Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto.

Warning: This chapter, and pretty much every chapter here on in, will contain mild to extreme Sakura bashing. If you are a Sakura fan, leave. Or you will have your feelings hurt.

Hinata

As Hinata and her new acquaintances walked outside for lunch, she couldn't help noticing that the redhead kept looking at her. Hinata had hoped to stay with her "friends", but they all went off on their own: Naruto and Ino went off towards the restroom cough, Sasuke found Orochimaru and went off with him, and Sakura latched onto Gaara and pulled him off to a table with a sign that read: "The official Gaara Fan Club!"

Hinata looked around, and spotted Neji. She decided that there was nothing better for her to do, so she walked over and sat down near him and his... boyfriend?

'Since when does Neji have a boyfriend?' Hinata asked herself.

"Haku-kun! Your hair is so pretty!" Neji squealed, playing with Haku's hair.

"Uh... thanks, yours is too," Haku said.

"Eee!" Neji squealed again, tying Haku's hair into a long braid.

'This is creepy,' Hinata thought.

General

Naruto and Ino, of course, were making out in the bathroom. But everyone already knew that. One person, who definitely knew, was Jiraiya. Although he was just a teenager, he was already writing pornographic novels. He watched Ino and Naruto make out, his nose bleeding freely. He took notes on their little sessions every day, hoping that soon he would have enough info for a book. Unfortunately, everyday there was a certain routine. Jiraiya would bleed so much that it would attract the attention of Naruto and Ino. They would then get mad at him, and beat him to a pulp. Well, more Ino than Naruto. Today was no exception. Jiraiya's blood started to distract Ino and Naruto, and Ino pounded Jiraiya into oblivion. Fun.

Sasuke had wandered over to Orochimaru, but unfortunately for him, Orochimaru was leading a double life. He was dating both Sasuke and Sasuke's brother, Itachi. As Sasuke walked over to Orochimaru, he saw him holding Itachi's hand.

"How dare you?" Sasuke screeched, jabbing an accusing finger at Itachi. "How dare you steal my beloved!?"

"Foolish little brother!" Itachi screamed back. "I had him first!"

"I'll kill you!" Sasuke screeched again. He lunged at Itachi with the closest thing to a weapon he had: a plastic spoon. He jabbed Itachi in the eye with it.

"Ow! Son of a bitch!" Itachi yelled.

"She's your mom too!" Sasuke yelled back.

"Weren't you ever told that you were adopted?" Itachi asked evilly.

"You're an asshole and I hate you! You're always so mean to me!" Sasuke screamed, throwing a punch at Itachi.

"Foolish little brother! That's my job!" Itachi said, dodging Sasuke's punch. Then he squeaked, his voice becoming high-pitched. Sasuke had just kicked him in the low-blow area.

In his high-pitched squeaky voice, Itachi said, "Foolish little brother! That hurt goddammit! I'll get my revenge!" And he scampered off like the little girl he is.

"Yay!" Sasuke squealed, grabbing Orochimaru and running off into the sunset with him.

Gaara

Gaara was forced to sit with the never-ending forehead and the fan club that she started in his honor. They kept giggling and staring at him.

Sakura latched onto his arm again.

"Oh, Gaara, you're so sexy. We should totally go out, and get married, and have a family."

Gaara blanched. "Sorry, but no. I don't know where you've been, whore."

Sakura let go of him and glared. In fact, the entire fan club was glaring.

"Whore is a forbidden word at this table," one particularly scary fan girl said.

"Why, because it's a brutally honest description of all of you?" Gaara asked.

This really got all the fan girls angry. They stood up, fuming, and dog piled Gaara, scratching, biting, kicking, and pulling his pretty red hair.

Gaara started to scream in pain and anguish as the fan girls utterly decimated him. He screeched and yelled, but no one helped him. Quite frankly, they thought it was funny. The end of lunch bell rang and all of the fan girls immediately got off of Gaara.

"I hope that wasn't too much of a beating, because it'll be worse after school," the big, scary fan girl said.

A bruised and bloody Gaara whimpered and limped off to his last class.

I found this chapter fun. It's awesome to write about Gaara getting mauled by a whole bunch a little girls. And it's fun to make Neji girly and Haku manly.

CCM singing out