Chapter 20

Six Weeks Later

Christmas came and went, followed by a rather full schedule bender of parties filled with fun and frolic. Emma and Sean have enjoyed the time and the new lease on their rekindled romance. Manny and Craig have been screwing around, he hasn't left Toronto since he came by and Manny has been alternating her time between Emma's and Craig's hotel suite. Jay and Alex have been toking the new year away, it's been six weeks since Jay last saw Manny. He was doing better. Sean, Emma, Jay and Alex have spent a lot of time together and Emma hardly sees Manny aside from when she picks up her clothes. Darcy has nursed a pretty crappy fever, filled with nausea, and pain. Spinner worries about her, but he's been busy searching for a job and praying he isn't plagued by her fever which were contagious. Mr. Edwards managed to be the first put down by the virus. So they've had father daughter evenings with soup. Spinner has had a few interviews but no calls and he begins to feel a bit discouraged but ultimately Darcy will be the first to snap him out of it. Darcy's father, Randall has plenty of words on that, he knows the feeling. He put in 20 resumes, one call back and that was the job he has now kept for a long, profiting twenty years. Spinner hopes he'd be lucky. At this rate, he wouldn't mind flipping burgers like he did at The Dot but the place was off-limits. It would add insult to injury to even be seeing his ex-wife. He'd be at her mercy, and he didn't want to see her. He would end up shooting his mouth off. He vowed he'd leave her alone, and he has. He doesn't want her, his first hate was traded with a mutual respect and understanding on the matter that she won't speak to him.

Emma has been somewhat concerned with Manny not coming back right away, derailing her career, every time she does see her she asks when she plans to go back to LA. She always dodges the bullet, either by a text message she had long ignored from her boyfriend or just saying she's in a hurry to meet Craig. Is she even planning to go home? It's not that Emma wants her gone, it's that her new pilot should be beginning production and she seems to no longer care. Rather than a sunny disposition, Manny has been solemn and quiet. For a girl who is in love with a guy, in a situation where the chips had fallen in her favor she doesn't have that effervescent Manny glow as she had while she was in love, it no longer seemed genuine but rather strange and disconnected. Craig can't keep his eyes or hands for that matter off Manny. He couldn't believe he was so lucky and when Emma does see them together she sees the relationship as transparently tragic than anything else. What happened to Manny? Emma would think, "Why is she not talking to me? Is she angry? When she speaks in confidence to Sean about it, he swears she's looking into it too much. Emma knows Manny like a book, she had never seen this side of her.

It was early in the morning and for the first time in what seemed like forever Darcy could breathe. She got up out of bed, without a clogged nose she was able to smell her father cooking her favorite food, "French toast." She sniffed as she whispered to herself. She had recovered finally. When she left her bedroom though, she made a quick B-Line to the bathroom as she had felt nauseous and it was then when she threw up. So much for pancakes. Spinner was at an interview, Randall heard movement from the bedroom and the hacking, "Darcy are you alright, dear?"

A break between heaves as she dashed to the toilet paper balling it up as she wiped her lips and side of her face as she had miscalculated and some puke managed to get on her. She groaned holding her stomach. She had locked the door behind her, so she heard the knob jiggle as she got ready to speak, she leaned on the sink, "What is it?"

"I made you pancakes, dear."

"I-I'm not feeling well again, still." Darcy sighed, closing her eyes leaning against the sink fighting some more coming up from her stomach but she covered her mouth, as she felt the inevitable as she got on her knees and threw up again, she sniffled but managed to breathe it in whining with disgust, wincing at the mess she had done herself in for, "I hate being sick."

Randal smiled warmly from behind the doorway of the bathroom, "I'm sorry, Darcy. I guess that means more for me?"

"Exactly." Darcy stated calmly keeping her mind off of that, "I wouldn't use the bathroom for a while." Randal took out the plastic pickle-tub bucket from the linen closet and moved it into her bedroom,

"I'll clean up." He says retreating to the kitchen to finish the breakfast, "After breakfast."

Darcy looked at herself in the mirror confused, outwardly when she awoke she felt fine, it wasn't until her feet hit the ground. She just whispered, "What's wrong with me?"

. . .

Emma had slept in this morning, she awoke with Sean's arms around her, she had woken up for the last three weeks this way. Sean has been little by little staying at Emma's for a few days and then going back to Jay's, sometimes she would spend the night there. They'd smoke with Jay and Alex and drink beers, play drinking games and have fun together. Never did Emma nor Alex ever think they would ever get along, or spend time together in their lives when they first met but it's funny how things change outside the confines of high school, social politics and time apart does. Living makes you see others in different lights, doing things and then failing gives you a crushing fall from gravity and grace as you find out who you really are, sometimes that journey happens alone or isolated and other times that journey comes with the territory of accepting others and when you let your guard down. Alex never let her guard completely down until Jay and ever since then it's been a cat and mouse struggle until now she knows he cares about her and he wants her to be happy and he actually means it, she actually believes him, trust him and knows she's wanted by someone in a completely platonic way and she wouldn't have that any other way. Emma was happy to have met a new friend, someone she had misjudged as a lost cause, with no hope for a change of heart, but she was proven wrong. Alex was motherly, sweet and full of advice. Emma has confided in Alex about Manny, a thing that Alex had unwittedly got roped into.

Emma sipped her bottle of beer at the kitchen table as the boys were having a friendly shouting match as they bashed people in the video game on the couch. Emma giggled, as did Alex, "Anyway, supposedly Manny is filming a movie and she should be leaving now but I don't want to give her that kick in the pants, but with everything that happened . . I think it's best. I still am iffy about Craig, now I can't trust him as far as I could throw him."

"Craig Manning, the guy who got her knocked up when she was 14?"

"The very one." Emma answered, she took a breath, "I know that's not something in the cards for them. I've seen them with babies, my brother and they were impossible. When they weren't getting nauseated and disgusted with normal functions like spit up they were panicking. They were young then but the way Manny's life is constantly in boxes I couldn't see her settling down with anyone."

"What about with Jay?" Alex asked confusedly, "Or were her feelings for Jay mutual?"

"Jay was different, I could see them being parents . . even as recent as a few weeks ago."

"Has that conversation ever come up with them or do you not know?"

Emma shook her head, "Of course it would be an unplanned pregnancy but I could see them overcoming it well. "

"Oh gotcha." Alex answered picking up the beer and taking a sip before placing it back on the coaster, "I mean, has she expressed wanting kids?"

"She has told me when she was pregnant, she knew she wouldn't have that baby. I mean, I don't think that's a sign she didn't want kids at all."

"I want kids." Alex beamed shrugging her shoulders, "I want to be a better parent than I had."

"That sounds admirable."

"How did you do that? Overcome, taking care of others more vulnerable than you." Alex asked.

"Do what?" Emma asked confusedly unsure of where Alex was getting at.

"Cameron told me you were almost completely responsible for your little brother at that age. You were essentially his mother."

"I know." Emma looked back on that memory, it cost her a lot of sacrifice but when he giggled smiled and cooed it was worthwhile, "I love my family, what can I say? My mom sacrificed so much for me. Her joy, in exchange for my safety. So many times, it was only fair to pay it forward."

"Even though I hated your guts, I always admired you. I wanted to be like you, even if it wasn't the status quo. I was meant to be that druggie, failure and I seem to fulfill that prophesy."

"Alex . . " Emma stated as she trailed off, but Alex cut her off, "You're not a -"

"No, Emma. It was my destiny, but I know better that I deserve better. I was in the dark for a long time. I'm not a matter of my surroundings."

Emma was silent for a moment, she had never had the balls to judge Alex for that. All she knew is from her perspective, how Alex would speak to her, treat her, judge her like a book and a cover. Alex was a mean girl, a bully and her boyfriend were the dream team from hell. They made her sophomore year hell. From the stories Jay had told her about Alex, she wasn't exaggerating, "I have a confession to make, but I had something to do with what happened to you sophomore year . . when Rick supposedly - -"

"Say no more, that was so long ago. Even I played a major role. What about what I did? We all fucked up."

"I knew what I did was wrong, but I hated him." Alex mutters matter of factually.

"Everyone did." Emma concurred, "although when forced to work with him, I knew that it was out of control. He was being beaten, thrown into dumpsters. It was supposed to be non-violent confrontation and all but . . . I wanted to be nice to him. I put myself in his place long before everyone else. I didn't want everyone to start hurting me."

"He deserved what he got, but not the way it happened."

"I felt sort of sorry for him." Emma sighed, "I didn't think the punishment fit the crime."

"We were young, everything was a big deal." Alex sighed, "I was trying to avenge my mother through . . . his shit."

"I'll never forget what you said to me." Emma says, swallowing hard as tears formed in her eyes, the subject was sore and she was last person she would speak to about it. She didn't want to rehash the horrible memories, the things it turned her into, the horror she endured at Rick's hand and the loss of her innocence that followed. A secret she would wish to take to the grave, even with Alex knowing finding out after all this time - she hasn't said one cruel remark about her chest, her looks, because she no longer feels that Emma Nelson is the Emma Nelson she used to know.

Alex took a breath fighting back tears as she looked up at the ceiling and grabbed Emma's arm softly, her hands were cold, she bitterly expressed, "I helped kill him, I did everything short of put him in the grave. I did more wrong and I've lived through the karma of those decisions. I blame a lot of what happened on my on conscience. I've dealt with it, it wasn't . . easy." Her voice started to break, "longer than everyone else. I paid for it. I wasn't expelled, no one ever blamed me. However, When I pulled the string, I did it Emma. It was me. The paint and feathers, I was in with Spinner and Jay . . it was all of us."

Emma sighed shaking her head, looking down at Alex's head, despite her recollection, her confession and the revelation of the truth ten years ago, ten brutal years ago, she wasn't angry. It was peace. It was a weight lifted. It was honest, raw and true. It was the truth, and all Emma could say is, "The truth will set you free. You - you should never feel like it's your fault. I should know."

"What did you do Emma, you did nothing, nothing wrong."

"After the attack of the paint and feathers, he reached out to me. I had nightmares about it, for years. It broke me, it traumatized me."

"I saw him walk by, he was still covered in paint, he tried to wash some off."

Rick! Rick, what happened…it only makes the people that did it look totally juvenile.

"They ruined it Emma. Their life ruiners. Everyone laughing."

"And the way he said it was so chilling, so cold."

"I wanted him to feel better, I didn't want him to be sad anymore. I wanted it to end, if he survived, part of me knew that he would never ever be free."

"But nobody's ever gonna forget who won! Who is the smartest guy in the whole school, in the whole city!"

"Then, it happened. Something I didn't tell, only a handful of people. He kissed me, and it made my skin crawl. Impulsively, and it was the truth but he didn't need the truth then. Not when he was feeling so low. He even apologized for it, the audacity it just wasn't worth much when he holding a gun, so calm, cool and serene. He -" Emma blinked as a tear fell from her eyes, "I tried to run away."

"And then what?" Alex asked solemly, quietly.

Emma wiped the tears from her eyes, sniffling, for a second, "And then, I didn't see this coming at all, Sean was beside me, I was with Toby. We stupidly walked down the hall to hear what we thought we gun shots and we didn't know where they were coming from. Why did we do it? We were fucking stupid."

"What did you last say to Rick?"

"To get a clue." Emma states.

Alex shrugged, "I never talked about that day, I just hid it. I was afraid they'd throw the book at me. I just kept my mouth shut, it's what Jay wanted me to do."

"What did you want to do?"

"I wanted to talk, but there was no one to talk to." Alex replies, "A-and then, Jay got busted when Spinner ratted him out but they - my name it never came up. He protected me, they sacrificed took the fall . . . for something I did. They wanted me to still be allowed to stay? I don't know. It was a tough time, turns out it was a tough time for everyone. I just don't remember why it didn't seem that you were touched by it."

"Like you, I suffered silently." Emma remarked picking up her long lonely beer and took a sip, she no longer wanted to talk about it, when would be a time, "I leaned on everyone. I just hid it. And then I had an eating disorder the following year and I had to acknowledge that stuff head on. I had to let go, stop blaming myself, but sometimes on dark days it's easy to fall back, feel lethargic, loaf around. But hey, let's talk about something else? I don't want to be a blubbering mess, not in front of you."

"What do you mean?"

"You're the tough girl, you could kick my ass." Emma smiled, "We all know I was lucky."

"I didn't see your knee coming, so I could say you could kick mine." Alex laughed, "I was really wrong about you." forgetting all about her tears and fears about the moment that changed her life and Emma's life forever. Linked by that moment, in two different places but finally they came together, to lift the weight, the crosses they had to bear in the name of the tragedy.

Emma squeezed Alex's hand once again, "I can't get over how we're friends now."

"I know, right?"

"But I'm glad we are." Emma says. As she said that, Sean and Jay walked in and Emma removed her hands from the table. Sean draped his arms about Emma from behind her causing her jump at first but relax into his warm embrace, "We were bonding, isn't that right Lex?"

"Absolutely, right." Alex says chugging her beer, before putting it back where she had left it.

"Glad to hear it's not like it was before." Sean beamed proudly as he straightened back up taking the seat next to Emma and Jay followed suit sitting across from him.

"For us guys, it's just like before." Jay beamed, to Emma, "You're our plus one."

"I wasn't invited." Emma says rolling her eyes.

"You were a goodie two-shoes." Jay says laughing, but took some notice to their red faces and bloodshot eyes, what had happened between the video games and the kitchen? Why had they been crying?

"Well things change." Alex says, "Emma is the most down to earth girl I've met in such a long time."

"Don't be getting any ideas." Sean replies looking at Emma, "She's mine."

"I'm not interested in a romance. How many times do I have to say it?" Alex giggled shaking her head feeling a bit embarrassed, "Last thing I need these days. Friends are good, friends are perfect."

"Glad to hear it." Jay looked to Sean and Sean to Jay as he passed him a cold beer from the refrigerator, "I propose a toast."

Emma looked at them confusedly, holding up her beer, "To what?"

"To friendship?" Alex affirmed triumphantly, lifting up her bottle joining Emma as the boys too followed suit, clinking their glasses together, before all drinking from their bottles.

The unlikely alliance was refreshing to one another, never did they ever see this group or forsee a moment like this, the happiest days of their lives being ten years in the future. Emma, Sean, Alex and Jay becoming the best of friends was an unexpected detour from the dramatic lives they lead with their strings, their old grudges, their old friends, their old lives as they merged into one. It's like meeting a new best friend, and for that they're all thankful, for one another.

Meanwhile, Manny was with Craig unceremoniously joining him in the bedroom, as he kissed her taut, toned body she looked into the distance and thought of the mess she made, how there was something missing, something she yearned for. The bitter pill of knowing that she had actually for once gotten precisely what she wanted, but she no longer wanted it and now she has to sleep in that. She feels contemplative and disconnected, she turns her head to look at Craig as he pulls away confused, "Are you . . what's on your mind?"

Manny took a deep breath as she avoided his eyes, closing them lying back on the pillow, shrugging her shoulders, "I don't know, I'm not really in the mood . . to do that."

Craig offered her a smile, as he scooted over, "We could cuddle?"

"Cuddling is perfect." Manny says as she lies down on her side, Craig spoons his arms and body around her creating a feeling a warmth that she couldn't see the source of. She looked out at the photograph once again that was a decoration in a beautiful wooden frame upon the wall. It was a painting, a large painting that took up a good portion of the wall that had a brunette girl as the subject. She just fixated on that as Craig embraced her tighter and she tried to ignore the guilt of his presence, "What's wrong with me?"

"Are you homesick?" Craig offered, nestling his head into her neck.

"Ye. . yes." Manny answered, "That actually might be it."

"Oh that's nothing baby, you can go home."

"No I can't, I really can't. I'm not welcome there, not anymore. I don't belong. I don't belong anywhere."

"I'll tell you where you belong." He whispered in her ear sweetly, he cooed in her ear, "You belong here, with me."

She closed her eyes, being an actress made it easy for her, she turned her head keeping the rest of her body facing that painting that she stared at, the painting she saw herself in, how she felt, with surrounding luxury, money, wealth, even a hot former flame on her arm and yet her guilt eats her alive, the girl's face frightened, Manny kissed Craig on the cheek, "That's exactly it."

"See, I'm right about things. Sometimes."

"Craig?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you ever get lonely?"

"When you're not here." He whispered, seductively, leaving a trail of kisses on her neck, she fidgeted around uncomfortably.

"No, serious." Manny commanded shaking him away, "Do you get lonely."

"Yes." He relented, "What does this have to do with anything?"

"When I lie here with you, I feel completely and utterly alone and I don't know why?"

"Am I not good company?" Craig asked flirtatious, not taking her recollections seriously.

"It's not you." Manny sighed dismissively, "Maybe it's my walls."

"I'm sure that's it." He says, completely convinced of it in fact, "You have to see this Manny, you have to believe me that I love you."

It felt cold, insincere and cold, not warm not like Jay. She wistfully sighed, closing her eyes exasperated only he could no longer see her expression, she thought that if he held her tighter that she'd feel his warmth but she only felt the cold cruel reality that she had made a horrible mistake, it was her fault and she couldn't fix this. They weren't meant to be together, something would tear them apart. Her question about loneliness would have to do with his abilities to cheat on her, is he true? Is he trustworthy? Does he truly love her? She didn't believe in him. Why would she impulsively go for him, spend her free time was so that she could insure the honesty. So far this has proven to be futile and Manny doesn't know if she wants to stay? Now she's waiting for the inevitable call when she's supposed to report to set to begin production on her pilot she's going to film, and she could move on from the haunting memory.