Chapter 46
These are my Confessions
Jay tossed his finished cigarette out the window with Alex beside him in the passenger seat on the way to the rehab center. The ride was silent and solemn but Alex couldn't take the silent ride much longer. "Jay, I want to thank you for doing this."
The two days after the gala Alex spent them with Jay, Paige and Manny they helped her pack up and they just kept things low-key. Alex could feel the weird tension considering Jay and Paige disagree on practically everything when it came to caring for Alex.
While Jay thought counseling was good Alex is fine in an outpatient facility but Paige disagreed. Since she was footing the bill she wanted her inpatient considering Jay backed out when he said he was going to take her to counseling a few months before when she had her almost relapse when Jay went to LA.
While Paige and Jay bickered and fought Manny calmly asked Alex what she wanted, and Alex thought she would get the most out of a inpatient facility until they found one right for her. That meant giving up her freedom, the marijuana, and her friends for a time.
"I'd do anything for you, because you're my best friend in the world." Jay confessed, "I'm sorry about these past few days with Paige we only want despite our disagreements what is best for you.
"I'm so glad you're in my life."
"Me too, Lexxi." they smiled for a moment and then Jay sighed wistfully, "do you think about when we were kids, how things would end up this way?"
"Not at all but maybe things were meant to be this way. Over the past few days I've been really thinking this could be good for me. Because like between you and I just don't know if I could trust Paige is gonna be standing there supporting me when I leave rehab. What if she meets somebody else? What if like she decides I have too much baggage. I have issues and like what if she realizes that and decides to move on."
"She paid for your rehab, so that's gotta count for something."
"I know and I just don't want to disappoint her."
"Put it this way, Lex if she really loves you she'll stick by you like me and like Manny has been trying to do since we got back together. I'm glad you approve by the way. And if Paige doesn't then it's her loss. Besides, when you get out we will have a smorgasbord of all our favorite foods and Netflix and we will have a good time."
"I'll be looking forward to it."
"Don't worry about uncertainties because they're not for sure but you can count on me and Manny. We will always be there for you just look at this experience as something that could only be good if you hit rock bottom when you were stripping and all think of only getting up and better."
Alex beamed with pride. "You're right and you mostly always are but when I was at my worst at my bottom dollar I always felt like I didn't deserve happiness and that was the life made for me. I remember when I flipped on you and Emma at Zanzibar and she called me trailerpark. It didn't hurt me because I had already hurt myself worse than words some girl who barely knew me at that time could say. I could say that's when things changed and now I could call her even her a girl I mercilessly bullied in high school a friend. I have more friends than I ever thought I could have but I feel like everybody has their life settled and I'm just along for the ride. We got Emma and Sean, Manny and you and Paige and I are all up in the air . . Paige has a good job while at almost 29 I have no idea what I'm doing and it's crucial I find out. It's such a critical time if I'm being honest because I'm afraid I never will and that's why it's so important. I'm so scared. So so scared, Jay but I'm hopeful my fears will eventually go away. I feel like an adult child and i want so much more than that. I just want to make everyone proud because I'm so proud of how everything came together for everyone else and I want others to be proud of me. Deep down I do care and only you know that side of me. I have regrets about things, I have hopes and fears and yes more than anything I want love but for the first time in my life I'm going to learn how to love myself."
"I am so proud of you for opening up. You deserve good things, because i know you're good. You have hope and that makes a big difference."
"It does?"
"Yes because it means your recovery and your dreams and your wants, needs and all are it makes your future bright. You have hope in yourself and therefore you're like you said learning always keep an open mind. Never settle and never give up and the world is virtually your oyster." Jay made a left turn when the gps told him to and continued driving, "you know about a month ago i ran into Amy."
"What about her?"
"Well she's alive but she expressed that she missed you."
"Yeah I mean I think about her sometimes, she was my best friend since preschool -"
" Maybe you should reach out."
"And say hey about that time I punched you in the face because you blew my boyfriend. I'm sorry let's be friends?" she giggled shaking her head, "sounds a bit ridiculous don't you think?"
"Not exactly like that but hey it's a start. For what it's worth i was there and i was involved and i take more responsibility for that and it was a long long time ago." Jay muttered as he made yet another turn, "and you're still friends with me."
"We didn't speak for close to a year and it's been almost ten for Amy."
"Write her while you're in rehab since they're probably strict with phones, what's the worst? She hangs up? She seemed like she changed though."
"I'll think about it, okay?"
"Okay," they finally arrived at the rehab center and parked. Alex took a deep breath. "so we are here."
Alex surrendered her belongings like her purse and her cell phone and clothes aside from a journal agenda book Paige got for her as a gift that she got embossed with "take a page from the book of paige" with inspirational quotes from various sources in each day and spaces to write in.
Jay opened the passenger side door and let his best friend embark on a journey he couldn't follow her on. With one last hug and a kiss on the cheek it was goodbye for now. "love you, lex." he whispered quietly to himself as she walked up the steps. She looked at him standing outside the car, offered him a parting smile and walked through the double mahogany doors awaiting her future.
"You must be Alexandra." When Alex entered she was greeted by a woman who took her bags and led her to her room. She introduced herself as Sylvia she had long black hair and she was very calm and kind she had a clipboard in her hand.
"Could you call me just Alex?"
She wrote it down as she sat down on a chair."Of course." she beamed, "my friends mostly call me Sylvie."
"That's pretty." Alex sat on the twin bed across from her.
"Why thank you, Alex. So, welcome to Hope Falls your home away from home. I'm your counselor for the next few months and I'm here to show you around and help you through your journey here. Your roommates name is Stacie she's at a group right now but I'd like to ask you about yourself and how you're feeling today. We have plenty of time."
Alex observed Stacie's side of the room was decorated straight out of a Pinterest or a decorating catalogue compared to her plain and empty looking side. And then she focused her attention back to Sylvia.
"i honestly don't know where to start."
"talk about your life so far and what brought you to us perhaps. Or you could talk about the ride up here how you were thinking and feeling about this? Everything we talk about doesn't leave this room, confidential."
"I'm Alex and I'm from a small town in Canada" she started as she delved a bit deeper and thought the words just started to pour out, "As far back as i could remember I've taken care of myself. My father took off when I was young and they divorced and then he died when I was 8. We were never close and I barely remember him. My mom is an alcoholic and was for most of my childhood. Before he left I just remember them bickering and fighting. It wasn't home unless there was drama. Some of my first memories are them yelling and it always was somehow my fault for existing. Anyway, after my father died my mom she had a string of failed relationships with other alcoholics and questionable people. The worst part was I just wished life didn't have to be that hard. Her worst boyfriend was named Chad and he's been around the longest off and on of course. They'd break up and get back together more times than i could count despite being in and out of jail the whole nine yards. I feel like they're addicted to each other and he's been abusive not only to her but to me as well. I never was able to fully trust people mainly men because of this. If it wasn't Chad it was like a revolving door of people my mom would meet at the bar. Everytime he'd get out he'd always tell us it's going to be different this time and my mom will take him back but nothing really changes. I always took good care of my mom after their explosive fights but no one besides maybe Jay my best friend took care of me. Growing up Jay was my best friend and then he was my boyfriend but then we broke up because he was cheating on me with other girls. It made my issues with trust even worse. It took me a year to forgive him. Around the time i forgave him i started becoming interested in women, and eventually came to terms with being a lesbian. I started everything young drinking and smoking marijuana i was considered a bad kid in school. I used to steal and i bullied a lot of kids. One ended up on a shooting rampage at the school. Then, just like that after high school i was directionless. When I was in school I was in this big hurry to graduate and when i finally got out i didn't know what to do with myself. I knew i didn't really have a future and at the time i didn't care. I ended up going back and fixing my bad grades so maybe I'll go to college but i couldn't afford to do that was a waste of time. I was living with my high school girlfriend who i was on and off with and when we broke up I ended up moving with my aunt in another city. That I think is where the trouble started, I fell on hard times and started dancing to make money and i started doing harder drugs to deal with the fallout. At this time i isolated myself and refused to get close to anyone good for me because i was ashamed of how i was living and what i was doing. I didn't think i deserved it and my heart was broken because the one person i loved was truly disappointed in me for fucking up. I hit rock bottom but somehow i was still living. I was couch surfing bed hopping and working a job practically killing myself with drugs until one night. That night my ex boyfriend, best friend was at the club with his friends and found me and took me into his home. I owe him my life and it was one of the nicest things anybody had ever done for me. I sometimes feel like i don't deserve friends like the ones i have because i'm always afraid I'll screw it all up and end up alone again." she paused, "i thought i could handle it and keep it under control. I thought you know with the help of my friends I'd get sober and stay sober. Finally last week I went overboard with drinking and ended up meeting some shady characters in the bathroom and relapsed. I'm disappointed in myself because i always manage to screw stuff up somehow. I know this could be good for me, everything seems to check out and i have support outside of here and none of my friends do my drug of choice and aren't like alcoholics. I always ask myself how could i get out of this rut I've been living in for a little over nine years. i hate asking for help, I've never asked for help. Jay always says i need the help i need to learn to accept it. I'm just scared."
"From what i hear and understand is you seem take quite a bit of responsibility for things that are beyond your control. You can only take responsibility for yourself and your own choices for better or for worse. Start reframing those thoughts to something that will help you instead of beat you down such as you've already overcome so many obstacles in your path because of this because you're quite strong. You also seem to have some self esteem issues and abandonment issues all of which are great goals to overcome and you don't give yourself enough credit for what you've already overcome."
"Yeah, I guess I don't give myself much credit."
"How about we talk about something you're good at."
Alex didn't know how to answer that, "I was good at lacrosse?"
"How about now today, what are you good at?"
Alex shrugged her shoulders and shook her head, "i don't know, cleaning?"
Sylvia was amused and she nodded, "I'm sure you'll find something you're good at by the time you leave here you'll be more certain about."
"I hope so."
"We offer classes and groups in many subjects you'll rarely be bored. Would you like me to take you to one?"
"Sure, what do i have to lose?"
-x-
Jay decided to call up Emma because he hadn't heard from her in some time on the drive back to the house he and Manny shared, "Hey bestie."
"Jay so good to hear from you. Sean and I are in Wasaga for the weekend."
"Very nice. Do you have time to talk? I could really use friends at the moment. I miss everybody and long story short I just dropped Alex off at rehab."
"Oh god what happened?"
"What didn't happen? Stuff alright, lots of stuff I'll fill you in when we are all together again. I feel like we never talk anymore just us, like before. It's like ever since Cameron came back you and I sort of I don't know lost touch. I just miss my friends. It's just hard. I miss home. How is Sean taking care of my place? Tell me what's been going on."
Emma felt a tinge bad but she answered, "Likewise, so much has happened since December but yeah he comes by your house and checks up. I asked him to move in and he said yes. We miss you too, Jay."
"That's great, Em," Jay smiled, "Manny's show wrapped and it got picked up for another season so you'll be seeing some more of us before she has to go back to filming."
"That's wonderful!"
"You and i are due for some best friend catch up time. My esp tells me you have a secret."
"Of course, you actually might be right about that."
"We should be in town sometime next week so it seems, tell Cameron I said hey."
"Will do."
"Alright, bye enjoy your trip to Wasaga."
Emma turned Sean and smiled his way, "That was Jay. He seemed kind of down, he misses home but he said hey and sends his regards. Alex went to rehab for her addiction which is good but she'll be mia for awhile. Manny and Jay are coming up for the spring when filming wraps and i think we should go out all four of us for the special occasion."
"Sounds good, babe."
Sean and Emma were sitting at a picnic table sharing a jumbo sized pretzel and Sean was eating his half. Emma tore off a piece of her half and dipped it in the yellow mustard before taking a bite. They were right by the Ferris wheel and Sean kept eyeing it. "I've always wanted to go on one of those things but I'm afraid of heights."
Emma followed Sean's eyes and replied, "Me too. I honestly didn't think you were afraid of anything."
"I have you know I have fears, I don't like to talk about them. Let's see public speaking definitely tops the list and for a long time I was afraid of guns until the army after well you know."
"I always wanted to thank-you for that day and what you did for Toby and I."
Sean nodded and shrugged his shoulders uncomfortably, "It was the right thing to do. I had to stop him."
"I know."
"I was thinking in the moment and how Toby and you were friends with me, you guys were good to me. I abandoned you guys when Jay and I became friends. Despite that, I couldn't let anything happen to you guys. I'd never forgive myself. It couldn't end that way. Especially with you getting hurt and even though we weren't really close or anything at that time my entire life with you sort of flashed before my eyes. All of it unforgettable moments like the moment we met and our first dance, or our date searching through the garbage to find your wallet, when we kissed for the very first time at the wedding and then how we sort of grew apart and when I let you walk away from me crumbling that photograph meant for me. I just couldn't let you get hurt or worse die. Not without apologizing for all the horrible ways I had hurt you or let you down."
"I'm fascinated by you, Sean how you think about things so much and yet you make a moment that traumatized us for so long something that brought us closer together."
"That it did. It changed so many things."
"Why don't we conquer one of your fears today, by riding that Ferris wheel?"
"Oh I couldn't possibly, Em. . ."
"Come on, Sean let's go."
Sean didn't have much choice but oblige he took comfort knowing Emma was scared of heights too. It wasn't a long line and they quickly handed the operator the ticket before venturing into one of the seats and it closes behind them. Emma just looked at Sean as the Ferris wheel started to move upward, he shut his eyes. "Sean just look at me and don't think about where you're going."
The ride came to a stop most likely to add more riders, Sean slowly opened his eyes and looked over at Emma. "i can't believe im doing this" he remarked shaking his head, "but if there's anyone I would want to be here with its you." the ride moved upward again. Emma clutched onto Sean and moved closer causing their car to dip a little bit making her even more frightened. Sean wasn't so scared anymore when he realized it anything were to happen he was with Emma and they'd be together.
Finally they were at the top of the Ferris wheel overlooking all of Wasaga Beach. Sean bravely looked outward and told scared Emma to open her eyes. She looked and saw the view from above. "I bet we could see your house from here." she replied nervously as was still holding onto him.
Finally Sean did something else surprising he gingerly pulled Emma toward him with his hands and kissed her, "We just conquered our fears."
The smile on their faces was something both of them would never forget. As they rode down the rest of the way they were smiling and laughing even rocking their car for fun and more thrills. When they got off the ride Sean checked his watch, "it's almost time for dinner mom said to pick you up something, remember? So how do you feel about veggie burgers for dinner?"
"Just as long as I don't lose my wallet." Emma replied.
Sean smirked, "you can count on me to help you find it."
When they arrived at the house they had a 2 liter of coke, some veggie burgers and buns.
When they arrived back at Sean's parents house everyone was in the living room talking even Mr. Cameron. He was out of bed and he seemed frail. He was sitting in his ratty old armchair attatched to a breathing machine the dog, Charlie was beside him even in his old age he was content. Sean waved to him as they got in the door before turning his attention back to Emma, "Hey dad, there's someone I'd like you to meet."
Emma stepped forward, "I've heard so much about you, sir. I'm Emma."
"Cmere dear" he murmured as he weakly pulled her in for a hug, "she's even more beautiful than you described."
"Thanks, dad." a flustered Sean replied. Emma blushed.
Elaine took the bags from Sean and beamed, "what did you get?"
"Veggie burgers and a coke for all of us."
"I wish I could have some Coca-Cola." Scott Cameron mumbled.
"It was always your favorite," Elaine stated as she put it in the fridge to get cold, "but just water for you doctors, Scott doctors orders."
"I know, I know Elaine. Jesus Christmas stop harping we've got company. " he muttered less than enthused. She rolled her eyes. Scott pulled out a pack of cigarettes from his flannel shirt pocket and some matches. Elaine shot him a look causing him to ask Emma who was sitting next to Sean on the couch, "does anybody mind?" He tossed the pack to his wife as she took a cigarette out of the pack and tossed it back to her husband.
Even though Emma smoked on occasion she never smoked inside the house. Against her better judgement and qualms about it being bad for the environment, although she just nodded before replying nervously feeling as though she was on the spot, "It's fine."
Elaine and Scott lit up and smoked their cigarettes. Sean was somewhat embarrassed at his parents inconsiderate actions and knew it bothered her so he got up and asked, "Would you like to take Charlie out with me?"
Elaine shot back, "But dinner will be ready soon."
"Ah let 'em go for a bit." Tracker softened to his mom. "you still gotta fry up those veggie burgers."
"After I smoke."
"Hey dad, can I bum one?" Tracker asked his father.
He tossed him the pack and Sean called out to Charlie, "Boy you wanna go outside?"
Charlie excitedly went to the door and he attached the leash and Emma followed them outside. "Sorry about them."
"It's okay." Emma pat sitting Charlie on the head as his tail wagged. "so this is him, huh?"
"He's like pretty old now but yeah that's him."
They took a walk around the trailer park Sean sort of showed her around, at one point in particular he said, "This is where I lost my first tooth I fell off my bike because I was going too fast I hit the street sign. Fell flat on my face tried to block the fall with my leg." They stopped for a moment as he lifted up his left pant leg to reveal a scar, "got a pretty wicked scar on my knee too."
Emma remarked, "That looked like it really hurt."
"Nothing hurts me, high pain tolerance."
"What hurts you?"
"I dunno, my tattoo kinda hurt."
"I don't have any to know." Emma laughed, "What did it feel like?"
"Like I imagine being stabbed feels like."
Emma paused causing Sean to realize what he could've conjured up, "I'm hoping JT didn't suffer much pain though."
"Liberty would know. She was the last person to see him alive. Anyway onto less depressing conversation topics what if I got a tattoo while we are down here."
"What would you get?"
She thought for a moment, "I always liked dolphins."
"Then it's settled, we can go tomorrow." Sean beamed, "I'll hold your hand."
When they returned to the house, dinner was just about ready. Tracker greeted them, "Hey little bro, hey Emma."
Although the house still smelt of cigarettes but she could still smell the food. Emma entered the kitchen and complemented Elaine, "The food smells terrific, Mrs. Cameron."
"Why thank you, Emma." Elaine smiled, "and call me Elaine."
"Do you need help?" Emma offered.
"You can set the table and take the condiments out of the fridge. Do you like ketchup for your burgers? Take out whatever you'd like."
Emma set the table and they all sat down. Elaine brought out the chicken,the veggie burgers with buns and the sides to the table on serving plates.
Tracker asked, "Em, mind if I try one?" They look mighty good."
Even Scott took a half to try. Elaine got curious and asks if she could try them too.
Who knew they'd be the unexpected hit of dinner in the Cameron household that night.
When Darcy was released from the hospital she recuperated for a few weeks. Spinner took as much time as he possibly could off without compromising his job. Darcy eventually told him he has to go back to work out of love and support for him. In the weeks that passed she however was still deeply upset over what transpired and she felt she had no one to blame but herself. Although her pregnancy was unplanned, she still wished so hard it wasn't over and she had a hard time digesting that it was. She still needed time to digest but she threw those thoughts to the back burner and tried hard at pretending everything was normal. She forced herself to get busy instead of being home moping the days away so she searched for a job and she quickly got a job waitressing at this bar which Spinner was less than thrilled about. While he knew she was hurting still and he knew Darcy was faithful so he didn't think too much into tried to be supportive anyway but Spinner was largely busy with work himself to really watch over her. He'd get home around six and she'd be leaving for work straight after dinner. They hardly saw one another. They fought over stupid things like Spinner making messes and not cleaning up, or listening to music while she was trying to sleep because she worked nights. Life goes on but without the baby Darcy felt like she was losing Spinner.
When Spinner got back from work he came home to an empty house and a note, "Went to work early, dinner is in the microwave. Love you, Darcy'. Spinner smiled warmly.
It was the thought that counted.
Randall came in not that long later after he loosened up his tie as he heated up their plates. Spinner was glad he wasn't going to spend the night alone even if it wasn't ideal. They sat at the table together. Randall and Spinner did grace and then they ate their lukewarm chicken compliments of Darcy.
It was awkward for Spinner eating alone with Randall. At least with Darcy around she knew what to say at the table to make things comfortable for him. Although Spinner wanted to fit in with him more than anything he didn't want to put his foot in his mouth. First they talked about work and sports and common interests but soon the conversation died down and faded into silence. Spinner offered to clean up after Randall had to run to make an important call for work.
When Darcy strolled in at a quarter to three Spinner waited up for her even though she always told him don't. She whispered with confusion and mild irritation when she saw him on the couch in his pajamas watching TV. "Don't you have to get up early?"
"Couldn't sleep." Spinner muttered midyawn turning off the TV his full attention on her,"Thanks for dinner, babe."
"Don't mention it," she said flatly as she dropped her keys on the side table and hung up her coat on one of the hooks by the door revealing her work uniform which was a tight black dress that was quite revealing.
"Whoa." Spinner's eyes widened, as she went through the fridge looking for a quick bite to eat. "Darc you look hot."
She ignored his comment or maybe she didn't hear it but he wasn't going to give up that easily. "Can we talk?"
"I'm tired." Darcy whispered back in reply pulling a yogurt from the fridge, "besides we'll wake up my dad."
"When do we ever have the time?"
"Don't start." Darcy shot him a glare as she gingerly opened up the drawer to take out a spoon.
"C'mon."
"What?" Darcy asked before eating her late night snack.
"Is something going on I'm not aware of?"
Darcy shrugged her shoulders and shook her head. "I don't know what you're talking about."
"What is it?" Spinner beckoned brashly in a loud whisper. "Are you cheating?"
"Yeah!" She whispered sarcastically, "ding ding ding you got it right!"
Realizing she was not serious he ripped her phone from her hands anyway but realized one other thing she smelt of pure alcohol. "You're drunk?" he shook his head with disappointment, he scoffed to himself before he wondered out loud, "Where were you?" Darcy had never seen him so angry and he tried being quiet but he was just so mad.
"Work! I had a drink after my shift at the bar. What are you the fucking fun police? What are you gonna do tell my dad? He's got enough on his plate. Anyway not my fault you're an alcoholic." While it was true he was an alcoholic and could no longer drink it didn't mean that she should follow in his footsteps and wallow in self-pity like he once did. Drinking wasn't fun for Spinner it used to be his escape from painful realities. Darcy is doing to do the same. It was her who promised she'd quit to make it easier for him.
"No." He said softly as he forcefully took the phone from her saw she texts nobody and there were no new numbers since he added his cell a few weeks prior when things were great between them. "I didn't say it was your fault. I know I'm not perfect." He felt stupid and defeated and he probably managed to push her further away.
"Are you happy now?" Darcy asked rhetorically with contempt. "Is this why she divorced you? Did you go through her phone? Did you stay up late waiting up for her when she went out to see friends? Want to know the truth Spin? I haven't any friends! You might be cool with having none but this condo is a fucking prison and you're the warden. You think I'm cheating with the losers at the bar -"
"No." he muttered, "No, I'm not happy. We aren't talking anymore. I barely see you. Guess what? You've got me and guess what? You're being one cold bitch tonight for no reason. " Spinner shook his head, "As for your question about my ex wife, I'm not proud of it. Maybe I do have unresolved trust issues sure but I don't know what else to say. I-I only did it to you because I'm concerned."
"Oh pray tell what about? I'm fine." Darcy went into the kitchen to throw out her empty yogurt and spoon in the sink her back was turned to Spinner.
She knew he was going to mention Allison.
"It's been only five short weeks, thirty days, seven hours, fifteen minutes and I don't fucking know the seconds from when we lost Alison and somehow along the way we stopped communicating."
She was silent. Darcy pursed her lips trying hard not to cry. She didn't want to cry. So she thought about a way to get him off her back about it but inside she was crumbling. Inside she wanted to kiss him and hold him like she did before. Part of her believes he's the only one who would eventually be unfaithful if worse came to worst when she was no longer beautiful because he did it when they were young. Instead she just lied, "His name is Patrick. He's in a band. ."
"You can't lie to me." Spinner sighed, "and you can't run away from this. It happened and we will deal with it together. We're going to have to talk about it sooner or later. Please don't push me away, I'm sorry you don't want to talk about it but maybe I need to."
She faced him, with tears in her eyes determined to get him to stop talking, "I don't want to! It didn't even happen to you. It happened to me! Nothing happened to you!" She exclaimed, "I got the scars. I lost the baby. I wrecked your car. I ruined everything. It was all me." She then started to sob uncontrollably in her hands. Spinner held in his hurt but he also wanted to be there for her he soothed her back as she fell into his arms and held on tight, "I'm so so so sorry. I'm an idiot!"
He shook his head, "you didn't and you're not. It hurts me too, trust me I know."
"I did I screwed up our future and it's only a matter of time before you realize I'm not so great on my own." she sniffled holding him tighter, "without the baby."
Spinner gently pulled away from the embrace,
"We got distracted. The other driver hit us. The car flipped over. It was an accident. I don't care you were still learning to drive you didn't do it on purpose. I don't know where this is coming from but you Darcy are great. Who always makes me smile with your little notes with dinner? Who laughs at my jokes even when they're corny? Who gave me a home and a place to lay my head when I had nobody? Who got me a haircut? Better yet, who when I didn't have a single friend because everyone blamed me for Jimmy took me under their wing? You were like this angel I met."
Darcy blurted out, "I don't want to lose you."
"And you won't but you and me we need to start -"
She corrected him, "You and I."
He finished his thought mildly annoyed, "Communicating."
"I just don't feel ready to talk about Alison. I don't know when I'm going to be able to. You'll be the first to know."
"Darce, I truly love you."
"I love you too, Spin." Darcy offered him a smile with her hand on his shoulder she kissed him on the cheek, "Goodnight." Then she walked off to bed leaving him in the living room. When she arrived in the bedroom she looked in the mirror and just cried. She shook her head before opening up her drawer and taking a large swig of alcohol before placing the bottle of vodka back in her bedroom drawer.
After Elaine and Scott went to bed, Tracker, Sean and Emma smoked a blunt together in the backyard and shot the shit with some cold brews from a no name brewery. Emma hadn't smoked in quite some time so she coughed alot. Tracker and Sean were amused but amusement came to a stop when he confessed, "Man I haven't laughed like that in a long time."
The night was chilly so unprepared Emma was dressed in one of Sean's old gray oversized hoodies from his wannabe gangsta phase left at the house from years ago. Sean was wearing his brown leather jacket and Tracker in flannel like his father.
"Why not?" Emma asked with concern passing him who was standing to her right the blunt blowing smoke out. She coughed a little bit less before recovering in time.
"I guess mom didn't tell you Wendy kicked me out a few days ago. I've been here since Thursday." Tracker placed the blunt between his lips and shook his head, "I didn't want to mention it to dad. You know how he is."
Sean shook his head no and said, "I don't know what to say, bro I thought everything was going fine in Alberta. And yeah, true" Sean did his best impression of Scott Cameron, "Jesus Christmas, Track! We ain't no Holiday Inn. How long you staying?"
"I don't know something about we lost the spark or some crock shit story. Anyway she's taking the kid and booted me out of my own house." Tracker laughed at Sean's impression before passing the blunt to Sean.
"Can she do that legally?" Emma asked wrought with concern.
"Who cares?" he shrugged, "Anyway what's done is done. Got room for me in you guy's lives? I want to move back to degrassi I cannot I will not live with mom and dad. I've been going crazy until you guys got here." it made its way back to Tracker in the rotation he took a few puffs and exhaled, "can't take their back and forth bickering. It's ridiculous he's practically dying and they're still at it day in and day out."
"Of course I could ask Jay if you could stay at his house while he's in LA. I'm sure he wouldn't mind." Sean suggested and Emma nodded in agreement.
"Could you? I'd really really appreciate it."
Emma got out her phone and called up Jay but Manny answered, "Hey Emma!"
"Manny how is my bestie?" Emma beamed excitedly.
"Things are good Jay is working on the car, I hear you're in Wasaga. How is it going?"
"I need to ask for a favor, it's about Sean's brother."
"Uh sure hold on." Manny said, Emma can hear her calling Jay from inside. "It's Emma. Something about Sean's brother?"
"Hi it's Jay now what's up with Tracker?"
"He needs a place to stay and Sean was wondering if he could stay at your place for a bit before he finds an apartment. He's good for rent because he works. He just has to drive pretty far to Alberta but he wants to get work closer in the meantime it's just for a little while."
"He can stay, how's um $400 a month? Can he swing it? He has a job at Tony's if he wants it. I know he taught Sean practically everything he knows when it comes to cars." Jay replied, "Sean can show him the ropes and train him if he could start in two weeks. I should come down within the next two weeks. He can stay in Lexxi's room until I sort out the junk in the guest room. Have Sean show him around alright?"
"Thanks Jay. I'll let Tracker know."
"Jay's asking $400 for rent and a job. When he comes down he will give you more details when he's in town. How does that sound?"
Tracker beamed, "I can't thank you guys enough."
"No problem, we're practically family." Emma smiled in return, "but we are a tight knit group of friends and we've got each others backs if need be."
"I really appreciate it. We've come a long way since I crumbled up your editorial when you were thirteen." Tracker muttered matter of factly. "I always like that you kept little bro out of trouble his first year at degrassi, it meant alot and it still does." Sean uncomfortably nodded as Tracker turned his attention to him. "I just know mom and dad really like her." he addressed Emma, "When you two went for that walk they just kept saying how nice you are and how you're so beautiful. I know I'm super high but I really mean it, thanks for everything."
"I really don't know what to say but I'm happy to meet you now that we are all older and wiser."
Emma, Sean and Tracker lifted their bottles of beer as Tracker and Sean struggled to find something to cheer about, "How about new beginnings?"
"To new beginnings." the trio said in unison as their bottles clinked.