Chapter 40

Changes

Emma put on her paisley scarf and black coat and trudged through the street to hail a taxi to get to her appointment. She really wasn't worried it was her routine annual and she really didn't have any worries. She let Manny sleep in and Sean went to the gym early in the morning before Emma was even awake yet. Jay has been busying packing up the house with Alex. Sean came in late the night before with shoes full of puke from his walk with Craig. Emma was slightly amused on her early morning commute she even was able to make conversation with the cabby who had asked her how her weekend was. "My weekend was pretty great."

"That's always good to hear." He replied, "I worked all weekend so there's enough entertaining stories to go around." He slowly came to a stop at the destination, "Here you are, ma'am."

"Thanks." She politely replied as she gave him his money and shut the door behind her as she made her way to the building. Emma saw a bunch of kids in the waiting room playing with the toys with their mothers with their noses stuffed in a parenting magazine. Emma dug in her tote and picked up her enviornmental eco criticism book and began reading awaiting her name being called by a nurse. She was slightly interrupted by the sounds of childrens laughter, she smiled but immediately went back to her book. Emma practically raised Jack while Snake was sick with cancer so she's had more than her fair share of experience with kids, she's had plenty of practice for when the real thing would happen. She saw the woman with the three kids get called and then she knew that eventually it would be her turn.

- x-

Alex was folding her meager amount of clean clothes from Jay's dryer into her duffel bag. Jay came down the basement and waved to her and she waved back once her hands were free. He asked her as he came down the last few steps, "What'cha up to, Lexxi?"

"Oh you know, just getting my packing done."

"Fun party last night, so uh where did you and blondie go?"

Alex ignored him and threw the last shirt in the wash before he spoke again, "You missed a helluva drunk show."

"I don't want to talk about it." Alex muttered shaking her head, "Le'ts just say, " As she folded another shirt against her chest, "it was a mistake."

"What was?"

Alex paused and thought long and hard whether or not she was going to tell Jay even if he meant to harm. She exhaled and rolled her eyes, "It just sort of happened, okay?"

"What happened?"

"Fine, I'll tell you. I had sex with Paige and now I feel like I fucked up"

"Whoa I was just joking I just did the process of elimination with you two and -" Jay eyed Alex's serious expression and his eyes widened, "you're serious?"

"So we have a cigarette and for some reason I blurt out everything that's been going on and then she told me that I'll always have her. And then she chased me down when I walked away from her because I Just knew every time, every goddamn time we get together this shit happens. It's like she's my weakness or something it's pathetic. I didn't want it to go where it did, we ended up in the alley just she and I by the dumpster where we shared our first blunt and then she left and she was gone and I went back here and now I regret it."

"Get some!" Jay put his fist out and saw her less than enthused face and sighed, "you're no fun."

"Have you ever had sex with someone or liked somebody you shouldn't?" Alex asked him pretty seriously, he had an answer in his mind but he shook his head and shrugged his shoulders, "You can't relate."

Jay knew what would cheer up Alex, a nice big blunt that he had hand rolled, he slipped his hand down his pocket and pulled it out, "May as wll have one more smoke in my house before we go, am I right?"

She beamed, "Sounds like a great idea, let's get monumentally fucked up."

Manny pulled up at Jay's with her luggage from Emma's house, and noticed Jay and Alex were coughing and the basement was hazy with smoke. She giggled with amusement as she came over to them, "Can I join your afternoon party?"

Alex looked at Alex and passed the blunt to her, "And I thought you couldn't hang, I think I approve of Manny to be honest."

Manny was surprised, she never thought in a million years she'd ever get on Alex's good side. "You approve?"

The raven-haired girl nodded, "Go ahead, smoke it."

Manny pulled the blunt to her lips and inhaled taking in a big hit of smoke before blowing it out after a few moments of holding it all in, "This feels pretty great, living in LA with you guys is going to be so great." Manny pulled Alex and Jay into a big hug, Jay kissed Manny's cheek as he pulled her tighter toward him. Alex finally felt after all the years of struggling happy for once. She had her best friend in her life and she knows he has her back, a bunch of great friends who even threw them a party and of course a new friend in Manny.

Emma got home and poured herself a shot of whiskey and shot it down quickly. She rummaged through her fridge and poured herself a glass of gingerale for a chaser. She threw her head down and sighed out of breath at this point. Sean wasn't back yet and Manny had already gone to Jay's for the rest of the day and she was alone. It wasn't long before she laid down for a nap that Sean came home with flowers in hand. Emma was passed out on the couch drunk from whiskey. Sean could smell it on her, he recoiled in a bit of mild disgust because it was so potent on her breath she kissed his cheek when he came forward and sat beside her on the couch with her legs sprawled ontop of his. "Emma how much did you drink and don't lie?"

"A few shots." She said slurring her words a bit she beamed, "I love you."

"I love you too, boozy." Sean replied flirtatiously touching her nose. "Now uh are we alone?"

"Yes we are. I'm so glad you're back because there's something you should know." Emma started to cry a little and Sean furrowed his brow with concern, "I uh, went to the doctors today."

"Are you okay?" Sean asked her.

She nodded as she wiped hot tears from her eyes with the back of her hand smudging the remaining eyeliner around her eyes, she didn't really care about her looks at a time like this, "I don't know if I'm okay, Sean."

"What do you mean?"

"So I found out that I can't have kids." Emma confessed tearfully. "If all else failed or when it all came down to it I always wanted to be a mother."

"Oh, Em." Sean sighed covering his mouth sadly, he removed his hand with pursed lips, "I'm so sorry, babe."

"The worst part is that I never knew anything was wrong."

"How could you know?"

"I guess that when I had gonnorhea I made it so I'm unfertile because I waited too long." Emma sighed, "or maybe I was never wired to have kids but I guess if I wanted to I'd adopt."

"Or I'll give you one better, how about we get a dog?"

"A dog in this small of an apartment?" Emma asked a smile played on her lips.

"See, I got you smiling. We'll talk about this whenever you want but I'm okay with this and right now all I want to do is spend some time with my girlfirend at the animal shelter whenever you sober up in the meantime I'll order us a pizza and a cheesesteak to share to get the foodie cravings out of your system and let's not forget your choice movie whatever you want to watch, chick flick all the way."

"Sean," Emma beamed, "You're the best boyfriend. I'd love to."