I'm finally starting to realize what Bridget was going on about with the Smug Marrieds. It's the look of pity and self congratulation people seem to get on their faces. Patronizing as hell, I might add. Well, that's the unfortunate thing Giles seems to have morphed into. Giles! Ugly, formerly weeping Giles! Giles, who used to call me for advice, who I had to hand over to Bridget (I have unsuccessfully tried to expurgate her name from my thoughts). I realize this former information about Giles is not the kindest thought that could have entered my brain. But lately, he deserves it. He just seems so bloody proud of himself for finding some stick insect, marrying her, and impregnating her. I want to say:

"Benwick, you're not that special. Might I remind you that Amy calls you 'Daddy', which happens to be not only Freudian and disgusting, but suggests she is not even attracted to you. Well, who would be?" But I say nothing, because I would like to at least retain a friend or two, even if the rest of my life is gone. Giles likes to act that the fact that he's made Amy pregnant proves that he's a real man or similar. Sorry, Benwick, but there is nothing you can do about that. You'll always be a whiny little prick. That's what I'd like to say. And he's coming up to my desk.

Oh, God. Oh, God. I'd better start at the beginning.

"Congratulations, Mark." Giles had said.

"Excuse me?" I asked. What could Giles be congratulating me on? I had had a promotion---but that was nearly three months ago.

"Congratulations." He looked puzzled. The best thing to was play along. It was probably something very obvious that had gone straight out of my head.

"Sorry. I didn't hear you properly. Thank you." I attempted a smile.

"Didn't know you had it in you." Didn't know I had what in me? As far as I knew, the only thing in me was a sandwich.

"Well." I leaned back in my chair, attempting to seem all knowing, instead of knowing absolutely nothing.

"I didn't even know the two of you were back together." Wait. What? Time to swallow my pride and admit I had no idea what he was talking about.

"I'm sorry, what are you talking about?"

"Bridget." He told me.

"What about her?" I asked.

"You don't know?" Giles looked shocked. Oh, God. It was something bloody important I didn't know, wasn't it?

"No, no, of course I know." I tried to be commanding.

"You don't." he insisted.

"I do." I shot back.

"Then tell me."

"We might not be talking about the same information, and I wouldn't want to disclose anything." I lied quickly.

"Your baby." Giles said.

"Excuse me?" Some mistake, surely.

"Amy saw Bridget, and said she's five months pregnant." What?

"No, no, you must be mistaken, Bridget and I aren't…" I trailed off. Maybe I was wrong.

"Amy says Bridget even admitted it." Giles insisted. Oh, God. Oh, God. First, I had to pull myself together.

"Oh, yes. Went straight out my head. Look, I've got so much bloody work to do." That was clearly the most pathetic lie I had ever attempted. Now that Giles had left, I'm alone with my thoughts. My God. My God. I can't believe it. I can't believe it. I really need to stop mentally repeating myself or I will go mad. It's like I'm in a weird blur. Everything just changed in the space of a second. Then it hit me: I'm going to be a father. I need to go see Bridget. No, she's at work too. As soon as work is over. Why didn't she tell me? Is something wrong? No, I'm too skeptical. I'm sure she was just waiting for the right time. Right?