(A/N) Thanks those who reviewed my story or just read it !
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The Silent Tears
Chapter 7
--Ed's POV--
I stopped lying. Even if I took that awesome drug I felt depressed. I started to cry and I couldn't say anything. Riza stayed silent as well. I didn't hear her saying anything did I? But I noticed that she was shaking a little because she was shocked. When she went out of my room I heard her speaking with Roy. He would kill me if he knew about it! And now when he knew. . . damnit!
Then again Riza entered my room. She looked calmer than before. Behind her I saw Roy who looked rather angry. I was sure of that he would yell at me.
'' Is there something that we can do about it? Are you even going to stop? '' he asked me calmly.
That was something new for me. I thought that he would yell at me even hit me, but not this. And what to tell him? Of course I wanted to stop this! But always when I wanted to stop, when I told myself that I wouldn't take any drugs I always told myself that it's the last time when I was taking it. One more time and I won't even look at it, but it was easier to tell than to do. I always found myself taking that shit again and again. Sometimes I didn't even know that I was taking it. I wanted to stop! I really wanted to. When I started I was telling myself that I could stop whenever I wanted. But after some time I realized that I can't stop. I was too much into it.
'' I want to stop, I really want to '' I told them. Roy and Riza each changed looks and then looked at me. Then Riza asked '' Tell us Edward where did you find money to buy it. ''
I was screwed! I thought that they wouldn't ask me that question. But what to tell them , the truth? or lie again? They were always happy when I lied. But they wouldn't believe me any more if I lie so I will tell them the truth.
'' Well I received money from kids in school or just stole them from random people, but sometimes I get it from others ''
'' You stole them?! '' Riza yelled. I was surprised it wasn't Roy. '' calm down '' I heard him telling her.
'' Tell us Edward from who you get it. I promise I won't tell or do anything. I just want to know '' Roy said. I didn't know what to do now...tell him? Oh, damn with it all.
'' Nick ''
'' WHAT?! Nick is taking it as well '' I looked at the shocked Riza. She couldn't believe in this. She really liked him, she was glad when he came to our house, She always told me that I was lucky because Nick was a great friend.
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--Riza's POV--
That day when I saw blood in the bathroom and I checked Ed's hands I knew he was taking drugs. That was the most horrible experience in my life. It hurt me so deep. Ed gave me an account for my educational methods which I was so proud of. Now I saw that everything I have done was wrong. When Edward started to spending night's at his friends house I was happy, happy that he had a nice friends. Roy didn't look at it in the optimistic way. He always told me that Ed probably wasn't spending there that nights. But I didn't listen.
I really liked his best friend Nick. He was such a good boy. He was always polite and helpful, not once I found myself with him in shop where he was taking all my heavy bags. I would never suppose that he was taking drugs.
Roy always suspected something. He always told me that something was wrong with those two. I of course didn't let him tell one bad word about them. But once I asked Al if he knew something was happening with Ed, he told me that everything was alright. So I stayed with my beliefs. I was too blind to see that they were falling together. Or had Nick fallen long ago, doing nothing but dragging Ed down with him? Or was that Ed who fallen first? I didn't know answer at that question ,but I knew only one thing. I had to help them to stand up.
But if I must be honest with you I always had a bad feeling. I knew something wasn't right, but I pushed that feelings aside. I tried to not think about that. I only focused on the bright side.
It's hard for a mother to say that she made a terrible mistake. That all her efforts were good for nothing, that she didn't make the mother's roll.
I wanted to give my children everything that I didn't have. I wanted them to be happy.
I saw Ed when he was going to the bathroom with his bag. Roy looked at me then and said that wasn't normal. I told him that nothing was wrong. I wanted to show him that everything was fine so I went to the bathroom myself. I wanted to prove to him that he was that person who was wrong not me. When I wanted to go inside I found out that the doors were locked. I knocked once, twice. When I didn't hear any reaction I started to yell to him to open the door. When he finally opened them he went straight to his room. I saw blood and a little black spoon which he left on the washbasin. And bloody towel which was laying on the floor.
I was sure then Roy was right. I just didn't let that thoughts to me. I didn't want to think of my son as an addict.
I went to his room and said '' Edward what have you done ''. I was totally scared. I was shaking , I couldn't believe that everything happened behind my back. That I could stop it sooner. I didn't know if I should cry or yell. But I had to talk with him first. He started to cry. Tears were falling down his pale cheeks. He didn't want to look me in the eyes. '' Did you take heroin? '' I asked him. But again he didn't say anything. I only heard him crying more violently now. I knew about drugs a lot. I read some books about them as soon as Roy told me about his suspects. But even rater reading it I told myself that my Ed had nothing to do with it.
I used my strength to see his arms. Everything was clear for me. He had marks after taking the drugs on both his hands. I couldn't take it. I couldn't! I went out of his room with teary eyes only to find Roy who stopped me from going downstairs. He held me tight and said that everything would be fine. He wasn't so shocked because he was ready for that news, he was but I wasn't.
We went there together, to his room. When I was there standing and watching him I wanted to die. How could I let this happen?! And if I just let Roy do what he wanted to there wouldn't be any situation like this.
That was the blow which I wanted to escape from. I didn't notice anything bad in Ed's behavior. Maybe sometimes he came late and as soon as he entered our home he disappeared in his room. I thought that he was tired or he was sad because of his lateness.
When I calmed down I asked him from where did he find money to buy it. I knew that all money which he got from me and Roy weren't enough to supply his needs. When he told me that he was stealing and receiving money from kids I couldn't believe in it. I felt even worse than before. My son was a thief?! No, that couldn't be the truth! But I always tried to not think about things like they were only like I wanted to see them.
Good for me that Roy was there, holding me by my arm, because I don't know what I would do.
I thought that there wasn't one thing that would surprise me, but I was wrong. When Ed told me that it was Nick who was giving him drugs he proved me wrong. I thought I would faint. Nick?! That Nick?! He was such a sweet boy. He was often helping me.
After a couple of minutes when my heart was beating in regular way, I and Roy talked about what to a next. I was sure that I couldn't leave that boys alone.
In the next day I went to the Nick's house. His father greeted me in the doorway. I told him about everything. And he knew about his son. When I asked him why he didn't do anything in order to stop it he answered that he was as ashamed. We both agreed that they were drying out in no time.
I and Roy went for some kind of advice because we didn't know if we could handle it on our own. First we went to the Office Of custody Over Juvenile. I asked them what to do. I could tell that they didn't know what to do themselves.
'' Take him to some institution '' Roy said that we wouldn't take him there. He was right. Ed would feel alone and unwanted and that would cost only more depression. They told us to go to The Psychological and Pedagogical Counseling Center. In there they told us that Ed needed some therapy. But there weren't enough places where Ed could go. Even if there were they were already full so we decided to do it in our house.
They gave us some kind of advice and told what to give him.
Nick's father told me that he would do it as well. I was so glad that they would be normal again.
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--Ed's POV--
I was glad when I heard that Roy and Riza would help me. I thought that they would send me away, not caring about what would happen to me. But they were different than other people who I meet. They actually cared.
When Riza told me that she talked with Nick's father and he decided that his son would try too. I couldn't believe it! His father?! But he was an old alcoholic nothing more! Nick would give him one bottle of bear and he would simply let him go wherever he wanted to. I decided to go out and talk with Nick about taking it seriously but Riza didn't let me go. She said that I would go and take some drugs. She didn't trust me any more, but who would?
The first day was awful. I took some pills which Riza brought. I felt better after them, but not for a long time. But I tried to focus on thoughts where I wouldn't need some drugs to feel good. That I was normal, like the rest. In some moments my whole body was in pain, but it was only for a while.
In the evening everything started. I took pills one after one and drank everything by wine. But it didn't help. Suddenly I couldn't feel my legs, I couldn't move. So for about ten minutes I stayed completely limp.
Next I felt pressure somewhere near my knees. I laid on the floor and I tried to straighten my legs, but they didn't move. Suddenly all my muscles hurt so much. I started to shake, after some time I was shaking violently from the cold. It was so freezing. I even felt the cold sweat on my forehead.
Then everything stopped. I thought it was finally the end of it all, but when I felt something was happening with my stomach I knew that was only the beginning. I was shivering again.That were cramps of my stomach.
I couldn't take it anymore. I started to scream. I screamed because I couldn't take that pain.
I didn't hear when someone opened the doors but I felt someone presence. It was Roy. He told me to calm down. I grabbed him by his arm and squeezed it tight. It must hurt him because I felt a hot substance on my fingers. It was his blood.
I was breathing hard. He hugged me, trying to calm me down. But it hurt so much!
'' I can't take it. I won't make it. Please I can't '' I started to beg. I wanted so badly to go and take that fucking drug and end all this pain.
'' Shhhh everything's fine. Just calm down.'' he was telling me things like that for all over the time. But I knew that I wouldn't make it. And it was only the first day.
Somehow I calmed down and Roy helped me to go to my bed. I closed my eyes, but I didn't know for how long. When I opened them Roy was gone. I felt so weak.
Next I tried to focus myself on some worthless book but from all those nerves I tore it whole apart.
My mouth and throat were completely dry, but I felt saliva in them at the same time. When I wanted to swallow it I started to cough. I stood up and made my way towards the doors. I wanted to go out of there.
I couldn't take it. I started to coughing more violently. Finally when I reached bathroom I started to vomit.
I spent there some time just sitting on that cold floor. I must fell asleep there because when I opened my eyes I was in my room in my bed.
Riza brought me valium and mandrake. I ate five pills of valium and two mandrakes. I drank it all by whole bottle of wine. Normal person would sleep after that for a couple of days, but my organism was so poisoned that it almost didn't react to this additional poison. I only was a bit calmer and that was all.
After some time I have fallen asleep, but I knew what was happening besides me. My eyes saw everything but my mind drifted to a better place. But I could feel that damn pain. It wasn't as bad as it was at the beginning but It still hurt.
In the evening I ate some pills. I didn't know how much. I didn't count them because there was too much of them. Normal person would be dead by now. And I? I could sleep for a couple of hours.
When I woken up I saw a white bowl with water and some towel next to my bed. I wiped all sweat off.
In the next day I felt a lot of better. I went downstairs to the bathroom. I had to take a shower. Because I smelled awful. When the hot water leak on my body I felt like new.
I could speak now as well. I talked with Alphonse. He often came to check how I was doing. We talked about many things. Some of them really didn't matter. We talked only to say something.
I told him that after this I was going to finish this school and maybe if it was even possible try to end it with good marks.
When Riza entered my room she had a surprise for me. Her doctor gave her a bottle of valeron. I was so happy. After taking it I felt a lot of better.
And so four days passed.
Riza was bringing me everything that I wanted. She was so kind and caring. Roy came to check on me as well. We didn't talk much, but I could tell that he cared. I never seen him like that.
I had a strange appetite for an ice creams. So Riza was buying them for me all the time. I was taking valium and valeron not as often as I was at the beginning. Sometimes I felt pain in my heart but it wasn't as painful as it used to be.
The rest of the week I spent in bed. Riza ,Roy or Al often came and were telling me things. Sometimes Al came and read me a book. He knew what I liked so always when he read I was interested in it.
When finally that ten days became to an end I could walk normally. I felt so...so clean. Riza kissed me on my forehead and hugged, she was so happy. Roy went towards me with an angry face, I didn't know what this was all about. Was he angry at me? But when he looked me in my eyes he only smiled friendly. I didn't even know he could smile...he told me that he was proud of me. I only nodded. But inside I was glad because first time he told me that he was proud! Finally I did something right!
I asked them if I could go out because I spent ten days in my room and I needed some fresh air. I could go and see. Nick as well and see how was he doing. Roy only told me to not came too late and watch out.
When I went to the Nick's house I saw his father who was walking out of the house. When I was about to knock on the doors they opened and Nick was standing in the doorway. I was in shock when he told me that he was clean. But how? His father was drinking ...he done it by himself? I wouldn't make it. He told me that his father locked him inside and was bringing him food and something to drink. He told me that his father had changed and almost didn't drink in those ten days, or at least he thought so.
I would die there, in his place! But I guess he was stronger that me.
We decided to go for a walk. I didn't know where we were going and from what I noticed neither did Nick. But then I found myself in the familiar train station. When we stood there I finally said that it would be good if we would meet our friends and tell them that we were clean.
It wasn't hard to find them. Axel and Steve. We were taking drugs together. But there was a difference between us. I was stealing money from people or beating some kids to give me some. But they, they were working there. They weren't anything more than a cheap whores who done everything what their customers wanted only to get money. This day was their lucky ,they had heroin for at least three days. But in my opinion they were on the bottom.
When we told them good news they were happy for us. They told us that they wanted to start drying off in the next week when they would have valeron. But now they were going to Steve's apartment to inject some heroin.
I looked at Nick and he looked at me. We stayed like this for a long time, but finally without telling another word we went after them.
Next I found myself in a happy mood. I felt so high. Like there weren't any worries or problems! Always on heroin I felt so good.
That was like our race to the bottom...
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(A/N) Again sorry for all my mistakes. I know there is probably a lot of them! Tell me if you want me to continue this, because I don't know if I should! Thanks for those who are reviewing!