Chapter 47

Moving On and Up

"So visitation is today Alex, so we're going to have a short session. Is Jay or Paige going to come see you?"

"Paige and Jay." Alex managed a beam, she knew the pair didn't get along so swimmingly but she knew they had one thing in common - their support for her.

"That's wonderful." Sylvia answered, "so what would you like to talk about your choice."

"What's going to happen when I leave here."

"Safety plan, very important I'm glad you brought it up." Sylvia pulled out a sheet from a binder beside her, "first things first we know you have a support system in place not everyone is lucky some have to go at it alone. You said that you struggle with communicating what you want this is a good time for me to tell you, it's absolutely okay to ask for help. You have to remember you are important. If you feel uncomfortable with something you're absolutely allowed to say so. Second is knowing the signs you feel like you're going to go for your drug of choice. Where are places you should avoid, triggers, things like that."

"I guess for here on out, I won't go to parties and if I somehow attend one I know that I need to stick with my friends."

"Good plan," She wrote it down on the paper and looked up at Alex, "question what are your personal goals plans you have you know to fall back on or things you'd like to achieve?"

"I want to go back to school to be a therapist for like art. want to get a job in the meantime to save up for tuition. I realized that I really like making art it's been helping my recovery and I'd want to someday help someone like me because it helped me the art in some way is saving my life because it's the things I can't always say and yet i can create something to get those words out."

"That seems perfect for you."

Paige Michalchuk stode into Hope Falls to be there on Alex's first visitation day. She brought cookies for Alex. Jay came too. Manny had to take promo shots for the network show she'd been filming so she couldn't make it but sends her love. Jay brought Alex a card from Manny that said thinking of you with a nice note inside with a beaded bracelet and a strength stone for Alex to rub when she's feeling weak. Alex was delighted to see her friends. The ground between Alex and Paige was still shaky due to the chaos in her life but she knew she had her support. A guard watched for contraband as they all sat down at a circular table. They weren't allowed to touch for very long but unseen Paige took Alex's hand in hers from under the table.

"You look great." Paige beamed, and she turned to Jay "doesn't she?"

Jay admired his best friend and nodded in agreement, "That you do, Lex."

Since Alex has been living at the rehab center she's been detoxing from everything and actually eating so while she put on a few pounds she was starting to resemble herself more. She volunteers for everything she can. She helps out in the kitchen, she makes art and she has even made a few friends a long the way. She noticed across the way her roommate Stacie was also with a visitor. Alex politely waved to her. In group it was discovered that Stacie was in for a heroin addiction and she was preparing to break up with her boyfriend who is still on the drugs. She takes a drug called suboxone to minimize the cravings. She takes a bus provided by rehab center to a narcotics anonymous meeting a few times a week with her sponsor who is also Alex's counselor, Sylvia. Her visitor was a man, she assumed it was the boyfriend. He leaned in for a kiss but she pulled away. Alex turned her attention back to her friends. "How do you like it here?" Paige asked her seriously.

"I actually like it here a lot. I want to thank you for helping me." Alex squeezed Paige's hand, "I'm learning alot about myself. Things I never really considered."

"That's wonderful, glad I could help."

Jay coughed feeling neglected, "Anyway I'd hate to interrupt this love fest but when are you getting outta here?"

"My discharge date hasn't been set yet." Alex answered, "but I did talk about it today at therapy."

"You know Jay, there's no rush when it comes to sobriety. Jay hun, could you be more insensitive?"

Alex just sat uncomfortably and listened to them bicker for the duration of the visit.

…...

Darcy finished her shift at the bar and sat down at the one of the stools and watched the band that was playing. With her drink in hand she just watched silently by herself. She had already had about three shots of whisky and she was wistfully thinking about and reflecting the fight she had with Spinner the night before. When the set was finished she noticed the bartender sent her another drink, one she hadn't ordered, "Must be some mistake."

Before he could say a word the frontman of the band took the stool beside her, he addressed her with a smile before telling the bartender with a crisp $100 dollar bill in hand, "And for me I'll take an old fashioned and what she has."

The bartender beamed and took the money while he made the drinks.

"Drink is from me." the frontman replied before he said his name and put his hand out to shake, "I'm Craig."

He looked somewhat familiar but she couldn't place him. He was good looking, had a little bit of scruff and he was quite talented. She smiled back before introducing herself, "Darcy." She shook his hand.

"I couldn't take my eyes off of you while you were doing your thing." Craig smiled.

"It's called waitressing."

"Duh, anyway so what exactly do you call your drink?"

"It's called a trashcan."

"I never heard of them, I like my alcohol straight no chaser."

"So tell me Craig have you always been a flirt?"

Darcy and Craig looked at the stars while drinking from the bottle after closing time. It helped they didn't know one another. He was just a person she met one night. She was just a girl, albeit attractive girl who he could talk to. She sighed as they looked up at the sky and saw a shooting star pass over them in the moonlit sky as they sat on his car hood. "It's much quieter out here, so tell me about yourself?" Craig asked her.

"I hate elevator pitches."

"Elevator what?"

"Anyway I'm a dropout. I went to Kenya to escape shit back then with school and sometimes now days Kenya looks pretty promising right now."

"I'm sure it's not all bad."

Darcy took a swig from the bottle wrapped in a paper bag Craig bought for them, "I'm just overwhelmingly sad."

"Am I not good company?"

"I didn't say that."

"Well did anything happen to you?"

"What didn't happen?"

"Do you want to talk about it, I'm a real good listener."

She paused and swallowed hard, "See this scar on my face?" She pointed at her forehead he wordlessly nodded, "Had a bad car accident and well I was pregnant but I ended up losing my baby."

"I know what that's like." He drank from the bottle again, "not exactly like you but I lost a baby, yeah. I had to pretend like everything was alright after because I was who I was at the time. I had people depending on me to be cool, I was young. Maybe the mom did the right thing, but my life would be so different if she would've went through with it. Anyway, it was supposed to mean so much to me. I just buried my feelings for so long and became numb. Shortly after I had a mania hospitalization followed by a diagnosis. My life has never been easy. I never got the chance to be a kid so when I found out I was about to be a father I wanted a chance to prove I was gonna do it right. I was not going to be like my dad. You know?"

"I didn't plan it but I was so excited and then she was gone."

"Maude wasn't planned either."

Darcy grimaced, "Alison would've been her name."

Craig looked at Darcy and she at him without another word they just started making out. For a moment Darcy didn't care what was happening she was drunk and not exactly sober. They went into the car he opened the door for her and they crawled inside the back seat. He stopped kissing her for a moment as he laid her down and then he resumed crashing her lips to hers Darcy pulled him close to her as she wrapped her legs around him not stopping the kiss. Their hands wandered and explored one another bodies as they lied there intertwined.

He cascaded kisses from her lips to her neck once it was on as we hiked up her dress and moved her panties to the side as he slowly entered her. She let out a gasping moan of pleasure as he continued going in and out. She writhed her hips and raked her fingers through his curly locks not escaping the kiss. All the while Craig wasn't thinking about her he was thinking about Manny and he wished so hard it was her instead of this bar waitress.

The next morning they woke up in the car they exchanged some awkward looks. Darcy looked at her watch on her wrist and exclaimed, "Sugar honey iced tea, it's almost nine I have to go."

Darcy adjusted herself embarrassed about what transpired overnight. Craig muttered quietly, "I'll go. It was uh nice talking to you."

She nodded as she let him out of her car and hopped in the front seat. She laid her head on the steering wheel and sighed. Her head was pounding and she wasn't sure how she was going to face Spinner after being out all night. Not to mention what she did with that strange guy who wasn't Spinner. She pulled down the mirror she didn't look too bad. She just decided she was going to tell him they had her stay later and she just slept in her locked car. She stuck her key in the ignition and drove home.

Spinner was asleep on the couch she didn't know what to do. She just knew she had to break up with him. It was decided that is what she plans to do. One lapse in judgement with a beautiful stranger she confided in about Alison. She screwed up and it was bad. When she dropped her keys on the side table he jerked himself awake and noticed Darcy standing there in front of him.

She whispered to herself inaudible, "Shit."

"Spinner… we have to talk."

"Where were you I was so worried?"

"We um need some space…..we have to- we have to break up." Darcy tearfully whispered she was hungover but she knew she needed to tell him right away but not the truth, never the truth. The guy she had met was nobody, a nothing just something to get her to realize that perhaps all isn't well. It was stupid of her, impulsive and worst of all wrong. She felt literally nothing for Craig or whatever his name was, and truthfully she felt nothing but this tinge in her stomach of guilt because she loved Spinner and then she had to take the drink the frontman gave her and she had to take those swigs from the bottle and then she didn't say no even when she had a chance to get away from the guy but she went and had sex with him anyway.

All he asked was why, she could hear it in his voice he didn't believe it, "Why?"

"You can stay here still, this is just between you and I and I just need to deal alone. I'm thinking about going to therapy to talk to someone about her, Alison." Darcy answered, she didn't want to break up really but it was the only way she'd feel less guilty. She knows what it feels like to knowingly cheat and she truthfully feels terrible.

"Why talk to a stranger when you can talk to me?" It stung, because she had already done that. "C'mon Darc you can't be serious."

"I'm deadly serious. All we do is fight."

"Darce what about us?" Spinner sighed, as he stood up caressing her cheek, but she pulled away "I love you. I want to fight for us."

"I didn't stop loving you." Darcy replied sadly, the guilt was truly eating her up inside. It would be easy if he didn't love her but she's slowly realizing he really does and she did something unspeakable.

"Sure sounds like it. Come on let's work on this it's not a lost call. Last time I lost you we didn't find our way back to one another for years. Before you I had nothing and no one. Please babe, I'd do anything to have you."

"I don't want to break up but we have to."

"But why though?"

"I just, I need space."

"You know what? Fuck you! Fuck you, Darcy. You know what? You got your wish." Spinner spat getting up off the couch, "I'll be in the bedroom."

Darcy didn't feel sad, she didn't feel anything she felt numb as she heard the bedroom door slam. When she knew he was in there, she dug in her purse and took out a medium-sized bottle of grape flavored vodka and drink the entire thing.