Chapter 43

The Past Meets the Present

When Spinner finally entered the room he saw Darcy sitting up with a bandaged head and a sling around her arm and shoulder. She didn't say anything at first. He tried to keep a brave face on for her he sat on the chair next to the bed with flowers and a get well soon balloon. "Hey babe, it's me."

She was somewhat dazed looking downward. She looked up and smiles through the pain. The girl was quiet for a time looking down at the gifts and then to Spinner. Finally, She murmurs sadly, "She would've been a girl." Her voice sounded hoarse from the breathing tube they had to put in while she was unconscious. She grabbed the water cup from the side bed table and took a sip before collapsing back ward onto the bed.

"Allison." he whispered sadly, "Allison Clare." That was the name they had settled on had they a daughter. He sat by her side and squeezed her hand tightly.

Darcy's eyes welled up with tears shaking her head, "I don't want to talk about it." she turned her attention to the beautiful flowers, "they're lovely."

"I understand." Spinner nodded sadly. Despite Darcy being behind the wheel he could never blame her. Afterall, he loved her. "We have our lives to talk about it."

"Its all my fault because I was driving." she said rather seriously without emotion.

"No baby, it is was an accident." that's when she really started to cry. "come here." he muttered quietly and scooted close to her he laid his head on her good shoulder nearest to him.

"I'm so sorry." Darcy sobbed into his shoulder, "when they told me all I could think about you and how you were so excited for this baby and -"

"There's nothing for you to be sorry about."

"I feel awful. I wrecked your baby, I killed ours- "

"Listen to me, you're gonna be okay. We're going to be okay. Okay?"

She quietly and weakly whispered back, "Okay."

They sat there for a few moments in one anothers arms before Spinner finally told her, "Friends are here for you."

"Are they still in the waiting room?" She asked with a hopeful tone.

"Jay, Emma, Sean, Manny even Paige came by with Alex. They were so happy to hear you pulled through. Your dads here but he let me come in first."

She beamed, "Aw but I look awful. I just know it."

"Darcy even with bandages and stitches you're still beautiful." he kissed her forehead and then her lips. "should I let them come by?"

She nodded enthusiastically. Spinner left and went into the hall to collect their friends.

For Emma, it was a sobering experience seeing her ex husband in such pain in the waiting room. Regardless of what happened between them she holds no resentment for him and feels a lot of empathy for him in this situation. Emma herself can't have children so it kind of broke her heart that Spinner and Darcy lost their chance at parenthood. Not even Manny knew about this new development in her life. Emma and Sean paid a visit to Darcy and said their goodbyes. Since Manny was close to Darcy they spent a lot of time together. Emma was drained and asked Sean to drive her home.

When they arrived home though Sean was feeling a bit frisky. He pulled Emma as soon as they got inside her apartment close to him and started kissing her. She pulled away quickly, "I'm not in the mood."

"When is it that we have the place to ourselves?" Emma crossed her arms. And he relented, "want me to put on a pot of chamomile?"

She nodded wordlessly and yawned they stepped from the entryway and she on the couch, she asked him while he was in the kitchen she quickly changed her mind, "you want to smoke instead?"

"Yeah. I think we need to decompress."

"I thought so too. I had to get out of there considering the obvious." Emma told Sean her voice devoid of enthusiasm. Emma pulled out her small box of paraphernalia and started to wordlessly put things together on the couch.

"I don't blame you." Sean said from the kitchen honestly as he filled up her kettle with some water.

"Sean, forget the tea and sit with me." he exited the kitchen and maneuvered himself beside her. "are you angry?"

Sean shook his head. "Why would I be?"

"You're just quiet is all since you tried to hook up. I know it's been awhile since we last did anything and I want to know that as soon as Jay, Manny and Alex go back home…"

Sean interjected, "I just want to feel close to you is all. Be intimate with one another. I feel like today your mind was elsewhere."

"I've been thinking is all." Emma sighed tiredly lying her head on his shoulder, "and I want all of those things too."

"What have you been thinking about?" Sean asked worriedly.

"I just was thinking, since you spend so much time here anyhow... would you like to move in? I mean it's almost as if you already are here more than you're at your place . . ."

Sean beamed excitedly, "I'd love that."

"Wonderful." Emma replied, "I guess we'll have to do all the moving stuff soon."

"I'm not looking forward to the moving stuff, but it'll be worth it to be able to have some place to call home instead of having us do all the back and forth stuff."

"It makes things completely officially official."

"Emma?"

"yeah Sean?" Emma asked.

"I love you." he said with a held gaze. "I just wanted to tell you because I never did in the past for all the times I slept on it and never told you. I want to do more than tell you I want to show you and prove to you. I know it was hard being around Spinner when like his world came crashing down. I know you. I just want you to know you can tell me anything and everything because I'll understand. And Em I think it's time for me to say I'm so happy and excited to be stepping into this new chapter with you. I can't believe we will be officially living together."

Emma beamed, "I always had a feeling you were special. The way we met, when you saved my life, when you went away I somehow knew you'd come back and then you did afterwards and then when you came back around after all these years you awoke this part of me I never felt before. I'm excited too."

Sean's phone rang and he reluctantly picked up, "hello?"

"it's mom." Sean almost hung up but then the voice said, "Seanny, please don't hang up. I need to tell you something." Emma looked on with a confused expression."I know it's been a long time but I need you to know I'm sober for the first time in 20 some odd years and I can admit I haven't had a drink in over two weeks."

"Well isn't that good for you."Sean's demeanor toughened up back to old Sean back to when he felt the need to have all this pride.

"I feel honestly twenty years younger. And um I have bad news."

Sean sighed with exhaustion and placed his hand between his eyes with stress, "How much do you need?"

"It's not money, baby. It's your father he has liver cancer. I want you to come to wasaga and pay him a visit hes been wondering about you"

"Do you think. . . is he gonna make it?" Sean asked worriedly.

"honey I don't know." she sighed out loud, "it looks bad he's in hospice at home. Tracker told me that you were back at degrassi over Christmastime. Where are you living?"

"with my girlfriend." Sean muttered "how long has it been since he's been in this bad of shape?"

"He quit drinking cold turkey when he started getting pain in his abdomen and when we went to the doctors about a month or two ago and then I went to rehab and then your dads just been deteriorating at this point and you're all he talks about. Like it or not you two bonded when you came to live with us that year he talked about how you made us breakfast every morning and confided in us and we will always love you and we'll understand if you don't want to visit again but -."

"I'll be there."

"Sean, this might be stupid but, did you ever reconnect with that girl you told us about all those years ago? The one from all the stories. The girl who never gave up on you no matter how tough things got for the two of you?"

Sean's eyes started to well up and he smiled to himself, "She's my girlfriend mom."

"I'd love to meet her."

"And you will, ma."

"Honey, I love you. I can't wait to see you."

They hung up and then Sean wiped his tears with the back of his hand. It never failed it was always emotional when the Camerons conveyed any sort of emotions or bonds with one another. Despite everything Elaine Cameron did, her one true regret was that she wasn't emotionally available for her son Sean. With Carson her oldest son she was present, with Tracker her drinking was manageable and not yet out of control but Sean the baby got the brunt of her addiction. Sean would find her slumped over a table passed out and all sorts of horrible memories marred his childhood but to hear that she's sober after all these years was a breath of fresh air that brought tears to his eyes. Emma looked to Sean with concern, "Everything okay?"

"Mom called to tell me she's sober."

"Well that's great." Emma didn't know much about Sean's childhood aside from that it was hard. He was never one to open up but in the recent time she's been spending with him he's been less reserved.

"I was thinking, I'd like for you to meet them. I've met your parents and you never really met mine."

"I didn't think you'd ever want us to meet. . ."

"That's because they weren't ever sober."

"What if they don't like me?"

"Impossible."

Emma beamed, "How is that so?"

"I told them about you." Sean sighed, "There's a reason I um, never take my shirt off."

"And that is?"

"They signed off on my tattoo before I turned 18."

"I've never seen one on you. What did you get?" She asked him quite intrigued by the confession.

"It's the only one I've got." Sean stood up and took off his tee-shirt and revealed his chest tattoo not facing her, "Em, you mean a lot to me . ."

"I want to see it." She told him persistently, "you're beginning to scare me."

"Scare you, that's what I'm afraid of." His face turning red. "I know I wanted it here for a reason, close to my heart because that's where you are."

Sean turned around and on his chest was a simple tattoo with her name. She gasped, and then she stood up and traced the letters wordlessly with her finger, "Why didn't you tell me?"

"It doesn't freak you out?"

She shook her head no, "Why would it freak me out?"

"It doesn't matter what happens to us because you'll always be in my heart as corny as it sounds but they know about you, when I spent that year here there were plenty of girls at Wasega High I could've dated but as soon as you drove away that day nine or so years ago you were the only one I was thinking about. You were different the other girls were so typical and I was more of a loner there anyway. I got my gpa up that's the only thing I did and got into automotive. I wanted to study that in school… university but you it's always been you."

"even when you were with Ellie?"

"I thought of you but I did have real feelings for her at one time or another a lot of it was overshadowed though by the many crisis' of living with her stuff."

"what kind of stuff?"

"her dad wasn't ever around, and as soon as her dad left her mom turned into this raging alcoholic. She was cruel and neglectful of Ellie. It reminded me of growing up and I knew I couldn't just stand idly by and let her deal on her own because deep down she was somewhat fragile."

"I didn't know about that.."

"yeah I think I might've caused more harm when I left her to deal with the shooting. I was like her rock and I peaced out on her."

Emma grimaced, "I guess you can say I went off the rails when you left."

"you were a witness to that, you had the gun in your face I don't know if I'd say that."

"I did. I fell apart. Ellie went after Craig apparently and I sort of lost myself. You had to go away and confront your parents and despite everything they love you like I always thought they did. And if you didn't leave it'd be her name, it'd be her and I'd be just the girl you used to date and we'd never be sitting here."

"Em I don't like thinking about that… you want the truth? Ellie may have been the first girl I ever said those three words to and I question myself that I even meant it. I just she was so different from you and so much like me or who I was at the time in my life. I needed to be her rock because I never had one and I wanted to protect her and in being that for her I caught feelings. I mean I knew she was way out of my league she was older, she was mature beyond her years and she was intense but I don't resent her wherever she is I hope she's happy. But honestly nobody could compare to the way I feel and have always felt for you. I remember the very moment."

"when?"

"when you announced you got your period and didn't care what everyone said. I was like she's fearless and I love her."

"Manny always suspected that you loved me way back when, you know? Sometimes she knows better than all of us."

"well she was right. I knew in that moment you may have stood out to me when you told me you wanted to dance to stop me from hitting Jimmy but it was when you got up in front of everyone I realized you were a stand out. You were always so brave in your convictions and crusades."

"I guess it was worth it because we got tampon dispensers in the washroom and you actually signed the petition because it was my idea."

"thought I'd help the greater good, what did they used to call you? Cause girl."

Emma blushed, "I'm so - you have a great memory."

"I suppose so. And then there's something we never talked about when we stopped being a thing at the end of exams."

"I was a little afraid of you is all."

"why?"

"when you told me what you did to Tyler and then you pushed me it scared me."

"I know I did wrong. And -"

"Sean that was forever ago. I forgive you but you need to forgive yourself."

"I just wanted to say I'd never lay a hand on you like that no matter how bad my temper gets." Sean told her rather seriously as he reached for her hand. She held his in hers and she looked up at him and beamed, "It used to be out of control but I can control it."

"I'm glad to know that." Emma beamed.

"You know what I realized?"

"What?"

"We don't have a song for us."

"Wait what?" Emma asked with confusion.

"You know how couples have that song that they associate with them?"

"We so have a song you just don't remember it. It's Christopher Rouse Just Jane."

"What?" He asked her with a furrowed brow.

Emma took out the cd from the memory box and went in a few tracks, "They played it at the wedding." She carefully took the cd from the case and knelt to put it in her stereo system.

"The wedding, how could I forget?"

She got up to a standing Sean, and put out her hand, "Shall we dance?"

Sean beamed showing his dimples as they danced together in her living room, his arms around her waist her hands around his shoulders pulled close, she rested her head on his chest as they swayed. Sean wasn't a big dancer, but when it came to Emma he'd dance with her because she's the only girl he'd ever dance with and it always had to be a slow song because he couldn't dance to anything else.

The song ended and Emma pulled away slowly and muted her stereo with the remote on the coffee table, "You don't want to hear the next song."

"Now I gotta know."

"Did I ever tell you Craig's step-dad was in a band with my step-dad in high school?"

"No."

"They had one song and it was awful. Total cheese. It was literally the soundtrack to my very confusing childhood."

"How was your childhood confusing I don't understand?"

Emma giggled, "It just was always me and my mom but then every summer she'd throw this big party and most parents you know would send their kid off to grandmas but not my mom, she wanted me to see her with her friends. Heck she'd even invite Manny over. Anyway so Caitlin my moms best friend they were hardly close in high school but after high school they sort of bonded. Liz and my mom were best friends in high school but she lives far away so we'd only see her once in awhile and then Lucy would come over and she was pretty much the most popular girl in school, everybody knew her and liked her. She had a pretty bad near death experience but she's good now. Whenever they'd together they'd sing that song."

Sean laughed shaking his head, "I'd rather have a confusing childhood than you know, whatever it was I had but I'm sure when Christine has that party I'll hear that song."

"You will." Emma smiled.

It was late at this point, about one in the morning it was breezy out and Paige and Alex were holding hands walking the streets of town. Sadly for them, the dot was closed so they sat on a bench out front and observed the empty streets of town. Paige looked silently at Alex before she decided to ask her a question, "So there's this gala back home -"

"Isn't this home?" Alex asked her confusedly.

"Where we live, hun." Paige corrected herself. "And I'd like it if you'd go with me as my plus one."

Alex beamed, "I take it nikes and wifebeaters aren't on the dresscode."

"Not a chance, like it or not you're wearing whatever you want though. I know I've got some lbds you'll just love."

"I've never been to one of those."

"C'mon it'll be fun." Paige beamed, "we'll dress up, eat caviar and other delectables and I'll have you on my arm."

Alex beamed at the thought of going to a real Hollywood party with famous people like Manny and even Craig there and of course being there with Paige would be the icing on the cake. She didn't waste a second in debating whether she's going to go she just blurted, "I'll go."

"I'm excited. I'll text you the details but I'm so excited. I know it's kind of a work event but I won't be working exactly so we will have plenty of time to spend together."

"I'm excited too, Paige."