(A/N) Thanks for those who reviewed or read my story!
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The
Silent Tears
Chapter
5
I was hungry so I stole some sweets and chocolate from the supermarket. And I was sure that I wouldn't take anything like that to my mouth again. I had stomach ache and I felt dizzy.
Some times I thought I was going to faint. I couldn't go in that state to my home, if I still had one.
It was maybe three or four in the morning and I was still sitting in that toilet, I didn't have any other place to go anyway. I looked in the mirror and if I had some strength left I would break it. My face was a bit yellow. It looked like I had an jaundice. But that's the old addict illness and I wasn't addicted that much. I always could stop taking that stuff if I wanted to. So what the fuck was happening to me?
But when I ate that chocolate I had an attack. My liver couldn't take that much of sugar. I fell on the floor, I tried to stand up but I didn't have enough strength to do it.
I didn't know how much time I was laying there, alone.
But it was already morning when some old man came and yelled for help. People called an ambulance which took me immediately to the hospital.
They put me into the isolation ward. It was so white there, not a single other color. Everything in there was white. That room was also small and not a single picture was hanging off the wall. The nurse almost without any words was coming with some food, drinks and pills. And sometimes doctor came and asked how I was doing. And it was like that for about three weeks. I couldn't leave that room even for one second.
Nobody visited me, nobody talked with me. There were often times when I thought that I wouldn't take it any more. In days when I felt extremely bad I was thinking:
'' You are an addict! And you have your first jaundice! You aren't worth their time! ''
Thoughts where I was a good student, teachers liked me and my new parents were proud of me came back again.
I remembered times when I was taking the 'soft' drugs. Hashish, speed were so brilliant. I didn't need anything else except that. But after some time I started to taking the hard ones. People from 'Climate' were always telling me to watch out at those hard drugs, but they were the ones who took it in the first place.
I was wondering what had happened to them. I knew only that our old group split up on those who were taking hard and on those who were taking soft drugs.
But mostly I didn't think of anything. I only glanced at that white ceiling for hours wishing that my time which I had left ended soon.
I was afraid about that the doctor would find out the reason why I was sick. But in the last weeks there wasn't any scars from the syringe. But who would except a kid taking drugs anyway?
After three weeks I had to learn a little how to walk again. Next I could go home.
Roy and Riza came for me. Riza hugged me like her life was depending on it, but Roy's face was cold. I didn't know what he was thinking. It looked like he preferred to leave me there.
I couldn't leave home for about two weeks. Riza was taking care of me. We often talked...maybe it was rather like her talking and me listening but never mind that. She helped me with everything, with my life.
From her words I understood that we all had some purpose for living. We should focus on our goals and choose path to achieve them. I wish I could just forget about everything.
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In the next morning I had to go to school. People from my class greeted me friendly. I was so happy then.
But teachers weren't as kind as they should be. They were looking at me like at some disease. It was like they knew why I was ill. But how? And then I forget about my idea of a good student.
Only one person who seemed more depressed when she saw me was Ashlyn. She looked at me with cold eyes. When I asked her what was wrong she only smiled and answered that it was fine. I didn't understand her sometimes, but she changed. Not only her ways of behaving but her appearance changed as well. She was fatter than before ,but still pretty. Her eyes had more life. She seemed to me like a completely different person.
It was Saturday. We went to the '' Sound '' I told my parents that I was sleeping at a friends house. Riza let me go of course without Roy knowing... She knew he wouldn't agree so she wanted me to go before Roy came back from work. Ashlyn told her mother that she was staying at her best friend house as well.
We drank some cheap wine and I took two pills of acid. I didn't know why, but I wasn't happy when Ashlyn took them as well. I could tell that she didn't took anything when she was away in her grandmother house.
I was wondering why? Maybe she wanted to end it? But how she survived for about five weeks? And now when I took her here she wanted to take something without another word? But I didn't plan on stopping her. That was her life not mine.
I went to my mates leaving her with some girls. After some time I noticed that she was nowhere in sight. I was a little worried. I didn't want something bad happen to her, but why? I didn't care about her earlier and now I was worried? Something was really not right with me...
So I went out of that club . I had to find her. I went down the street. Maybe she was at home? But I didn't have anything better to do so I went towards her house.
And finally I found her. She was laying on the ground near a bus stop. She was sleeping and I couldn't wake her up. Then I heard some people who were getting out of the bus which arrived. One of them was Ashlyn's mother...
She was working in the sauna and she was coming back from her work. It was already 10pm so Ashlyn should be at her friend's house in bed sleeping ,not here. She was very angry. She told me that she didn't want to see me again and that I couldn't meet with her daughter. Next she grabbed Ashlyn by her arm, that must hurt her because she opened her eyes. Her mother hit her hard on her face a couple of times. That looked horrible, but I was glad that something like that happened to her. At least now she was in a good school with good marks and her future was a lot of better than mine. I didn't see her again.
But I understood one thing. She started to take drugs because of me. I was the reason, I could ruin her life. That made me even more depressed than I already was. That night I spent in club.
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Everyone were always telling me to stop taking heroine. They told me that I would regret it. But they were taking it themselves! So couldn't they just watch their own business!
I met with Nick. We went to his friend house. I told my parents that I was sleeping in his house. Riza of course agreed. She was really happy when I went out of her house. She was always happy when I told that I was going to go to the friends house. Al didn't have friends so she was happy that I had. I and Nick were often sitting in my room. Once we even took some pills. We had so good mood then. We were laughing all the time. Roy was at work so only Riza was at home. But she didn't notice anything. She was laughing with us. She probably thought that we were some crazy teens.
We went into the Brain's house. He was one from our mates. He was living alone in a small apartment. He was an addict. His father was dead and his mother ...well she rent him this apartment, she was paying his bills and all. She knew that he was taking drugs and she didn't do anything to stop her only one son. But she thought that she was the best mother because who else would be paying for his son's place?
Who else would come every week and cheek him, if he was alright. Who else would give him some money on drugs?
But after some time she stopped with her visits when she and her new men moved into a bigger place in other city. She visited him now only occasionally. Maybe once a month?
And about his apartment? Well it was a ruin. The smell was awful. The empty bottles of bear or wine were laying almost everywhere. Walls that were white were now yellow. In the right corner was a big bed. Above it was hanging a small mirror.
The curtains were even more yellow that the walls were. And next to the bed was laying a carpet, and it smelled more awful than all his apartment. And that was it, no closets, no tables, no chairs...
How someone could survive in there. He sold everything that he had in order to buy drugs. Poor guy he was desperate.
I understood why that carpet was stinky when I saw Brian who was taking heroin. He had extracted the syringe from his vein with leavings of blood, he had brimmed it with water and emptied the contents on his carpet. He always was cleaning his equipment so.
So the beads of blood were on his carpet. That awful smell was the smell of dried blood. . .
We talked about many things, but mainly about drugs and their effects. No..it was like them who talked and me who listened to their conversations.
It was late at night when we went to sleep. Brian said that I could take the bed. I didn't object because sleeping on this dirty floor really didn't sound fun. But I felt guilty. It was his home after all and I was only a guest, but when I wanted to tell him something he already left with Nick behind. So I was alone in that mess. Slowly I closed my eyes and drifted into sleep. I didn't have any nightmares, I didn't dream of anything.
The suddenly cold that hit me woken me up. I looked at some box which was laying next to the closed window. It scared the shit out off me. Maybe not the box but the colors that were on it, they were so shiny that my eyes started to hurt. The most of I was scared of the red color. When I injected heroine red was muted, like all colors on that drug.
But suddenly red was aggressive, here on that damn box.
My mouth was full of saliva. I swallowed it, but right after I did it ,it was just the same. Then it disappeared somehow and my mouth was dry.
I tried to drink something , but I couldn't make myself to do so. I was so cold that I started to shake violently. But finally it stopped, all this cold, but this time I felt rather warm. It was so hot that I thought I had some kind of fever or something. Then Nick and Brian came into this room. Nick was telling me about something ,but I didn't hear him, I only saw his lips move. Even if I wanted to hear I couldn't focus myself into doing it.
My eyes were half closed when , I was shaking again even more than before. But then some pale hand grabbed me by my cheek. When I opened my eyes I saw Nick's. He muttered something to Brian and let go off me completely. Next what I knew was someone taking my right arm. I felt the syringe in my vein. Then I closed my eyes and fell asleep.
I woke up in the afternoon. I felt rather good. Colors were normal now.
'' You have what you wanted. I hope you're happy now '' Nick said. I was surprised to hear him because I didn't acknowledge that he was there.
I knew what he meant by that sentence. It was a drug hunger that I felt this morning. But it wasn't that bad like they all were telling me.
But I didn't feel the real pain yet.
I looked into the mirror. My hair was dirty and messed up, my eyes had bags under them, and I just generally looked like a mess. But I had to come back home. I promised Riza that I would be beck before 12pm but it already was 2pm. I hoped that they weren't home. . .
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(A/N) Sorry for all mistakes! I know that there are plenty of them. I know it's too short!
It'd be nice if you would tell me what you think of it.