Chapter 38

Unwanted Guest

Paige in the years that passed never really forgot Alex. She felt guilty for how things ended and her role in things and realized no one loved her as much as Alex did. When Spinner told her Alex would be there tonight, she knew that Spinner despite his recent grievances with herself knew about their past relationship and how things fizzled and eventually came to a head. So when Paige knocked at the door she was mostly thinking of what to say to Alex if she got upset with her for merely being around.

Emma answered the door and beamed, "Paige you came, Spinner told me you'd be coming tonight."

"What's she doing here?" Darcy whispered to Spinner, "you did what?"

Spinner pulled Darcy to a private corner and whispered, "I ran into Paige at The Dot and we got to talking about Alex."

"Oh . . " Darcy understood but was still skeptical of Paige knowing all about their history. She was visibly uncomfortable as she downed her water wishing it were whisky.

Paige took off her houndstooth coat and hung it on the hook by the door and beamed politely at Spinner.

Alex walked into Emma's living room from the bathroom she was wearing a black pair of leggings and a grey tunic her hair was down and curly she had dark makeup on. She and Paige locked eyes from across the room and then Alex surprised Paige by walking over and giving her a big hug. "Paige, it's great to see you." She pulled away facing her long lost former flame, "Where have you been?"

"Well I'm Paige Michalchuk assistant to the stars." Paige awkwardly stated. "Likewise, it's been forever, Lex."

"I'm doing okay, living with Jay and Manny I don't know if you heard but I'm moving to California with them."

"That's great, that's where I am." Paige remarked, "we'll have to get together once you're settled in if you want to that is."

"I'd like that." Alex smirked, "so what else have you been doing?"

"Honestly? Nothing really. I've basically been working constantly, few flings here and there but honestly nothing could compare to you."

Alex was taken back, but continued listening to Paige, "Can we talk alone if you don't mind?"

Alex was truthfully afraid to tell Paige what she has been up to. It was a rough going for her after she and Paige split up and then Alex went to Ajax got into a rough crowd and started using dope and she was so broke that she had to go back to stripping until Alex fell in with her old friends again and got sober. Alex still couldn't part with her feelings for Paige. Paige could never forget Alex, and would usually cozy up to Spinner for comfort and would be the only person she'd ever confide in about her regrets. She and Paige decided to take off out of Emma's and into the alleyway beside it. Alex lit up her cigarette and took a large drag, Paige remarked "Still smoking I see."

"Oh this?" Alex asked holding her cigarette away from her face and between her two fingers, "I don't know if I could ever stop these things,"

The blonde giggled and sheepishly asked, "Could I bum one?"

"Sure." Alex said digging in her tote for a second cigarette out of her box, "I hope you don't mind menthols, it's all I smoke."

"Likewise." Paige replied as she placed the cigarette to her lips, "remember when we got high during the college fair?"

Alex laughed, "Oh my God that was hysterical."

"I know, we had so much fun that day. Even though I bombed my Banting interview I somehow managed to get in."

"And I thought miracles didn't exist. For the record I sometimes wish I got to go there and you know, see it." Alex blew some smoke, "I know it was rough for you but sometimes I wish I got a chance to go to college."

"So what did you do since we stopped talking?"

"I um, I moved with my aunt for a while but she's basically horrible at maintaining a home and incapable about caring about anyone but herself so I was on my own for a while too and then I got into drugs because I was depressed and lonely and I didn't want anybody to see me like that, you know?" Alex took a drag, and then blew some more smoke, "so naturally I sort of cut off contact from everybody Emily and Jay of all people and then some crazy things started to happen. I got booted by my landlord and then had to start stripping to even get money for a hotel to stay in and I'm not talking The Four Seasons I'm talking crappy motels you know the ones where you're kind of afraid to slip into the sheets and all you could think of are the people who were in them before you and knowing they're dirty and it only reinforced what I thought about me and myself and my self-worth and how I fucked my whole life up and this time I don't know if there is a way out or something I can do to turn it around. Then I started coping with drugs and got further and further into addiction it no longer was just for fun. I was so goddamn numb. Then I ran into Jay and all his friends at work. I was humiliated but he saved my life. He gave me a way out. He opened the door. He still loves me no matter what I did wrong. He listens to me when I'm upset. He stayed with me through all the withdrawals from the drugs. Dragged my ass into his house and gave me a place to live rent free. He asks for nothing. That's how I've been doing though, better for the first time since I can remember. Paige I don't know what you know about my childhood but it wasn't pretty. It had its moments but it deep down was pretty dark. The boyfriends some nice some not so nice and my dad was abusive until you know he took off and I had to grow up fast to take care of her since she couldn't take care of herself. I was always afraid I'd wind up just like her, you know? Eventually I will lose my will to fight for the things I want in my life or don't want in my life. I knew that I'd wind up on a couch chugging a beer all afternoon like her. A pathetic existence."

"I'm so sorry, Alex." Paige sighed, "I'm so sorry how we left things."

Alex didn't say anything for a time and just smoked avoiding Paige's eyes, "I was afraid to tell you."

"Alex you can tell me anything."

"Everything just comes back to when you booted me out of your life, no matter how sorry you are still hurts me." Alex sighed, "everyones got a life and I'm piggybacking other peoples lives. Why do I do that? Why am I so fucking pathetic?"

"Girl, you're so not pathetic," Paige started to say before Alex interrupted.

"I'm shacking up with Jay and Manny and I love them to death but I feel like the third wheel, Emma has her business Spinner has Darcy, Sean and Jay have each other if things don't work out and I have nobody."

Paige determined to make Alex happy and taking somewhat of a leap of faith grasped her hands causing Alex to drop her cigarette and told her quite seriously looking into her eyes, "You have me."

Alex stood up and shook her head before walking away, "No, I don't."

Without knocking, a disheveled Craig schlepped into the room carrying a somewhat empty bottle of Jack Daniels he took a swig and then pointed at Jay and Manny but namely Jay, "You," he staggered forward slurring his words as he spoke drunkenly, "You stole her away from me."

Sean from across the room noticed what was going on and intervened calling out, "Craig, calm down, okay?" but physically Craig pushed him away. That's when Sean got angry when he finally got his footing he pushed Craig back onto the floor this time.

"Sean what're you gonna do? Deafen me in both ears?" He then cracked up laughing. Emma, Spinner, and Darcy just looked on kind of frightened. Sean rolled his eyes at the jab. "See I remember that shit, Sean."

He shook his head at a loss of what to do, he took a deep breath clenching his fists at his sides, Emma then stepped in front of Sean, bravely and calmly demanded, "Craig, you have to leave now." Emma was worried Sean would kick Craig's ass and it wouldn't be pretty.

"No no, I just I want to talk to Manny, please, just let me talk to her." Craig begged and begged and then something somewhat miraculous happened.

"Craig?" Manny exited the bathroom confused.

"Manny!" Craig ran to her and pulled her into a hug. "I thought I'd never see you again."

She wasn't thrilled but she knew he was drunk. She could smell it on him. With a smug smile she reluctantly wrapped her arms around him in a half-hearted hug. "We can talk. In private."

"Look about the letter . . " Manny started out.

"You still love me." Manny sighed, and Craig nodded, "you do."

"Stop it." She muttered looking down at him whilst he sits on the bed looking at her like she's the only woman to ever exist like she always wanted him to look at her and he's doing it and it had never been so hard for her to resist him. He was her first everything and he will always be. No one has ever pushed her buttons or made her laugh or cry as much as he has or did.

"Craig I don't think you understand," Manny's eyes started to well up seeing him like this because it was hard for her and it was hard for him to hear it.

"I understand a little bit. You wrote me but you couldn't tell me things?"

"You want the truth? Craig you broke my heart. It'll never be the same between us and this time, we did try."

"What?" He asked, "When? I thought I did everything right by you this time. I sung to you, I listened to you, I never made you cry. When did this happen?"

"A long, long time ago and Craig guess what? It still hurts. It hurt when you decided you didn't like me when we were kids. Even then I loved you. It hurt when you decided you didn't know what you wanted because guess what again, Craig? I did. I wanted you. You wanted Ashley too. You wanted to have your cake and eat it too. Then when we were finally happy together, or so I thought you thought drugs were more important, getting high was more important so I let you go. Then you know even then even though I turned my back on you. Do you know how hard it is, Craig you're always there even when you're not. Every disappointment, every time you'd forget to call me back when you were in school in Vancouver I still, still loved you and I meant what I said in that letter, I will always love you. And that will always be true. I'll always root for you to do good and better and have every happiness because you will always deserve it because to me you're perfect, Craig. I meant what I said to you a hundred years ago, maybe not a hundred years ago when I said I'd be happy forever if you wrote me something. And even when you did I- my heart burned because I wanted it to last. Then I have to be realistic and I realized that'll never be because there was always someone else. There will always be that shit that happened years ago. You don't even remember or care, but guess what I do because it affects me and it will always affect me on the highest of levels. Craig, please don't hurt anybody or alienate your friends because of me. Please let me go because I sure as hell know I need to let you go." Despite the fact they both grew and changed far and away from the kids they used to be with dreams, and here they were with all their dreams coming true and Manny never felt more far away from Craig. Craig couldn't believe what he was hearing. His heart was exposed and he could feel it breaking all over again. His heart broke for Manny his mind was filled with regrets on how he squandered his love for her and broke her heart in the process. He sighed before muttering, "I wish I could take it back, when I hurt you because I don't want to ever hear you ever felt that way. That I could be responsible for it. I never meant to hurt you. I chose you on the ice and I meant it. There will never be another you trust me I've searched."

"Craig, if you stay here and . . if you stay I can't be true and I don't want that."

The dark haired man stood up and pulled her into hug, "Stay with me, please. I'd do anything."

Manny avoided his gaze and looked up toward the ceiling and sighed fighting tears at a loss of what to do. Part of her wanted to stay forever with Craig but most of her and a good percentage of her wanted to be with Jay. Jay never put her through this, she put him through hell over Christmas and now she knows what it like. It was because of Craig she hated Christmas and now she's got a chance to love it all over again like she did when she was a child. "Manny, there's nobody else just you. Please." Craig sobbed into her chest and she violently pushed him away and shook her head.

"Not again."