Chapter 41

Crashing

Emma laid down in her bed overthinking as usual. She remembered it all. The death of her last relationship and she feared with her whole heart that something like that would happen to this one. Sean was fast and silently asleep beside her and she could remember when Spinner was there. The way he used to snore and shake up the entire bed to get to sleep constantly tossing and turning like a ship in the night. She remembered what he'd say to her each night when she'd dare utter an I love you in return she'll receive a simple question, "Do you?"

She grew tired of the constant feeling of failure, it was almost futile to say anything. Sometimes they'd go weeks without speaking. It scared her so much that she'd eventually shut down with Sean and then she couldn't go through that again, especially that.

She turns around in her sleep and pulls Sean into her arms, he just falls back into her arms and she spoons him close to her and she didn't want to let go.

He awoke, "What's wrong?"

She buried her face in his shoulder into the darkness, she tried not to make a noise, "Nothing," She mumbled but Sean was less than convinced.

He adjusted her arms and and leaned over to the side of Emma's bed to turn on the lamp, "What is it, Em? It doesn't sound like nothing, you have to tell me what's going on?"

"It's just I want to make sure we talk, everyday even if it's stupid. I want to know what you're thinking, feeling I just want to know these things. Alot of issues I've had in past relationships are communication issues and I want to make sure I hear you loud and clear."

"I want the same for you, you have to tell me what's going on when you're feeling it."

"Are you okay with the fact that I can't have kids and please don't lie."

"I'll admit it does suck but I don't know, kids don't really matter much to me. I think I'd be a lousy parent anyway, Em. And besides, it matters to me only because it matters to you. Even if we adopted, I'd do my best to make sure they have the best life they can with us. They'd still be a part of you and me because we'd teach them everything we know and learn about things we don't know and deal with those issues whenever they come to us. Right now though, I'm fine. I know I'm truly blessed to have you in my life, Em."

Emma's heart melted and she beamed, "Oh Sean, you're amazing. You always know what to say and I don't know what to say."

"You don't have to say anything, I keep telling you that sometimes having a loss for words is okay too."

Sean leaned in and kissed Emma atop her head and she pulled him closer in her arms for a warm embrace. "So are we going to get some sleep now?" Emma nodded and they fell asleep in one another arms.

Alex brushed her hair after a shower and looked straight ahead at the mirror before her. Her unmade up face winced as she placed her signature hoop earrings in each of her ears. She doesn't like what she sees. She just whispers to herself, "You're so stupid."

She's in LA now and just as she thought she doesn't have a future but she'll try to put on a brave face and focus on the present. Alex has been getting a few phone calls from Paige but she keeps ignoring them. She doesn't want to talk about what transpired between them over that fateful weekend. In just a towel Alex changes into a tank top and jeans. She exits the bathroom and decides to make breakfast for her friends. So she turns on the stove top and gets cracking with some eggs. She also makes bacon and gets out the toaster some rye toast.

Alex spends a lot of time in the shower because it's the only place she can be away from everyone else and cry. She knows she has it good, so why is she so sad? She can't answer that question. She just feels alone she's the one friend who has a drug problem and she was always kind of a druggie but it never got out of control until after Paige and her split up and she went away. She never heard a word from Paige after not even, 'did you arrive safe?' so imagine the shock it was to see Paige a few years after the fact and try to convince herself that it's okay and all should be forgiven. As for Alex, even though she has real feelings for Paige she's afraid to act on them, afraid to take down her defenses like the wall around her heart but she wants to try not to let what happened with Paige affect her daily life. Even though they're in the same place at the same time its hard to let her back in when she was burned by her not once but twice. Back then Alex was like a moth to a flame with Paige. She loved her so much it honestly scared her. So imagine how she felt, gut punched by the revelation that Paige kicks her to the curb.

As she's cooking away, there's a knock at the door. Alex turns off the eggs and plates them but left the toast because she likes them extra crispy before venturing to the door. She's surprised to see Paige standing before her, two coffees in her hands. "for you, black." Alex reluctantly takes the coffee.

"Paige," Alex's eyes widened with surprise, "you're here at my house with coffee. Why?"

"I wanted to see you." Paige answered as she smiled, "I just figured I was in the area and thought of you."

"Oh," she muttered simply, before finally taking a sip of her coffee.

Awkwardly Paige asks, "Can I come in or is this a bad time?"

"Of course. Come in. " Alex steps back to give Paige some space to come in. Paige admired the architecture.

Paige marveled, "Wow. The house is massive."

"Follow me to the kitchen." Alex skeptically stated as she walked to the kitchen with Paige behind her. The raven haired girl noticed her toast was done when she came in and put them on a plate, Paige was sort of standing there so Alex says, "you can sit at the island if you want. Are you hungry I'm making breakfast."

"I see that." Paige observed and offered her a friendly smile. "I like my eggs scrambled well."

"So do I." Alex said as she cracked an egg into the frying pan and started whisking away.

"Can we talk?"

Alex felt her stomach sick at this time she wasn't facing Paige but she managed to stop dead in her tracks.

"I probably appear really clingy."

"Coming over unannounced can be considered clingy."

"Alex hun can we please talk?"

"There's nothing to really talk about." Alex continued whisking the eggs until they were fluffy and golden. A silence fell over them as Alex plated the eggs and slid them in Paige's direction.

"Like or not Alex whether you admit it or not you have feelings for me. I know what happened okay, I was there. And it wasn't our finest hour but like it or not we had sex. We connected!"

"I can't go there again.

"I got you talking." Paige replied Alex feels more than she let's on.

"Fine. You want me to talk? My life has been non stop bullshit at every turn. I'm truthfully in worse shape financially . . . mentally than I was since we broke up to tell you the truth. You think you can waltz in and steal my heart? Is that what you thought today?"

"I was trying to be cordial but -"

"You never checked up on me."

"I wanted to, hun I just couldn't bring myself to talk to you. I felt shitty about how things blew up. I didn't think you wanted to hear from me."

"I wanted you and I to be friends, Paige!"

"I was the same person who broke your heart." Paige sighed and shook her head, "it just is what it is, Alex. It doesn't work that way I don't think."

"Well, first girlfriends don't come with manuals."

"Maybe there should be. For what its worth, I'm so sorry about things ended up. I'm sorry I didn't call. I don't know what you want me to say but I am sorry." Paige stood up closer to Alex, "I mean that from the bottom of my heart. It's true."

"I wish I could believe you."

"You were and still are everything I want." Paige brazenly admitted.

Alex and Paige looked at one another before Alex inched a bit closer and placed her forehead onto Paige's. She leaned in too almost as if there was some sort of push. And then they both couldn't hold on to their convictions and they kissed.

They pull apart and look admiringly into one another eyes. Alex whispered but first she hesitated breathing heavily, she uttered, "I'm afraid."

"Of what?" Paige asked.

"Letting myself fall for you."

"I swear it'll be different this time, I promise."

"I hope so."

-x-

Sean has been saving his money for something big. He's always wanted to own a business doing what he loves, working on cars. He knows cars. Its a skill he's proud of. He plans to open up a garage. For awhile those dreams were put on hold when he enlisted in the army but then now that he's essentially home and there's no time like the present to start making good on his goals. Another want is for Sean to get his GED but he wishes he got to graduate with his class and friends. Now he plans for finally doing it.

Emma helps him study. She makes flashcards and and mnemonic devices To Help him remember she even got Snake involved and they are helping him study she's honestly the biggest cheerleader.

Sean and Emma went into the animal shelter hand in hand. Before they could consider any pets or see them they had to fill out information about previous pets and past family pets. Once they were done they were led into the dog room. They saw dogs young and old of all sizes some scared some excited but all of them barking. Except one little dog, a Pomeranian named Harley. He started to get on his hind legs and spins around. He circled the cage and finally let out a little bark. "He's adorable." Emma remarked clapping her hands excitedly.

"I think we should ask how we get to see him in action."

Sean found a worker that put them in a special room with just Emma, Sean and the dog. He was very affectionate. He licked Emma's cheek and she smiled warmly. "I just love this little guy."

While Sean was petting him he said, "I think we found our dog."

"Me too, Sean."

-x-

Darcy is learning how to drive all over again. She didn't really drive in Kenya so she's driving around town in Spinner's car with him in the passenger seat. They decided that even though she's pregnant they could still do normal everyday activities. As Darcy made a wide turn Spin started to panic a bit with exaggerated movements. "Don't panic, I should be the one panicking I'm the one driving."

"Babe, just be careful it's my baby. Beat up as it may be it just needs some tlc."

"I know and I'll treat it like it's my own." Darcy looked straight ahead and looked almost ridiculous with her hands at 10 and two but she hasn't collided with any cars she hasn't ran any red lights and she was doing okay.

"You're doing great. Let's celebrate with some iced coffee at Tim's."

"Sounds like a plan." Darcy answered back and was getting ready to make a turn and the car was hit and if flipped over.

-x-

Jay and Manny awoke they quickly threw on their robes and led by the scent of cooking bacon they find Alex and Paige kissing in the kitchen. Jay clapped his hands and amusedly and surprised to see this sight so early, "Good morning, Lexxi."

Alex embarrassed, quick pulled away from Paige who kind of hid her face.

"Hey Paige." Manny waved politely.

"Oh hey Manny." Paige preoccupied, grabbed her bag and her coffee. "Thanks for the eggs Alex." She hadn't touched them. "I should be going now."

As Paige walked out she stood by the door for a moment and Alex met her there. "We should hang out sometime."

The blonde girl nodded before Alex shut the door. She just exclaimed quietly, "Yes!"