(A/N) Thanks those who reviewed my story or just read it !
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The Silent Tears
Chapter 6
--Ed's POV--
It was 3pm when I entered my house. Riza and Roy were no where in sight, but doors were unlocked so someone must be in house then. I went upstairs to my room only to find Al sitting there.
When he saw me he smiled friendly, but didn't say anything. I wondered how long he was there, waiting for me.
'' Why are you here? '' I asked him. I felt rather calm. Always when I took that drug I felt so good and my mood was just great! I didn't think about anything, any problems and worries. But now it was different. Now when I finally was addicted I couldn't even describe the way I felt about it. But it wasn't so bad, were they lying to me about the 'hunger' thing and that you are really weak then? . . .
'' I wanted to talk '' came the reply interrupting my thoughts.
'' Talk? About what? '' I asked him. What the hell he wanted from me? Next he stood up and put his hand on my shoulder, he wanted to look me in my eyes, but I didn't let him. I wasn't stupid. I knew that eyes were different when someone was on drugs so I just closed them and asked '' So are we talking or not? ''
He sighed and slowly said '' You know that our parents are worried about you right? Dad ordered me to tell him if you were late... '' So this it was about. He wanted to tell Roy that I was...eee...3 hours late. Was he trying to piss me off? If yes then he really knew how to do it.
But what I heard next completely shocked me.
'' I won't tell him anything but you must promise me something '' I looked at him with widened eyes. Was he going to lie? He?! The perfect daddy son? Well that was a surprise...
'' Sure ''
'' That nothing bad will happen to you. That you will always tell me what's wrong. I will try my best to help you. You know that you can always count on me right?'' He stated. Determination was written on his face. Was he worried about me? But...but why? I didn't do anything in order to gain his friendship. Because only true friends care right?
'' I ...I ...'' I was speechless. Never in my life I heard words like that from anyone except my mother.
Then he hugged me tight. It felt strange because I wasn't used to it. First I didn't know what to do but next I found myself hugging him back.
I wanted so badly to tell him about everything, to find person who will listen to what I wanted to say, to have a friend.
'' You know you can tell me everything. I won't tell anyone'' I didn't know what to do then. If I would tell him about me taking drugs it would scared the shit out of him. I wanted to tell him about everything, but what would I do if he told Riza...or Roy? ''Al...thank you '' I quietly whispered.Then it was his turn to be shocked. I never thanked him for anything.
Maybe he would help me, maybe I needed someone who I could trust. . .
But then I heard someone closing the front doors. Al let go of me and said that parents returned home and he was going to see them . He asked me if I was coming as well, but I just shrugged. He apparently took it as a 'no' because he left saying that he would be back soon. But I wanted to go, I didn't want to stay alone...
I sat on my bed and I started feeling so...so..empty? I felt useless. I wanted someone to be there with me, to held me and tell me that everything would be ok. But there was no one. Just empty wall. I felt really depressed and sad. Why did he has to leave? Why couldn't he stay any longer? Why I was so fucking emotional ?! It wasn't like I cared about that matters ,right?
I heard a soft knock on my doors and when I said 'come in' Riza entered my room with a smile on her face.
'' Hello Ed, how was your day? '' She asked me with a friendly voice. Voice that my mom was using when she spoke with me. It was so soft and caring. I would never forget that voice.
'' good''
But before she could ask another question Roy went inside and asked if she could go with him. '' I will be right back '' she said kissing me on my forehead before shutting doors from the other side of my room. My hand traveled up upon my forehead to a place where she kissed me. I smiled a little but it faded when I my gaze went on the doors which looked like it wouldn't open again anytime soon.
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--Riza's POV--
I remembered how happy I was when Edward entered our family. It was sad to watch when Al was sitting there alone, without anyone to talk to. So I thought about adoption. But I didn't do it only because of Al, I always wanted to have another child, but I couldn't let myself skip work so I decided to adopt. Roy didn't object. He was really happy when I told him my idea.
When for the first time I saw Edward I knew it was him that I wanted to. I didn't know why though...he had something, but I couldn't tell what it was. It was something that got my attention.
The orphanage which he was living in was nothing more than just some old dirty house. When I went inside of it I saw kids who were laughing and smiling. It shocked me because I didn't know mood like that could be in such a place. But there was only one person who didn't smile and was sitting far away from them all. I saw him by the window. It was Edward. Everyone were downstairs, playing in some games but he was sitting under a tree, alone. He watched the sky. When I went towards him ,he didn't even notice me or at least I thought so. I sat next to him. That was me who started the conversation. I asked him about his name, age and rest of important things. He was answering me shortly. He didn't ask me about anything and I didn't see him trying to keep that conversation up. Next Roy came and I introduced him to Ed. But he looked at the boy like he wasn't sure of something...
In the next couple of days we came almost every day there. Most of the time I spent with Edward, why ...I didn't know. But he was the only one child who didn't do everything in order to get adopted.
Every kid who I talked with seemed to me like an untruthful person. They all were lying there, everyone except Edward. Whatever I would ask about they always tried to answer me like I would wanted to hear not like it was for real. But when I talked with Ed and I said that he didn't do something right, as he should do he just shrugged and was glancing at that sky. I knew by his ways of looking that he loved nature. He really enjoyed spending with it every minute.
I told Roy that I wanted to adopt Edward. He didn't argue with me ,but only one thing that he asked was ''Are you sure?''
I didn't know what was he thinking? Was he my husband or not? If yes then he would be a parent too crying out loud! So only one thing that he had to say was ''Are you sure?'' Those man...
When Al saw Edward he was a bit shy but after some time it changed. They talked a lot. It seemed to me that Ed was really attached to Al. I and Roy were so happy seeing them together, spending their free time.
I could tell that Ed was really impressed about Al's diplomas and marks. He said that he never seen such a person who got marks like that. He didn't even know that was possible. I knew that Ed wasn't an A student. He told me it himself. And that was one of many examples from the orphanage. Ed told me about his studying the truth not like the rest of kids from there. If I would believe them then everyone from there were a genius...
I and Roy hoped that he would catch up fast. He got a C from everything. I didn't count on that he would be an A student,,,but he could be better than that right? He never complained about his marks or problems.
Roy didn't hide his disappointment when Edward told us his mark, I always tried to not let him see it. But I didn't know if I hide it or not.
After some time something changed. Ed and Al didn't spend their time together as they used to. It started a couple of days when Ed went to his new school. Ed was always going somewhere with his new friends now, sometimes he was spending nights at their house's. I didn't have anything against it. I was even happy then, happy and sad at the same time. Al didn't have many friends so he stayed rather by himself and that was the reason why I felt sad. But I was feeling happiness as well. Ed had so many friends, that meant people liked him.
Roy was always telling me that his friends weren't good, but I told him that he didn't know them well. And if their were Edward's friends that meant they were good.
But Roy didn't talk with Ed much. I never knew why. But I was sure of it that he was really caring for him. Maybe his words didn't speak of him but his actions did. I always found Roy waiting impatiently for Ed to come back from his friend house. When he was late Roy would want to go out and look for him but I always told him that it would be alright. And of course it was when Ed came back.
At the beginning Roy was mad at him for his lateness, but after some time he only waited for him to came back and then without another word went to his bed to sleep.
Sometimes he watched as Ed and his friends were coming back from school. Roy told me that some of them were smoking, but I knew that Ed was spending his time with older than himself. Some of them were even 18 so it really didn't worry me. And I knew that Ed would never smoke. We talked about it once. About drugs and other matters. Ed said he would never took it, so I believed him. But my husband of course didn't seem satisfaction with this answer.
We didn't have any problems with Al so why we would have them with Ed? I let him do everything what he wanted. He didn't have any duties in home. He could go everywhere and whenever he wanted to. He would get everything what he dreamt of.
I wanted to make my children happy as much as I could. I would have given everything in order to do it. I was trying the best as I could and still...I felt like it wasn't enough. Edward still seemed to me unhappy.
He was often smiling and laughing, especially when he brought his friend Nick with him. They were so crazy sometimes. When sometimes I went to Ed's room to see how they were doing I found myself laughing with them. Really their mood was always good. I didn't know even why I was laughing, it was just when I saw that two I couldn't stop myself. Those were times when I was glad that Ed was here, that he didn't sit under that tree with sad eyes...
But now there was something about him that worried me. He was so pale and thin. But how could he be when he always was eating all my cooking? He was eating in his room and bringing the empty plate to the kitchen. So that meant he ate it all...
I remembered that day when Ed ran away from our house. Roy said that Ed stole his money but I couldn't believe it. Edward would never do it. I told Roy that he was wrong but he didn't listen. He went straight to Ed's room when he came back from his friend house. I heard him yell but after some time they were quiet. I started to getting worried if something bad hadn't happen but in the next minute Ed was slamming his doors loudly and running towards the exit. I couldn't help it.
When Roy came to me he told me what had happened. I was so shocked that I couldn't speak for a moment. But I knew that he was regretting it. It was late and Ed went away. Roy said that he would go and look for him. I wanted to go with him then, but he told me that it would be better if I stayed at home. And so I did. When Roy went out I saw Alphonse in the hallway. I saw that he knew about what happened here. I could feel it by the look which he gave me. He was worried about his brother as well as me.
It was getting late and Roy hadn't come back yet...and neither did Edward. But then I heard someone entering the house. I and Al went there to look if it was Roy and Ed ,but it wasn't. It was only Roy with a guilty face and sad eyes. He really looked depressed. He said that he didn't find him even if he looked almost everywhere. We didn't know what to do. Ed was gone, missing. I was so worried.
Roy ordered Al to go to his room and sleep, but he didn't want to go. After seeing that look on Roy's face Al decided it would be better if he obeyed his father. So he went to his room. But I didn't think that he slept anyway.
I didn't know what happened next because I fell asleep on Roy's shoulder. When I woke up I was laying under the warm blanket on the couch. Roy was no where in sight. I looked at the clock and it was 7am. I walked into the kitchen and I saw Al who was sitting in the corner. I asked him about Roy and Ed. He answered me that Roy went out of the house somewhere between three in the morning and didn't came back yet.
I wanted to comfort Al because I knew he was worried about his brother and father but then the phone rang. It was Roy. He called from the hospital telling me that Ed was there in the isolation ward. I wanted to go there as fast as I could without Al but he didn't let me leave him behind. He wanted to see his brother because he cared about him.
Doctor said that Ed had a jaundice, I was in total shock. The doctor said that he must catch it from someone. But how? Doctor said it probably was something he drank with others from one bottle or maybe he had some contact with blood which was really doubtful .
Those three weeks were awful. I couldn't stand it. I wanted to see my son! But the doctors wouldn't let me.
Our house changed as well. Everyone became more quiet since Edward was in the hospital. I hated that silence. I tried to wait patiently until Ed would be back.
When that day came I couldn't calm myself. Al wanted to go with us but Roy ordered him to stay. It was better that way. I didn't have heart to tell him to not come , If I tried I would ended at letting him go because when I look at his eyes I couldn't argue with him.
When I saw Edward waiting for us I couldn't help myself. I ran to him and hugged him tight. Roy was standing besides me, I felt his presence when he put his hand on my shoulder. I let go of my son and grabbed him by his shoulders. I glanced at him. He was fatter than before but still slim. He must ate property there because he looked like new, but his eyes gave it all away. They seemed tired. But I didn't focus on that I was so happy that he was alright.
When we were going back to home I had a strange feeling . A feeling that told me Ed wasn't alright. But I shook my head and smiled to him gladly when he returned this smile. I could tell that Roy was happy as well, of course he didn't show it. But I saw that happiness when for the first time in three weeks he saw Edward in his eyes.
When Al saw him passing the doors he just jumped on him. But after awhile he went to his room. I understood that he was tired. I didn't let him go to school even if he wanted to go.
But when he finally went to his school he was in a good mood when he came back. I even let him go to his friend house on Saturday and Sunday. His friend Nick promised that he would teach Edward everything that was in those four weeks. I was happy that Ed had such a great friend. They spent all day learning. Roy wasn't glad about what I was doing but I didn't care. He was my son after all.
'' Riza I know you won't agree with me, but there's something wrong with Edward '' Roy said interrupting my thoughts. I just looked at him. And then what he meant by that hit me and I sent him a glare. How could he say such a things?! Ed was s normal boy who just needed more attention.
'' Riza don't you think that he's acting strange? ''
'' No'' I stated. There was nothing wrong with him. He sighed.
'' Riza listen...''
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--Ed's POV--
Something changed. They were looking at me in the different way. Especially Riza. . .I didn't know what had happened but I tried to ignore it. I tried to pretend that everything was ok. And two months passed by.
It was the end of the first semester. And I didn't pass it. But teachers let me do it in the second one. Like I would take the chance . . .
Al tried to spend his free time with me. Whenever I was in home he would always check how I was doing. Sometimes I was glat that he came but mostly I tried to ignore him.
I reminded myself of the times when I remembered, remembered the dates, seasons of year... Now all days seemed to me the same. Now I didn't think before I acted. I didn't care what was happening around me. I was completely different, I was numb. I wouldn't even understand the simple things, the simple words which people were saying to me. I was focused only on one person. And that was me, but I had no idea who I was. I didn't even know if I was still alive. I have forgotten most of the things. But maybe they weren't worth remembering?
There was one special day for me. I returned to my house from '' Sound''. I spent the night there so when I arrived at the front doors it was already 9 pm. I went to my room, to my bed. I layed there for a long time. I imagined myself as a normal teenager without much worries and problems. A teen who knew what to be alive means. The good mood was returning to me when I was dreaming of things like that. I knew that in my dreams I could be whoever I wanted to be.
In the afternoon I was woken up by Riza who brought me a dinner. She was always doing it when I was tired. I always ate something. It wasn't much because I couldn't let myself to eat more. Always when I tried I was ending in the bathroom throwing up. But now I could eat only yogurts ad some pudding. Nothing more.
I took my bag and went out of the room. I was too indifferent to notice that look which Roy and Riza gave me when I entered the bathroom with my bag...when I was inside I locked the door.
Like always I looked into the mirror. I have seen foreign face, I didn't recognize myself any more. That face wasn't mine. It couldn't be. As well as my whole body. I was so thin that every pants were way too big for me. I stopped to even feel it. Even if I was ill, my body didn't react. Heroin anaesthetized it from every pain, hunger and even from the high temperature. It only noticed the drug hunger.
I was standing before that mirror and prepared everything that I needed. The normal heroin that I was trying to buy was the white or brown powder. But this what I had was a gray -green powder. This was the most contaminated stuff. But it gave you the most incredible feeling. It was even better than the safe heroin. You think then that it's smashing your heart., but you must be careful with amount. You couldn't have too much because it would kill you. No ones heart would beat after some big amount of that drug. Especially when it wasn't a clean one.
When I saw the blood inside of the syringe and wanted to press it, happened the worse thing. Needle had been choked . When the blood which was involved for the syringe congeal , it's the end.
You could throw it away to the trash can.
But I needed it! I used all my strength to press it. I was really lucky because finally it was in my vein...
One more time I involved my blood to the syringe in order to rinse everything to the end. And then it chocked one more time! I was pissed. I had eight maybe ten seconds before I would catch that feeling.
I tried to press it with all my strength like for the first time. It had flown out from my hand and all bathroom was stained in blood.
But then it hit me. That was amazing. I had to hold my head back, because it rumbled in it. It was just like someone was hitting me with hammer in head. I felt amazing cramp in regions of my heart. Then it had paralyzed my left hand.
When I could normally move again I took a towel and started to wipe the blood off. It was everywhere. On the walls, floor ,mirror...
But then I heard a sharp knock on the doors. I thought it was Roy so I quickly started to wiping them off. Because I was in the hurry I didn't see some blood and I left the bloody towel on the now almost clean floor. When I heard more knocking I opened the door only to see Riza who pushed me aside and went into the bathroom. And I found Roy sitting in the living room looking at me when I went to my room. I closed the doors behind me and took some cigarette. I didn't even smoked it when Riza entered my room. She was angry, I never seen her like that.
'' You are taking drugs! '' She yelled.
'' No. What a silly idea...'' I started to tell but she grabbed me by my hands and used her strength to straighten them. She saw the fresh mark from the needle. Then she grabbed my bag and dumped everything on my bed. She saw the syringe and the rest of my stuff.
That what was in my bag was the proof of that I was an drug addict ,but she knew it already when she entered the bathroom...
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(A/N) It was good or it sucks?
I know that my grammar is bad. I really KNOW it! So again sorry, but if someone is really bothered by it...please just don't read it, because I really can't help it.