. He couldn't muster it up that night in LA after dinner. He smiled at it, he heard her voice on the television on some Lifetime movie that was on about a high school cheerleader that had gotten pregnant and decided to keep the baby against the father's wishes. He ended up throwing her down the stairs. He had seen it at Sundance but it wasn't a huge hit or a crowd pleaser due to the dark subject. He turned his attention back to the phone, wondering if he should press the big green button. He settled for a text, after all she's likely more inclined to text back.

Hey.

It's Craig.

- C

He waited a few minutes after sending, before he put his Iphone beside him, turning off the television with the remote and just waited silently for the vibration of a text back from the woman of his dreams, or the sound of the cart from the hall with his sandwich.

. . .

Emma went ahead of Jay inside the club ahead of Jay. He thought it was kind of rude in his opinion shaking her head as she turned the corner in a desperate attempt to find Sean. She couldn't believe that Jay could try to make a move on her like that, knowing exactly how Sean feels about her this could jeopardize everything they had worked so hard for. Jay grabbed her arm forcing her to turn around, "I'm sorry, I'm just - really drunk."

"Tell me, were you drunk the first time you tried to kiss me?" Emma asked with her arms crossed, "You think you finding Alex's coke stash is going to change anything? What is going on with you tonight?"

Jay shrugged shaking his head, still holding the vile plainly moving it around as he talked with his hands, "Can we not talk about this, right this second?" He asked her pleadingly, "I want to find Alex and I was just checking if you were pissed off at me, which evidently you are and for that sorry but I got a lot of my mind."

Emma offered him a smile, and yelled over the loud music coming from the stage, "We can talk about it later, go find Alex, I'm going to find Sean."

Jay smiled at Emma, waved goodbye and turned around on his search for Alex.

He got hassled everywhere he went backstage but he was desperate. Alex was finally seen at her vanity slouched over a shot of some nondescript liquor within the shot glass. Carelessly with her other hand she was tossing her make up and other junk in her duffel bag not paying attention to anything around her. She was angry, he could see the steam practically come out of her ears and she had cried.

He kept a safe distance, they were the only ones backstage. For a long time, he and Alex dated but for the rest of their lives they were best friends. They grew up together, knew everything about each other that's how Jay knew she was still fuming from what happened out back.

"Get out, leave me alone." her voice hoarse from crying, she coughed as she sighed with relief hoping that person she had heard come in was just another dancer, "I'm naked."

"And that's supposed to make me stay away?" Jay asked testing the waters jokingly.

"Go away." Alex yelled refusing to make eye contact as he walked closer.

"Lex." Jay relented, she turned around and shot daggers at him, he stepped backwards with his hands in front of him, "Look, what happened back there was -"

"Was nothing, right?" Alex said throwing her duffel bag and walking toward him, "I've heard it all."

Jay shook his head, "Alex," He only called her that when he was serious about something, he had almost always called her Lexxi or Lex but rarely ever Alex, "Why haven't you called me lately?"

"Figured you and Santos wouldn't need me around wrecking everything for you guys. You know that's why Paige kicked me out, I was a disappointment. I'm just you know, saving myself for more, Jay."

"Lexxi." Jay ran to her putting his hands on her shoulders, pleadingly, "Hear me out."

Alex smiled at him, stroking his face biting her lip, "Oh I bet you'll like that, like we used to when we were kids I know you wanted to -"

"Not - no." Jay replied shaking his head sadly, "Lexxi, I love you and seeing you like this, tonight really fucked me up because . . I don't know I just don't want to see you like this. You're unhappy."

"We can do it over the vanity, I'll move the shit." Lexxi continued not listening to him, seductively. She was simply doing what she would normally be told was never something she followed through with. She was living from place to place, she didn't have a home of her own, she had nothing and she was always on the defense or the offense but never just letting the chips fall where they may with people. She just put everything into them but with Jay she was receptive to his charms, "I'll be the girl you always wanted."

"Lexxi - " He said again himself coming close to tears, shaking his head before impulsively coming through with a better idea. He added more and more convinced, "Come live with us, me, and Sean - Manny when she comes around she's home for the holidays. It'll be fun."

Alex laughed manically shaking her head but soon her laughter just turned to tears as she wrung her head at her vanity falling down onto it and sobbing. Jay who had kept and maintained a short distance away draped his arms around her hugging her tight to his body, "I'll take care of you, Lex. I will. You won't have to work here anymore."

A loud and cruel voice came from behind the entrance of the back vanity, it was her boss looking less than enthused. He took words from Jay and answered steadfastly, "Because you're also fired."

The raven haired girl who occupied the vanity beside her smirked now beside him at the crook of the door. She knew there was a thing between the girl and her boss but she didn't think she would also have a hand in her firing. Jay could tell by the hickies on his neck and track marks on his arms that he was merely a hypocrite.

It had been against the rules to abuse drugs at the club but those marks looked fresh. As the girl giggled with joy, Alex knew that she had ratted her out for the coke earlier but simultaneously Alex didn't care one lick. She knew she didn't want to spend the rest of her life there, she had merely settled for that life, he added, "It's also against the rules for a guy to be back here."

Alex got up from the wooden stool in front of the vanity pulling her bag up on her shoulder, residing back to her true self. She uttered, "Who needs this dump anyway? No proper light to do make up, no nothing. Pays shitty anyway."

"You'll never work in this town again, Lexxtacy!" The man yelled as Jay wordlessly led Alex out of the gritty back dressing room of the club to safety.

As they ran out, pushing through the crowds Alex shrieked yelling angrily, "My name is Alex." She wanted everyone to hear. She wanted her boss to hear. She wanted the world to know. Her name wasn't Lexxtacy. Finally, she had a home, with Jay and being honest for her she wouldn't have it any other way.

Manny was still sitting by Sean in the club. Random music was being played but anyone was less than enthused about the environment they were in anymore given the recent state of affairs. Manny couldn't help but hear a vibration coming from her phone, she picked up, but as she did Emma had finally found them. Sean gave her a loving kiss as she sat down and he wrapped his arms around her. The talk had been mostly quiet and calm for Manny and Sean while Jay and Emma were outside smoking. They had been gone long enough to assume they both took to chain-smoking. Manny sighed, "Is Jay alright?"

"He's alright, he went to go talk to Alex and shoot the shit. Then, I got lost looking for the bathroom."

"I need a shot." Manny called to Emma.

"But she just sat down." Sean complained but got up himself, "You want anything to drink?"

Manny checked her phone and she had received two text messages, one from Jay and one from Craig. She sighed afraid to answer them. She stuffed her phone back in her clutch and looked up pretending to happy about her friends, "Yeah I'll have a long island."

"I'll have the same." Emma said mimicking Manny from earlier.

Sean walked off to buy the drinks and it left Emma and Manny to themselves to talk and catch up although the night was proving to be more and more of a bust. "What happened with you and Jay?"

Manny sighed shrugging her shoulders looking wistfully away observing the people out there dancing and having a good time. The strippers show ended because Alex called out on stage and then ran off never to be seen by anyone. Jay walked ahead in with Alex beside him, they sat down and Emma and Manny awkwardly scooted over.

"Hey Jay, Alex. Sean's at the bar if you guys wanted a drink."

"No need, I think I'm done for the night, Manny why didn't you answer my text?"

"Your text?" Manny asked pretending to be stupid.

"Not tonight." Jay stammered getting angry. Alex just sat awkwardly looking like this was the last place she wanted to be, "Let's go Manny, Alex wants to get out of here and she's going to be staying at me until when she gets back on her feet."

"You didn't talk to me about it?" Manny asked standing up, "You just thought I'd be okay with it?"

Alex said nothing looking down, sheepishly, Emma offered Alex a smile. She looked out of sorts and frightened.

"That might be a good idea." Emma said matter of factly returning to the topic at hand, "It's just tonight I kind of had plans with Sean."

Manny turned her attention to Emma and a smile played on her lips, "Oh really?"

Emma nodded, "So that means you two have to go home together and Sean and I can do our thing at my place."

Jay couldn't disagree. Manny put on her coat grabbed her clutch, gesturing to Emma about Sean and her, "You two enjoy that shot."

Sean returned back with a handful of drinks, Emma took hers, Manny gestured to Emma to the shot of tequila. Emma took Manny's tequila shot from Sean and downed it Sean bit the lime and made a pucker face. He looked to Jay and smiled questioningly, "Is everything alright? You guys getting out of here?"

Jay pat Sean on the back, "Could I talk to you?"

Sean shrugged taking a sip of his beer and took it with him to a quieter place by the way away from the girls, "So Emma tells me you two are going home together tonight."

"Yeah to her place." Sean answered smiling, "but you'll have Manny, and what exactly is Alex doing?"

"Shacking up with us guys. Don't worry she's a lesbian. She doesn't go both ways."

"I know that." Sean answered scratching his head in a questionable demeanor.

Jay cracked up laughing shaking his head, "It'll be like Three's Company, you'll love it."

"I don't think that's the same thing but, okay." Sean said shrugging. He pat Jay on the back, "See you tomorrow."